Chapter Text
BASTY
The ride to the airport was a quiet one but not for anything dramatic. Nona and Caleb spent about an hour just crying in each other’s arms. The old lady thought she finally convinced her favorite (only) grandson to stay with her forever but he could only extend his stay for so much before he gets fired. He promises her that he’ll come back but because he was unable to say when, nona spent another half an hour just sobbing. Poor Caleb and Basty couldn’t leave her alone so they waited up until the very last minute until they were still in the safe time to arrive at the airport.
Their hands rested on top of Caleb’s lap, intertwined tightly as if it was going to be the last time. There were so many things Basty wanted to say but it just didn’t feel right to impose such rules (on what time to call, how frequent should they talk, etc.) to someone who wasn’t yours. So instead, they tell each other to check in often and to call whenever they can. When they arrive at the airport, both of them were reluctant to let go but the clock was ticking much faster than they would like. Cars were also piling up behind them and it would take maybe a couple more minutes before they get ushered out.
“This is it, huh?” Basty asks. He shifts on his seat and faces Caleb. From the day that they met, they both knew this day was going to come. It was just very different from what Basty imagined—in his head, it was much easier and less painful. “Call me when you land.”
Caleb nods. He raises their hands together and presses a kiss onto the back of his Basty’s hands. He looks at him as if he wants to say something more but he presses his lips into a thin line and sighs. Basty knows when the things Caleb wants to say can seem more like pressure to him than assurance. He’s been very cautious about that and Basty’s been really thankful but sometimes, he wishes Caleb would just say what he wants and not just what he thinks Basty wants to say.
“I’ll be back before you know it.” Caleb says. He pulls Basty to him and presses a long and loud smack on his forehead. They both laugh at the gesture. It’s just been two months of doing whatever the hell that they wanted yet it seemed like they’ve known each other forever. Basty has yet to figure what his life is going to be like without him. Whether or not he’ll start coming home at the same time or staying at home as long as he now does, he’ll try to figure it out then. His human shield is literally flying halfway across the world. Who’s to say the naysayers aren’t going to go back to their old habit and talk about his own life? “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? Drive safe.”
He gets pulled in a bone-crushing hug before Caleb gets out of the car and takes all of his suitcases as fast as he can. The security guard is already staring down their car so he flashes one last grin at Basty and then walks away. He even looks back twice before he disappears in the sea of the crowd.
Basty thinks of cheesy airport scenes of one person held in another’s arms as they spin around kissing each other. Laughing and crying as they spend their last few seconds just loving each other.
Oh the things he could do if he had no fear.
___________________
When Basty comes home after two days in Manila, he doesn’t expect a party happening at his house. The gates were open and a tent was planted even outside of their garage. He parks his car right behind their gate and he gets out of the car, trying to remember whose birthday he’s forgetting.
But what he doesn’t expect is his aunts and uncles from another province, his entire family, his nephews and nieces, and his fucking ex-fiancé in a round table, drinking some local beer, and looking as happy as possible.
He feels his heart drop in his stomach. He hasn’t seen his ex in a year. Not even on Facebook or any social media. He got out of those platforms the day after they broke up. He’s fine. He’s good. He’s great. But he doesn’t expect sparkling eyes and a dimpled smile meet him at the front of their garage. Not now. Not ever.
“Hi, Basty.” Seonho immediately stands up from the round table, clad in his pambahay, looking so comfortable in the sea of Byuns. Basty freezes in his spot, clutching onto his phone tightly. There is nothing more that he wants than to call Caleb before his panic attack kicks in in. Before he knows it, Seonho is right in front of him, ruffling his hair as if nothing ever happened. As if the last twelve months of both of their lives didn’t exist. As if he was just crucified by the entire Kim clan or as if he didn’t spend the last year trying to put his pieces back together.
“Anong ginagawa mo dito?” He asks. “Shouldn’t you be in Manila?”
“Si tito kasi nag painom.”
“Pa!” He looks at his father who was drunk and giddy where he’s seated. He waves his hand at his only son who looked like he was going to crumble any minute. Papa Byun didn’t think anything was wrong with the entire situation. In fact, he was the most excited. “Papa, wala tayong ganitong usapan.” He hisses, walking past Seonho and tugging his father by his shirt in the politest way he can.
