Chapter Text
Charles thought that would be the end of it. Surely, nothing could ruin a moment like this?
But there was indeed one loose end left to tie up.
"Charles."
Charles turned his head away from the voice.
Does this really have to happen now?
"Please don't run. I need to tell you something before I lose my nerve..."
Henry cupped Charles' cheek to gently turn him back around. He focused on the touch. He held Henry's hand on his cheek as he met Konrad's eyes.
"I...um..." Konrad scratched his head, "I saw security footage from last night, I...I'm really sorry. I had no right to do what I did."
"I understand." Charles replied, "It was late, and you were drunk, and we haven't seen each other since the breakup..."
"But that's no excuse." Konrad took a step towards him, but immediately backtracked when Charles flinched, "I...I had no right to push anything, especially when I know you've been with Henry for so long."
Henry met Konrad's gaze, who narrowed his eyes at him until they were shadowed over. Then, he guiltily looked away.
Nobody said anything, and the rest of the soldiers filed out until it was just Calvin and Konrad standing across from Henry and Charles.
"I still love you."
Charles took a sharp inhale.
"I want you back, Charles..." Konrad lamented, running a hand through messy orange bangs, "I've been wanting you back ever since you let me go. I wish I had the courage to change for you before you moved on-!"
"Konrad! Oh my god, shut the fuck up!" Charles snapped wildly, "This is exactly why I broke it off with you! You keep bending to my will like putty, and then going hard like steel when I complain that you're stuck to me! You put on a mask to make yourself more appealing to me! You turn yourself into what you think I want you to be instead of who you really are! How can I be happy in a relationship with someone who won't even stop lying about their own personality!? How can I take you seriously on anything when you only give me the answer you think I want to hear instead of being honest!?"
Konrad stuffed his hands in his pockets, his own tears falling to the floor.
Henry lifted both hands to sign, and Charles' cheek felt cold without Henry's hand on it.
"Charles, that's not what you told me yesterday."
Charles hung his head, "I know it's not. I mean, I did break up with Konrad because he was both distant and overbearing, but the reason he always did that was because he was trying to please me and ended up overcompensating." Charles held his hand out to Konrad, "You shouldn't feel pressured to change for me, Konrad. You should change because you want to improve yourself and get to a place where you're happy. I can't make you happy, Konrad. Only you can."
"But I don't know how!" Konrad took Charles' hand in both of his own, "Please! I want you to talk to me again! I want you to make me happy the way you always did! I can't live without you!"
"No!" Charles stumbled backwards to get away, and Henry jumped between them to act as a shield.
Konrad forced both arms in towards his chest, and Calvin put his hands on his shoulders.
"Konrad, that's enough. He said no. Just accept it."
Konrad tugged on his hair with both hands. He looked absolutely heartbroken.
"Alright." Konrad straightened up, taking a huge deep breath as he wiped his tears away, "Fine. I'm sorry. I just want to be your friend at least. My life is so cold without you."
"I'm sorry, Konrad, but I shouldn't have to sacrifice myself to make you happy. Our paths have parted ways. The sooner you accept that, the happier both of us will be."
Konrad looked like he wanted to ask something else, but instead, he nodded, "Okay. Fine. I guess this is goodbye, then."
"Yeah." Charles offered a sad smile, "Thanks for all the memories."
"You too. I'll miss you."
"I know."
So, with gentle persuasion from Calvin by way of tugging on his sleeve, Konrad left, and Charles closed his eyes as he tried to ignore the sound of the cafeteria door opening and closing.
"Charles..." Galeforce entered the room, "I want you to take today off. You deserve it."
***
Charles stared at the ceiling as he tried to process what all had happened. He was trying hard not to cry, but was also quickly failing.
Henry watched from the doorway as Charles turned to bury his face in the pillow, squeezing his headset on hard over both sides of his head as he shook from the effort of trying to contain the sobs. Well, Henry wasn't gonna take that sitting down. He headed towards the closet before he sat on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on Charles' shoulder.
