Chapter Text
Helmut started questioning his sanity somewhere around the third week of James`s disappearance.
During the first week he thought Bucky was just busy with paperwork on their case. After all, catching one of Hydra`s companions probably involved lots and lots of interrogation from their side. Plus, they still needed to deliver vibranium back to Wakanda in order not to start another fight between the governments. That`s why Helmut patiently waited for the man to be back so they finally could discuss how everything went.
But on the third day of the second week Baron got concerned. What if something happened? What if James had no paperwork and instead of simply sitting in interrogation room, he got into something bad? What if he got hurt? What if he got killed?
Helmut looked at the chair that James used to sit in and shrugged at the thought of never seeing him again. He didn`t want to believe anything his mind was throwing into him. Helmut knew that Sam probably won`t even bother telling him the news if he asked. After all he and James didn`t have such close relationship for tugging Sam into telling him the truth. So he just had to wait. But for what?
The third week arrived, and Baron started feeling like he was on the edge of ending his life. He couldn`t sleep, couldn`t eat even the stupid telemarket radio station wasn`t helping him in distracting his thoughts from Bucky. Helmut was simply scared for this man`s life. And here`s when those thoughts came in.
He recalled every single one their conversations focusing on his feelings towards the man. The way he hummed or rolled his eyes when Helmut said something he shouldn`t, the way he chuckled and smiled at some random witty jokes Helmut pulled out, the way his cyan eyes locked with Baron`s hazel ones when they finished their conversations only to be meet up with a favorable silence – every single one of these things made Helmut happy. And he couldn`t leave with the thought that those days could be over.
He did question his sanity. As to why he wanted to be around James so much. And Helmut once again focused on the word he wished he didn`t know.
‘Like.’
Helmut favored James. Helmut respected James. But did he ‘like’ James?
Or the better question would be: did he like like James?
As someone who obviously knew what it was to like the other person deeply to the point when you catch butterflies in your stomach Helmut clearly knew what it meant. And he wasn`t sure how to feel about that.
Helmut didn`t have any certain preferences when it came to romance. He was mostly enjoying the others wit and mind resourcefulness not to say he loved the tough crackers who wouldn`t break that easily by his teasing remarks. And Bucky would clearly be checked in all of the boxes if Helmut had such a list.
And when it came to external appearance James was obviously a winner. He most likely could get all the girls in town with a simple wink. But because of little free time or zero interest in such things he still hadn`t found the one and only Mrs. Barnes. And that thought made Helmut feel it again.
Jealousy.
He was in fact jealous when James brought Sam to the Raft and Baron was relieved when the next time after that Bucky didn`t bring him along. When Helmut asked him if Sam is going to pay more visits the man just shrugged his shoulders simply stating that ‘he`s busy’. Which wasn`t probably a lie but the thought of Sam hating to be in the same room with Baron was somewhat pleasing.
Helmut didn`t want anyone to invade their conversations with James. He always thought of them as a ‘breathe of fresh air’ and blocking it by someone else`s pesky presence would be unpleasant to say the least. But he never thought there could be something else to that.
What if he did in fact like James? But when did that happen? Why did he start feeling that towards the other man and why didn`t he even understand it? Helmut had no clue.
But what he did make up his mind about is the fact that he missed James. And he wanted him to be safe and happy. Even if Baron himself couldn`t be around to see that.
By the end of the forth and last week Helmut just simply stared at the chair on the other side of the cell praying to anyone who could hear his pleas for Bucky to be alive and living the life that was snatched from his hands a long time ago. Helmut drifted himself to sleep somewhere between the prayers to St. Peter and Virgin Maria.
* * *
The sound of the entrance door opening scared the last visions of dream away as if Helmut never actually fallen asleep. He quickly stood up rubbing his distressed eyes mentally making a remark that he probably has huge dark circles under them. The shadowy figure was slowly moving towards his cell huffing and sighing on its way.
As it got closer the dim light of prison lamp illuminated the bandages on the man`s body. Helmut hold his breath watching Bucky coming closer and practically collapsing on the chair near the bars. He let out a tired sigh pressing his hand to his chest and throwing his head back. Baron looked at the man with a visible concern and fear in his eyes.