His drunk father follows him into the kitchen and he sees Seonho slowly trailing behind them. Inside the house are his cousins, nephews and nieces, his aunts, and his mother, playing card games in the living room. He ignores all of them and heads straight to the kitchen—the only empty space in the house.
“Pa, ang sabi nyo babati lang si Seonho. Kaya lang naman ako pumayag kasi alam ko naman na gusto nyo siya. Pero papa, nagpapainom ka para sa kanya?” Basty is pacing back and forth, hands on his hips and his face seething in anger. “Papa naman!”
“Anak ko pa rin naman si Seonho.” The older Byun tells him. He reeks of alcohol and probably won’t remember the entire conversation happening but he was also drunk and very honest. “Kinausap niya kami ng mama mo na aayusin niya ang lahat.”
“At naniwala naman kayo?”
“Eh anak, nakita ko naman na sinsero yung—“
“Papa!” Basty yells in frustration. “Nakalimutan mo na ba kung papaano ako binastos ng buong pamilya niya? Kung gaano niya ako nasaktan?
“Sebastian,” Papa Byun tries to sound serious but his voice is in a slur. “Hindi lang kayo nagkainitndihan noon pero mahal ka naman nung tao. Ayusin nyo lang at ituloy nyo na ang plan—“
“Papa!”
“Basty, don’t shout at your dad.” He sees Seonho just by the kitchen door frame, hands in his pockets, and looking very sorry at the older Byun. “I talked to them. I begged them to—“
“Pwede bang kung hindi kita kinakausap, wag kang nagsasalita?” Basty cuts him off, biting onto his lower lip to stop more words from coming out. He turns to his father again, “Papa naman.”
But the older Byun really doesn’t see what he did wrong. What he sees and what he knows are two people who missed out on their timing and should get back together now. Never mind that Basty was literally slapped by Seonho’s mother for hurting her little boy or that his entire family including extended relatives said so much shit about him on Facebook. To Papa Byun, was already “shameful” to have an engagement called off so it only makes sense to take some time off and figure it out again together.
“Sebastian, mahal ka ni Seonho.”
“Tanginang ‘yan.” He hisses. “Mahal?” He looks at Seonho who was staring at the ground. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t fucking destroy me.”
“It was one mistake. I was confused!” Seonho bites back. “Why can’t I make a mistake? Am I not allowed to? Bakit? Perfect ka ba?”
“Anong mistake? Mistake na panindigan mo ‘ko? Mistake ba na ipaglaban mo ko sa nanay mo?” He runs both of his hands through his hair in frustration. “I don’t want to see you tomorrow morning. So you better pack up and fucking leave.”
Before either of the men could answer, Basty walks past them and out of the house.
___________________
He finds himself in Nona’s house—right across the street—where he spots the old lady wrapping lumpia. He feels his shoulders relax at the sight of the older woman’s back.
“Hi, Nona.” He presses a kiss on nona’s cheek. He washes his hands before pulling the chair across from her to help her. “Tahimik po ‘no? Wala si Caleb.”
The old lady nods and hums in agreement. It’s only been two days since her grandson left and the house has become eerily quiet. Basty checks the time on his phone—7pm.
“Tawagan po natin si Caleb mga 7:30.” He tells her, smiling. “Kumain na po kayo?”
“Oo, nagdala si mama mo ng ulam.” She pushes the wrapper to the middle so Basty can help. “Andyan pala ‘yung ex mong magaling ‘ano?”
“Nagpainom pa nga po pala si papa.” Basty shakes his head in disbelief. “Itutuloy daw ang naudlot. As if.”
“Nagkausap na ba kayo?” She looks up from the plate and to Basty. “Ni Seonho.”
Basty nods, “Nag away po. Pinapaalis ko na po kasi.”
“Tuwang tuwa ‘yung mama mong ibinalita na magkakaayos na kayo.”
“Hindi pa rin po talaga ‘ko kilala ng nanay ko.”
Nona laughs, “Pero kamusta ka, apo? Anong pakiramdam mo?”
