Chapter Text
For the longest time, Sebastian Hiller had already been standing in the corridor of the psychological ward of the Tripler, watching his current problem child. He had his arms folded in front of his chest and didn't quite know what to do with him. Within a few days, an unholy chaos had broken loose, at the pace of which Sebastian could only watch silently. It was as if he was standing on a hill and had to watch idly as a tsunami razed his home village to the ground.
Not only was Hakim alive and going about his deed, he had even come to Hawaii to torment the Commander again. Massoud had not only remained alive in a strange way, he had additionally confused Steve. That's what his patient had conveyed to him through the flowers. Then, from one moment to the next, a love had been snatched away from him, and he could neither say a decent goodbye to it, nor bury it. In order to be able to come to terms with everything after all these years, he had fallen in love again and admitted this love to himself, and all of a sudden Massoud was there again, as if to remind the commander that they had both made a promise to always stay together. Steve had clearly struggled with his feelings for both men.
And now Doctor Hiller saw the catastrophic extent of this torn heart, for Steve sat silent on the bed with a fixed gaze. Since he had woken up, he had not moved or responded to anyone in any way. Steve just sat there with his mind far away.
Before Sebastian had come here, he had watched the footage of his admission when he had almost killed a nurse. She was of Islamic descent and had apparently triggered a violent trigger point, which was why it had been clarified that no one of Middle Eastern descent would attend or care for the Commander.
Determined, the doctor mustered all his courage and opened the door to hopefully interact with his patient. To his disappointment or expectation, depending on which way you looked at it, Steve showed absolutely no emotion at the opening door. He continued to stare at an imaginary point and seemed absent, as if he were only physically there.
With a distinct sigh on his lips, Sebastian pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. For safety reasons, the staff had refrained from putting him in a multi-bed room, far too great was the risk of a trigger and the commander flipping out again.
"Steve," he addressed his patient, even daring to reach out and place his hand on McGarrett's. To his surprise, he was not attacked. Nor, unfortunately, was there any movement or small reaction. For Steve, this one fixed point was very interesting. He was absolutely not in the here and now. Only rarely did he blink or swallow. The question of how he would eat crossed Sebastian's mind at the same moment, but that was a problem for the Tripler to deal with, not him.
Again and again he stroked his hand so Steve knew he wasn't alone, that there was someone out there who cared and was with him.
Briefly, Steve winced and withdrew from his psychologist's hands. Still absent, he wrapped his arms around his body. His previously absent eyes turned inward and he rocked slowly back and forth. Frantic, unintelligible words came out of his mouth. It wasn't that Steve mumbled, but much more the problem that Sebastian didn't know the language. Nevertheless, from the accent and the case at hand, he knew immediately what language it was. Without further ado, he got up and left the room. In the hallway, he looked for a number in his mobile phone and had himself connected to a certain person.
"Captain? I see it as necessary that you come to Hawaii. Steve needs you and I need a reliable interpreter for Pashto," he opened in a calm voice to the man on the other end of the line. After a brief questioning from the man, Doctor Hiller described to him everything he had been able to find out about the case. It wasn't long before Navy Captain Nikolaj Patterson informed him that he was coming to the island as quickly as possible. If Steve needed his help, he would be there.
Sebastian slid the phone back into his pocket. A Hawaiian appeared at the entrance to the station, holding a young girl by the hand. Slightly sceptical, he raised his eyebrow as to what a child was doing here, in a ward where soldiers lay, struggling to come to terms with their deployment. The senior orderly on duty chatted briefly with the man until he led them both in Sebastian's direction with a disgruntled expression. "Doctor Hiller, how is our patient?" the nurse asked the psychologist as soon as they had reached him.
"Unchanged. We allow children to be here?" came the counter question from the psychologist, pointing to the little girl with a nod.
The orderly sighed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. "We tried to talk the young lady out of it, but she holds the biggest riot of the salt negroes when she is not allowed to see her father. Therefore, Doctor Crimson has decided that she may visit him." The orderly made moves to go into Steve's room when Hiller's hand shot forward and grabbed him by the arm. "She's Steve's daughter?"
The girl interjected defiantly. "I'm Grace Williams, my Danno is with Daddy Steve and I want to see him now, finally!"
Sebastian crouched down and smiled gently at the girl. Lightly he stroked her unruly hair behind her ear. "I've known your daddy a long time, Grace. He's told me a few things about you too. You're his little sunshine. I want to be honest with you, Grace. Steve is very, very bad. He's been hurt very badly. Here," he tapped the centre of the girl's chest, "especially because your Danno has been hurt too. Steve is very sensitive. That's why I want you to be there for him now and be careful with him. Can you do that?"
