Chapter Text
To Alex’s displeasure, what had happened that night wasn’t brought up again. She should’ve seen it coming. Pretending nothing happened was just as stupid as pretending to be in a relationship with a stranger but what did she know about it.
So now she was lying about her feelings for the woman she was lying about being in a relationship with. That made sense.
(Alex’s head couldn’t stop spinning.)
The next time the two of them saw each other, was for game night at Kara’s new place. The blonde had been overly excited to invite all her friends, even if her apartment wasn’t fully decorated yet.
Lena had picked Alex up on her way there from work and on the drive, they made light conversation. But there was an underlying tension that both of them could feel, even if neither wanted to admit it.
The brunette pulled into a parking spot and turned the engine off and the sudden silence surprised them both.
“I think it’s time you tell her,” Lena said quietly. “The more you wait, the harder it gets.”
Alex sighed and looked down at her hands. She knew Lena was right. She knew this way coming. She knew they had played this part for her long enough but still, the pure thought of coming clean now? It frightened her more than she would’ve thought.
“I’ll tell her tomorrow.”
Lena raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
“Really, I’ll tell her tomorrow at lunch. I don’t want to ruin game night with our friends.” Alex thought for a second. “Oh gosh, I have to tell all my friends as well.” She buried her face in her hands and let out a loud groan.
“Well, if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions,” Lena responded, barely able to hide her smile.
Alex only playfully slapped her shoulder before unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of her car.
“We’ll be fine though, right?” Alex asked on their way to the front door.
“What do you mean?”
Alex opened and closed her mouth a few times. How to put her thoughts without saying what she was actually feeling… She finally settled on: “I just don’t want us to be strangers after this.”
At that, Lena smiled a little and slipped her hand into Alex’s smaller one. “Don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me that easily.”
(Maybe it made Alex’s heart skip a beat.)
Game night at Kara’s place was just as loud and exciting as imagined. Somehow, Winn ended up winning almost all the games they played, which made Lucy suspicious. She ended up interrogating him in her lawyer voice while Alex checked all the board game boxes for signs of cheating. Kara watched from a distance, eating all the snacks she could get her hands on as long as the others were distracted, and Lena joined her with a glass of wine.
“I’m surprised no game night has ended with a trip to the hospital, yet.” Lena chuckled and stole a couple pretzels from the bag.
“Once that actually did happen,” Kara responded, snorting at the memory. “It’s the reason we don’t play twister anymore.”
Lena widened her eyes, mortified. “Do I want to know?”
“I think Alex would kill me if I told this story.”
Lena opened her mouth again, trying to find an argument that would convince Kara to tell her, but she was interrupted by loud shouting from the living room.
“You are so dead, Winslow!” Alex exclaimed, holding up a few bills of Monopoly-Dollars that she had pulled out of Winn’s pockets.
Kara instantly dropped her bag of pretzels and hurried over to save Winn from a painful death.
At some point during their second round of Monopoly, Lena fell asleep on Alex’s shoulder. The redhead hadn’t noticed it at first.
Lena had gone bankrupt rather quickly and had leaned back to watch the others finish the game. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder, touching the entire time, so Alex only noticed that the other woman was out cold, when she tried asking her if she wanted another drink. Instead of getting up and possibly disrupting Lena’s sleep, Alex stayed where she was and got a blanket from the back of the couch and pulled it over Lena’s legs. She looked so peaceful with her mouth slightly open and Alex could feel her heart ache as she simply watched her sleep.
“It’s really annoying how single you’re making me feel,” Winn said and ripped Alex out of her thoughts.
“Ugh… yeah, sucks to be you.” She let out a nervous chuckle. But thankfully, it prompted Winn to tell a funny story about his dating life, taking the focus off of Alex again.
“Lena?” Alex carefully tried to shake her awake. “Wake up, it’s time to go home.”
The brunette furrowed her eyebrows and carefully lifted one eyelid. After a second, she seemed to realize where she was and quickly sat up straight.
“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
Instantly, she rose from the couch, stumbling a little as she tried to orientate herself.
“No worries,” Alex said with a shrug, “we’re friends, it’s normal to cuddle sometimes.”
Lena only gave her a tight smile as response and Alex instantly regretted her words. Were they friends? Did she just unintentionally friendzone Lena? She didn’t know. Alex’s mind was already racing at lightning speed again, overthinking the single sentence.
“You’ll tell her tomorrow?” Lena asked again. The redhead quickly nodded. She didn’t know what had changed between the two of them. All of the sudden Lena couldn’t seem to get out of this situation quick enough.
