Chapter Text
Calum met you when you were both young and foolish. When you both thought the sky was the limit and that having a person by your side would be all you needed to make it through. Calum was young and he thought you would always be by his side. He thought he’d wake up every day by your side and the sun would shine bright as long as he was with you.
Calum was foolish.
You both learned quickly that being young and in love was just challenges after challenges. That loving someone meant fighting over little things that seemed so much bigger at the time and the fear that pierced through you both. The fear that maybe this time it would be too much and that you both would crumble and fly away in the wind. Early on, when the fights were small and unimportant, it was almost like a thrill, a way for you both to test the waters of your relationship. But as Calum’s time away from you became longer and longer, the fights led to more silence and fear that maybe this fight would be the last one to push you both over the edge.
On nights when you both were too stubborn to answer text messages or phone calls, Calum would go out and look up at the stars. He’d sit on the hood of his car that he’d parked in the darkness the California hills offered and star up at the twinkling lights above. He’d wonder why things had to be the way they were and why you two always seemed to be at war with one another.
Sometimes Calum blamed himself, his fear of letting you in and exposing his heart to you causing him to back away at a moment’s notice. Sometimes he blamed you, for not understanding that his job was important and that you could be a distraction at times. But most of the time, he blamed being young and in love for the fights where you two would leave in tears, broken voices, and shaky hands the only reminders of one another for a while.
There were the bad days when you and Calum went weeks and sometimes even months without talking. When his touring schedule was so hectic that even Calum couldn’t figure out what time to call or even if he wanted to at that point. There were days when he was so tired he’d miss your calls and his buzzing phone would land on the floor next to his bunk.
But some days, some days were so good that all the bad days seem to disappear. Some days Calum felt like he was on top of the world when you were by his side. He felt like all the stupid fights and silly arguments meant nothing if he could just keep your hand in his as you walked down the sandy beaches and looked at the sunset. Sometimes, when the world became too much for both of you and you found solace in each other’s arms, Calum realized that the good with the bad was so much better than anything else. That he’d take any moments he could with you. He liked the fact that you both could scream and fight and call each other crazy but at the end of the night you’d still kiss him and pull him in tighter.
It was during one of your breaks that he wrote the song. When the words became too much and you both decided time apart from your relationship would be best. He’d been at the studio for what seemed like the third week in a row, his hands aching from the writing and the playing, when he’d gotten your text. At first, he’d assumed you were just messing with him, that this was just another way for attention. It wasn’t until he’d gotten home in the early hours of the morning and he saw the shirt you’d always steal from him folded neatly on the edge of his bed that his heart raced.
Even if your relationship hadn’t been perfect, Calum couldn’t help but feel the panic of it coming to an end. He couldn’t stop the way his hands shook as he picked up the shirt or stop the tears that fell down his cheeks. He couldn’t help the sob that left him or the impulse he felt to call you. But he knew what you were like, knew that you wouldn’t answer and so he did the next best thing he knew how to do, he wrote a song.
The first time you heard the song, Calum had sent you a voice note. You didn’t think much about it, Calum always sent you voice notes because it was the easiest way for him to remember whatever melody or lyrics had popped into his brain at a random hour. But this was different, this one had a title and Calum had made sure to tell you to listen to it. So with your headphones in and your heart racing, you hit play.
The song had ended and you say there in silence, tears falling down your face as you hit play again and again, listening to the shift in his voice. The way his voice cracked when he’d talked about the shirt on the bed and the way you could imagine a smile on his face as he sang about you both. And when you’d listened to the song for maybe the tenth time, you realized that maybe you’d let Calum rip your heart out if that meant you could both stay in each other’s embrace. That maybe if you two worked on becoming better people alone you’d eventually come back to one another.
Calum hadn’t seen you in years. Hadn’t seen your smile or heard your laugh since that night when he’d sent you the song. Since you both agreed that if it was meant to be, you’d find each other once again. He hadn’t gotten you out of his head since that night he watched you walk out of his life. With time, you weren’t always at the front of his mind, but you were always in the back of his brain even when he tried his hardest not to think of you. He’d grown a lot as a person, he wasn’t a teenager anymore who was too afraid to open up and let someone into his life. He’d gotten better at talking about what he felt and expressing his love towards his friends and those around him. He didn’t push people away anymore when they threatened to get close to him and his smile shined brighter on nights when his heart soared on stage.
The first time Calum saw you, he thought he’d imagined it. You were laughing with a group of friends, the sun above you making your skin glow and your hair blowing in the wind almost made him fall back onto the sandy beach. He’d debated on whether he should go up and say hi, but you looked happy with your friends, and he was dragged away by his best friends before he could gather the courage to walk over. The second time he’d seen you he had been on a phone call and he’d stuttered over his words as he watched you order a drink at the café you’d both found yourselves in. You seemed happier and more confident in the way you carried yourself. Calum’s eyes met yours as you scanned the café, both of you frozen in place as you tried to figure out if it was really him.
Maybe it was all the coffee that Calum had already consumed by the time had unfrozen and you’d made your way over to him, but his heartbeat raced and his palms were sweaty. He’d greet you with a shy smile, the hug that you pulled him into making his breathing stop. And when he saw the smile you gave him when you looked up at him, Calum felt like he was a teenager in love once again.