Chapter Text
After Shinji finished live streaming Danganronpa (and breaking all of his set up(lol fucking loser)), he decided it was time to broaden his horizons. Shinji decided to pick up the new hit game on tumblr, ‘Five Nights at Freddys’.
“Another sus game- oh.”Kaworu began to ask before looking closely at Shinji’s screen, “Oh….” and stopped in his tracks. “You’re playing… this game, Shinji?”
He sat in a chair next to Shinji’s new icarly-themed 7,800,009 dollar gaming chair that Misato bought him, probably with laundered monies. (but we won’t be talking about that)
“It’s called Five Nights at Freddy’s! I heard it was the SCARIEST game made in years!” Shinji said, putting on his $5000 black cat ear headphones now with surround sound. (from 2017 egirl aesthetic to 2021 eboy aesthetic!??!)“Kensuke told me that I would get a TON of views from playing it!”
Kaworu nodded his head, thinking back to a certain… timeloop of sorts. “....that Are (another spicycrab spelling error classic i see(SHUT UP KAWORU USING “ARE” WHERE IT SHOULD BE “IS” IS SO FUNNIE FUCK OFF))(the only thing funnie about it is the fact you don’t know what GRAMMER IS)(LoL. Fucking HaHa. HA. HA. i hope you get turned into komaeda tomorrow.) nice……” deep in thought, Kaworu didn’t even notice that Shinji had began streaming, probably in hope that Kaworu on screen would bring in the queer”bait” monies.
“HAHAHAHA GUYS ISN’T MY BOYFRIEND SO FUNNY HAHHAA HE SAID ‘ARE’ HAHAHA” fucking pathetic(eoe moment did you guys catch that. Did you guys catch the eoe reference we made(its a good MOVIE guys its soooo good hahaha please watch it hahahahha WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE)).
“Alright guys,” Shinji said with his voice cracking. “I’m going to start up Five Nights at Freddy’s. I’m sure it won’t be THAT scary.” Kaworu looked at him, knowing what happened in the previous timeloop and not saying anything.
It took a total of 3 minutes before Shinji had been jumpscared by Chica, because he’s a fucking noob and he sux. “KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs like the pissbaby he is, “KAWORU, SAVE ME!!11!” 3 donations. Kaworu ended up taking that very seriously.
Kaworu took Shinji’s $5000 black cat ear headphones now with surround sound and like a pro gamer started switching back and forth from the cameras. “HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS KAWORU??” Shinji asked, watching in amazement as Kaworu was able to know exactly where the animatronics were.
“...I’ve got practice,” Kaworu said as he quickly shut the door the moment he saw Bonnie in the hallway. Of course, when Shinji saw this he started shaking and crying out of fear because Bonnie was so close to the office.
“KAWORU WATCH OUT BONNIE’S GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU-” Shinji was sobbing on the floor, petrified with fear. “Don’t worry, I’ve got this…” Kaworu’s GAMERSONA had finally manifested into reality, or uh, not reality but, um, anyways, he closed his doorway INSTANTLY on Shinji’s $700 light-up mouse with an Among Us mousepad.
It was now 4 AM in the game, and Kaworu was fucking KILLING it (no way!), the chat started to donate money because he was a PR0_L33T_GAM3R and not because he queerbaits. Shinji was still in shock. Kaworu was just in shock that they made FNAF into a game.
After getting sick of hearing Shinji scream every 5 seconds, Asuka stormed into Shinji’s room only to find Kaworu being an ELITE FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS GAMER. (WOAH!!! WHAT A FUCKING PRO!!!! HE IS SO EPIC!!) “What the fuck is going on here?” Asuka asked, watching Kaworu being absolutely unfazed by this disturbance and quickly turning on the lights to find Foxy near the door.
“BE QUIET ASUKA!!!! CAN’T YOU SEE KAWORU IS BUSY?!?!??!?!” (FUNNIE CLASSIC) Shinji said, watching Kaworu play the game that HE was supposed to stream intensely before screaming when he saw a jumpscare.
“You’re playing five nights at freddys? Pussy ass game. That shits for little kids, I would never be scared by-” Asuka said before she started screaming when golden freddy appeared out of nowhere on the screen. Surprisingly, Kaworu remained calm throughout all of this. Something like he already went through this before.
Now both Shinji AND Asuka were pissing their pants over Five Nights At Freddys 2014 Video Game for Computers That Is A Hit. take THAT one, liberals. Fucking pwned. “KYAAAAAAA!!! KAWORU HOW ARE YOU NOT SCARED!?!?!” Shinji tried to pull Kaworu away from the desk, not wanting to see even one more jumpscare.
However, Kaworu was absolutely DETERMINED to beat the game. “Hulllooo everybody my name is Kaworu Nagisa and welcome to Five Nights at Freddy’s an indie horror game that you guys suggested en mass and I saw that Shinji played it and he said it was really really scary-” He began to speak much like a certain GAMER who may or may not be his ultimate role model, but for copyright reasons will not be named today.