“I’ll tell her tomorrow,” Alex once again assured her. “Get home safe.”
Another tight smile and a quick hug and Lena was already on her way out of the door.
And after all, Alex knew that she had to do this, because she couldn’t stand another restless night filled with overthinking and worry. And she couldn’t keep this secret from Kara any longer.
The following day, just as promised, Alex picked Kara up from her work to take her out for lunch.
Her heart was beating so fast in her chest that it almost hurt from the point where she entered her sister’s office building. Alex tried to let herself calm down by listening to Kara rambling about her day but it didn’t seem to work in the slightest.
“Kara, I have to tell you something.” The sudden seriousness in her voice made Kara look up from her food. Her face already in alert.
“It’s about Lena and me, uhm…” not knowing what to do, she shoved some salad into her mouth, hoping it would give her more time to think. Kara was still looking at her with curiosity in her eyes.
“Okay, so, our relationship is not what you think it is.” She took another deep breath. The way her voice was shaking irritated her. “We’re not actually-“
The sudden buzzing of Kara’s phone on the table made her stop. Right when she thought she had the courage to actually say it.
“Oh I’m so sorry, Alex, I have to take this,” Kara said and proceeded to wipe her hands on a tissue and answer the call.
Alex breathed out and took a large gulp of water. This gave her another second to sort out her words.
“Okay, okay, I’ll be right there,” Kara said into the phone and then hung up. “I’m really sorry Alex, there’s this last-minute meeting that I need to get to. I’m still on probation, so I can’t risk getting kicked out.” Kara shoved the last couple of bites of her food into her mouth before she got up and put her jacket back on.
“Don’t worry about it,” Alex said, hoping she didn’t seem too relieved that Kara had to go.
“I’ll call you later. Don’t forget what you wanted to tell me!”
“I won’t.” Alex called after her, a painful smile on her face. As soon as Kara was out the door, she dropped her face into her hands once again. This was killing her.
After that day, Alex tried telling Kara two more times and during both of these she was interrupted.
Once it was Winn, who showed up uninvited on Kara’s doorstep when the sisters were having a movie night and the other time it was because Kara got distracted by a cute dog at the park. (She almost went home with the owner’s number and Alex had to congratulate her mentally for being way better than herself at this whole thing.)
“Okay, I’ve decided that we should break up,” Alex said, startling Lena with her directness. “I just can’t find the right moment to tell Kara and maybe it’s easier this way.”
She wasn’t happy with her decision, but this had to end. One way or another.
“I guess you’re right,” Lena said. Her voice suddenly cold, her throat all closed up. Alex had noticed that something had been off with Lena lately, and it was only one of the reasons she wanted to end this. Lena was probably way too friendly to tell her to her face if she was sick of this entire thing. Alex tried offering her a supportive smile.
“And I’ve already come up with a plan.”
The same night it was showtime. They had disappeared into the direction of the open kitchen without an excuse, hoping that the others wouldn’t question it. Lucy and Kara were having an animated conversation about shitty bosses and Winn was absent-mindedly scrolling through Netflix.
“Okay, are you ready?” Alex whispered.
Lena looked at her with a sad smile and after a second, she nodded. Alex took a deep breath and then sat her beer bottle down with too much force to catch the attention of the others.
“It hasn’t been working out between us for a long time now and we both know that!” she said a little too loud and almost not obvious at all. “We should’ve ended this weeks ago.”
The room had gone quiet. Everyone was starring in their direction. Lena tried to find her words. She knew what she had to say, they had talked about it multiple times, but actually being here in front of Alex was something entirely different. The redhead had her arms crossed in front of her chest and her face was wearing an angry frown that scared Lena as if she had actually screwed something up.
Lena knew what she was supposed to say (You’re right, I’m done with all of this.) but what left her mouth instead was: “Please give me another chance. I know we’re right for each other.”
Alex’s eyes went wide. Oh shit. Now she had really messed up.
“Let’s discuss this in private,” Alex said after a few seconds of terrible silence had passed. As they hurried into the bedroom, they could feel three pairs of eyes following them.
Alex shut the door and within a second, she’d turned around and was in front of Lena. “What was that?” she hissed. “We had this planned out!”
Lena opened and closed her mouth a few times. How would she say this without completely messing up everything?
