Chapter Text
Doyoung had been kind enough to pick Jungwoo up from cheer practice for the past few days. His car was in the shop and since he wasn't about to ask Ten for a ride, or anyone else on the squad for that matter, he decided to ask the only person he'd manage not to let down: Doyoung.
Ah, Doyoung...
ever so helpful, always there for him.
He pulled up and Jungwoo hopped inside, still sweaty from practice. Doyoung's car suited him. The 2007 Subaru was always kept clean and smelled like the "fresh cotton" yankee air freshener he had hanging on his rear view mirror.
It was a Friday, and Jungwoo didn't want to go home.
"Ugh, I'm hungry, wanna grab food?"
Doyoung hummed, "Um, I'm not really hungry but sure."
"How about boba then!" Jungwoo suggested happily, he wasn't even that hungry either, he just wanted to spend more time with the other boy.
"Okay sounds good."
Doyoung exited their school's driveway and headed towards their favorite boba shop. When they got there, Jungwoo hopped out of the car and grabbed their usual orders which he had memorized by now.
They sipped on their drinks while Doyoung drove Jungwoo back to his house. The sun was starting to set now, casting a warm glow inside the car. When they got to Jungwoo's house, they stayed in the car for a little, still drinking their bubble tea.
Jungwoo found himself zoning out, staring at Doyoung's large, veiny, hands when Doyoung spoke,
"So, still not talking to Ten?"
It caught Jungwoo off guard. Doyoung was rarely interested in drama.
"Yeah, I mean he hasn't said anything to me." Jungwoo shrugged.
Doyoung pursed his lips like he had an opinion. But if he did, he chose not to share it.
"Anyways," Jungwoo continued, eager to change the topic, "this was good." He said, gesturing to his now empty cup.
Doyoung on the other hand had barely drank half of his.
"You eat and drink things too fast," Doyoung responded with a frown, "You're gonna get a tummy ache."
Jungwoo smiled at Doyoung's motherly antics, "Aww, it's cute when you worry so much about me." He said.
Doyoung just stared back at him with a fake frown and started tickling him with one hand.
Jungwoo burst into laughter, “hey! Stop it!”
Doyoung kept tickling him, with both hands now, laughing with him as the blonde boy begged him to stop.
Which he did, eventually, them both staring into one another’s eyes as the sound of their laughs filled the car.
When he’d found his breath again, Jungwoo noticed the song playing in the background had changed to a softer, hazier one, and the sunset had intensified. Splashes of orange and pink light painted Doyoung's skin. He looked dreamy.
"Something wrong?" Jungwoo asked when the silence seemed to stretch on. Doyoung looked deep in thought and Jungwoo was curious what he was thinking about.
"No." Was all Doyoung said, clearing his throat and looking down,
Hmm. Suspicious. Jungwoo didn’t believe him.
"Oh come on,” He pleaded, “you're always listening to me complain about this and that, I wanna know what's going on in that big, smart brain of yours. I wanna help you.”
Then, like they were on a set, the lighting darkened, turning the warm hues cold, bathing the car in blue light.
Doyoung turned away from Jungwoo, "You should probably get going, Woo."
Jungwoo frowned, "Huh?" and sat up straighter in the passenger seat, "No. Something's definitely wrong-" he reached out to grab Doyoung's shoulder, but a second after their eyes met again, Doyoung was leaning over the center console to crash their lips together.
Jungwoo was completely and utterly caught off guard. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t this. And yet, it felt...right.
Jungwoo didn't have to think at all, he instantly started kissing him back, putting his hands on his chest and pulling him closer by his shirt collar.
It probably lasted 5 seconds, but to Jungwoo it felt like forever. Like how kisses are in the movies, or those stupid k dramas Doyoung liked to watch.
Jungwoo could spend an eternity like this.
But it ended too soon. Doyoung pulled away and pushed Jungwoo gently back, "I'm sorry- I..."
Jungwoo snapped out of his blissed state, Doyoung was shaking his head, he looked distressed.
"No! don't be sorry!"
"No, I am. I..." he looked around his car like he was searching for answers, until his eyes met Jungwoo's again, "We can't do this."
Jungwoo didn't know where he got the strength, maybe he was just so tired of keeping his feelings hidden, or maybe it was the genuine nature of his love...yes love , he now realized, for Doyoung.
"Wh-why not? Doyoung I..I like you."
It wasn't as hard to admit as he thought, not after that kiss. The first kiss in his life that felt right. The first kiss that truly swept him off of his feet, where he wasn't thinking about 10 million other things. Like If they liked Jungwoo as much as he liked them, if Jungwoo liked them as much as they liked him, if he was good enough. A good enough kisser, a good enough lover, a good enough boyfriend.
Oh shit he still had a boyfriend.
