Chapter Text
“ I just wanna spend the nights with you, ” he sings as the song blasts through his headphones while he walks to the tram. “ Do it like your mother said not to do! ” he says loudly and a few people walking besides, look at him with raised eyebrows. He smiles kindly as he keeps his fast pace, if he loses the tram he will be late for work and that can’t happen again or Sonja will definitely kill him. She has been wanting to talk about Isak since Even told her about their encounter at the party but he has been avoiding the subject as much as he can, even if they work together.
As he moves his head to the beat, he whispers, “ Every time I hear the phone ring, I feel the same thing, ” to not disturb the people on the tram, his phone vibrates inside his pocket and he fishes it out, holding himself with one hand to not fall over the older man that has been giving him side glares when Even sang too loudly before.
His breathing gets cut on his throat when he sees the name on his screen. He thought he erased the number, thinking that Isak would have blocked him or changed his number after leaving for college. Apparently he didn’t and he still had Even’s number. Another message pops up and he tries to breathe evenly. In and out. He unlocks his phone and opens the chat without thinking twice.
Isak
Hi, Even
Thanks for listening the other day
Oh, it’s Isak
Even
Hi, Isak
Yeah, I know it’s you :)
Isak
Are you free today? I need to talk to you
Even
I’m working in the afternoons. Early tomorrow?
Isak
You’re gonna make me wake up early?
Even
I guess old ways never die ;)
Isak
Shut up.
Even
Don’t roll your eyes so much
Isak
*rolling my eyes*
FINE, I’ll see you early tomorrow.
Even
:D
“I just wanna spend the nights with you,” MØ sings on his headphones and he curses at Isak’s timing though a private smile plays at his lips against his will. Even’s mind wonders in which ways Isak has changed, if he still likes the bands he used to follow, if he kept safe the mixtapes Even crafted for him. Would that be crazy? Would that be too much for Even’s heart to handle? He doesn’t know. Maybe he’s thinking too far ahead. Isak and him just reconnected and Even shouldn’t be overthinking this. It’s so hard. It will be hard to be Isak’s friend and Even knows it. But for Isak, he will do anything.
To say that Even is nervous to meet him after the other night is an understatement. Doubts? Even’s got them all. The insecurities are clouding his mind, and also a bit of shame still lingers inside of him. Even keeps chasticing himself for being so ignorant about Isak’s family. He should have known. He’s sweating as he walks to the café where he is supposed to meet the gorgeous blonde with green eyes that has been really kind to him. Isak has always paid attention to Even, listened to him rant about everything and anything. And Even...he needs to make up for the lost time.
As his eyes rake through the café, the sight that awaits him is out of this world. Isak is wearing a black turtleneck, black glasses perched on his nose, his fluffy hair disheveled enough to look styled while his green eyes contrast with his black outfit, rendering Even speechless. He swallows down as Isak catches him looking and he waves a hand at Even to come forward. He does, after licking his chapped lips from the cold and trying to calm down his beating heart.
Isak looks beautiful, stubble on his chin as if he didn’t shave today, looking like the total grown up he is, and Even wonders how much he changed while they parted ways.
Did he finally learn how to make tea?
"Hey," Isak smiles as Even stands in front of him. Awkwardly gaping at Isak. Sort of breathless, feeling undeserving of being in his presence. He pushes those thoughts away and lets out an exhale of relief. Isak smiled at him. He shouldn’t be so worried. He doesn’t hate Even.
"Hi," he mimics Isak's expression, as he takes his coat off and lays it on the chair before sitting down. "How are you?" he asks kindly.
"I'm okay, you? How's the show going?" Isak seems to be in a good mood by the way his lips curl into a smile that doesn't fade away.
Even is happy to see him smiling. Is the greatest gift, and no doubt the highlight of Even’s day.
"It's great!" he starts, "Some independent band have sent their demos and Sony and I have been all day listening to them.” Even fixes his scarf around his neck and Isak’s eyes open in surprise.
“Sonya?”
“Yeah, we’ve been working together for a few years. Two or three, I think? I don’t know, time goes really fast, right?”
“Yeah, it does.” Isak grins. “Maybe time—”
“Doesn’t exist?” Even finishes for him with a beaming smile matching Isak’s. “Still going on that theory?”
“Of course,” Isak says with some sass. “How can anyone think otherwise? One moment you’re working five days a week and when you realize it’s been months since you’ve been on the job, and life goes past your eyes in a flash. It’s like we jump from scene to scene without realizing it.” He swallows, then smiles bashfully as he looks at Even. Even’s smile grows wider at the sight. It’s just like he remembered. Isak is like he remembered. Unapologetic. Charming. Fun. Gorgeous .
“I forgot about your theories. I kinda missed them, to be honest.” He is. Even is as honest as he can. There’s too many things on his mind. Things he would likely say. Utter apologies, tell Isak anecdotes from the time they spent apart, anything. There’s so much he wants to say but he keeps them to himself.
