Chapter Text
Hard conversations are best done over wine and a cheese plate. The Burkes, Mozzie, and Neal are around the table. The other three are staring at Neal, waiting for him to explain. Taking a healthy sip of wine, and then refiling his glass, he begins.
“So you’ve all had some interesting experiences with members of my family recently. I’d like to extend my sincerest apologies for that, and for them. Yes, Peter, my mother is Catwoman. Don’t even attempt to go after her. You won’t accomplish anything except wasting your time,” seeing Peter open his mouth to argue, Neal holds up a finger while taking another healthy sip of wine, “Batman can’t catch her. This is not an insult to your skills, but you only caught me because I turned myself in.”
Neal drains his glass and refills it while turning his attention to Mozzie. “Yes, Moz, my siblings are vigilantes. I was raised in a non-traditional family, as in its a way of life for them. Also, please stop creating conspiracy theories about them. Most of yours are accurate, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
He turns to El, “and Elizabeth, yes, my father is Bruce Wayne. I don’t want to talk about that either, ever. Especially right now.”
He turns his attention back to the three of them, “now I only have 24 hours before my family drags me back to Gotham, kicking and screaming. Now Peter, do you understand why I let you catch me? I needed a vacation from them.”
Peter affronted, “Jail was a vacation?!”
“Yes! You’ve met my family! Jail was the only way to get away from them for an extended period of time.”
“So, why’d you break out for Kate?” Elizabeth asks.
“I didn’t break out for Kate. Kate gave me a convenient excuse to get another four years away from my family, our family.” Neal notices the looks that he is now receiving from the other three people in the room. “Did I forget to let you know that Kate isn’t my girlfriend? She’s my cousin.”
Moz perks up, “Is? Present tense?”
Neal grins, “Yeah. She’s fine. She’s actually back home in Gotham.” The grin fades, replaced by a slightly panicked look, “Don’t look for her. Don’t look for anyone in my family. It won’t end well, for anyone.”
He stands before anyone can say anything and pushes away from the table, “Now, it was great knowing all of you, but I must bid you all adieu before my grandfather shows up. You think the rest of my family was bad? You’ve never seen Alfred guilt trip us into doing his bidding, he has a Ph.D. in it. It’s been wonderful. Thank you for everything.”
He closes the door behind him with a tip of his hat and an adieu.
Two days later, Neal Kyle-Wayne appears back in Gotham from studying art in Europe for five years. Any record of Neal Caffrey is never found. It's as if Caffrey never existed.