“Galit po.” He answers quickly. “Sino ba naman pong hindi magagalit na kung maka-martsa naman pabalik sa buhay ko parang pinabili ko lang ng suka sa tindahan? Napaka-unfair naman po sakin na hirap na hirap ayusin ‘yung buhay ko tapos babalik ulit—“
“Oh, tissue.”
He doesn’t notice the tears escaping his eyes. There’s so much overwhelming anger and frustration bubbling in his chest that’s masked with surprise. He hasn’t spoken about Seonho in a long time, often just brushing off anyone who mistakenly mentions him, but to see him in the flesh and to see everything that broke him so suddenly, put his entire body on auto-pilot. As if it was just moving on its own because processing it in his brain required thinking and thinking hurt.
“Nona naman eh.” He whines. Nona naman, ito nanaman tayo. Pasensya ka na po. “Okay lang ako. Onting pikon lang.” He wipes his tears nonetheless but it keeps flowing down. So he slams his fist on the table in frustration. He shouldn’t ever be crying over his family or an ass like Seonho. Nona watches him try to suppress his sadness but his lower lip automatically sticks out and quivers. He rubs his palms against his eyes but his heart is too heavy and his brain won’t send out reassuring signals.
But the universe knows what he needs so he’s taken out of his mini-breakdown, his phone rings. He hiccups as he takes out the phone from his pocket and the tears immediately stops when he sees the caller ID—Caleb.
“Nona, si Caleb.” He hands his phone to the old lady who takes it with a laugh. “Hala, magtatanong ‘yan. Nubayan eh.” He slaps his face and groans.
“Paano ba ‘to sinasagot?” Nona chuckles. “Ito bang green?”
“Opo.” He reaches across the table and presses green. He stands up and heads straight to the kitchen sink to wash his face with cold water. He hears Caleb’s excited voice on the phone and he feels his shoulders loosen up.
“Nona, hi! I was gonna call you after I call Basty but you’re here! How are you?”
“Good, apo.” Nona has the phone on her hand but only half of her face can be seen. She’s excited but she also was more concerned on how to make Basty look presentable. His eyes were puffy and his cheeks were swollen red. She just wanted to tell him to give up. She was going to tell Caleb anyway. After all, Basty’s family was still singing their heart out in the karaoke and she’s just counting down until 10 before she makes a report to the barangay. “Kamusta ka? Nakatulog ka na ba? Kahapon sabi mo, di ka natulog.”
“Yeah, I drank na lang some sleeping pills.”
“Naku, masama ‘yun.” Nona shakes her head in disapproval. “Drink milk na lang, Caleb. Anong oras na ba dyan?”
“7:15, nona. Mag coffee lang ako tapos I have to go na to the office.” True to his word, he shows his cup to his grandmother before taking a sip. “How are you?”
“Ang kapitbahay natin saksakan ng ingay.” She shakes her head. She looks up to see Basty still rubbing his face with water. “Basty, halika na. Mag hello ka na ditto sa balikbayan natin.”
Basty turns to her and pouts. There’s no difference on his face from two minutes ago. He wipes his face with a kitchen towel and points to his face and then gestures a thumbs up to Nona.
“Pogi.” Nona smiles.
“Me?” Caleb chuckles. “I’ve always been pogi.”
“Not you. Ito, oh.” She gives the phone to Basty whose eyes were still bloodshot.
“Of course, Basty’s—hey, hey, are you okay?”
“Bad day.” He quips. “All good now. What are you up to?”
Caleb doesn’t look convinced. He sits up and places his mug behind his phone, his eyebrows scrunched together.
“What happened?”
Basty doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t even want to mention his ex’s name around Caleb but Nona is looking at him expectantly. She sits up from her chair and points to the staircase to give him some privacy.
“Say bye to Nona. She’s gonna watch her drama.” He points his phone to the older Park.”Tatapusin ko po itong lumpia tas ilalagay ko na lang sa freezer.”
“Good night, apo. Tumawag ka na lang bukas, ha? Pag gabi na diyan.”
“No worries, nona. I love you.”
“I love you both.” She walks as fast as she can up the staircase. Basty watches her fondly and even chuckling at Nona’s funny gestures at him and at his phone. When he hears the door click, he looks back at Caleb—whose features were still filled with worry.