James didn`t look too good. Well, ‘shitty’ would be the word to describe his current situation. His torso was fully wrapped in bandages, his knuckles were ripped off, his face had lots of small wounds and a bruise on his jaw line that already was turning blackish-yellowish color. Helmut swallowed a lump in his throat trying to hold himself together and not rushing towards Bucky in order to help. Not like he could do anything, he still was imprisoned, but he thought that showing some empathy would make a deal. So Helmut just got closer placing one of his hands on the bar staring at the man with his concerned hazel eyes. He knew his voice will be trembling but he couldn`t care less about it now. James was here and he needed help. Even if the only thing Helmut could do is just listen.
“Are you okay?”
Bucky raised his hand showing Helmut ‘thumbs up’.
“Do you need any help? I can call for the guards.”
The thumb stood up and Bucky just breathed out the air with his eyes closed.
“Are you sure?”
James finally put down his hand facing Helmut`s uneasy gaze.
“I`m fine. It`s just a scratch.”
“Well, it seems to me it`s a lot of scratches.”
“I`ll live. Been in worse situations.”
Bucky scratches his nose shivering from the cold vibranium touch on his face.
“It still doesn`t change the fact you need to get to the hospital.”
“Just came out of there.”
“So? Just go back, you need to rest, James.”
Bucky narrowed his eyes and that somehow managed to make him look even more tired than before. Helmut swallowed hard again wondering if the man has even rested this month.
“I will. After I make sure you`re doing okay here.”
“What?”
Baron got startled by that statement and stared back at James. The man waved his hand in the air in some kind of ‘isn`t it obvious’ gesture.
“Helmut, it`s been a month and I`m more than sure you were thinking where the hell I`ve been.”
Baron looked at him puzzled. Well, he for sure thought of him during the last month but the way Bucky phased that… As if he himself thought of Helmut too much while spending his time recovering.
“So, I figured it would be easier if I came here as soon as possible. And I guess I wasn`t wrong.”
Bucky looked him up and down and Helmut understood he acknowledged his emaciated body and dark under eye circles.
“You came here for me?”
“Yes.”
“Because you were concerned?”
“Also yes.”
“Right after they checked you out from the hospital?”
“Well, that would be a ‘no’.”
“So you ran away?”
“I guess you could say that.”
“To see me.”
“Is that a question?”
“Does anyone at least know you`re here?”
“Texted Sam an hour ago. Not sure he read it though, it`s almost 4 a.m.”
“How did they let you in?”
“Your guards are practically my palls. They`re like a family now.”
“Jesus, Bucky…”
Helmut rubbed his eyes and faced the man again.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you do all of that?”
“I thought I said it before.”
“Are you insane?”
Helmut crossed his arms on his chest furiously staring at James. As if he was the one who got caught stealing from the local supermarket and now was being lectured by a policeman.
“Your wounds won`t heal themselves, James!”
“I`m pretty sure they will. Just need more time on that.”
“You need to rest!”
“And I will.”
“Right now!”
“Relax, I know my limits and I know when to step back. As I said I just needed to check on you first.”
“But why?!”
Bucky looked into Baron`s eyes with a smirk on his face.
“Jер сам забринут за тебе, љубав моја.”
Helmut stared back at him with his mouth half opened. James positioned himself more comfortable in the chair looking back at Baron who now was the one blushing.
“Did you just…”
“Yep.”
“How did you…”
“Got some spare time. Asked Sam to buy me Sokovian vocabulary. Pretty hard to get actually.”
Helmut scratched the side of his face awkwardly staring into the wall.
“You flirted back.”
“Well, yeah, thought I could.”
“For the first time.”
“Needed to start somewhere.”
“At such a state!”
Baron raised his hand in Bucky`s direction still avoiding his gaze. The man in the chair hoarsely chuckled.
“You look like a beaten up rat and you still flirted back!”
“Was it bad?”
“No, just why now? You could hardly stand on your own!”
“So, I nailed it?”
“You still need some practice but that`s not the point.”
“In flirting or language?”
“Both, I would say. I hope you`re not bleeding out right now.”
“Ouch. Harsh.”
“Hey, you`re the one who showed up at my prison cell with ‘just a scratch’ on his whole body!”
“I think scars suit me up. Don`t you think?”
“Maybe, still not the point!”
“So, you like it, huh?”