"Sure, after all I am already twelve years old and I love my daddy. He has saved Danno many times and now I want to help Daddy." Fervently Grace nodded and pride filled her face. Maybe the girl really could help and Steve would show a reaction. That was why he turned to the orderly. "I'm going in with Grace."
The man who had brought the girl in now spoke up too. "Grace, I'll wait for you out here. All you have to do is call out and I'll come in," turning to Hiller he introduced himself, "Lieutenant Kelly from Five-0."
So that's where the wind was blowing from. Steve's ohana was there for him. That was good.
Hiller opened the door and entered the room with Grace. She didn't have to look long to find Steve. At his complete lack of presence, tears burst from her eyes and she ran towards her daddy. With a choked sound on her lips that Sebastian couldn't decipher, she tore herself away from him and ran towards Steve. She jumped onto the bed and impetuously put her arms around him and pressed herself tightly against Steve.
For a brief moment, Sebastian could detect something in the Navy SEAL's eyes. A mixture of recognition and disbelief. He wrapped his arms around the child and held her tightly to his chest. But still Steve did not speak a word. The horror that had reached his soul was far too deep. Tears now flowed down the Commander's cheek as well. He closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. It did him so much good to have the girl there and in his arms.
The psychologist stopped at the door, not daring to move for fear of destroying this poignant, profound situation. Perhaps, it crossed his mind, there was hope for the commander if Grace could evoke such a powerful reaction. In that case, the girl was a balm to his soul, but would it grip the girl? Grace seemed strong, but she was only twelve years old.
"Daddy ... Danno has been hurt. He won't wake up," Grace whispered in his ear. He showed absolutely no reaction, whether he understood or not. He continued to hold Grace in his arms and silently the tears rolled down his cheek. There was no way he was going to let her go, so his arms wrapped around Grace a little tighter. This made Grace sob louder. It did them both an incredible amount of good to cry on each other's shoulder at that moment.
They were like drowning people, holding on together so the other wouldn't sink and hoping for rescue. At least Sebastian hoped that Steve had not yet given up hope of help.
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Four long days passed during which nothing changed in the given situation. Steve could not get out of his state of shock, although Grace was often with him and tried to persuade her daddy to eat something or say something. If he could get words past his lips, they were in Pashto.
Nothing changed with Danny during this time either. The detective continued to sleep and refused to open his eyes.
So far, the task force had no idea what had happened in the house. The manhunt for Hakim had come to nothing and Resa Shabaan also remained missing without a trace. The overall situation was hair-raising and, to the great misfortune of the task force, the governor was breathing down their necks. He wanted to see the first results in this case. Silently, Chin and Kono stood in front of Denning and looked at each other shyly.
"What in all the names of hell happened in this house?" he asked the two Task Force members in a stern voice.
Briefly, Chin cleared his throat. "Sir, so far neither witness has been fit to be questioned. Steve McGarrett is not talking and Danny Williams remains in a coma."
Denning looked upset and a touch angry. He folded his arms on his hips. "Lieutenant Kelly, are you telling me that the task force has failed across the board and has absolutely nothing in hand? What does the lab say? What can the coroner report? What happened in that house?"
Kono took a step forward. "Honestly, we got the facts from Max, but we wanted to ask Danny and Steve what they had to say about it first."
"Damn it, Officer Kalakaua! Don't beat around the bush, what happened? I'm not going to pull the wool over anyone's eyes, I just want to be brought up to speed!"
"Steve shot Massoud," Chin blurted out.
Silence.
The governor looked at the task force members, perplexed and caught off guard. "Please what?! McGarrett is supposed to have shot an innocent man?"
"That's the evidence. That's why we wanted to wait for Steve and Danny's statements to clarify what really happened. There must have been a good reason why Steve killed his closest friend. Max has promised to withhold the evidence until then so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands and damage McGarrett's reputation."
Denning dropped into the chair behind his desk. Worry lines creased his forehead and he looked infinitely worried. He exhaled a long breath, worried about the injured members of the task force. "Please excuse my shouting," he said.
"It is your right, Governor, after all we are your task force," Kono replied to him with a gentle smile.
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At the same time, a dishevelled and overtired soldier entered Tripler Army Hospital. The sand of a distant desert trickled from his clothes, which were in the colours of the desert camouflage patch. The circles around his eyes had already developed their own and everyone could see that he either wanted a capful of sleep or a strong coffee in which a horseshoe could stand upright. So it was not surprising that his first step was to the coffee machine. Hissing and steaming, the machine dispensed the life-awakening elixir to him.
