Chapter Text
The flames danced almost mockingly. Marco wasn’t sure which was worse; the smell of burnt flesh and ash or the sound of his comrades grieving over it. The funeral was barely even a funeral, there was no burial nor was there any respect in burning the fallen. It was just a group of flames, dancing ever so slowly, and erasing what was left of his fallen friends. Ash and bone littered the ground around the flame, and it made Marco cringe. The idea of being reduced to an unidentifiable pile of ash among other unidentifiable piles of ash was an idea that Marco never wanted to think about again. Could he be next, he wondered? Or maybe Jean, or Sasha, or Connie, or any one of his friends?
Maybe that’s what he was fighting for; so he never had to see anybody else like this again.
Marco felt tears threaten to form in his eyes, but he blinked them back and clenched his fist. No, Marco told himself he wouldn’t cry anymore. He had cried all the tears he would need for the rest of his life, and now wasn’t the time to cry.
Now, was the time to fight.
Jean stood next to him, seemingly staring at the same pile of ash that Marco was. His frame shook, and Marco assumed he was thinking the same thing he was. Marco looked back at his friends standing behind him, noticing they all had a similar grim expression. Connie, however, wasn’t holding it back like the rest of them. He was on the ground, hands over his head, sobbing. The sight alone made Marco fight back tears again. Just the other day, they were all so excited to graduate and move on with their lives— and now that hopeful future was shattered into millions of pieces, burnt with the corpses of their friends.
Marco turned back to Jean.
“Hey, Jean...” he whispered, voice trembling.
Jean didn’t look at him, eyes still fixated on the piles of bone and ash. He only responded with a quiet “yeah?”.
“What...What are you fighting for?”
Jean’s breath caught in his throat. He didn’t respond immediately; instead, he crouched onto the ground and scooped up a pile of ash, looking at it with a longing expression.
“I’m fighting for them.” Jean murmured, speaking as though the ashes would escape his grasp forever if he spoke too loud.
Marco crouched down next to Jean, soft auburn eyes peering at the other sympathetically. Marco moved his hand, placing it over Jean’s hand— the one that was holding the ashes. He squeezed, not breaking eye contact with Jean, to which he responded with wide eyes.
“And I’ll fight with you.”
Marco’s hand moved from Jean’s to his own chest, devoting his heart with the hand that held the ashes of his comrades.
Jean’s breath hitched, tears threatening to spill as he watched Marco salute with his fist. Jean responded with a nod, and devoting his heart right back. They stayed like that for a moment, in a moment of silent solidarity, and in a moment of respect.
Jean stood back up, to which Marco followed. Jean’s frame was still shaking as he turned to his friends, speaking up with a wavering voice.
“Hey, guys...have you decided which regiment you’re joining?”
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Connie was confused, to say the least. Graduation was tonight, and he couldn’t help but wonder just what the hell was going through his friend’s heads. The majority of them, with the exception of Annie and those he hadn’t bothered asking, were planning on joining the Scout Regiment. Even Jean had somehow changed his mind, despite being so dead set on the MPs. Apparently, that was enough to make Sasha reconsider, which Connie was not happy about. Sasha wasn’t incapable, of course, she was in the Top ten for a reason. However, he couldn’t get the idea of her meeting her end from a bloodthirsty titan out of his head.
It’s not like he never considered it, though. Before Trost, Connie had actually decided he wanted to join after Eren had spouted that dreamy bullshit. Thomas and Mina and a few others also had changed their plans, before, they got eaten, of course. The funeral was enough to firmly convince him that joining the Scouts was a terrible, horrible idea, that only suicidal maniacs like Eren should go through with.
And yet, that night, by the burning embers with tear stricken eyes, Jean announced he was joining the Scouts. No doubt Marco had something to do with persuading him, that misty eyed bastard. Jean stated otherwise, however, saying that decision was his and his alone, and that he knew what he had to do.
It was stupid. It was reckless. It was idiotic, and that’s saying something, coming from Connie of all people. And God, did it bother him. As Graduation crept closer and closer, Connie couldn’t help but wonder if there was something he was missing; if maybe he truly was the idiotic one. That idea scratched at the back of his mind, pawing at him impatiently with every waking moment.