"Charles?"
Charles shimmied away from the touch.
"Chaaaarles..."
"Mm?"
"Hey, Charles. Charles. I'm gonna keep annoying you until you look at me. Charles. Charles Charles Charles Chaaaaaaarles-!"
Charles quickly rolled to face him, "What!?"
He stopped and stared. Henry was holding up his favorite childhood toy, the teddy bear Captain Cozy, which he kept on base with him to avoid becoming homesick.
Henry waved his little stuffed arm in the air, "I think you summoned the cuddle master. He doesn't like hearing people cry, you know."
Charles' lip quivered as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.
"Here."
He took the bear from Henry, adjusting his shiny red bowtie before dropping it and lunging to hug Henry instead, sobbing into his shoulder.
"Hey, it's okay." Henry stroked the back of his head, "You're okay. I've got you now."
Charles quickly ran out of tears to shed, but his grip on Henry didn't loosen. He didn't know what it was, but Henry was always so warm. He buried his cold nose in Henry's neck, his tears falling over his skin to soak into the fabric of his hoodie. As his cries quieted, Henry ran his fingers through Charles' hair until his ponytail came loose and soft curly hair came tumbling down around his headphones.
Charles smiled as he pulled back and took his headphones off, fluffing up his bangs, and Henry took a strand of hair between his fingers to twirl it.
"Oh my gosh..." Henry tucked the strand behind his ear, "Charles, have I ever told you how handsome you are?"
"Oh, um, thank you." Charles felt himself blush, "You're not just saying that...?"
"No, really." Henry took Charles' cheek in his hand, "Especially when you smile. You've got such soft features, and your eyes are sometimes brown and sometimes green, and you've got so much hair! It's so pretty!"
Charles averted his gaze, flustered under all the praise.
"Come on, Charles..." Henry said in a teasing voice, "Don't smile...don't do it...don't you dare..."
"Goddammit, you fucking bastard!" Charles laughed as he threw a pillow at Henry's face, and he only barely caught it.
"Haha! I made you swear!"
"Will you shut up!?" Charles tackled him into the bed, "God, you are absolutely insufferable!"
"Ah! Ch-Charles-!"
Charles had Henry thoroughly pinned to the mattress, with both hands on his wrists. Henry was about to egg him on, playfully spurring him into a fight, but before the words could leave him, Charles snapped out whatever trance had been guiding him and quickly scooted to the far side of the mattress, covering his ears as his fingers buried themselves in his hair.
Henry automatically reached out, but then retracted his hand, "Charles...I..."
Charles shook his head, "S-sorry..."
"It's alright, Charles." Henry sat on the edge of the mattress, "I'm not mad at you."
Charles shot him a glance, and Henry's heart shattered as the eyes staring back at him reflected so much pain.
"S-s-sorry..." Charles began to sob quietly, his breaths coming in shaky and shallow like he was drowning in the effort to hold himself together, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."
Henry swallowed as he tried to think of what to say. Truthfully, he too was still shaken up about the whole affair. He felt waves of guilt wash over him. I should've told him. I should've gotten to him sooner. I should've never sent him away with Konrad knowing their history. I should've been able to protect him.
I should've been able to stop this from happening.
Finally, he stood from the bed. He padded over to where Charles was hunched over on the edge of the mattress, kneeling down and touching his knee, his other hand reaching up to cradle his cheek.
"Don't apologize for this." Henry said softly, "You didn't do anything wrong. Hey, look at me, okay?"
Charles did, albeit reluctantly, his hands moving to hold the hand that cradled his cheek.
"I'm sorry this has shaken you so badly." Henry ran his thumb beneath Charles' eye, wiping a tear away with it, "Please, don't feel responsible for any of this. Please let yourself cry."
"You don't understand..." Charles hushed through shaking lungs, "I can't stop."
"Why not?"
"Because I hurt you too."
