Chapter Text
Nymphadora was save. Remus repeated the three words like a mantra as he got ready for bed. It was past five in the morning and with relief, tiredness had come for everyone. Many members of the Order had decided to stay at Grimmauld Place to get at least a few hours of sleep. The gloomy mood had been replaced by hopeful smiles on exhausted faces. Harry had almost instantly fallen asleep against Sirius’ shoulder and had been escorted to his room on the second floor by his Godfather.
Remus slid into bed, his cold feet relishing the warmth of the blanket. He closed his eyes and sleep overtook him at once. His dreams were full of Nymphadora again, her cheeky smile, her sparkling eyes, her bone crushing hugs, her warm breath on his neck, his cheek, his lips…
The sun was sneaking trough a crack in the thick curtains to wake Remus later that morning. His dreams were still vivid in his mind as he put on his jeans and jumper and he wondered if he would ever spend another night without dreaming of her.
Molly was already busying herself with preparing a late breakfast when Remus entered the kitchen, while Sirius seemed to have dozed off again, his head resting on the table. Remus sat down and quietly thanked Molly for the sandwich that landed in front of him seconds later. Lost in thoughts he munched his breakfast until the creaking of floor tiles interrupted him. Mad-Eye dragged himself through the doorway and sat down next to Remus.
“I just came from St. Mungo’s. Tonks is still unconscious, but she seems to do better. You can visit her one by one now”, Moody said and warily eyed the eggs Molly had just placed on the table. “Just don’t go all at once, we don’t want to raise suspicion.”
“Moony should go”, came Sirius’ voice from across the table, before Remus could even contemplate the possibility. The two friends eyed each other and Remus had the sinking feeling that Sirius was plotting something.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea”, Remus retorted.
“Why not, dear? I’m busy here with Ron and Harry, and Sirius, well, he can’t go”, said Molly.
“Yeah, I can’t go. I’m a mass-murdering lunatic, remember?” Sirius had a loop-sided grin plastered across his face, but his tone was sour.
“Fine, I’ll go.” Remus tried to sound casual, but he knew he didn’t succeed when Sirius’ smile grew even more crooked. The werewolf stood up without another word and made his way to the door.
“Don’t forget to tell her, that you love her”, Sirius yelled a second before the door to the kitchen closed behind Remus. Halfway up the stairs he froze for a moment, considering turning on his heel and confronting his friend about what he had just said, but he didn’t. What could he say anyway? Remus banned the thought from his brain and continued his way up.
A few minutes later Remus arrived in front of Purge and Dowse Ltd., the condemned department store, that contained the entrance to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. He stepped through the window and felt himself slide across the magical gateway into the entree of the hospital.
An animated buzzing of voices and magic greeted Remus as he made his way over to the service desk. He had never been to a muggle hospital, but he couldn’t help but wonder, if they had the same familiar smell to them. Nervously Remus queued up behind a young man whose arm had sprouted strange looking yellow leaves.
“Plant poisoning, third floor”, the receptionist commented on the young man’s arm. “Next!”
“I’m looking for Miss Nymphadora Tonks”, Remus said quickly. The witch scanned her files.
“Ah, yes. Creature-induced injuries, first floor. Room 2A225.” The receptionist nodded towards the elevators to her left.
Remus followed her instructions, got off the elevator on the first floor and turned right to look for Tonks’ room. Excitement bubbled up in his chest and mixed with the nervous tension he had been feeling ever since he left Grimmauld Place.
Finally Remus came to a halt outside room 2A225. His palms were prickling, his heart racing, but he plucked up his courage and opened the door quietly, as if not to wake anyone. In the far corner next to the window, he caught sight of a dash of bright pink hair, that made his stomach flip. The small frame of Nymphadora Tonks was lying on the bed, covered in bandages and blankets, eyes closed. Next to her, a slender, dark haired witch had her head propped against the shoulder of a big-bellied wizard with a kind face. Andromeda and Ted Tonks, Nymphadora’s parents. Remus recognized them instantly. Ted’s round, blue eyes held the same spark as his daughter’s and Nymphadora’s resemblance to her mother was uncanny, the same heart-shaped face, the same tiny nose, the same freckled cheeks. For a moment, Remus was too stunned to react, anxiety crept up his spine. The last thing he had thought about was meeting Tonks’ parents, he felt stiff and unprepared, hyper aware of his tousled hair and shabby clothes.