If he didn’t do something about this feeling now, it would probably haunt him for the rest of his life. Connie found the perfect opportunity to possibly clear his head about the whole thing when he caught Marco walking alone.
“Hey, Marco, you got a minute?” Connie called out, cupping his hand beside his mouth.
Marco whipped his head around to face Connie. He nodded with a smile, walking over to the other who was leaned up against a wall.
“Yeah, is everything alright?” Marco asked, eyebrows slanting with concern.
“Everything is fine, I just...” Connie sighed, eyes set on the ground. “Can you tell me whatever the hell you told Jean to convince him to join the scouts? I’m—I’m obviously missing something, right?” He stammered, smiling through his words as if his body wasn’t shaking with the words he spoke.
“Connie...” Marco whispered, his hand suddenly on Connie’s shoulder, staring at the other with those damn misty eyes. “I didn’t say anything to make him join. Jean’s too stubborn for that. It was completely his decision. Jean wants to be a hero, I guess. But you don’t have to be a hero. There’s no shame in wanting to hide in the interior after all of that, anyways...”
That sentence struck Connie as odd. Hiding? Connie wasn’t hiding. He just wanted to join the MPs. He didn’t wanna throw away his life, that’s all. He wasn’t hiding from anything; he wanted to make his village proud. He wanted to make his mom proud. He wanted to be something someone could be proud of.
“Marco, I’m not... hiding from anything, what are you talking about?” He asked, still staring at the ground.
“Huh? Of course you are. You’ve seen titans, and what they do to people, and now you want to hide from that. It’s fine, really! Not all of us can live in ignorance like that, and personally I find it admirable that your self preservation is that strong!”
Connie felt something in him snap, pushing Marco away and glaring at him with eyes sharp as daggers. “Ignorant? Are you kidding me, Marco?! I’m not hiding from anything, alright?! I’m not hiding, and I’m not a fucking coward like you seem to think I am!”
Before Marco could apologize, or even call out to Connie, he was storming off, muttering spat out words to himself.
“Shit...” Marco cursed, watching as Connie stomped away, guilt pooling in his gut. He didn’t mean to word it like that, and he didn’t mean to make Connie feel like a coward. Marco had always had a problem with being way too blunt and way too nice about it; it made him seem fake and passive aggressive. It was one of his greatest flaws, and that once again proved itself as Connie faded into the distance.
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Despite her quiet and distanced nature, Annie was not oblivious. In fact, she was extremely observant— taking note in the behaviors of the people she surrounded herself with.
So when Reiner and Bertholdt started acting different, she caught on quickly. It was especially apparent at the table meeting just a few nights prior. Reiner and Bertholdt kept exchanging nervous glances towards each other, and particularly towards another classmate— that one being Marco Bodt. They also would occasionally glance at Annie. Marco wasn’t helping, either. There was a look in his eyes, one that deepened every time he looked in the direction of the two warriors. Something that struck Annie as particularly odd was the moment Marco announced he was joining the Scouts. It was extremely out of character, and it was quite the coincidence he announced it right after Reiner and Bertholdt did. It was no secret that Marco’s heart was set on the MPs, so what the hell did Reiner and Bertholdt manage to fuck up so badly to make Marco change his mind?
You would think, being warriors, they would be better at keeping secrets.
Annie attempted to vaguely question him, and his reaction confirmed her suspicions.
Marco knew something.
So when she saw him, watching as Connie walked away from him in anger, she saw an opportunity.
She was behind him before he knew she was there, and in her monotone voice, she called out.
“Marco.”
Marco jumped, turning around quick enough to give himself whiplash. For a moment, he was terrified— but his terror melted into relief when he recognized the bright blue eyes of Annie Leonhart.
“Annie, you scared me, don’t sneak up on people like that...!” He chuckled, but Annie only stared at him blankly, causing Marco’s nervous laughter to die out.
“I want to talk to you. Let’s go somewhere private.” She stated, and Marco knew she wasn’t asking.
He gulped, and nodded with a haphazard smile. “L-Lead the way.”
—————————
“I am Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps.”
The man’s voice boomed out to the crowd of the 104th graduates. His voice alone was enough to intimidate anyone— including Marco.
It was graduation, the moment everyone had trained for four years to get to. It was something Marco used to be extremely excited for, counting down the days since the beginning. Now, standing here, among the surviving members of the 104th, Marco felt nothing but dread.
