Chapter Text
After what felt like days of poring over a condensed version of the last semester’s material to prepare for finals, Hide groaned and stretched as he stood up from his seat. Dammit, these shitty lecture hall chairs weren’t doing his back any favors. How was he supposed to focus on class when he already had enough trouble getting comfortable? And never mind the air conditioning. Hide didn’t care if it was July, he needed some warmth, dammit! Grabbing his books and haphazardly stuffing them into his bag, he filed out of the lecture hall with the rest of the students without so much as a parting wave to his professor, not even sparing a glance for his classmates.
So far, Hide’s second year at Kamii University felt a lot lonelier than his first. He simply had no time to join clubs or make any new friends; his job at the Commission of Counter Ghoul was just that demanding. Somehow, he’d gotten himself promoted from delivery boy all the way to assistant investigator within just a few months. As much as he hated the responsibility, he certainly wasn’t going to complain about the salary. He’d even considered dropping out of his English major and working full-time for them, but he knew he wasn’t cut out for a lifetime of fighting. He preferred to solve problems with quick thinking and deception, and simply having access to the CCG’s classified data brought him that much closer to his goal: finding Kaneki before the other investigators did.
Kaneki. It had been over 6 months since Hide last saw him, or to be more precise, since Kaneki last saw him. Ever since he’d been transformed into a ghoul by Rize, he’d gone through more hardship than ever. It all came to a head when he was captured by some enemy gang and tortured for days on end. The mere thought of the man he loved suffering so much made him ill. Luckily for him, Hide thought far ahead and tipped off the CCG to his location, thanks to a tracking device he planted on one of the enemy ghouls. And so, Kaneki’s captors were all killed. Slaughtered, even. Brutally cut down and screaming in agony. Hide wasn’t proud of the death and destruction he had indirectly caused that night, nor did he ever imagine that he’d have to put himself in such danger at any point in his life, but he would do it all again if it meant Kaneki got to live.
These days, Hide often wondered how Kaneki was doing. He wondered if he ever crossed his mind. If he even remembered him to begin with. As a result of his torment, Kaneki’s hair had turned from its usual jet-black to a stark white, and now, in place of sweater vests and slim-fit jeans, he opted for skin-tight leather and athletic leggings. He was completely different from the Kaneki that Hide knew, so it stood to reason that he forgot all about him as well. He also seemed to have a lot of new friends in the form of a small gang of ghouls, so maybe he’d just been replaced. As hard as he tried to block out these intrusive thoughts, they always lurked in the back of his mind, waiting for him to settle into bed for the night before taking over and keeping him from his much-needed rest. If, by some miracle, Kaneki did remember him, and bothered to speak with him, there would be so, so much he’d want to tell him. He didn’t want to make himself cry in public, however, so he put on his headphones and blasted his usual western pop.
Trying to maintain a brisk pace to keep himself looking perky, Hide walked to the other side of campus to the cafeteria. Usually, this was where he’d meet Kaneki between classes and have a lively conversation over cheap ramen, but now, those days felt so distant. He couldn’t even eat ramen anymore if he wanted to. Still, having that same dish every lunch break brought back memories.
As he walked towards the cafeteria, he saw a familiar face sitting at one of the outdoor tables, a girl in a typical high school uniform with bangs covering one of her eyes. Hide removed his headphones as he approached.
“Hey, Touka!” He smiled and greeted her. “What brings you back here? Did you not see enough of the campus your first time?”
“Well, not really,” she admitted. “That dumbass Nishiki ditched me that day he was supposed to show me around, remember?”
“Oh yeah, he did, didn’t he? Don’t mind him, he just has no social skills.” Now that’s an understatement, Hide, he added to himself. He nearly killed you once!
“Heh, tell me about it,” Touka chuckled. “Hey, do you mind grabbing us coffee? I uh...kind of wanted to talk to you.”
“Sure thing! Regular black, right?” Touka nodded in response. “Coming right up!” Hide snapped his fingers and pointed at her before disappearing inside.
~~~
“There you go! Freshly brewed!” Hide placed their cups on the table.
“Thanks,” Touka muttered before taking a sip.
“Soooo, what exactly did you come to talk to me about?” Hide initiated the conversation, as he often did for Kaneki.
“Well, you see,” Touka began. “Kaneki...he came back to Anteiku.” Hide ungracefully spat out his coffee.
“For real?!” He sputtered, wiping his mouth. “How is he? Does he look malnourished? Does he have bags under his eyes? Is he bathing regularly?”
“Uhh, probably? He looks okay, but you can tell he’s been through a lot ever since he went missing.” Touka thought it a bit insensitive to bring up the fact that he was eating well.
“I can imagine. I don’t suppose he asked for his job back?”