“I know and I’m sorry. I just… I have to tell you one thing before we break up. These past few months were the best time I’ve had in my entire life. And I know that this is all an act to you but I think...” she trailed off for a second, quickly blinking away the tears that welled up in her eyes. “And I think I’ve developed real feelings for you and I know that it’s dumb but I can’t help it so yeah that’s that. I guess I wanted you to know that before you break up with me.”
The silence hung heavy over them. the room was tense. Alex looked at Lena with confusion in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Alex finally said. “We’re fake dating I can’t just go into real dating just like that. That wouldn’t work out.”
“I understand,” Lena got out, but it was barely a whisper. Another tear had escaped her eye and she was angrily wiping it away.
Without a word, Alex pulled her in for a hug. Lena didn’t want it, but she needed it. She rested her face on Alex’s shoulder leaving herself in this fantasy for just a little longer. After what seemed like forever, Alex slowly pulled away. Her concerned face had turned into a smile and Lena wanted to punch her because she looked so beautiful while she was a crying mess.
“So now that we’re both single can I take you on a date?” Alex asked, trying (but failing) to fight the huge grin on her face.
“God, I hate you so much,” Lena whispered.
Alex spluttered out a loud laughter, “I’m sorry,” she said and pulled Lena back in for another hug.
“No, you’re not,” Lena laughed wetly. “I hate you.”
“Is that a no?”
“Of course it’s a yes you idiot.”
Alex softly placed a hand on Lena’s cheek, wiping away the tears that were left. Then she pulled her closer until she could rest her forehead on Lena’s.
“I want to do this right. Because you deserve to have something right. Something real and good.”
Lena didn’t answer she simply leaned up a little so she could capture Alex’s lips with her own. For the first time it wasn’t weird or for show, or even hidden behind secret feelings, it was only for them. And for the first time it felt more than real. Alex smiled into the kiss and pulled Lena in even closer, wrapping her hands around her body. The kiss was shy and slow, but they had all the time in the world now.
Meanwhile in the living room the others were trying to figure out what was happening. They had all stayed quiet, hoping they could listen but no sounds were coming from Alex’s bedroom.
“What are they doing in there for so long?” Kara asked curiously.
“I don’t want to go back out there,” Lena said once she was able to catch her breath. “It’s embarrassing.”
“We don’t have to.” Alex reassured her and tucked a loose strand behind Lena’s ear. “How about we stay in here and hope that they go away?”
“You’re so nice to your friends,” Lena giggled and captured Alex’s lips with her own.
“They’re our friends,” the redhead said and then grabbed Lena’s hips and pushed her against the door, looking at her with a wicked smile.
“Never mind I don’t want to know,” Kara mumbled and turned away, a blush spreading on her cheeks.
Everything was silent for a few seconds. Then a faint moan could be heard from the bedroom.
“We should go!”
“I mean we could stay and-“
“Now, Lucy!”
“So you like me, huh?” Alex said into the silence. The room was dark, the only light coming from a street lantern that shone in through the window. Lena’s hand, which had been drawing circles on Alex’s chest, stopped.
“I mean duh, why else did you think I was playing along for so long?”
The redhead let out a hoarse laughter. “I’m not really the… brightest when it comes to things like this. To feelings.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“Hey! You’re supposed to say that I’m wrong and that I’m super awesome or something.”
Lena hummed quietly and sat up so she was on top of the redhead again. “If it helps, you’re awesome at other things.”
Alex considered her answer for a second, but when Lena started leaning in and slowly kissing down her chest her mind was wiped blank.
Alex ended up having yet another sleepless night. But this time, she didn’t feel quite as bad about it.
Lena was unreal, like a character from her dreams maybe. And every time she smiled; Alex smiled right with her.
They had stayed in bed until late in the morning. Simply enjoying each other’s presence. Enjoying these few moments without worries.
That was until Alex was preparing breakfast for the both of them and reality crept back into her mind. And as much as she would like to leave all the lies behind, it just wasn’t that easy.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” Lena perked up at that. She could tell that Alex was nervous. “I want to date you and be your girlfriend and do date things as girlfriends…”
“But?” Lena offered, probably already knowing what was about to come.
“But I still need to come clean to Kara.”
Lena sighed and dropped her fork on her plate. “She’s going to hate me,” she said eventually.
“No, no, no, if anything, she’s going to hate me,” Alex tried reassuring her but she somehow only spiked her own anxiety.
Slowly, she reached across the table and took Lena’s hand in hers. It made the brunette look up, showing the worry in her eyes.
“We can do this, okay?” Alex promised. “Together.”