“Today, you will choose a military branch. To put it bluntly, I am here to persuade you to join the Survey Corps. During the titan attack, you learned how terrifying they can be, and how limited our power is. However, this battle brought humanity closer to victory than it’s ever been, through Eren Jaeger’s existence.”
The name made Marco breathe in sharply. He had almost forgotten about Eren completely— his mind only wandering between his future with the scouts, Reiner and Bertholdt, and the conversation he had with Annie.
“By risking his own life, he’s proven himself, without a doubt, a friend to humanity. With his help, not only did we stop the Titan’s advance, but we have a way to discover their true nature.”
The crowd, including Marco, gasped simultaneously, a few exchanging glances and whispers.
“We believe that in the basement of his Shiganshina home, there are answers about the Titans that he himself doesn’t have. If we can reach that basement, we will find a clue that will end this century of Titan rule.”
And there it was.
There was the answer Marco was looking for.
Marco knew, in that moment, that he needed to be in that basement. He needed to see that secret for himself; so that he may finally understand why those two did what they did. It was a ray of light in the darkness that was betrayal. It was a newfound hope, that Marco immediately clung onto.
There were a few more whispers among the crowd, the idea of finding the secrets to the Titans a shock to all.
“We will head for the basement in Shiganshina. However, that requires us to retake Wall Maria. In other words, our objective hasn’t changed.”
Erwin continued to explain his plan, touching on the past years of the Survey Corps, where more than sixty percent died.
Sixty percent, in only four years.
Marco attempted to gulp down his fear.
“Any trainees who join will participate in our excursion beyond the walls, in a month. We expect a thirty percent won’t return. In four years, most will be dead.”
Another set of gasps, and whispers. Marco couldn’t help but envision his friends as apart of the fatality number.
“However, those who survive will become superior soldiers with a high survival rate. Knowing these discouraging facts, any still willing to risk their lives, remain here. Ask yourself; are you willing to offer your beating heart for humanity?”
Marco wasn’t too sure of the answer himself. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of it’s chest— at this rate, he wouldn’t have a beating one to offer humanity. It wasn’t his life he was worried about, it was the lives he accidentally dragged into it.
Erwin finished up his speech with a final, “That is all. Anyone who wishes to join another branch is dismissed.”
A voice called out from beyond the stage, saying something about the Commander going too far and scaring everyone away.
The voice might have been right, because immediately, it seemed like the entire crowd began to move. Marco stood his ground, clenching his fist as he stared at his feet. He couldn’t be scared. He couldn’t hesitate. If he walked away now, he would be leaving Jean behind, he’d be leaving his comrades behind, and most importantly, he’d be turning his back on humanity.
“Dammit...Dammit...!” Marco cursed to himself. If only he never heard them. If only he had died that day. If only he never had to experience the burden of being aware.
The crowd finally dissipated, leaving behind only select few, standing along the embers.
“Can you die if you’re ordered to?” Erwin stated, after he was sure the crowd was only those who wanted to join.
“I don’t want to die!” A voice called out.
Erwin smiled.
“I see. I like the looks on your faces.” Then, with the booming voice from before, he announced. “Then I welcome everyone here to the Survey Corps! This is a true salute! Offer up your hearts!”
And with that, the group saluted, fists pounding at their hearts.
Among those standing, Marco recognized the following cadets a little too well.
Armin Arlert. Mikasa Ackerman. Reiner Braun. Bertholdt Hoover. Ymir Fischer. Christa Lenz. Sasha Braus. Connie Springer.
Jean Kirstein.
The only one missing was Annie Leonhart herself. Marco wasn’t expecting to see her, though. He knew too well that Annie wasn’t changing her mind, especially due to the way she acted after...
Marco’s thoughts of his conversation with Annie were interrupted by Erwin’s voice, causing him to lose track of his thoughts completely.
“You have done well to endure your fear. You are brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect.”
Shit.
It really happened, didn’t it?
Marco felt like he was slapping himself in the face. For years, he hoped and prayed he would get into the top ten, only to throw away his shot forever once he finally got there.
This was reality. There was no going back for any of them.
This was the life they chose.
And they only have themselves to blame.