“I like you more when you`re healthy and well rested!”
“So, you like me?”
An awkward silence fell upon them. Well, to be honest it was mostly awkward for Helmut who unintentionally said what he thought about for the past month. Bucky was simply leisuring in his chair looking as smug as never before.
Baron let out a tired sigh and sat back on the bed. Well, that`s it. He said it. He finally admitted to the man he liked that he liked him. It`s just didn`t come out as he planned it. If he even planned it at all.
“So?”
“‘So’ what?”
“You like me.”
“Yes. Maybe. I don`t know.”
“Well, you were sure as hell a few seconds ago.”
“Just… Just let me think.”
“Okay. How much time do you need?”
“If I only knew…”
“Okay. Tell me when you`re ready.”
Bucky threw his head back staring up at the ceiling. And Helmut couldn`t resist to glanced at his neck that had a marking probably left by someone`s blade. Damn it. Scars did suit him. Even in such a state James was still the same James as before and that`s the main reason why Helmut fell for him. At least he thought it was.
Minutes past and none of them said anything or even moved. Helmut was still studying the man with his gaze pondering their last conversation in his head. Bucky didn`t seem to be mad or disgusted by what he heard. And what was weird is that he himself came here just to see Helmut. Just to make sure he was doing okay. Could this feeling be… mutual?
“I just realized you called me ‘Bucky’.”
“What?”
James turned his head to his side facing Baron.
“You never use my nickname. But you did today.”
“That`s because I hate it.”
“Why? I think it`s nice. Suits my character or something like that.”
“You have a beautiful name, so why should I bother using a nickname instead.”
“Oh, wow, I`ll take it as a compliment, thank you very much.”
“No need to be so smug, I still think the nickname is stupid.”
“I`ll just ignore the insult.”
Helmut smirked in his palm and Bucky mirrored the grin. The atmosphere around them was so peaceful and friendly it made Baron forget he was even imprisoned.
“Yeah, so, about earlier…”
Helmut straightened his back watching Bucky do the same thing. That action made him change in the face from the discomfort all the bruises were giving him.
“You`re okay?”
“Never better. What about earlier?”
“What happened? At the docks?”
“Well, as you said. Shooting. Got caught between the fire and barely escaped.”
“If it was that bad why no one said anything in the news?”
“What could they say? That the Nazi terrorist group was steeling country`s resources?”
“Yeah, you`re right.”
Helmut scratched his forehead. He still couldn`t believe that Bucky was sitting right there with him casually talking about escaping near death experience.
“What`s up with the chair?”
“What chair?”
“The one I`m currently sitting in.”
Bucky gestured with his vibranium hand on the metal seat under him.
“What about it?”
“I thought it would be long gone when I finally get here. But it stayed like it`s glued to place.”
“Is it weird?”
“Just unexpected. Figured the guards would take it back.”
“Yeah, I didn`t let them.”
“Oh really? How did you pull that out?”
“Said my friend has a friend who`s an actual Captain America.”
“Well, that`s not a lie. Sort of.”
“Sort of?”
“Sam`s mad at me for rushing things up during the raid. Haven`t spoke to me since then.”
“So that`s why you`re all bruised…”
“Yeah, I`m an idiot when it comes to justice. Saw bad guy, punched him in the face.”
“How did you get the vocabulary then?”
“He felt sorry for slowing things down. Smiling Tiger managed to escape.”
“Well, I might know where he goes next.”
“Oh, and you`re willingly gonna help us? Seriously?”
James mimicked Helmut`s tone of voice from the last time. Baron chuckled in his palm leaning a bit forward.
“I still might ask for something in return.”
“Like what?”
“You…”
Bucky choked on the air and started coughing his lungs out. Helmut sighed and took a napkin bringing it to the man that now was hoarsely sighing in response.
“I was trying to say ‘you going home and resting’.”
“You just paused way to sudden. Caught me off guard.”
Bucky took the napkin still coughing. Helmut rubbed his forehead and smiled.
“You`re the one who choked on nothing. I had no time to finish the sentence!”
“Yeah, well, next time make sure to tell the ‘resting’ part before the other.”
“That`s not the right way to phrase the words.”
“Starting it with ‘you’ when we clearly flirting is not a good way ether.”