"I hate to nag, Cap, but you look like a dose of sleep would do you good," an amused voice grumbled from the side. The person belonging to it had casually leaned against the vending machine and crossed his legs.
The weary soldier stabbed the man with his gaze. "I only got on the plane because of your call and I've been shaking for over 14 hours. How is Steve?"
Doctor Hiller sighed. "Unchanged. No one moves a reaction with him, not even his stepdaughter. And he's very attached to her," he informed his patient's former Commanding Officer.
Nikolaj patted the psychologist on the shoulder and walked with him down the corridors to Steve's room. In the meantime, he questioned Sebastian about what had happened here in order to grasp the full extent of the story. As hard as Steve had crashed this time, something had thrown him off worse than ten years ago. Maybe it was the fact that he had held Massoud's body in his hands until the end? Or was there perhaps something else behind it altogether that neither of them could suspect or assess?
Whatever it was, Nikolai strongly hoped that he would find out soon. Without giving it much thought, he pushed down the door handle and entered his former soldier's room with military-like brisk steps. The door clicked quietly into place and the sounds from the hallway died away.
Steve sat on the bed again, staring at an unknown fixed point. Words murmured softly across his lips. "What has been done to you, Steve?" he asked directly and clearly to the man in the language of the Afghan people from the Hindu Kush.
Steve's head jerked up and fixed the Commanding Officer with his desperate gaze. His hands dropped to his lap. "I've been hurt," the Commander murmured softly, bringing the first coherent words to his lips since SWAT had found him.
Nikolai pulled up a chair to sit astride it. Propping his arms on it, he took a deep drink from his mug of coffee. "How were you hurt?"
"I ... I ... I was cheated. Lied to. Deceived. It hurts so much! Why does it hurt so much? ... just hurts so much ... why?", Steve brought stuttering and stumbling to his lips. His head was a mess. Asking the same questions all the time, but never able to find an answer. His mind was blocking it out. It was too much for him. He didn't know what else to do. Had to put an end to it.
Steve shook his head and lowered it. Lost in thought, he stared at his fingers. A warm hand came to rest on his knee. Nikolaj ... his CO and good friend. He was always there for him. Any time. That felt good. Steve lifted his gaze and searched his eyes. "Hakim, he hurt ... hurt Danny. Nikolaj, I saw his face. I know who Hakim is! I know!" his voice trembled with fear and suppressed anger. The military could have arrested him years ago. Why hadn't he noticed? The incredible guilt was on his shoulders. He could have saved Danny ... fuck ... Danny was in a wheelchair because of Steve!
A cry of rage escaped his lips. "I'M GUILTY!!!" he shouted out loud, ruffling his hair painfully.
"Who is it Steve, so we can stop him. Forever!", Nikolaj raked in energetically.
A maniacal laugh escaped the commander's lips and the captain was no longer sure if Steve wasn't mentally out of his mind.
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"Steve!!!" With a loud scream, Danny unexpectedly snapped out of a deep unconsciousness. His eyes were wide open and all his senses were with his partner. Fear that something had happened to him had gripped the detective's heart and allowed no further thought.
Kono and Chin flinched in fright at the loud call. While each of them had hoped he would wake up, no one had expected anything like this. Reassuringly, the young Hawaiian woman placed a hand on the detective's forearm. "Danny?"
The latter looked around searchingly and found nowhere the smartly grinning Commander leaning in the corner of the room. There was no sign of him and that worried him greatly. "Where is Steve?" he wanted to know urgently.
Briefly the two gave each other a look before Chin leaned forward. "Danny, what happened at the house? Where did Hakim go?"
The man's eyes widened in horror. A thousand thoughts flashed through his mind, but only one remained clear before his eyes. The man's tension fell from him and he arched his back. Tears streamed down his face, then a desperate, angry cry escaped his lips. "It doesn't matter now ..." he brought out exhaustedly.
As skilfully as the two of them avoided Steve, Hakim must have killed him. Grace had to be devastated when she found out. She had only had her daddy for a short time after all! Damn ...
"Danny, what exactly happened? We have absolutely no idea."
In a halting voice he told them both what had happened. "I was saying goodbye to my second to last customer in the house when the doorbell rang a little prematurely. When I opened it, it wasn't my next prospective customer standing on the doorstep, but Massoud. Although I wanted to beat the shit out of him for making such a mess of Steve, he insisted that Hakim get hold of Steve. Without giving it a second thought, I followed Massoud to his van, which was parked in the driveway. He was going to take me to the address where he was being held, but before I could think about it further, I already felt a twinge in my neck and the next moment I felt funny and then it went dark around me.