“Why were you crying?”
“Bad day nga.” He brushes off. “Long day today?”
“A lot of writing.” Caleb fixes his hair as he looks at himself on the screen. “What happened? Tell me and I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Bossy ‘yan?” Basty jokes. “I just had a fight with papa. Umuwi ako today tapos may painom kasi andito daw si Seonho.” He pauses, trying to gauge if he should continue but Caleb doesn’t seem fazed. “Said he wanted to make things right and it was just so frustrating like how dare he.”
“And what did you say?”
“That I wanted him out by tomorrow morning.” He slumps in his seat and watches at the level of composure Caleb has. He wishes he could have the same. Just thinking about what happened earlier made him so angry again. “I shouldn’t even be mad. I don’t care about him, it’s just—“
“Hey,” Caleb coos. “You can be mad. You can be as mad as you want. He did you wrong. Your dad was wrong. It’s okay to be mad.”
“Iiyak nanaman ako, sige ka.” He warns even if the tears are already blurring his vision.
“Then cry.”
“You’re not here to make me stop.” Basty whines because it was true. He couldn’t quite place what it was about Caleb that made him feel safe but he wanted that. He needed that. “And it’s only the second day.”
“Pa-fall.” Caleb rolls his eyes playfully which earns him a small smile amidst the sniffing. He considers it a small win. “If it makes you feel better, my line is always, always open for you.”
“I know! It’s just—“
“And I’m really proud of you.”
“Ha?”
“You stood up against your dad and against your child of an ex.” Caleb is looking at him as if it was a real achievement. He knows it isn’t but Basty feels a little better at the baby-ing he’s receiving. “And you can be hurt. Wag kang magalit na nahuhurt ka or nagagalit ka pa rin. You can only heal when you’re honest with yourself.”
“I don’t feel anything for him but anger.”
“I’m not worried about that. You don’t have to accept the things you’re not okay with.”
“Why?” Basty asks. “Why aren’t you worried? You’re supposed to. If you like me so much, shouldn’t you be the least bit of jealous?” He isn’t angry, per se. Just throwing some small tantrum to feel validated. He doesn’t realize it but to the people who have been in his position, it’s evident.
“I can’t burden you more if you’re already down.” Caleb explains and like always, he limits his words even though his eyes are saying so much more. “I’ll be whatever you need. Kailangan mo ng kaibigan ngayon? Andito ako. I don’t want you to ever worry about me. So stop those unnecessary thoughts in your head.”
There’s so much Basty is willing to trade so he could grab Caleb and squeeze him in a hug. So much.
“I’m really trying, Cal.”
“I know.” He nods in understanding. “And I’m so proud of you. Perhaps one year ago, you didn’t think you would get this far but you’re here now. So I’m so proud. Tell you what, wag ka munang umuwi and diyan ka muna sa kwarto ko matulog. Para rin may kasama si nona tapos hindi mo na sila isipin doon and in the morning, after work ditto, I’ll call you two again. How does that sound?”
Basty’s heart floods with warmth. It’s a little concerning how fast his emotions are changing but it’s always been this way with Caleb and he really wishes he could take control of it and just always put him first.
He’s a therapist for goodness sake. Shouldn’t he be able to hold all of his feelings in his hands and manage them in the healthiest ways he studied?
But it’s tough when he can’t even see where his self is at the moment. He sees himself as a blurred dot, unsure of where he fits. Should it be with the man drinking with his papa in the other house? Is it with the guy thousands of miles away waiting for just one smile from him on the phone? Should it be with himself where he’s most comfortable? Whatever and wherever he should be, how should he get there?
He looks at Caleb who is waiting for an answer expectantly and all Basty can think is pleasestay pleasestay pleasestay pleasestay pleasestay pleasestay pleasestay.
“Perfect.” He smiles, the first genuine smile for the whole night. “You’re perfect.”
Caleb chuckles but there’s a blush creeping up on his cheeks.
“Remember that all you’re feeling right now is temporary.” Caleb tells him. “You’re going to be okay. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
Basty sleeps while praying to God that Caleb isn’t one of them.