Chapter Text
Klaus woke up in bed, the first rays of a sunrise creeping in through the curtains and casting the room in a pinkish glow. His head felt fuzzy but he knew he was in bed and warm and safe and happy because he was with - where was Duncan? Rolling over, he reached out and opened his eyes slightly to find a cold, empty space in the bed next to him. Suddenly, the events of the night before came flooding back to him. He sat up, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking slightly.
Oh God, he’s gonna hate me why did I do that why can’t I just act normal fuck fuck fuck fuck he isn’t here he’s probably already left he probably already hates-
“Klaus, baby?” Duncan said quickly, setting the mugs of tea he was carrying haphazardly down on the dresser as he entered their room. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong love?” he murmured, sitting down on the bed next to his boyfriend and hovering his hands anxiously over Klaus’s arms.
“I’m so- fuck, I’m so sorry,” Klaus said, sounding not sad or scared, but flat and desolate. “You were- you were busy and I was bothering you and I made you mad and now you probably- you probably hate me. And you’ll leave, and it’s my fault.”
Duncan stared at the taller brunette, mouth slightly open. He couldn’t find any words to explain himself, and Klaus just kept talking, the meter of his voice calculated and numb.
“And it’s- it’s worse if it’s my fault. No one’s taking you from me, like used to happen. You’re going to choose to leave. All because of- it’ll be all because of me.”
“Okay, no,” Duncan said forcefully, suddenly finding his voice. “No. I am not going to leave you.”
Klaus looked up, his face almost confused. “Oh. Really?”
Duncan nodded, willing tears not to come to his eyes. This wasn’t about him, it was about fixing this for Klaus.
“Really, baby. Is it- is it okay if I touch you?”
Klaus hummed softly, considered for a moment, and then nodded. Duncan opened his arms, letting the younger boy initiate, and choose what level of contact he wanted. Klaus scooted forward, burrowing his head into Duncan’s chest before grabbing his boyfriend’s arms and wrapping them around him. Knowing what he wanted, Duncan squeezed him tightly, rocking slightly back and forth. Klaus hummed softly, and Duncan breathed a sigh of relief as he physically felt the tension drain from his lover’s body. After a few moments of relative silence, Klaus pulled back from Duncan’s body and breathed out softly.
“Wanna talk about what happened now?” Duncan asked, putting one hand on Klaus’s jaw. The taller boy leaned into the touch before he nodded.
“Okay, me first, or you?” Duncan asked again. Klaus met his eyes briefly.
“I think me,” he said softly, “but I don’t really understand what happened, so I might get it wrong.”
Duncan nodded, smiling gently. “That’s okay if you do. Just tell me what happened in that big brain of yours.”
Klaus nodded a few times, taking a minute to collect his words, and rubbed his hands back and forth over his pajama pants absentmindedly. “Well,” he started, pausing for a moment before speaking again. “I- you promise you won’t be upset if I’m wrong?”
“Yeah, baby, of course I promise.”
“Okay. Well, I- I made you mad. Because, um, you were busy. And I… I asked you for something, while you were working. But I could have, I could have waited, or done it myself. And that was my fault. So I made you mad, and you yelled at me, and that’s my fault. Right?”
Klaus trained his eyes steadily on the bedspread, and Duncan’s heart broke. How could he have been so stupid , snapping for no reason… at Klaus , sweet Klaus who never deserved that, not from anyone. He was slightly taller than his lover at this angle, and he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Klaus’s forehead before resting his chin on the top of his head and breathing in.
“Something tells me I was wrong…” Klaus mutters, and Duncan is concerned for just a second until he hears the slight smile in his boyfriend’s voice. He kissed Klaus’s forehead again, and then pulled back to look down at him.
“You- you were a little wrong, baby, but it’s okay. You were right, that you asked me for help while I was busy. You didn’t really make me mad though.”
“Then why did- sorry, I’m interrupting.”
“No, you’re okay, baby. What is it?”