The next time I wake up, I am hanging from the ceiling of a room. My hands were tied and my shirt was missing. There was a woman standing at a table sorting some macabre instruments of torture. Raima, Massoud's mother. I couldn't make sense of it until the door opened and Massoud came in. He grinned at me in a smarmy, disgusting way that made my stomach turn and then it hit me: no matter how he did it, Massoud was Hakim and he'd been lying to Steve all these years."
Danny faltered in his explanation and had to collect himself. Kono and Chin sat silently in their chairs. This revelation was too much for the two of them and they had to process it first before they could respond. Therefore, Danny continued. "I called him names for being a lying scumbag. Raima then turned to us and angrily slammed something hard at my head. I counted stars and had a bad headache. Blood flowed down my jaw. Massoud snapped at her in Pashto and then he started talking to me, telling me about himself and Steve. That he wanted to kill him before, but then he fell in love with him. But because he is Hakim, no one was allowed to know about it. And that's why he made sure Steve trusted him blindly. He ordered his men to get Steve and Massoud defended them. And when they were 'trapped' in the tunnel, one of his loyal followers took over the part where they were both tortured. But when Steve was tortured alone, Massoud took over. So that it wouldn't be noticed, they both used black contact lenses. Steve did not notice this. But when the tunnel collapsed on them, Massoud had just tortured him. Steve seems to have gotten more out of the collapse because he had only made up the Massoud thing because Massoud had been unconscious the whole time.
They knocked me out again and the next thing I hear is Steve's voice trying to wake me up. When I realised he was there, I tried to make him understand that he had to leave. That Hakim would get him ... but then Massoud already showed up and before I could warn him, he knocked Steve out. It took him ages to regain consciousness, but this was no mere stunner. His eyes were glazed and veiled and he was moaning more than bringing anything intelligible past his lips and he was completely out of it. When Massoud realised that Steve was coming round again, he talked to him too and gave caresses to him. I hissed at Massoud to keep his hands off him, but I couldn't do anything. Afterwards he said he had to teach Steve a lesson for cheating and grabbed a scalpel and cut my spinal cord vertebra by vertebra. The pain was excruciating and Steve begged him to leave me alone. At some point I passed out from the hard burning in my back and hellish pain.
But none of that mattered anymore. Now that Massoud has killed Steve."
Chin and Kono exchanged a frightened look again. Gently, Kono put a hand to his cheek with his thickening beard. "No one said Steve was dead. We ... we didn't mean to scare you, Danny. Steve was transferred to the psych ward because he's totally out of it. He hasn't said a word since you guys came in, so we didn't know what happened. When we came in with Grover's people, you were unconscious and Steve was holding Massoud's remains in his hands, crying. From the reports we were able to figure out that Steve shot him.
Now it makes perfect sense why he pulled the trigger. Steve saved your life."
"And killed his old love in return," Danny brought out, aghast. Determination moved into his gaze. "I have to get to him!"
He flung the blanket aside and was about to get up, until all at once it seeped into him that he couldn't do that - could never do that again. Dumbfounded, he stared at his numb legs, not knowing whether he was dreaming or this was the bitter truth. He tapped his thighs in disbelief and couldn't understand why he couldn't feel any of it. Only as far as touching a stranger's legs. He swallowed hard.
Massoud had crippled him. The realisation seeped into the detective's head so suddenly that he abruptly began to cry. This reaction was so surreal that Chin hugged his colleague. "Shh ... it's all right Danny. Let it out!"
"I'd still like to see Steve," Danny meekly expressed his wish.
Kono got up and fetched not only a wheelchair but also the doctors. They needed to know that the detective had finally woken up.
⍟ ❀ ⍟ ❀ ⍟
Curious, Captain Patterson turned to the door as it was carefully opened. Sebastian actually wanted to leave them alone, as long as Steve didn't start freaking out. Steve, too, fell silent in his sentence as the door opened. Anger at the impossible interruption showed on the Navy captain's face.
However, his features quickly softened as he recognised the person who so rudely interrupted him. "Detective!" The fact that Danny was in a wheelchair did not make him like Hakim one bit. What had he done to him? Or was the man just too weak to walk?
A Hawaiian pushed the detective into the room and both were surprised by the fact that Steve had a visitor. "Who ...?" the man behind Danny began abruptly, but was interrupted.
"Patterson! What brings you here?" Danny's voice was calm and collected. He tried to deal with the visitor first before attending to Steve.
"I could ask you the same thing. I was asked to be there for Steve," the man replied in a calm voice.
Danny nodded quietly at Chin. "Take me over to Steve, please, and then please leave us alone." His colleague complied with the request and with a nod disappeared from the room.