“Hello! I’m Ted and this is my wife Andromeda. Are you a friend of Dora’s?” Mr Tonks smiled and stood up to offered his hand. Remus walked over to him and shook it.
“Yes… Yes, I am. Nice to meet you, I’m Remus”, he tried to convince himself that it really wasn’t necessary to introduce himself with his full name, that it wasn’t to avoid the possibility that they would recognize him. Remus’ name and picture had been mentioned a few times in the Daily Prophet and he didn’t think he could stand the shame of being kicked out of the hospital by Tonks’ parents.
“The circumstances are quite horrible, but still it’s nice to finally meet some of Dora’s friends. She never takes anyone home, you know, almost as if we were embarrassing. But we don’t bite.” Ted’s face broke into a grin for a second, before his eyes grew worried again as his gaze wandered back to his daughter. But I do, echoed a voice inside Remus’ head.
“Remus? That sounds familiar… Lupin, isn’t it? Didn’t you teach at Hogwarts a few years ago?” Remus felt the blood freeze in his veins and his breath quickened. They knew. They knew and they would hate him, yell at him. They would tell their daughter to stay away from him. The anxiety threatened to bubble over, making him even more aware of himself. Why had he come here? How could he have been stupid enough to think that Tonks’ parents wouldn’t recognize him?
“I- I should go. I’m sorry for coming. I will leave.” Remus kept his gaze firmly on the ground, not daring to look up into disgusted faces that resembled Nymphadora’s so much. He made a move for the door to escape the accusations that would surely follow the realization that a werewolf had dared to enter their daughter’s hospital room.
“You don’t have to leave, you know?”, Andromeda said firmly. Remus stopped in his tracks, halfway to the door. What were the chances that they had forgotten, that Dumbledore had employed a werewolf? He turned around and was met by something he had never thought possible. Both Andromeda and Ted were smiling warmly at him. A wave of gratitude rushed though Remus and overcame the feeling of anxiety.
“But I’m- I’m a-”, Remus stuttered, unable to say the word aloud.
“We know Dumbledore kicked you out, because you’re a werewolf”, Ted said casually. Remus couldn’t believe his ears. He felt dizzy, the room swimming before his eyes.
“I resigned, actually”, was all he managed to say. He didn’t know what to do, this was new territory, so he carefully made his way over to Tonks’ bed, constantly making sure not to overstep a line.
“That makes sense, I always wondered why Dumbledore would sack you. He must have known from the start and just didn’t care, right?”, Andromeda said, the tone of her voice fit to talk about meaningless things like the weather. Remus frantically tried to process the situation, but his brain just didn’t seem to work properly.
“Are you alright, dear?”, the witch asked carefully. She sounded concerned. Remus just stared at her.
“Now I know, where Nymphadora gets her kindness from”, he whispered, glancing sideways at Tonks’ still sleeping frame.
“You’re calling her by her first name?”, Ted wondered and gave his wife a knowing look.
“Only to annoy her.” The words had left Remus’ mouth before he could stop himself and he bit his tongue for being so careless, but Ted only laughed.
“Good, not even I’m allowed to call her by her name. Only ‘Dromeda is granted that privilege.” Andromeda chuckled and Ted glanced at her lovingly.
“That’s because I don’t take orders from my daughter”, she retorted playfully.
“Must be the Black family genes”, Ted joked and promptly received a smack against his shoulder. Remus watched them banter, trying to hide his smirk, before he turned his attention back to Nymphadora, but he hardly dared to look at her. Everything about this felt so wrong. Tonks shouldn’t be lying in this bed, her breathing barely noticeable, wrapped in countless layers of bandages. She should be cracking jokes, laughing with the rest of the Order. Laughing with him. Remus sighed and brushed his hand against hers. Her skin was warm beneath his fingers, sparking a gleam of hope inside his chest, and he finally let his gaze wander upwards. A deep gash cut Tonks’ lower lip in half and a faint bruise lingered on her left cheek, but other than that, her delicate face seemed unharmed. Still, Remus noticed a striking alteration to her familiar features, due to the absence of her usual grin.
