Chapter Text
Link swore internally as Lady D turned her attention to him. Navi had been the one that blurted out that she was hot, but what if the lady thought it was him that said that? Would she skewer him like she had the others? For a moment, she looked like she would. Until a much more mischievous grin spread across her face.
"Well, aren't you a cute one?" She ruffled his hair and the stupid bunny ears he was being made to wear. "You'd make an adorable maid in my castle, if you wanted. I'd pay you handsomely, and you wouldn't even have to do much. Just a little cleaning, but it would mostly just be your job to look cute in a maid dress. And goodness me, would you look cute in a maid dress."
Um. Um. What was even happening anymore? Why did this lady seem to want to kill anyone else that thought she was hot, but suddenly started gushing over Link?
"You must be her type," Navi whispered. "Lucky you."
Link scowled at Navi. What was happening today? Why was everything so screwed up? And it just kept getting worse and worse. First zombies. Then the bunny costume. Then an evil company. Now some crazy lady wanted him to wear a maid dress. Yeah, she was attractive, but apparently she killed people without remorse, and that was... a turn off, to say the least. So this? This was the polar opposite of lucky.
"Okay, maybe you're right," Navi said as she saw Link scowl, continuing to whisper. "But maybe we can use her to figure out what's going on. Like maybe she knows something about the zombies. And if you keep acting all cute and moe, she might tell us."
Link gave Navi a solemn nod. She had a point.
Lady D just kept gushing and squealing over Link. "What's your name, sweetheart? You can tell me. I won't bite." Suspicious that she'd even bring up biting in the first place. "Do you not talk? Are you shy? What have I got to do to get a pretty little girl like you to talk to me?"
Girl?!?
"Don't correct her," Navi whispered. "If she realizes you're a boy, she might kill you. Play along, okay?"
Link bit down on his lower lip as Navi flew out in front of him. He knew she was right and that he had to play along, but... he couldn't help but wonder if he looked that much like a girl.
"She's mute," Navi said. "So I'm here to talk for her. My name's Navi. Her name's...” Navi paused for a second, obviously trying to think of a fake name. Link hoped it wasn't too obvious. “Emily.” What kind of stupid name was that supposed to be? It was hard not to cringe. But he couldn't, because that would make it obvious the name was fake.
“Emily...” Lady D scrunched her face up in what looked like suspicion. But, after a second, it passed. “What's a pretty little thing like you doing in such a run-down area like this? There are all sorts of mutant creatures everywhere. It's dangerous.”
Link almost instinctively pulled his sword out and brandished it at her, to show her that he could handle anything that was happening here. Ever since the beginning of this journey, he had been talked down to like he was a stupid little kid, and at first it seemed like the whole seven-year time jump thing would've stopped that. But apparently it wasn't, and it was getting on his nerves. But... he had to play like he was an innocent young girl—yes, girl—or else who knew what this Lady D person would do to him? So he just feigned a wide eyed look and nodded quietly.
“Yeah, there aren't usually creatures like this around here,” Navi said, even though that was only partially the case. “Do you know what's up with those? It's really freaking the both of us out.”
“I don't know,” she responded. “They seem familiar to me, but...” She trailed off, suspiciously. Something about her expression made it seem to Link like she knew more than she was letting on, and was concealing something. Maybe she knew all about it, but she didn't want to scare cute little Emily. “Well, the land where I come from is often plagued by creatures like this, but somehow, these ones are different.”
“Where are you from, exactly?” Navi asked. Link had to try not to sigh. The way Navi was spewing a constant barrage of questions would make it all too obvious to Lady D that they were trying to use her to get information. And he just knew that would be bad.
“I'm from... a village.” She pursed her lips, like she was thinking hard about how much information to give out. “A village in a country far from here. My... family... we have a very well liked wine making business out there.”
“A country far from here?” Navi repeated. “How'd you get here?”
“I honestly don't know,” she said. “Given how strange this sudden onslaught of vicious mindless creatures must be to you, the whole thing is just as strange to me.”
Oh. Well, there went that. Maybe it was time to get away from here now.
“Well, maybe we can try to puzzle this whole thing out together,” Navi said.
“Yes, that does sound like a good idea,” Lady D said. “I would love to know how to return home, and would also love to get to know a charming young lady like miss Emily here.”
Damn it, Link thought. He didn't want to be working with this lady. She was freakishly tall, and he had seen her skewer people with her claws, and in order to avoid also being skewered, he had to pretend he was an innocent young girl whose name was Emily. Everything about this situation sucked.