With a worried look on his face, Danny reached for his partner's hand and held it tightly. His eyes searched Steve's. "Hey Neanderthal Animal, it reached my ear that you're drowning everyone in worry. I don't know that about you at all."
Words came quietly from the soldier's lips. They were halting and full of resignation, and in a language Danny didn't know. When he was already about to complain to Steve, Patterson translated the words for him. "I did this to you Danny, you must hate me."
"Why would I do that, you jackass?" he asked, a touch offended, flicking the Commander's forehead, "I love you and would never hold what Massoud did to me against you."
Again Steve spoke in the words of that foreign language. His whole demeanour spoke of remorse.
Patterson raised an eyebrow at him in reply. Steve growled weakly at him.
"Hey! I want to hear it exactly the way Steve says it! So I can give this birdbrain the kick in the ass he needs."
Patterson cleared his throat. "What Steve meant was that you're not the problem, it's that he can't forgive himself for putting you in danger."
Unexpectedly, Danny grabbed Steve's shoulders and shook him hard. "Commander Steven Jack McGarrett, have you taken leave of your senses?! You will stop blaming yourself and get back to life. Damn it, Grace needs you! I need you! Your ohana needs you! Now more than ever! There's nothing we can do about the past!" Danny screamed at him in desperate anger. Tears glistened in his dark blue eyes. Steve turned his head to face him before resting his head against Danny's forehead, and a moment later he felt Danny's hand on the back of his neck. Devoutly, Steve closed his eyes. "I love you," he whispered to him in English.
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With a loud gasp and an uncomfortable tug in his back, Danny reached out his fingers and tried to fish for the tea towel that had fallen from the sideboard. The thing was just out of his reach! Growling, Danny thought of the most beautiful, non-juvenile swear words to banish it to the afterlife.
Instead of a small black hole carrying it away, the strong fingers of Steve emerged and lifted the cloth to place it in Danny's hands. "Here," it came softly from his lips with his typical wide grin.
Danny was not at all happy about this. His expression darkened and he glared at his partner. "I could have done this on my own!"
Steve straightened up and leaned against the sideboard with his arms folded. His ankles crossed and slightly he tilted his head. His expression was more inscrutable than the deepest lake. "I see, and when?"
"Why don't you let me get something done on my own for once! I'm not a little kid anymore! Grace has more freedom than me!", Danny shouted at him angrily. He slapped Steve's direction with the towel. He really hated it. They were constantly helping him without letting him try himself. They mothered him worse than his own. He was no longer a little child, but a grown man! Shouldn't he stand with both feet in life and master it? A hard stab shot through his guts. Yes, that's right! He could no longer stand on his feet! What use was he then?
A cry of rage came from the detective's throat and he glared at Steve. "Leave me alone!"
To avoid the angry storm, Steve actually beat a retreat and disappeared from the kitchen. Sitting down on the sofa, he stared dumbly at the switched-off television. He had long since ceased to be as confident as Danny had sounded in the hospital. The bitter reality of his paraplegia had caught up with him. Steve wanted so much to help him, but Danny wouldn't let him. He had to show him that there was another way, that Danny could live a full and fulfilling life, no matter what his legs said.
Determined, the Commander got up and went back to the kitchen where Danny was trying to run the household. The emphasis on 'trying' was very big at this point. Just then he tried to reach an upper cupboard where the cups were stored. A strangled sound escaped his lips because his arms were not long enough to reach the door. Full of rage, he peppered the cup against the wall so that it jumped into a thousand shards. "Shit! Stupid! Thing! Cunt!!!" he roared at the cup and let out another cry of despair.
"Hey!", Steve abruptly measured him on impulse. All well and good that Danny was as stubborn as a tank, but that didn't mean the dishes had to suffer.
Danny wheeled round to face him. "Just say it! That I'm useless! Why don't you just leave me! What do you want with a cripple like me!"
"Damn it, Danny, you're made of more than your legs. Get that through your thick skull! I love you! And I want to help you so you can be independent again! There's such a thing as little household helpers. I'll put the most important things in the kitchen downstairs so that you can reach them, and your car can be converted so that you can drive on hand throttle. In this day and age, there are a lot of things that make life easier for a person who is in a wheelchair."
"I am and always will be a cripple, McGarrett! And your aids won't change that! They are what they say: assistive devices. I'll always need help!!!"
Steve stared at Danny for a moment, stunned, and shook his head. The last easy day was yesterday ... oh how right the Navy SEALs were! As the first tears began to form in the Commander's eyes, he turned angrily and reached for his jacket.
