Chapter Text
Watching the door to Francesca flat shut in face, Michael felt his heart drop clean to his toes.
“I think I'm in love with you…” ringing through his ears, the words hammering at his heart, the words she had spoken to him as they walked home had completely discombobulated him. She wanted a fairy-tale, she wanted the sort of love that Benedict and Sophie shared, that they had witnessed that very evening and Michael was sure he would not be worthy of Francesca Bridgerton, and he would never be worthy of the woman that she had become.
He was desperate, he wanted a love like her. He was sick of waking up alone. He might have had a reputation before left for India, a reputation that followed him around that country but the moment he had stepped foot back on English soil and he had reconnected with Fran and everyone else… he found it impossible to go back to his old ways, fucking anything and anyone what would let him.
He would always leave before the morning came and wake up alone. He didn’t want that anymore. He wanted Francesca, he needed her like he needed air.
He had missed his chance, she had shut the door in his face, the moment she had announced that she was in love with him, he should have stepped forward and swept her into his arms and kissed her…
But he had completely froze. He had panicked.
He tried the door, he knocked, but there was no response. His heart ached… he had told himself he was over her when he was away, he told himself that he had her go, as the tears he had shed over Francesca over the years, in private, that had splattered his shirt like paint, staining his shirt and his heart, he told himself that he would move on… he would fight his own corner and move on…
But the moment he had come back, it all came rushing back and here he was, standing on the street in the middle of London, paint splattered teardrops on his shirt again...
He knocked again but there was no response. His heart felt like it had been cut from his chest with a rusty knife. He had gone and missed his chance. “Frannie please” he moaned at the closed door… his hand pressed to the wood as his heart pounded…
Nothing.
With a heavy sigh, tears falling down his handsome features he walked away, feeling like he was leaving his heart behind.
Maybe tonight, when he got home he would call her… after he turns his blood to alcohol. Alcoholic oblivion was the only thing that would make this pain and hurt go away.
And that is what he did.
He phoned John first… his brother, his cousin, the most important person to him, save for Francesca.
He only remembered parts of their conversation. He remembered John telling him that, that it was obvious to him how Michael felt about Francesca all those years ago, and it was part of why he broke up with her. He liked Fran well enough, he could have seen them marrying and being happy but he knew that Fran was better suited for Michael, and Michael was the right man for her.
He told Michael to be honest with Fran. Just to tell her everything… the truth…
How on earth was he supposed to do that. He wanted to ring Sophie, she was always good with the advice but he had the strangest sensation that he if he called Sophie tonight of all nights, that Benedict might actually beat the living shit out of him… you do not call a newly engaged couple, especially when said couple could barely keep their hands off each other on the floor.
He fired a message to Penelope, she knew something about unrequited love… she had just replied with a just tell her the truth.
Colin had sent the same to him along with mate you're interrupting… but you need to tell Frannie the truth.
Two bottles of Kilmartin Whiskey later, Michael Stirling was lying on the floor of his flat phone in his hand, calling Francesca… it didn’t even ring, just went to voicemail, that was never a good sign.
“Frannie… please” he slurred slightly into the phone “I am sorry… I fucked up” he said as his world blurred before him, it was not often that Michael Stirling managed to get himself blind drunk, in fact the only time he was sure it had happened was after
“I just want to hold ya… Give me a little time please… give me a chance… we can make this work. I don’t want this to burn out. I don’t want to play hide and seek to turn this around, i don't want to run away anymore… All i want is the taste that your lips will allow. I want you all Frannie… please… I just want your love, please give me your love. I will give you mine… all of me”
Michael hiccupped and the call ended.
He tried again, not caring that it was 4am… and he could barely see as he dialled her number again.
“I’ve never left like this before Frannie… it scared me. You make me feel like never before… I've been craving more. I want everything with you Frannie… it’s been a while but I still feel the same… I have since the day I met you… please Frannie… call me…. I love you” he said with a final slur as the phone fell from his hand and he passed out.
Alcoholic oblivion won out in the end and Michael Stirling slept on his floor, unaware he was going to be woken in a few hours by a loud and persistent banging on his door.
~*~
Francesca Bridgerton had always been careful in her opinions, her thoughts and what she said and how she acted. She was more reserved than her siblings, she watched the carnage unfold and worked out how to use that to her advantage whilst staying quiet.
She was referred to as the sly one, always watching and waiting for her moment.