A soft smile fell on Helmut`s face. He watched Bucky awkwardly struggle to position himself in the chair and hiding the used napkin in his pocket.
As he watched Bucky sitting right there on this stupid metal chair Helmut realized he did in fact like James. With all his foolishness, anger issues and other flaws. He still liked him. And the fact he couldn`t cope with Bucky`s disappearance only confirmed that.
“I`ll try not to make the same mistake again.”
“You better.”
And because Helmut was still Helmut, he couldn`t miss any opportunities to tease Bucky. That`s why the smirk on his face got wider when he heard that sentence.
“You know what`s actually better?”
James narrowed his eyes and the same smirk appeared on his face.
“Is it another one of your flirty jokes? I`m still not over the ‘sweet pea’.”
“Oh, come on, you`re ruining all the fun!”
Bucky sighed and waved his hand in the air.
“What`s better?”
“Kiss it better.”
Bucky chuckled in his palm and Helmut started laughing.
“Are you a Baron or a four-year old?”
“I`m just someone who likes watching you smile, that`s all.”
“No, you just like me.”
“That`s true.”
They both stared at each other in silence. Helmut got closer to the bars stretching out his hand towards the man. Bucky repeated his actions carefully grabbing Helmut`s palm and holding it as if it was a treasure.
“When did you find out?”
“That I like you?”
James softly stroked Helmut`s palm with his thumb.
“Yeah. Must`ve been weird first time you acknowledged it.”
“Kind of. I guess.”
“Were you scared?”
“Why would I be scared?”
“I dunno. Maybe you thought I`ll break your neck or something.”
“No, you wouldn`t do that. It`s not in your character.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I know you.”
Helmut brought his other hand to his mouth and kissed the two fingers. He lightly touched Bucky`s palm with them leaving an invisible mark. That intimate action sent shivers down James`s spine and he felt the touch burning under his skin.
“There. Kissed it better. Now the wounds will heal in no time.”
“Isn`t it quite too early for the kisses? We didn`t even have our first date!”
“I think that time on the roof was very romantic. Might count it as one.”
“Touche.”
The two men heard a message beep and James finally released Helmut`s hand searching through his pocket. As he turned on the phone and read the text his face saddened up.
“It`s Sam. Says he`s ‘flying over’. Whatever that means.”
Helmut once again couldn`t hold a smile knowing that James doesn`t want to leave.
“Then you should go. And rest.”
“Okay, okay.”
“I`m serious, James, you need to patch those wounds up. The one on your side is bleeding.”
Bucky tucked his shirt up sighing in frustration.
“Shit.”
“Yeah, better visit the doctor. And don`t run away this time!”
“I learn on my mistakes.”
“Uh-huh.”
Helmut chuckled watching Bucky standing up and slowly moving towards the exit. As he watched the man leaving he understood one thing he never asked him.
“Бели Вук!”
“What?”
James stopped leaning on the door and raising a brow.
“Do you like me?”
Bucky paused for a second before softly smiling.
“I`ve been coping with your teasing for such a long time and you`re still asking?”
“Just wanted to make sure.”
“Then my answer is yes. I do.”
Such honest and simple words made Baron feel the butterflies in his stomach. And it still felt weird but not wrong at all.
“Glad to hear that.”
“I bet.”
Bucky smiled, his cyan eyes meeting with Baron`s. Helmut realized that the next time they meet they will have a lot to discuss. But first, James needed to rest.
“Okay then. Guess I`ll see you later.”
“Sure. I hope it won`t take too long, but if does, give the chair back.”
Bucky gestured at the metal seat near the prison cell.
“Barry has a backache. I`m sure he wants it back.”
“So you weren`t lying telling me you made friends with the guards?”
“Nope.”
Helmut chuckled running a hand in his hair.
“I`ll think about that.”
James`s soft smile mirrored Baron`s and he waved his vibranium hand saying goodbyes.
“Night, Helmut.”
“Night, James.”
As Helmut watched James disappearing behind the door, he finally acknowledged how tired he actually was. A month full of his concerned thoughts finally kicked back and his body right now felt like it was ready to collapse any minute. But now at least he could relax knowing James is safe and sound.
Helmut got back to the bed with a soft smile on his face. That night he got the best sleep than all the nights during his long intricated life combined.
And all thanks to James and his simple ‘I do’.