"Yes, go! Go on! Run away! Leave me! Serves me right! You social asshole!!!", Danny shouted after him in anger and reached for the knife block to throw one at him, but before Danny could get out of the kitchen, the wooden door was already crashing loudly into the lock. "I HATE YOU!!! YES I HATE YOU! STEVE McGARRETT!!!", Danny thundered after him in an even angrier voice, furiously knocking a vase off an end table. Flowers, water and shards scattered on the floor.
And then came the tears. They fell on him unexpectedly and made him sob. It hurt so much. So infinitely painful. He was no longer any use to anyone and was too stupid for the simplest things. A cripple. Why had he been left alive? Why did he still have to walk on Mother Earth?
With anger and sadness in his stomach, Danny moved his wheelchair to the veranda, where Steve had started to build a ramp on the edge, which Danny used to get into the garden. He hadn't finished yet. The sight of the construction site made him cry more. Damn it, McGarrett ... why are you doing this? What did I do to deserve this?
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Hours passed when Danny sat on the veranda, watching the sea and either crying bitterly or shouting angrily. In between, there were always phases in which he silently pondered his thoughts. Darkness had long since settled on the island when he heard a familiar voice at the door. "Danno?"
He wheeled around to her and saw Grace standing in the doorway. In her arms she held a cuddly monkey. She'd had that since she was a baby. Back then the monkey had been bigger than the baby and Rachel had been constantly afraid that the monkey would choke her. "Y-you ... are here?"
"It's Saturday, Danno. Why were you fighting?"
Danny brushed the tears from his eyes and wrinkled his nose. "Come here, my monkey!" He opened his arms and before he knew it Grace was sitting on his lap and snuggling close to her father. She pressed the monkey between them. Danny put his arms around her, enjoying this closeness that had become so foreign to him lately. Gently he pressed a kiss to Grace's forehead. "That can happen between adults."
"Are you breaking up, like you and Mom?" asked Grace, shyly and fearfully. Danny closed his eyes, realising the memories this had stirred in his daughter, even though he and Rachel had always made sure Grace had never been around. He realised that children were neither deaf nor stupid. Gently, he gave her a kiss on the hair. "No. I'll never leave Steve. I promise. I love him more than anything in the world."
"But then why did you hurt him? Daddy's been gone for hours. Please, Danno, find him!"
His daughter's words awakened an uneasy tingle in Danny. He broke away from Grace and looked at her seriously. "I promise." With those words, he pushed her off him and rolled inside the house. He reached for his keys to the Camaro and left the house.
He opened the driver's door and heaved himself awkwardly into the car. It was only when his eyes fell on the pedals that he realised he couldn't drive. Cursing, he slapped the steering wheel, inadvertently setting off the horn. Cursing even more, he reached for his mobile phone and called Grover. He didn't want to explain his predicament to Chin or Kono, but the grumpy captain would help him.
"Where's the fire, Williams?" rang out Grover's growling, grumpy voice. He was almost certainly already home with his family and was not taking the interruption lightly.
Danny mustered all his strength. "I hate to interrupt, but Steve's been gone for hours. I'm worried he's going to do something stupid."
"Why do I have to do the task force's dirty work lately?" the man growled, rolling his eyes.
"Because I trust you, Lou. I know you can't stand Steve, but Grace is incredibly worried about him. And so am I. We've been butting heads pretty hard."
Grover grumbled in disgruntlement. "All right, I'll look for him. But it better not have been a false alarm!"
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Nightlife had a firm grip on the island and despite the fairly bright night, none of the night owls noticed that for the longest time a lone figure stood at the railing of the bridge, wondering whether it made sense to just let himself fall or whether there was any reason to go on living.
That someone was none other than Steve McGarrett, tears glistening wetly on his cheeks. The argument with Danny had escalated and gotten deeper under his skin than he had wanted. Actually, they had argued about basic and completely trivial things, but it made the commander incredibly angry and sad at the same time when he had to fight the stubbornness of this man every day, to whom life obviously meant little and he trampled every support Steve gave him.
In no way did McGarrett want to have to imagine what it was like to have to live without feeling in his legs, but he had seen enough comrades lose an arm or a leg who hadn't buried their heads in the sand like the detective had either. Yes, life was different and yes, it meant that a lot of things changed, but that didn't make Danny useless.
Angry and sad at the same time, Steve wiped the tears from his eyes as he continued to hold onto the bridge railing with the other. Still undecided whether to let go or not.