Remus leaned back in his chair, his hand still holding hers and studied her for what could have been hours, until he noticed Ted standing up.
“We’re going to get some coffee and something to eat, we’ve been up all night. Are you alright with staying here? Dora could wake up anytime, we don’t want her to be alone”, Andromeda said smiling and stifled a yawn.
“Of course, I’ll stay.” Remus couldn’t help, but be astonished by the blind trust she put in him.
“Do you want anything? Coffee? Tea?”, offered Ted. His first instinct was to decline, but the wizard smiled at him so warmly, that Remus pushed aside his insecurity.
“Tea would be lovely, thank you.”
Ted nodded and led Andromeda to the door. Remus had noticed them holding hands the whole time and he envied them more than he was willing to admit. Eventually, he turned back to look at Nymphadora. She was breathing evenly, a strand of pink hair softly lifting from her face every time she exhaled. It seemed to tickle her nose, because she scrunched it up every now and then. Remus smiled softly at how cute it was. Absentmindedly, he took Tonks’ hand in his again and squeezed it. And she squeezed back. A sudden rush of excitement shot through Remus’ body. Tonks stirred slightly and then her eyes fluttered open.
“Wotcher, Remus.” Her voice was low and raspy, but it sent shivers down his spine. A grin spread across both their faces. Remus’ wide and toothy, Nymphadora’s weaker and a little loop-sided, but making her look much more like herself again.
“Good morning, sleepyhead”, he answered softly. Never had he been happier to see her smile.
“You’re calling me sleepyhead? I was attacked by a bloody snake!” Tonks tried hard to sound outraged, but the words came out weaker than intended. Remus felt his heart clench and the cheerful expression faded from his face.
“How are you feeling?” Desperation mixed into his voice and he knew that Nymphadora would notice.
“Quite alright. Still tired, but I’m not in pain.” She squeezed his hand at her last words. Of course she noticed. Remus managed a halfhearted smile, but last night’s horror threatened to overwhelm him.
“Remus, what’s wrong? I’m alive and well.” He knew he was being pathetic and incredibly selfish making this about himself, but his heart was doubling over again. It was all too much, he buried his head in his hands next to her knees.
“For five hours I thought you weren’t. Alive, I mean. I thought I’d never talk to you again.” Her hand had found its way into his hair, softly lacing her fingers through it. Remus leaned into her touch and felt himself calm down instantly. Her touch was warm and gentle, there wasn’t a trace of uncertainty.
“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t come back as a ghost to haunt you all”, Tonks said and Remus chuckled lightly.
“I’m sure you would be serious competition for Peeves.”
“Damn right, I would be! I’d pull pranks on you all the time, like hide your tea or switch your beloved Honeyduke’s Dark with mint chocolate”, Tonks grinned from ear to ear and Remus had a hard time hiding his own laughter.
“That’s barbaric! I will not hesitate to hex you”, he assured her, then happily listened to what pranks she would play on the rest of the Order. Tonks’ laughter echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls, giving them life. It was addicting and soon Remus was compelled to join in, but his eyes never left her face. He drank her in, so alive and happy, almost as if last night had never happened.
By the time the door creaked open again, they were both wheezing with laughter. Andromeda walked in and Remus was taken aback once again by how much her daughter resembled her. If she hadn’t been effortlessly balancing a food tray in her hands without spilling the contents of the cups on top of it, she could have been a slightly older version of Nymphadora herself.
“Oh Dora, you’re awake!”, exclaimed Ted and started shuffling over to the bed. Andromeda lowered the tray onto a table and took her daughter’s hand in hers. Tears were shining in her dark eyes and Remus felt like an intruder all of a sudden. Carefully he got up to give the family some space.
“Don’t leave.” Tonks’ voice sounded small, anxious even. Round, blue eyes stared up at him as if she was afraid to lose him. Remus glanced at her parents, who, to his surprise, looked pleasantly interested, but he had made up his mind anyway. Nymphadora wanted him to stay, so he would keep his butt planted firmly on the chair next to her bed until one of them fell asleep.
“I won’t”, Remus said softly. “I have to send a message to Snuffles though, he will want to know, that you woke up.” Silently, he walked out of the room to give Ted and Andromeda the chance to talk to their daughter alone. Outside he effortlessly cast the Patronus Charm and watched as the wolf trotted away to deliver his message to Sirius.