“If I didn’t- if I didn’t make you mad, why did you snap? You do that, people do that when they’re mad. So why would you do that if you weren’t mad?”
“Aw, love. You’re right, I do snap when I’m mad. But I also snap when I’m upset, and I was upset, just not at you.”
“Was it your paper?”
“Yeah, it was,” Duncan said, running his hands through Klaus’s hair. “I was struggling with my paper, and so I was upset, and because you distracted me, I took out all those upset feelings on you when you asked me for help finding your book.”
“Oh. It wasn’t me though?” Klaus asked, looking up at Duncan and blinking sleepily.
“Yeah, it wasn’t you. I’m not mad at you and I’m not gonna leave you, okay?”
“Okay,” Klaus smiled, closing his eyes and leaning back into his boyfriend’s chest. Duncan breathed for a moment and considered ending the conversation there. No one was confused or miscommunicating, and they were happy. If they kept going… there are some things Duncan was afraid to discuss.
It didn’t seem fair, though. Not to Klaus, and not really to himself either.
“Do you mind- do you mind if we talk about one other thing, love? And then I’ll go make us some new tea.”
Klaus nodded, eyes still closed in a sleepy, morning-after-breakdown haze. “Sure, okay,” he murmured.
Duncan took a deep breath, steeling himself for wherever the conversation took them. “When I- when I yelled at you, you got kind of quiet for a second, and then scared,” Duncan said, scanning Klaus’s face for any signs that he should stop. Klaus had stilled slightly from his regular, content rocking, but he still seemed calm and present, so Duncan pushed forward. “It seemed like- it seemed like you were maybe remembering some things. And it’s not- it’s not the only time I’ve noticed that, either.”
Klaus opened his eyes and pulled back from his boyfriend, looking down carefully. “Yeah. That… that does happen. Sometimes.”
Duncan waited, letting the moment of silence stretch out until Klaus was ready to talk again. After a minute, he continued.
“It’s just… I mean. It was a long time ago. But things were really scary when I was younger. And have you- have you heard of post-traumatic stress disorder? I was reading about it, and it’s a mental health condition triggered by experiencing one or more traumatic events. It can cause anxiety, and nightmares, as well as, um… as well as flashbacks,” Klaus said, trailing off at the end of his explanation.
“I’ve- I’ve heard of that before, yeah,” Duncan admitted softly, thinking back to his own late nights poring over a computer screen because his dreams wouldn’t let him sleep, desperately searching for an explanation to how he felt. “Is that- do you think you’re maybe dealing with that?”
“Uh,” Klaus muttered, his voice dropping volume the way it did when he was anxious. “Yeah, I think so. Maybe.”
Duncan swallowed. “Well, I- I know I didn’t deal with the same things as you. And I never- I mean. He never really put his hands on me, the same way he did to you. But I think- I think I can understand what you’re going through.”
“Oh,” Klaus said, breathing out a sigh of relief that he wasn’t being judged. “ Oh. You know- but I- why didn’t- why didn’t you tell me love, I could have helped. You could have told me.”
“ You could have told me ,” Duncan pointed out, earning a guilty smile from the boy sitting next to him.
“Yeah, I guess I could have. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you,” Klaus said, leaning into his boyfriend’s touch.
“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you either. And I’m sorry I didn’t ask.”
Klaus sighed, flopping back onto his pillow dramatically. “I guess we should both talk to each other a little more.”
“I guess we should,” Duncan laughed, leaning down and ruffling the younger boy’s hair. “Hey,” he said, causing Klaus to open his eyes again. “Promise me you’ll tell me if you’re struggling? If it gets bad?”
Klaus smiled, warmth rising in his chest. “Promise. I will if you will.”
“Promise,” Duncan murmured, laying back down and snuggling in against his boyfriend’s back.
Some things are better, even just a little bit, when you discuss them. And some things - like the full mugs of tea rapidly cooling on the dresser - some things were better off waiting until it wasn’t morning anymore.
Duncan closed his eyes.