When John broke up with her when she was 16 it had hurt, it had really hurt… but what had hurt more… was Michael jumping on a plane and leaving, she didn’t hear from him for 5 years. She thought she knew what heartbreak was when John left and went to Scotland but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt when Michael went.
It had confused her but she swept it under the rug, masked her emotions and carried on with her life. She worked hard. She went to University and she graduated last year with a First. She had still gone and done her advertising and marketing like she had planned with John and Michael as it was the only thing that seemed to make sense to her, she loved her music but she knew how hard it was to pursue a career in that so, she wanted to do something useful.
At least this way she could still join a family business, just it would be her own, which she hadn’t wanted to do… she had wanted to join Kilmartin, she had all these wonderful ideas on how to expand but instead, in a few months once Sophie launched her brand, she was going to work with Penwood, rather than directly with Bridgerton.
She had everything planned, she was meticulous, and that was until her phone had rung those few weeks ago, Michael Stirling had flashed on her phone. Her heart had fluttered as she answered.
Michael was coming home.
Then he was home, and they fell back into that same easy friendship they had 5 years ago, it was like nothing had changed but in fact everything had changed.
Francesca was an adult now, and her entire body had fluttered when she saw him again. Still tall dark and handsome but even more so for his years in India. It was like her heart had suddenly jolted back into life after so many years of being dormant and she realised something in that moment.
She had missed him. More than missed him in fact, it was like part of her soul had been missing and it had finally come back and clicked back into place.
She had tried to fight it, she really had, over the next few weeks she had tried to fight the feelings that were creeping over her but it was no use.
She knew the truth. She was falling, if not already in, love with Michael Stirling and that terrifies her. Michael Stirling wasn’t one to love a woman, he bounced around from woman to woman, the occasional man thrown in for good measure… and she was sure that to him, she was nothing more than a friend and his cousin’s ex-girlfriend.
It was all Penelope and Colin’s fault she decided as she closed the door, they had gotten her a little more drunk than usual, they had both told her to tell him… and so she had.
She had whispered her confession into the dark after he had walked her home… telling him the truth in her heart and she watched as the blank and vacant expression on his face and her heart felt, once again, like it was being ripped from her chest.
The pain she felt was excruciating and the worst pain she had ever felt in her life.
He didn’t say anything and so she closed the door, not only to him but to her heart. Clearly it was not in her nature to find the love that her three older brother’s now had. She had wanted her own love story… She was desperate for it. She had dated a few guys but she found she always compared them to Michael. It wasn’t until the last few weeks that she realised that, that was who she compared them to.
She hated waking up alone but she knew now, that was her fate.
As the door clicked closed she ran up stairs and threw herself onto her bed, grabbing her large stuffed bear, buried her face into and sobbed.
She didn’t hear the door, she heard nothing but her own sobs as she fell asleep. Her heart breaking as she cried herself once again to sleep over Michael Stirling.
She had wanted to call her brothers, she had wanted to call one of her sisters… but no one would understand, they were all so happy, lost in their own loves and lives… they didn’t need Francesca and her problems.
When Franesca woke, her throat was dry and sore, her head ached and she felt sick. A run would make her feel better. It usually did.
She dressed in her running gear, and ignoring the voicemails on her phone 2 from Michael and another from a number she didn’t recognise, ignoring the messages from Colin and Penelope, and weirdly one from Sophie… she plugged herself into her phone, stuck on her running playlist and left the house.
The morning was a chilly one but the breeze and the air were just right, it was perfect conditions.
She ran her usual 5k and stopped to get a coffee and a chocolate twist from her usual vendor on the outskirts of her local park and sat on the bench and finally gave into the curiosity of the messages.
Reading the texts first they only confused her.
Ben’s better half - You should tell Mike how you feel, Fran. I’ve told Mike the same, it's rather obvious… you deserve to be happy Fran and I can see how happy he makes you… I hope he listens and tells you. Xxxxxxx
Fran heaved a sigh, poor sweet Sophie, she always saw the best in everyone and clearly she saw Fran’s feelings but she had to have interpreted Mike’s. Fran had never known Michael to hold back on anything… and he had last night.
The next was from Colin.
Human Waste Bin - Fran and Mike sitting in a treeeeeeeeeee… Fran you NEED to tell him how you feel!!! He loves you! We can all see it! Don’t wait like I did…. LOVE YA LITTLE SIS.