At the declaration, Henry's expression hardened, "For god's sake, Charles, I'm not mad at you. Jesus Christ, will you take any excuse to feel guilty? How was any of this in any way your fault? The only thing I'm upset at you over is the fact that you kept running instead of answering me or coming back. I had to chase after you, and it's probably because you keep trying to shoulder all this responsibility that isn't yours to carry."
He tried hard to keep his voice level, but Charles still recoiled like he'd been shouted at. It made Henry's throat close up, and the rest of his words died before they left his mouth.
After some tense moments of deep thought, Charles replied, "You're...not mad at me?"
"No." Henry got up from the floor to sit beside him, his arms encircling his partner until they were pressed up against each other, and Henry gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I feel awful that I couldn't do more, and it hurts seeing you like this. Don't think for a second that I blame you for any of it. I'm not mad at you."
Charles tried to resist the touch, but he couldn't for long, he loved getting cuddled, so once he gave up on trying to leave the embrace, he melted against him, his head resting in the crook of Henry's neck.
Charles' arms came up to wrap around Henry's waist. He didn't know how to break the silence, and he feared what would happen if he did, so instead, he simply stayed quiet.
Eventually though, Henry ran his fingers through Charles' hair, "Why did you run?"
Charles blinked as more tears fell, though he couldn't help but feel that it didn't hurt quite so much in Henry's arms.
"Because I was scared." Charles said softly, "I was scared of how you would react. I didn't want to have to explain myself. I didn't want to face you. I just thought...I don't know, maybe if I avoided the problem for awhile it would stop being so..."
His sentence trailed off as he realized just how pathetic he sounded.
"Charles, you always tell me that I can rely on you if I need help." Henry kissed his forehead, "Why do you do this to yourself? Why can't you have compassion for yourself the same way you do for others?"
"Because I don't deserve it!"
"Why would you think that?"
"Because!" Charles pushed him away to look him in the eye, "I just do, Henry, okay!? Just drop it!"
His eyes widened as he realized what he'd just done. He quickly stood from the bed.
"Henry, I'm sor-!"
"DON'T APOLOGIZE!"
Charles slammed his mouth shut, covering it with both hands.
"Don't apologize." Henry repeated, softer, "Stop doing that. It breaks my heart. Not everything is your fault. Stop carrying all this weight on your shoulders. Why do you burden yourself with so much? Have you been doing this your whole life?"
Charles kept his mouth shut. He squeezed his eyes shut.
He shook his head.
Henry connected the dots in his head, "You haven't been doing this your whole life? Then when..."
Charles let his hands fall. He opened his mouth, then he closed it, then he opened it again.
"I..." he took another step back, "I...um..."
Henry rushed to his side, wrapping him up in a huge hug, "I think I get it. Hush. You don't have to say anything. It's okay."
"It was him."
Henry strained his ears to listen. He tried to step back to look at Charles' face, but he just burrowed closer until his forehead was hidden in his neck. Henry's breath caught in his throat as he felt Charles' eyelashes flutter against his skin, still wet with tears.
"It was Chad." Charles murmured, "It was what he did. It left a scar on the school. On my friends. Everyone told me that things were fine before, that I overreacted and made everyone feel like they were walking on eggshells around teachers and fellow students. I believed them. Rupert told me I was in the right, he always defended me, but I didn't feel it. I got sick of saying sorry. The further I got into my transition, the more people blamed me for seeking attention and ruining Chad's future. I lost everyone I ever cared about. Hell, Rupert dropped every guy he was seeing because they weren't on my side. By the time I was old enough to graduate and enlist in the army, I was all too eager to get away."
The words just spilled out of him. He had been carrying it for so long that it was eating away at him inside, reaching a tipping point and exploding out of him like a shaken bottle of soda. His grip grew weak and shaky as he held on to Henry, as if afraid he would leave him alone.
He felt Henry's hands grip onto the back of his jacket, and internally, he snapped out of it and began to panic.