A few minutes later Remus walked back to the chair next to Tonks’ bed. He watched as the family joked around, exchanging the newest gossip and reciting stories from Nymphadora’s childhood. He would laugh along and every now and then he would even talk about his own adventures with Tonks and the Order, earning him a playful grimace every time he joked about her clumsiness. Remus could have stayed in these moments forever. Ted and Andromeda seemed to like him and it filled him with staggering joy. Nymphadora and he weren’t together and they never would be, that much he knew, but right then and there he felt like he was part of their little family.
A week later
The kitchen of Grimmauld Place was buzzing. The Weasley’s had come to stay for the christmas holidays and Order members were dropping in and out all the time. Sirius was happy to have his house full of people, especially when Harry was one of them. The two of them were playing Exploding Snap with Hermione, Ginny and the twins, while Ron was smashing Kingsley on the chess board. Molly was chopping vegetables and humming to the christmas music she had put on. In the far corner of the room, Remus was quietly reading a book, while the cups inside a dusty old cabinet were cleaning themselves with the help of his wand.
Suddenly his reading was interrupted by a loud bang in the hallway. Remus lifted his head and his face lit up as his eyes met Sirius’ across the room.
“Did somebody just knock over the umbrella stand?”, asked Kingsley. Remus and Sirius just grinned. They both knew what that meant. Seconds later, the kitchen door flew open to reveal Tonks sporting a bright purple pixie cut and a toothy smile.
“Wotcher! I wanted to sneak up on you all, but that bloody troll leg...”, was all she could say, before Sirius was spinning her around in a bone crushing hug. She was giggling and Remus’ heart melted. Molly had neglected the vegetables and hugged Tonks next, asking how she was feeling and if she had eaten enough at the hospital. Nymphadora’s gaze found Remus’ over Molly’s shoulder and she gave him an amused smirk.
After everybody had welcomed her and had settled back down, Tonks wandered over to him and plucked the book from his hands.
“Felicity by Mary Oliver”, she read aloud. “Muggle book, isn’t it?” Remus nodded. “What kind of book is it?”
“Poetry, actually”, he admitted. People usually didn’t ask what he was reading and if it had been anyone else, he would have been hesitant to tell them. But it was Tonks, she wouldn’t make fun of him for enjoying something like poetry.
“Would you read to me?”, she asked suddenly and as soon as the words had left her mouth, Remus could see a blush creeping onto her cheeks. He took the book back from her and opened it where he had placed the bookmark earlier. Nymphadora looked down at him expectantly, biting her lips in anticipation. Now it was Remus’ time to blush.
“You should sit down”, he managed to say. Tonks’ face broke into a grin and before he could react, she had sat down on his lap. Remus was stunned by her sudden closeness, but he tried his best to not let it show. He could feel her warm breath on his neck and it made his hair stand on end, as he started to read.
“Everything that was broken had forgotten its brokenness. I live now in a sky-house, through every window the sun. Also your presence. Our touching, our stories. Earthy and holy both. How can this be, but it is. Every day has something in it whose name is Forever.” Remus’ voice was low, meant entirely for her to hear. He read and she looked at him, memorizing the glint in his eyes as he scanned the page, watching how his lips formed words, how he pronounced them so carefully.
Remus could feel Tonks studying him and looked up from the book to meet her gaze. It was intense, still filled with expectation, but a small smile was playing around the corners of her mouth. His stomach bubbled with the desire to kiss her, to touch her skin, to bury his hands in her hair. He acted on none of it, but she did. When her lips met his, he wasn’t prepared. Nothing could have prepared him for fiery touch of her fingers against his cheek or the taste of her mouth. It was bliss, a moment of pure joy that should last forever. In the back of his mind, Remus knew that, although they were secluded in a dark corner of the living room, half the Order was probably staring at them from the kitchen. He knew, that he should put an end to this and apologize, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. It was too good, too exhilarating and to his complete disbelieve, Tonks seemed to enjoy the kiss too.
“Nymphadora”, he breathed against her lips over and over again, repeating it like a plea.
“Shut up, Remus, don’t make me like my name”, she broke the kiss and smiled. He was lost.