Shaking his head, Isak scoffs dismissively like he used to when Even was complimenting him. Admiring him. Always bickering, bantering about the next great rapper, discussing music and the philosophy of time.
“Do you still listen to Nas?”
Even’s heart skips a beat for the hundredth time today. What is it with Isak reading his mind? Are they that connected? It’s as if no time had passed between them. Ha. Time. It feels like they haven’t lost any. It’s almost ironic how they can flip a switch and talk freely. “I introduced you to him,” he replies with his mouth dry, though he tries to play it cool, smugness written all over his face as Isak groans as if he were exasperated with him. Even knows he’s not. Even loves that—that thing between them. The simplicity of it all. He loves it. Even just loves a bit too much. He bites his bottom lip. He shouldn’t be thinking about his dumb feelings. Not now. Not when Isak is trusting Even to just be his friend, to reconnect.
Time flies by as they talk, and silence hangs between them when they are finished with their drinks. Even can’t stop looking at him, can’t stop his mind from going round and round, taking every word Isak has said in, safely tucked in his brain to dissect later. Suddenly, Isak is breaking the silence, spilling his truth.
"I thought that if I went far away from my parents I would be me. The real me. Without their prejudices and their ugly remarks that only hurt me.” Isak shakes his head and Even feels a pang in his chest, similar to a fire spreading further and further from within his soul. He knows what being hurt is like. He does. He never experienced it with his parents but with the whole world. Even understands and he feels like a dumbass for not realizing sooner what Isak was going through. He should have been there for him.
He should have.
Isak takes a deep breath, his hands shake a little and Even wants to take them on his own and hold Isak until he can make him properly breathe again. But Even holds back and listens, the way he should have done years ago.
"I could, you know? I could be me when I moved away. And I know—" he shuts his eyes, almost as he’s trying too hard to push away a thought. "I know that I shouldn't have treated you that way, pushed you away like I did, but I was confused. Shaken."
"I understand, Isak." His shaky breath startles him. Even could feel tears welling in his eyes but he wipes it away with a brush of his finger. "I really do. I'm sorry I missed that part of your life when you needed a friend…" he blurts out with total sincerity. When Isak needed him the most . His heart aches thinking about teenage Isak shying away from him because of his fucked up family.
"I wished I hadn't been so blind and helped you like you deserved," he mumbles as he fights the urge to pat Isak’s hand for comfort. Isak is silent next to him and Even can't stop mumbling more apologies. "I'm sorry I was blinded by my crush that you thought you couldn't tell me," he whispers with so much regret. If there was one thing Even never intended was for Isak to get more hurt, especially by him.
“Ev…” the nickname escapes Isak’s lips without hesitation and Even almost gasps pathetically as his eyes roam Isak’s features before Isak looks away instantly, his gaze falling on the people outside the café. Even can't even stop looking at him. His lips are in a tight line and he rubs his cheeks once before returning Even’s stare. Isak seems to be taken aback by Even’s lingering eyes but he doesn’t say anything.
“I didn’t call you to...make you feel bad. I’m just telling you what was going on with me during—during that time when you…” he averts his gaze once again and Even misses his green eyes almost instantly. How long has Even been captivated by those eyes? He doesn't believe he ever stopped, he's sure he's seen the green irises even in his dreams.
Even tries to control his breathing, tapping his index finger against the coffee mug as he listens to Isak speak about that time of his life he hadn’t thought about in a while. The time of their lives when they saw each other on a daily basis, sharing what Even thought were secrets, dreams and hopes. Now he wonders if that Isak he knew had those dreams he had told Even about.
"The time when I made you that playlist.” He cringes at his younger and dumber self. Not that he doesn't like making playlists and sharing his love for music and artists. But confessing through songs Even especially chosen for Isak, is like a stab to his heart. He thought he was being nice and cool. When in reality much more was going on and now he knows that. And he knows… "I know that I can say sorry for an eternity but I want to make it up to you, if you let me." He sighs deeply, rubbing his palm on his sweater and looking up at Isak with kind eyes.
Isak looks taken aback by Even's sincerity, almost like he forgot how blunt Even can be. Even's palms start sweating and he curses in his brain.
"I want to be here for you if you need me, if you need a friend. Although you may have Jonas," he chokes out a laugh, trying to lighten up the mood.
Isak cracks a smile that fades away before Even can save the image for later. "Okay, I would like that."
His heart skips a beat before pumping stronger and Even’s sure Isak can see the relief on his face. He’s happy he isn’t screwing up.
"But I must warn you...I'm the most boring adult in the world." Isak puts on a straight face as he sips his drink.
Even huffs a laugh. "Isak Valtersen being the most boring adult?" He asks incredulously, raising his eyebrows.