"If someone had told me a few months ago that I was standing on a bridge in the middle of the night to stop Steve McGarrett from jumping, I would have flipped them the bird and replied that I was giving him all the push he needed so that his arrogant face couldn't annoy anyone anymore," grumbled the disgruntled voice of SWAT Captain Lou Grover, leaning against the railing with his arms folded. Only slightly, he glanced to the side to look at the commander in half-profile.
Completely perplexed, Steve stood outside the bridge railing looking down at the Honolulu skyline. So much beauty and so much tranquillity and none of the people living down there had any idea what burdens lay upon Steve. What he had to deal with and what there was to deal with.
"He just won't let me help him," Steve brought out in despair. It cut deep into his soul that Danny was so stubborn. He hung his head and again felt the hot tears flow silently down his cheek.
"McGarrett, let's get out of here first and then I'll buy you a beer - or two or three ...", Grover grinned broadly, making the Commander laugh too. He held out his hand, which Steve gratefully accepted and let him help him back onto the bridge.
Grover took the man in his arms and hugged him tightly. "For a moment I really thought you were going to jump, McGarrett."
Steve laughed humourlessly. "For a moment I thought I was letting go, too. But damn it, I'm way too attached to my life!"
They disengaged from each other and patted each other on the back. Together they left the bridge and stepped towards Grover's dark green SUV. "How did you find me, Lou?", Steve wanted to know from him thoughtfully, "I had my mobile phone switched off ..."
"Your car has police GPS." A broad grin flitted across the captain's lips.
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"... by then I was wondering what a Detective Williams was doing carrying around this outrageous amount of expanders in his boot. Especially since the Camaro has neither sufficient transport capacity nor a trailer hitch," Steve told me in a delighted voice and half finished his second beer.
Grover half leaned on the bar counter and looked at the soldier with interest. "And what did Danny do then? Dangle the guy off the roof with it?"
"He doesn't bother with trivial things like that. No. He took the guy and pinned him to the bonnet of the Camaro. After that, he got into the car and rushed down the street worse than I did with our suspect. I was expecting us to crash any second. And then he always claims that I am negligent with our suspect! I'm a little rougher with them too, but at least I don't put those guys, myself or my partner in serious mortal danger."
Grover grinned broadly and a deep laugh escaped his throat. "And I bet Mister Jersey Cop had a very mundane explanation for that."
"Oh yes, he did. After all, when I asked him about him always calling me a lunatic, he said flat out that you can't compare the two, that they're two different things."
The SWAT captain put his bottle back on the counter. "He's not that wrong. You're a little more daring in interrogation methods, which may well go with the circumstances of what you were dealing with before, but Williams is clearly nuts."
"Don't you tell him that, Lou. Danny will beat you to death for it on his own authority!" grinned Steve cheekily. Again he drank from his bottle and let the bartender know he wanted another refill. As soon as Lou had also finished his bottle, he switched to mineral water, after all he still had to drive them both home and a drunken cop at the wheel didn't necessarily go down well with his boss.
"Tell me Steve ... so far I've only heard rumours, but who was it that did this to you?" asked Lou in a soft, almost shy voice.
Steve looked up from his bottle, from which he had begun to peel away the label. A hard haze shot into his eyes and made him swallow. Briefly he narrowed his eyes. "That was Harun Massoud ad-Qadi. An Afghan who grew up in the Hindu Kush in a small village. I fell into his captivity after covering my team's retreat. Until the moment I found Danny in the house, I had absolutely no idea that Massoud was the string puller. Before that, I was firmly of the opinion that he had also been tortured by Hakim, which was his alias, and that he was my friend.
That was a harsh awakening when I realised that my mind had played tricks on me. I should have stopped this, with Danny's injury. That he's in a wheelchair now."
"McGarrett, you can't stop things like that. You were under some pretty heavy drugs and it must have taken a lot of strength and willpower for you to kill a person you cared about very much. That kind of thing is hard and it can break down even the best soldier," Grover tried to make the man feel better.
Steve shook his head. "That's not what I mean. But rather, I could have ended this ten years ago if I hadn't latched onto that love and used my wits instead. I pulled the mask off my tormentor then and it was clearly Massoud's face, but I didn't want to admit it to myself that I was so deceived and made up a story instead. If I had told you then that Massoud was Hakim, we wouldn't have an angry, hopeless Danny sitting in a wheelchair today."
"When did you find out about Massoud tormenting you - back then?" echoed Grover gently, studying the thoughtful looking man. He looked haggard and had lost some weight. His cheeks were sallow and it was clear that his current situation was eating him up inside.
Steve, meanwhile, put the paper aside completely and reached for the new bottle of beer. He took a few sips before replying. "I only realised it now, after I've had time to think about it all."