“So i’m veeerry eager to see what is up, and that is a terrifying animatronic bear-” He continued, never stopping to even breath. (OMG IS KAWORU AN ANGEL!?))(someone CLEARLY missed the entire point of evangelion *smierks*(what the fuck are you talking about he literally is an angel you evage*ks user))(YOU WERE THE ONE ASKING IF HE WAS AN ANGEL OR NOT!!!!! FUCKING KOKICHI KINNIE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU(ITS SUPPOSED TO FUNNIE FUCK OFF IM TRYING TO LITERALLY EN H A N C E OUR FIC BUT NOOOO YOU JUST HAVE TO GO AND CORRECT ME JUST… FUCK YOU))
Meanwhile, Asuka was reloading her rocket launcher in fear.
“Let’s check the twitch stream!” Shinji said, frantically opening the chat since he didn’t see any recent donations so far. He WASN’T QUEERBAITING ENOUGH!! How was he supposed to get views if Kaworu was actually good at the game?!?!?!
TWITCH CHAT (lol more like bitch chat)
Rei38837228932: i didn’t know the last timeloop got turned into a game
Imposter_Fan_4: ???what the f*uc is a timeloop :omegalul: bad enough that these guys queerbait but now “shinji” has to get his “boyfriend” to “play” fnaf for him….
KOKICHIX_X: I LUV FNAF XDDDDDD ITS MAH FAVORITE GAME~!!!!! SO GLAD TO SEE U GUYZ PLAY IT EVEN THOUGH THAT BITCH SHINJI FROM THE OTHER TIMELINE IS PLAYING IT!!!!!!! TEEHEE
Dangan_ronpa_fan_2008: lol… ur such a fake kokichi kin lol….. ITS “NEEEHEEEHEE”.... Not fucking TEEHEE….. Fuck off………..fucking nerd
TOJIPROGAMES101YT: Shinji why are there so many Gay people in your twitch chat lmfao kind sus………....
KAWOSHIN_IS_CANON_9: ummmmm wow HOMOPHOBIC!!!!!11 ummm if you watched my video “KAWOSHIN PROOF #6” you’d know that they r TOTALLY DATING so OBVIOUSLY THERE’S “GAY’ PEOPLE!1! Get with the times LOLZ, mah ship ish canon XD
redwasIMPOSTER12321: where are the fucking among us gameplay…… watched for among us not five night at freddys. Unsub!
Shinji stared at his screen in horror, “UNSUB!?!?” he started to cry and scream like the pissbaby he is, “KAWORU WE- UH, HAVE TO- UH- KISS AGAIN!!” 4 donations on the spot.
Kaworu didn’t take his eyes away from his fnaf tasks, he couldn’t let Shinji die in Five Nights at Freddy’s, let alone in real life. “KAWORU SERIOUSLY WE HAVE TO KISS IT’S A FUCKING CRISIS” Shinji tried, pointing at his sus(HAHHAHAHAHAHA AMONG US)piciously low amount of donations.
Kaworu was unfortunately distracted by Shinji’s whining and the fucking fnaf music box song played. (omg!!) “KAWORU, WHAT’S HAPPENING?!??!??!/1?!?” Shinji said. The lights inside the room started flickering on and off.
“WHATS FUCKING HAPPENING??!??!?!?!?” Asuka said. The fucking fnaf music box song WASN’T coming from the computer anymore. Kaworu stood completely still, reliving his war flashbacks when he had to go through the five nights at freddys timeline (completely real you can double check there was a five nights at freddys timeloop(FUCKING LIER I HATE YOU!!! YOU LIE!))(are you mad because im a better kokichi kinnie than you(neeheehee…. Maybe i am… OR IS THAT A LIE!?))(HAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKING DANGANRONPA FAN(FUCK OFF YOU HAVE A MAID KOMAEDA PFP)).
“Shinji, come with me,” Kaworu started say, backing away slowly from the gaming set up and grabbing Shinji’s hand, “We have to get out of here-” Asuka was not at all amused and started to reload her rocket launcher but this time with Taco Bell mild sauce, which was known to keep away both animatronics and pissbabies.
“KYAAAAAAA KAWORU ARE YOU RESCUING ME X3” Shinji KYAAA’d, assuming that Kaworu was playing along with his queerbait masterplans. SUDDENLY however(grammer master over here(fuck off im being suspenful)), FREDDY FUCKING FAZBEAR (FNAF 1))(thanks so much for clarifying which game it is(FUCK YOU HE’S IN SOME OTHER ONES)!1!1! Im happy to know that its from FNAF ONE NOT THE OTHER 11 DIFFERENT FREDDY VARIANTS!1!11!(YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY, YOU UNGRATEFUL KOMAEDA KINNING DUMBASS!!1!!)) JUMPED OUT OF SHINJI’S GAMING SETUP!!