Isak hums. "Yep," he adds.
"We must change that then.” Even challenges him with raised eyebrows and a lopsided grin. And he knows things could start looking up when Isak’s eyes spark with interest, gleaming excitement Even knows so well. Isak tries to hide his beaming smile behind his hand but Even catches him still.
"Deal."
—•—
"Where are we going?" Isak asks for the hundredth time.
Even keeps walking fast between the crowds of people on the streets and Isak has to keep up with him. It's been a long time since they found themselves roaming the city at night, through the places that have seen them grow up and become what they are today.
"Even!" Isak whispers at him and Even has to hide his grin on his scarf.
"You'll see! Just relax, Is."
"Yeah, yeah. The night is young and all that jazz!" Isak grunts. Even laughs at him.
"You were the one who told me his life was boring, and the one who’s talking like a middle aged man." He arches one eyebrow.
"But it's cold and so late, Even." He whines, hugging himself with his coat. Even admires his profile, his straight nose that's pink now and his long eyelashes.
"What happened to Isak who smoked at parties and didn't mind the few degrees outside?"
"You're still the same Even." Isak says instead of answering.
"Is that bad?" He frowns, confused.
"Not at all." When Isak whispers those words, Even feels the beat of his heart thudding in his chest like the low bass coming from their destination. The drums get louder and louder as they approach.
As they set foot on the sidewalk, the flashing lights from inside the club blind them. Even turns to face Isak, whose eyes are wide and his mouth hangs just a tiny bit open before glancing up at Even.
“Did you really bri—”
Even cuts him off by taking Isak’s arm carefully and dragging him inside of the club. He doesn’t need to introduce himself, they let him through with a nod and Even almost expects Isak’s questions once they are inside. He frees Isak’s arm from his light grasp, his warmth seeping through his clothes and itching in Even’s fingers.
The music is loud and Even gets his mouth really close to Isak’s ear without thinking twice. It feels like the drums are replaying the beats of Even's heart, pounding on his ribcage, his whole body on fire for being this close. The sweet smell of Isak’s perfume leaves him a bit breathless but he manages a, “Hey, you want a beer?”
Isak stills beside him when Even speaks and that’s when Even realizes how, maybe, he made Isak uncomfortable by being this close. He’s opening his mouth to apologize, to say something but Isak beats him to it. “Yeah, yeah—sure!” he stammers, replying over the crowd shouting the lyrics of the song.
Even nods eagerly, brushing away a strand of his own hair away from his eyes and he starts walking in long strides to the bar, his heart going bam bam bam. As he calls for Nick, the bartender he has seen so many times before, he turns around to search for Isak. And he is indeed where Even just left him, the white and green lights leaving streaks of colour on his face, the shadows sharpening his jaw and darkening his green eyes, the soft glow of his skin calling for Even’s hands to touch, to feel.
Isak blinks slowly at Even before arching an eyebrow. Even would say he minds being caught staring but tonight he doesn’t care one bit. Not right now. Not when Isak is looking back at him like that. Like he is thinking the same thing. Like he is itching to touch Even too. He doesn’t know why but he has a feeling, something inside of him that needs to come out, to burst out of him. He’s not going to pretend that Isak is not the most beautiful person he has ever seen. Is he catching feelings so soon? Did they ever leave him?
He averts his gaze when the bartender hands him two bottles of cold beer and he nods as thanks. As the droplets of condensed water damp his fingers and the coldness seems to seep into his bones, he starts wondering if he can be only a friend to Isak. Will he be able to? He’s sure going to try, that’s true. He’s going to try with his whole body to be what Isak needs and what he needed back then. He’s not going to make the same mistake. He can’t.
“This is cool,” Isak says as Even takes a step closer towards him, handing him a beer. They stand close to each other but not too close for Even to drink Isak’s scent in. Musky, earthy perfume that’s too much to handle right now.
Taking a step back, he clears his throat to be sure Isak can’t hear how raspy his voice is. “Yeah, right?!” he shouts over the music with a beaming smile. Isak matches his expression, clearly just as excited.
How much Even had missed that smile...
They both look at each other for a second before sipping their beers and turning to the stage, where the band is performing as the crowd sings along. Even feels it. The tension between them is undeniable and not even the low bass or the drums or even the singer can outshine the strong emotions surfing through him. It’s almost crazy and Even is not even scared of brushing his free hand against Isak’s shamelessly as they focus on the band on stage. It feels childish or soft—or something Even would have done years ago when he fell for Isak. The uncontrollable need to be close, to just feel Isak invades his mind, and there’s nothing Even can’t do but feel. He gulps against the rim of his bottle and almost chokes when he feels a slight brush on his knuckles.
Isak keeps staring up front, as if he were engaging like the crowd around them and singing along, but Even knows the action , his fingers touching Even’s hand is nothing but deliberate.