She rolled her eyes. Colin clearly was just drunk and the king of nearly missing his chance. She had told him, it had broken her heart.
Penny: Hey Fran. I hope I am not overstepping but like Mike won’t shut up talking about you. Like he’s really in love with you Fran… i think he’s just afraid to tell you. He’s messaged me tonight to ask what to do… I just wanted to let you know. I know how hard it is, I am sure you feel the same as him, I can see it in your eyes when you look at him. Please consider telling him. Love Pen xxx
Penelope was the queen of unrequited love, they all knew that. Three messages from people Michael knew well… all telling her to tell him, which she had done… without needing to be told…
Francesca picked at her chocolate twist her stomach feeling unsettled but in the quiet of the morning, alone in the middle of the park she dialled her voicemail…
The first nearly made her fall off her chair…
“Hey Frannie… I am really hoping this is still your number… Mike said it was… but it’s… it’s er John… Long time no speak… *nervous chuckle* listen I know i’m probably the last person that you want to hear from, but I’ve just had Mike on the phone, he sounded rather distraught and thinks he’s completely fucked up *sighs* Listen Fran… I know it's been awhile but I wanted to tell you, when we broke up, it was nothing you did. I really did love you, but I also knew Mike did as well. It was obvious. You and him make more sense than we ever did, we would have been happy and I know that but I know in my heart, as I am sure you do as well… that you and he would make more sense than you and I ever would… He made you laugh in a way I never could. Anyway… I should probably go. It’s late but Fran… think about it and erm… gimme a ring sometime it would be good to catch up if you fancy it…”
Francesca sat there, her heart pounding as she stared at her phone.
John fucking Stirling…
After 5 years, calling her and explaining, when he broke up with her he’d basically just said “it’s me not you…” and left, nothing more, nothing less and he was just… no more. Last she’d heard he was engaged or married or something…
But now… she got her reasons, 5 years later. On a day when she was already so confused… saying it was because she and Mike made more sense. Yes they shared the same sense of humour and John had never made her laugh like him but he had been her first love, her first well… everything…
With a heavy sigh she clicked onto the voicemail messages from Michael and listened as her heart hammered
“Frannie… please… I am sorry… I fucked up… I just want to hold ya… Give me a little time please… give me a chance… we can make this work. I don’t want this to burn out. I don’t want to play hide and seek to turn this around, i don't want to run away anymore… All i want is the taste that your lips will allow. I want you all Frannie… please… I just want your love, please give me your love. I will give you mine… all of me”
He sounded more drunk that Francesca had ever heard him and her heart ached, was it the alcohol speaking… or his heart? She had no idea and before she could even stop to process his words, the next message kicked in.
“I’ve never left like this before Frannie… it scared me. You make me feel like never before… I've been craving more. I want everything with you Frannie… it’s been a while but I still feel the same… I have since the day I met you… please Frannie… call me…. I love you”
Her heart hammered at the last words… “I love you”
She remembered something that her brothers used to say… Drunken words are Sober thoughts…
Did he really? She had to know. She needed to know if it was true or if it was just drunken ramblings, she would never be able to move on and begin to repair her broken heart if she didn’t.
Swilling her coffee and chewing the last bite of her twist she began to run again, slowly so not to get a stitch but she soon found she couldn’t wait.
Her legs burning with the lactic acid as she ran as fast as her feet and lungs would allow, she ran across London, not caring it was only 830 in the morning when she got to Michael’s flat and started banging on the front door, loudly.
He was likely to have a hangover, Francesca knew that but she didn’t care, she needed to know. She needed to know now.
“MICHAEL STIRLING OPEN THIS DOOR” she said banging loudly on the door.
She hammered and hammered for a good 5 minutes before it opened, a dishevelled looked Michael, looking completely broken stood at the door and muttered all of one word at her “Fran…”
Francesca burst past him and stormed into his flat. Michael had never seen her looking so serious and set as she stalked past him.
His head was pounding and he had very little memory from the night before from getting home once his call to John ended he picked up the whiskey and then his memory was hazy.
He followed her in trying his best not to throw up…
“Did you mean this” she said thrusting her phone out and showing him it.
“Mean what?” he asked her blinking in confusion.
“Your voicemails… both of them?” she demanded as she put it down on the table.
Michael shifted uncomfortably he had no idea what he said but he assumed it must have been serious enough for her to have come off her morning run to come here instead.