Jungwoo was stupid. Utterly stupid.
"Doyoung I know that-" He wanted to explain, he needed Doyoung to know that the way he felt about him was unlike anything he'd ever felt before.
But the other interrupted him, "It's okay. It's my fault. I shouldn't have done that."
"Doyoung look at me." He needed Doyung to see how real, how honest he was being, "I liked it."
Doyoung shook his head. "You think you liked it, b-but you have a boyfriend and then you kissed Johnny and you have all these other people in your life and I- I took advantage of that and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I took advantage of you and our friendship."
But he wasn't. If anything Jungwoo felt like he was taking advantage of him.
"I don't want to confuse you Jungwoo."
And now Jungwoo understood.
Doyoung wouldn't say it, because he was too empathetic, too nice, but Jungwoo felt for a moment that he could see the truth, unclouded by emotions. The fog dissipated and Jungwoo could see clear as day that Doyoung was scared.
He didn't want to be like all the other boys Jungwoo had dated.
And there were quite a few. Now that he thinks about it, when had Jungwoo been single, ever, since starting highschool? Maybe for like a week or a month, but there was always someone. Someone he was flirting with, someone he was fucking with, someone he was dating.
Rebound after rebound after rebound.
And Doyoung didn't want to be another one.
He sat back in his chair and sighed.
"You're right, we can't do this.
not right now."
...
Ten was first.
It would be the easiest.
Jungwoo knew what he wanted to say, what he needed to say, to save a friendship he treasured.
He wouldn't let a guy come between them.
He texted Ten on a sunny saturday, asking if he was free to meet up for coffee. Ten said yes, and so the two met at a little cafe by their school.
The second Ten sat down across from him at the shady table he’d picked, Jungwoo spilled.
he apologized for everything. For kissing Johnny and the fight they had that night, and for not saying something sooner.
Ten forgave him, and apologized as well, and Jungwoo wondered why he'd let the tension between them simmer for so long, when it was this easy to kiss and makeup.
Jungwoo's heart felt a little fuller,
but he knew the next conversation he had to have wouldn’t be so easy.
Jungwoo must have drafted 10 text messages to Jaehyun before finally deciding that he had no choice but to confront him face to face.
Even when their relationship was going “strong”, jaehyun wasn't the best communicator. He'd send the occasional good morning text, chat him about making plans, or even send him sexy snaps of himself sometimes, but as for deeper conversations…
They just didn't really happen.
They didn’t really talk about things. They either didn’t say anything, or fucked out their frustrations.
That wouldn't not be happening this time, and so Jungwoo would have to confront him face to face.
It was a Sunday night, so Jungwoo assumed Jaehyun would be home as he drove himself over there. When he got there, he saw his car in the garage and took a deep breath.
He was home, and Jungwoo had to muster up the courage to talk to him.
After a quick self pep talk he finally got out of the car and walked up to the door. He'd considered that he might have to see Jaehyun's parents, but seeing as Jaehyun's was the only car in the driveway it was unlikely they were home. Thank god.
He knocked on the door. A little softly at first, and then louder. It was too late to back out now.
A few minutes went by, and Jungwoo thought maybe he was wrong, maybe Jaehyun wasn’t home, but the door opened a second later.
"He-"
Jaehyun stopped, surprised to see Jungwoo of all people at his front door.
"Hi."
The silence was painful. Full of thoughts and emotions and tension and Jungwoo kind of wanted to run away but he cleared his throat and forced himself to do what he'd come to do.
"We need to talk."
Jaehyun sighed, looking around and running a hand through his hair.
"Okay."
It was a little uncomfortable, going inside Jaehyun's house and sitting with him on his couch. Not only was he in Jaehyun's space, but this was the house where everything had gone down that night at that fateful party.
Jaehyun sat looking at him, waiting.
Jungwoo took a deep breath.
"First of all, I'm sorry. I know I've told you already, but I need you to understand how sorry I am. Kissing Johnny was stupid, it was so so stupid and I'm so so sorry."
Jaehyun just nodded.
"Secondly,” he paused, “This isn't working. And it's not because of Johnny or any other boy for that matter, that's what I've realized. I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was just an attention whore who couldn't stay faithful to my boyfriend. But that's not true. This," he gestured to the two of them, "Has never really worked."
Jaehyun looked like he didn't know what Jungwoo was talking about.
"You're not saying anything." Jungwoo commented, a little frustrated honestly at how uncaring Jaehyun seemed about everything.
"I don't know what to say. Was I not a good enough boyfriend, was I not good enough for you, Jungwoo?"
The words had some bite but his tone didn't have any. And Jungwoo could see clear as day now why there'd always been this rift, this space between them, long before he drunkenly kissed his boyfriend's best friend.