Then, though, he noticed someone coming from the direction of the Temple of Time. Someone whose movement was fluid and smooth, and not shambling abruptly like all these zombies were. Maybe that was the person who was in charge of them. Maybe it was the one creating them. Maybe they'd been hiding in the Temple of Time.
Wait, no. It was just Sheik.
And now Link wasn't sure if things were about to get a little better, or just worse.
“Have you figured out anything more about these zombie creatures?” Sheik asked, furrowing his brow.
Link shook his head no.
“Have you at least slain some of them, to protect the townspeople?”
Link nodded. Right now, it seemed like the townspeople were as safe as they were going to get, considering the circumstances.
“Would you like to change outfits? You've been in the cute bunny suit for awhile.”
Link's eyes went wide, and he shook his head no. Lady D, however...
“Oh, you have different outfits for her? What other sorts of outfits do you have?”
“We have a lot,” Sheik said. “I thought this story was supposed to be like a magical girl anime, so I stockpiled a bunch of cute battle outfits for the occasion. Unfortunately, it seems like someone else has other plans, and the magical girl thing is falling through.”
“Oh, really?” Lady D clasped her hands together in glee. “Do you happen to have maid outfits? I think miss Emily here would look absolutely adorable in one of those.”
“Emi—” Oh goddesses, Sheik, no. Don't ruin it, Link thought. Don't ruin it, no, please be smart enough to realize what's going on, and play along, please, please, please... “E-Emily would look cute in a maid outfit, y-yeah.” Phew. “Here, let's head back to my secret outfit stockpile in the graveyard and get her into a maid outfit, and then maybe... hmm.” He paused. “Perhaps, at this rate, it's best to just get, um, Emily started on the Shadow Temple.”
“Shadow Temple?” Lady D looked puzzled.
“Um, well.” Now Sheik was the one who looked all flustered, not sure how much information to give away, or what information to keep. “Some of the creatures overrunning the kingdom here are because of a very bad man that took over. And Emily is a very altruistic and heroic young lady, and she is trying to find a way to save the kingdom. The next step for her to do so is to vanquish the monster hiding deep in the Shadow Temple.” Looks like Sheik decided to spew out all the information anyway. Great. Now Lady D knew almost everything.
“These weird shambling humanoid creatures weren't originally part of all this, but maybe if we get rid of the root cause of the whole thing, they'll disappear as well?”
“Ah, this sounds like a plot to some sort of odd video game that the kids play these days,” Lady D said. But no one else knew what she was talking about, so they all decided to just not say anything. “Do you think I could be of any use in this Shadow Temple?”
Please say no, Link thought.
“Well, sure, if you'd like to try.” Damn it, Sheik. “Let's get Emily a cute maid outfit first, like you suggested. I'm sure his—um, her fans would love her in that one.” Link froze in place when Sheik let that slip. Thankfully, Lady D seemed not to hear it. She seemed too lost in thought about the maid outfit. Maid outfit... things just kept getting weirder, didn't they?
Yeah, it wasn't long before they reached Sheik's secret outfit compartment beneath the Kakariko graveyard. And, for some reason, he really did have a cutesy maid outfit there, ready to go. Thankfully the skirt part was really fluffy, and not snug at all, and there were fluffy bloomer shorts to go under it. Link grabbed it and rushed behind the racks of clothing to change as fast as he could. While he did, he listened in on Sheik and Lady D talking.
“So, man-thing, what's your name? And who are you anyway? You seemed to just come out of nowhere.”
“Ah. I'm Sheik, the survivor of the Sheikah race. I have been, um... tasked with... helping Emily in her quest. I can't say too much. It's important that I remain undetected by the evil king who's taken over the kingdom...” Maybe that in itself was saying too much.
“I see,” Lady D said. “Still, what's your... relationship to Emily? Are you really just her guide? Or are you two... involved somehow?”
“N-n-no, we're not involved.” Sheik started stammering as soon as that came up. “I r-really am just her g-g-guide.” Um. Why did it sound to Link like Sheik kind of had a thing for him? As if this whole ordeal couldn't get any weirder.
At last he came out from behind the clothing racks in the maid dress he'd changed into. As soon as they saw him, both Sheik and Lady D let out high pitched squees.
“Oh, you are adorable in a maid outfit.”
“That is so, so cute.”
“Do I get a matching bow or something?” Navi asked. “You can't forget about me.”
“Ah, yes. Give me a moment to find it.” And Sheik started rummaging through a big box of tiny fairy sized accessories. It was like he had something to go with anything that Link could possibly wear.
Yeah, this was weird, Link thought. He tried his hardest not to wonder how much weirder it was going to get, because he knew if he thought something like that... sigh. Time to do the Shadow Temple in a maid outfit.