"The time just hasn't been right for you to know the truth over the last few years, Steve. You are absolutely not to blame. Even if Massoud hadn't killed Danny but a complete stranger, you would have blamed yourself the same and both are stupid. We should focus on the good: on the fact that Danny is still alive and you were able to stop Massoud before more people died. Danny will bounce back and regain his former strength. He won't be on the front line anymore, but he'll still be a good partner to you - both in private and on duty."
"Thank you, Lou. What did I do to deserve that?" asked Steve, his eyes shining wetly.
The captain grinned broadly and laughed throatily. "Not really at all, because I don't like you, McGarrett, but you've accumulated just as much crap along the way as I have. And to be honest, I was pretty jealous of your task force. Who doesn't want their own team that gets to cross pretty much every line?"
Now it was Steve's turn to laugh out loud. "Crossing boundaries? Those days died with Pat Jameson. Governor Denning keeps us on a pretty tight leash. If we even begin to go in the wrong direction, he threatens us with disbanding the team. The fool's licence is just an illusion to make the gangsters have a little more respect for us."
"Good to know, McGarrett, good to know!"
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If Danny could have, he would have tapped his foot nervously. As it was, only his fingers tapped the armrest in rapid rhythm as it got later and later. He had promised Grover to be patient and not to call him. But with every hour that passed, Danny grew more nervous.
Had something happened? Was McGarrett all right? Had he messed up?
Endless questions and accusations ran through Danny's mind. Next to him, Grace lay snuggled up on the sofa, asleep. She had wanted to wait with her Danno for Steve's return, but had then fallen asleep. He had gently placed a blanket over his daughter's petite body.
At just before midnight, headlights illuminated the living room for a brief moment before they were switched off. Car doors banged and indistinct voices of two men could be heard. Shortly after, the front door opened and Lou walked in with Steve at his side. The glazed eyes and slightly swaying body immediately told Danny that the commander was drunk as a skunk. But he couldn't have cared less.
Relieved, he rolled towards the two of them. "Steve! Are you all right?"
"Miiiirsss sssguuutt?" the drunken man in Lou's arms slurred, trying to fixate on Danny, whom he was in all probability not just seeing double. To help him get a bearing, he put his hand on his hip. Questioningly, he looked over at the captain, who carefully disengaged the commander's arm from his shoulder. "He's had a bit too much to drink, but don't hold it against him," Grover asked the detective in a gentle voice.
Danny didn't much care. "And if he'd made a fool of himself drinking with Russians at a bet, I wouldn't give a damn, as long as he's back with me, mental state aside. Thanks, Lou, for bringing him home."
"You're welcome, but next time you'd better pick him up," the captain winked and disappeared from the house.
"Come on, Steve, you'd better sit down first. You can't walk a straight step," Danny pronounced solicitously and managed to manoeuvre the much larger and heavier man into the armchair.
Steve grinned wryly. "Weisss ssssuu iiiich lllllllove you!" he continued to mumble, tapping Danny's chest several times in an uncoordinated and somewhat painful manner.
"I'll love you even more when you've slept off your drunkenness and sobered up." He turned to fetch the Commander a woollen blanket when Steve turned him towards him. A surprised squeak came from his throat. The commander pressed his lips firmly to his mouth and clearly Danny smelt the foul odour of alcohol that surrounded Steve, like a cloud. He had to control himself not to make a face. He absolutely did not want to know how much alcohol Steve had poured down his throat since the afternoon to be so drunk. "Koommmm heeeer mmmmeinnn diiieschrrrr!"
"Steve, we've ...!", Danny was already starting to protest, but Steve was busy unbuttoning his partner's shirt with erratic, shaking hands.
Behind them, Grace sat up sleepily and rubbed her eyes. "Daddy?" she asked sleepily.
Instantly, Steve paused and Danny took advantage of the moment to propel himself out of the reach of Steve's arms. Just in time, Grace had prevented worse from happening before she would have witnessed a live porno of her fathers. One thing was for sure, Steve wouldn't be getting any more alcohol between his fingers any time soon. Even the rum cake was off!
"Oh ... Grrrasssie!" slurred Steve sheepishly, blushing like a tomato.
The girl flung her blanket aside and fell around her daddy's neck, but then screwed up her face in disgust. "Ewww! You stink, daddy! Go take a shower first and then I'll love you."
Without a word back, the Navy SEAL stood up and staggered up the stairs to comply with his daughter's request. With his mouth down, Danny sat in his wheelchair with the second woollen blanket in his hand. Slightly he shook his head. "Sometimes I wish I was as talented as you, monkey."
She shrugged. "Danno, I'll teach you that too!"