He swallowed.
“DID YOU?” she demanded
“I can’t remember what I said” he admitted.
Francesca felt her heart sink. It was just drunken ramblings, it wasn’t the truth “very well” she said, trying not to let her heart break but she wasn’t doing a good job of keeping it off her face and she moved to leave. “Sorry for bothering you” she said and went to walk past him.
He had no idea what he had said, but he knew he couldn’t let her walk away from. Not again…
“Wait…” he croaked and his hand shot out to grab hers. “Fran… please just wait…” he said to her pleadingly.
“You can have 5 minutes” she said and sat down on his sofa and stared at him expectantly. Her arms crossed over her chest as she waited.
Michael took a deep breath “I don’t know what I said last night but... “ he said walking over and taking a quick sip of water to wash his dry mouth out.
“I know the last 5 years I've spent money trying to forget you, it’s why I ran away. I’ve spent a lot of time in good company as you know but I know I caused a lot of pain and it was nothing compared to the pain I caused myself… it was trying to forget you, so yes i can’t recall my memories from last night… but I’ve spent many a year trying to be merry, to be happy and just… what people expected me to be. This man who just fucks and sleeps around… I regret leaving, I am sorry for going away… for all the sweethearts that I had… no one them were you… I know they all wanted more, they wanted me to stay but I couldn’t”
He paused and took another sip of water, he had come this far now he had to keep going… “I didn’t know until last night about John, about it falling to me and my feelings being the reason… it.. Feels to have fallen to my lot, that your heart seemed to get broken not just once cause of me… but twice maybe even three times and I will never forgive myself for that…” he said as he walked, he had started pacing, nervous energy filling his legs
“I learnt a lot whilst I was away. A man may drink and not get drunk, A man may fight and may not get slain, A man may want to court a pretty girl and fuck it up completely, perhaps he would run away and still perhaps be welcomed back again… and that was what I was hoping when I came home… maybe I could be welcomed back and we could pick back up… i thought my feelings had gone and we could be friends again… but they had not… I just wanted to continue where we had left off, that easy friendship and anything else was a bonus, to just be a joy to all, that was what I used to be and that was what I assumed I would be now…” he admitted as he looked down at his feet, one foot with a sock on the other not… he as an absolute mess.
Francesca just looked at him, none of what he had said made the remotest bit of sense to her… it was mostly gibberish and she wondered if he was still drunk.
“Mike… I… I don’t understand! I told you how I felt… you froze on me! You just… did not say anything” she said, her words soft and trying not to betray the hurt she felt
Michael sighed, he was frustrated, his head was throbbing and he was making no sense, so he spat out angrily. “It’s because I love you, damn me to hell. Because I’ve always loved you. Because I loved you when you were with John, and I loved you when I was in India, and God only knows I don’t deserve you, but I love you, anyway.”
Francesca blinked at his outburst “you… you love me?”
“Goddammit Fran… I loved you 5 years ago, I loved you then, I loved you now, I always have and I always will…” he said standing starting straight at her, panting with the exertion of his declaration.
Francesca felt her heart squeeze with happiness, she knew from what John had said in his message that he would be happy for them, she knew her family would be… she could be happy, she could have everything she wanted.
She got up from her seat, not caring that Mike smelled like a whiskey distillery, she threw herself into his arms with a cry of “Oh Michael” and planted her lips to his in a firey passionate kiss.
There was a new sense of belonging, as their lips moulded together. He kissed her slowly, gently, taking the time to explore her, to relish every moment. His hands slid along the fabric of her running gear , and she moaned as the fabric bunched under his fingers.
“I love you,” he whispered, deciding there was no use in holding the words to himself any longer. His lips moved across her cheek to her ear, and he nibbled gently on her lobe before moving down her neck to the delectable hollow at the base of her throat.
“I love you too” She whispered, trying not to groan at the sensation of his tongue on her neck.
“Frannie…” he said as he let his hands roam to her bottom and gave it a light squeeze “let me show you…” he said, his voice husky and full of promise. “Show you how much I love you… let me… let me… please” he said.
Francesca took a little step back, her eyes meeting his with a wicked glint “show me Michael… show me your wicked ways” she grinned as he groaned and scooped her bottom up and as she wrapped her legs around his waist, she knew the meaning of passion, the meaning of love… and she was going to give it everything she had.