He looked down at his hands, "Are you even sad, Jaehyun, when I kissed Johnny, when we didn't talk for weeks after that, how were you?" He looked up at him, "because it feels like you weren't that upset."
Jaehyun seemed conflicted.
Jungwoo wasn't trying to make him feel bad, he just wanted his honesty.
"Please, for once, can we just be honest with each other?"
"I've always been honest with you." Jaehyun defended.
"I'm not trying to blame you,” Jungwoo clarified, “I know I fucked up, I'm just saying, if we're being honest, Jaehyun, was there much of a relationship to fuck up? Because I can't remember a time we ever fought, ever talked about our feelings. And when I cheated on you, you honestly didn’t seem that upset.”
Jungwoo thought he might be being a little too candid, but after holding in these thoughts and feelings for so long, he knew it was now or never.
Jaehyun didn't react as he talked, and that just confirmed Jungwoo’s feelings.
They were friends, fuckbuddies, eachother's arm candy and tickets into a sort of high school social hierarchy.
But they were never in love.
"Jaehyun." he grabbed his hand as he said it, all too aware of the lack of any sort of spark in the contact. Jaehyun looked him in the eyes and Jungwoo stared deep into them, searching for the truth in those warm chocolate orbs,
"Did you ever really love me?"
The other boy sighed,
"No."
One would expect to feel a heaviness in their chest at such a response, the feelings of heartbreak and disappointment. But Jungwoo just felt lighter, like a weight off his shoulders.
"I don't think I ever loved you either."
And for the first time since their conversation started, Jaehyun smiled at him.
Jungwoo smiled back, and wrapped his arms around him in a hug.
…
The last person he had to confront was undoubtedly the most scary.
Because somewhere deep inside, Jungwoo knew that Ten would forgive him, and Jaehyun would agree with him.
But he didn't really know how Doyoung felt, and he was terrified of fucking things up with him.
What he did know was that he had to stop ignoring his feelings.
It was a warm Thursday for November, a few days after his talks with Jaehyun and Ten, so that he had enough time to recharge and really think about what he wanted and what he needed to do.
He'd seen Doyoung at school, of course, and things were only a little bit awkward. Jungwoo felt lighter after rekindling his friendship with Ten and the rest of the cheer squad, and hadn't seen Doyoung as much since he'd been spending more time with them again.
The bell rang that Thursday afternoon, signalling the end of the school day. And 4:45 found Doyoung walking to his car to see a blond haired boy leaning on the passenger side door, a single red rose in hand.
Jungwoo's heart was going crazy in his chest. He'd never, ever, not once asked someone out.
The dark haired boy looked completely confused, not knowing what to expect, and Jungwoo didn't really know what to expect, either.
He took a deep breath and stuck out the rose,
"Doyoung Kim...Will you go to prom with me?"
Doyoung blinked at him.
"Wha-" was all he said.
"I said will you go to pro-"
"Yeah, no I heard you. Its just that it’s November, Jungwoo. Prom is in like, 5 months?"
Jungwoo nodded, "I know."
He put his hand with the rose in it back down.
"I thought about what you said, and you're right. I was confused. I kissed you even though I was in a relationship. I drunk kissed Johnny even though I was in a relationship. I was confused, and I didn't know what I wanted."
He felt his eyes water. "But you, you're not confusing, Doyoung. I really like you, and not just because of your painfully sweet smile or your annoyingly attractive broad shoulders, because of how you make me feel. How helpful, kind, and funny you are."
Doyoung blushed furiously.
"I know I need to be alone, I need to learn to be okay with being single before I jump into another relationship. I can't rebound."
He was crying now as he looked at Doyoung.
"But I'm still too weak to let you go."
Doyoung smiled back at him, eyes watering too.
Jungwoo held out the rose again, feeling breathless after spilling his guts to his crush.
"So, if you'll wait for me until the spring, will you be my prom date?"
It was hardly romantic. The parking lot of their high school at 5 pm on a thursday.
But when Doyoung nodded and took the rose from him, Jungwoo felt like he was in a fairy tale.
He started sobbing, and Doyoung took him into his arms, and it felt like everything was going to be okay.
Jungwoo pulled away, calmer now after spending a minute nuzzled into Doyoung's chest. He giggled with a sniffle.
"Just one thing?" Doyoung asked.
Jungwoo nodded, "Anything."
"Just one kiss, before the waiting starts?"
Jungwoo laughed, and Doyoung swallowed it with a sweet, precious kiss to his lips.
Jungwoo's heart felt full. The kind of full that would follow him throughout the day, that would have him smiling randomly at his calc homework thinking about not just the boy he liked, but how far he'd come in a year.
He felt at peace with the past, excited about the future, and rooted in the present.
He smiled at Doyoung after their kiss, and if he gave him one more peck on the lips when he dropped him off at his house after school, it was just between friends.