“Of course not,” said Touka bitterly. “He just started spouting all this self-righteous bullshit at me. I sort of lost it and punched him. I can’t stand the sight of him anymore. Tch, he wants to ‘protect’ me? Protect me from what, exactly?” Touka gasped in realization, hoping she hadn’t said too much. Fortunately, Hide didn’t seem to pay any attention. “Anyway, I just thought you should know that...he’s alive.”
“I figured he was, but I appreciate you telling me.” Hide smiled gently at her, despite already knowing full well that his friend was still breathing. “Kaneki’s a lot stronger than he looks. He went through a lot of hardship before the whole Rize thing, you know. I always kind of admired him for it. His perseverance, I mean. And yet, despite everything, he always insists on putting others first.”
“Is that what you think of him?” Touka looked disgusted. “That he’s putting others first by abandoning us? Abandoning you? ” Those words pierced through Hide’s heart like a knife, and he felt a twinge of anger at Touka’s assumption.
“He just sees himself as a burden to others,” Hide reasoned, more with himself than Touka. “He’s always been like this. It wouldn’t be my place to tell you why, but I’ll just leave it at ‘he didn’t exactly have a good home life’. Just be patient with him. He’ll return to us when he’s ready.”
“He’s changed a lot since you last saw him, Hide,” Touka responded, looking sadly into her drink. “I barely even knew who I was talking to. I...I know how important he is to you, and I don’t want you to be surprised or upset if you cross paths with him again. I just hope that you’re prepared.”
“Talk about not knowing who you’re talking to,” said Hide in an attempt to lighten the mood. “You know me, I’m always prepared for anything!” As much as he liked to think so, he still wasn’t certain.
“Is that so? And what would you even tell him? You haven’t spoken to him for 6 months.”
“Well, I’d start by saying that I missed his dumb idiot face. Then I’d drag him to the bookstore for some cheap espresso, and then to the park where we used to hang out. I’d catch him up on all the gossip he missed out on in class, and after that, we’d head over to my place for a low budget horror movie and a long-awaited sleepover. You know, just like normal. That usually works.”
“Okay, let me be a little more specific,” Touka interjected. “What would you say if it turned out that Kaneki, your best friend, had been hiding something from you? Like, something big that could change your entire perception of who he is.” She no longer cared that Hide had probably guessed Kaneki was a ghoul from that sentence alone, but for her own reasons, she needed to hear a human's perspective for once.
“Asking the big questions, huh?” Hide sighed and leaned his head against his hand. “I’d tell him that...he doesn’t need to hide anything from me. That he can trust me. I’d remind him that he can talk to me about anything without judgment. And most of all, I’d tell him that I love him. That I’ve always loved him, and always will, no matter how terrible he thinks his secret is.” Hide felt his throat constrict with the strain of melancholy. “Although maybe I’d put off the heartfelt confession for a few more days.”
“Yeah, that’s probably smart,” Touka chuckled. “Thanks, Hide. I think I needed to hear that.”
“ You needed to hear that?” Hide eyed her quizzically.
“Uh, never mind that, it’s not important,” Touka dismissed him as she stood up from her chair. “I really should be going, though. Thanks for the coffee.”
“Wait a minute,” said Hide, and for a split second, Touka feared that he had seen right through her. “Since Nishio’s refusing to be your tour guide, how about I show you around campus instead? I got time.” Touka took a moment to consider.
“Sure,” she agreed. “I trust you more than four-eyes not to get us lost, anyway.” They shared a laugh as they walked across the sprawling campus courtyard, both hoping for their sakes that Kaneki would find his way home.
~~~
Later that night, Hide sat at his desk, glancing over the document he’d received from work. Well, not just any document. His will and testament. He didn’t think he’d have to write one at the age of 20, but here he was. Tomorrow night, he’d be participating in a raid of the Anteiku cafe, the place where he and Kaneki had shared so many weekend lunches together, the place that had graciously given Kaneki his first real job. And now, it was going to be a battleground. Just what the hell had he gotten himself into? No. He knew why he was doing this. Sighing, he got out his pen and began writing:
Dear dads,
If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. I don’t want to upset you with the details, but I lived a good life. I can’t exactly leave any of my earthly possessions to you because I don’t really have any. My only regret is not taking more time to visit you guys back home, but please try to understand that I’ve been so busy lately. Don’t worry about Kaneki, we’re still good friends. He’s been going through a lot lately though, so we aren’t hanging out as much as we used to. If by some miracle you happen to see him, please tell him that I loved him, and that I’m sorry I didn’t tell him before it was too late. Also that I’m sorry for leaving him alone so soon. He’s grown more confident these days, so I’m sure he’ll find some other friends after my passing, but I want him to know that I always wanted more than that. Guess you guys were right after all. I never got over him. Can you blame me?
Love,
Hide
As he finished penning his letter, he let a tear drip onto the paper, which made the ink run underneath where it fell. He didn’t want to die just yet. Not until he made sure his love was safe from the CCG. He had a plan. He always came prepared, dammit. It was risky, but it was something.
Kaneki. I swear I’ll find a way to get you home.