“I DIDNT FUCKING BUY FNAF VR HELP WANTED I THOUGHT I BOUGHT THE FIRST ONE KAWORU WHAT IS THAT?!?!??!?!?!?” (OMG WHAT IF FNAF 40 COME OUT!?! Guys is this game theory)Shinji screamed as the music box fnaf song grew louder. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
Shinji actually fainted at the sight of Freddy Fazbear in the flesh (uh not flesh but im not gonna be tumblr funnie here and be like ;) MORE LIKE ;3 METAL!!11! Like fuck off with that))(what the fuck does this mean(it means that i hate tumblr comedy tropes from the early 2010s that have leaked into mainstream media and still wont fucking go away))(shinji kinnie)(ACTUALLY fuck off im not a shinji kinnie im actually cool okay dont let my 600+ saved kaworu images fool you))(you’re an evangelion fan i think that already explains enough)(are you really any better though you watch game theory fnaf videos in 2021) and Kaworu had to unintentionally appease the queerbait twitch chat by carrying Shinji out of the room. (Asuka had to fend for herself, but thats what she gets for getting into a WWE fight with him)
However, the twitch stream wouldn’t end there. Kensuke and his business partners, Toji and Mari, had hidden secret cameras (Fnaf!>!?!?!?!?!?!) inside of both the house AND the entirety of Tokyo-3. (Fuck off i dont care about logic ok) As Kaworu began to literally sprint for his life towards the nearest Pizza Hut with Shinji passed out in his arms, the Twitch chat watched it all happen and all they could do was spam :omegalul: like the filthy danganronpa kinnies they are.
When Shinji and Kaworu got out of the apartment (as well as Asuka after blowing Misato’s apartment up) Freddy Fazbear from the game Five Nights At Freddy's 1 disappeared. “THANK YOU SCOTT CAWTHORNE FOR SPONSORING THIS CHAPTER! CHECK OUT FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS AFTER READING THIS CHAPTER AND I HOPE YOU LIKED TODAYS STREAM!!!!!!” Shinji yelled out. That’s right, every single one of Shinji’s pissbaby crying and shitting was all FAKED. (WHAT1!! WHAT!!!!!!!) Shinji somehow was able to make a deal for more MONEY from a sponsor by THE CREATOR OF FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS HIMSELF!1!1
After that turn of events, Kaworu felt both relieved and somewhat betrayed, but mostly relieved since he didn’t want to relive that fucking fnaf timeloop. “Shinji, was that what the lilim call ‘queerbait’?” He asked, completely unbothered by the fact that Misato’s apartment was completely blown up.
Asuka started to scream, “WHAT THE FUCK!! BECAUSE OF YOU H*MOSEXUALS AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING STREAMS NOW WE HAVE TO BUY A NEW FUCKING HOUSE!1! AND MY ROCKET LAUNCHER IS GONE!” But who gives a shit, because a house hunting arc would be funnie as hell, right guys!?!?!?!1!????
Kensuke and his camera crew came out from behind a building, “Sign here, we’re putting you guys on the WWE-HGTV channel.” and Shinji, the pissbaby he is, signed it. “KYAAAAAAAAAAA KAWORU WE GET TO BUY A HOUSE!!1!” (OMG KAWOSHIN MOMENT!! GUYS THIS IS KAWOSHIN!)
“No you’re not,” Misato said, taking away Shinji’s WWE-HGTV contract out of his hands. “My house, my rules. That means I AM going to be searching for a new apartment that will look exactly like the old one we were living in.”
Shinji started to WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA uncontrollably, “WHAT THE FUCK MISATO YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING THIS IS LITERALLY SO FUCKING UNFAIR….” the WWE-HGTV crew stood there filming, knowing that this would make great TikTok content. “KAWORU WHY DON’T WE JUST BUY A HOUSE WITH TWITCH MONEY, HUH!?!!?”
“Thank you for reminding me Shinji!” Misato said and immediately pulled out her chase bank account. “Don;t forget you have to transfer 90% of your twitch earnings to me!”
“NO….NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!1!1” Shinji started to lose his fucking mind once again “YOU CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS TO ME…. YOU CAN’T….. MY FNAF MONIES….” scott cawthon creator of five nights at freddys has sponsored him. AND FOR WHAT. FOR WHAT!?!?!? THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR GUYS #JUSTICE4PISSBABYS.
Kaworu sighed sadly, “I’m sorry Shinji, this isn’t the epic gaming what the lilim call An queerbait moment you wished for….” he began to say his classic monologue once again, seeing as there’s only so long you can drag out like 4 jokes for an entire chapter like this. (4th wall!???? OMG!)
In between all this, Shinji had the brilliant idea to check his Twitch subs on his cracked screen jailbroken iPhone 3 (among drip case). “2000 NEW SUBS!?!??!”
Shinji could see the potential money that he could make off of this and immediately started ordering FNAF merch. Apparently there were like 70 more games in the FNAF lineup so Shinji could PROFIT off of this.
“LETSSSSS FUCKKIJNNNNGGGGG GOOOOOOOOO” he screamed at the top of his lungs, probably waking up like 10 people. (his voice isn’t THAT loud, he’s a pissbaby but he’s not good at anything)
Kaworu looked around, “‘Go’ where?” he asked, asking verbatim that shitty anitwt meme from like 6 months ago. Asuka scoffed at the resident g*y people, “yeah, I did blow up Misato’s Ford car after all.”
“YOU BLEW UP WHAT?!?”
2000 new subs / total of $9000 from FNAF sponsor (stolen by misato…as always) / 100,000 viewers
END.