You shouldn't have said all of that. It's not fair to dump all this baggage on him. Henry's already been through so much, he doesn't need you making his misery worse. Oh god, what have I done? Don't go. Don't go, Henry, I don't know what I'll do if you leave now. I need to apologize. I need to make it up to him and help him I need to-!
"You're going to apologize again, aren't you?"
Charles stopped panicking. He sucked in a breath of air. He registered that Henry's hoodie was now wet with tears. Oh jeez, what a mess.
"Don't apologize, Charles." Henry took Charles' head in his hands to gently lift it to meet his gaze.
Henry's expression reflected nothing but empathy and compassion. It put Charles at ease. He hadn't screwed up. Not this time.
"Don't apologize anymore." Henry kissed his forehead, "Don't apologize for being a burden on me, for crying and breaking down, for having a reaction to renewed trauma, for being human, any of that. It just breaks my heart. I love you, and I hate seeing you beat yourself up like this. That's my boyfriend you're talking about, you know. I don't take kindly to people badmouthing him. Not even you are allowed to hurt yourself. Do you understand me?"
"Yeah, sure, I'm..." Charles stopped.
He was about to apologize again. He pressed his lips together to stifle it.
Instead, he took the time to gather his thoughts before speaking again, "I love you too, Henry. Thank you for being so patient with me."
He offered a smile, which Henry returned, "That's more like it. You're very welcome."
He gave Charles' cheek a soft stroke before he leaned in for a kiss, and Charles closed the remaining distance between them. Henry's arms wrapped around Charles' back, gently kneading into the tense muscles until Charles was melting into him again, his knees weak and shaky from the attention.
He finally broke for air as he regained his balance, "Uh, Henry...um..."
Henry held him steady as he fumbled for words.
"C-can I..." Charles looked up at him, his eyes glistening as they shone with unshed tears, "...apologize for one more thing...?"
Henry's brow furrowed, "Depends on what it is."
The stern expression made Charles shrink away, but he honestly understood Henry's frustration. After all, Henry also had a bad habit of tripping over guilt due to past experiences that went sour.
"Well, then...just uh...tell me if it's a worthy apology." Charles took a deep breath without waiting for a response, "I'm sorry I ran. I should've at least told you where I was, but I was scared and...but it was wrong to make you worry. Thank you for saving me, and thinking of me."
Henry pulled him into another hug, placing a kiss to the top of his head. He just held him like that, his warm breath ghosting over his hair as Charles slowly relaxed. It was odd, in a way, how safe Henry made him feel.
Finally, Henry whispered, "I accept your apology."
Charles sighed, "Thank you."
Henry held him a little bit longer before pulling back to tuck a hair behind Charles' ear. He snuck a kiss onto Charles' nose, drawing a quiet laugh from him.
"I know that sometimes it's hard to not feel guilty over breaking down, but nobody can be strong all the time. Even the strongest things on earth will still break under enough pressure. You clearly show so much compassion for others, including me, who doesn't feel he deserves your compassion most of the time. If you can be so patient and understanding with me, then you can certainly extend the same courtesy to yourself. Okay?"
Charles tried hard not to cry again, but was quickly failing, "God, Henry, I love you so much."
"I love you too, Charles." Henry brushed Charles' hair back off his face, "Come on. Where's that smile I love so much?"
Charles smiled automatically, and Henry chuckled.
"That's more like it."
"Agh. I hate feeling like this. I don't like feeling weak."
"Then I'll hold you up until you feel strong again. You do the same for me all the time, right? It's only fair."
"I guess so. Sorry about your hoodie."
"Charles, what did I say about apologizing?"
Charles sighed.
"It's totally okay." Henry hugged him again, "It's gonna be okay."
Well, he had to admit that he liked being comforted. He was usually the one doing the comforting, but Henry was right. Everyone breaks sometimes, and while we heal, it's nice to be comforted.
Even as Charles continued to cry, he found himself smiling again.
And all of a sudden, his heart felt a whole lot lighter.
THE END