Chapter Text
clarke had thought--or, more accurately, hoped--that she'd be relieved when the silly dinner date was over and done with, that she'd be able to put it behind her and have enough time to recuperate gracefully before the wedding. instead, she's now trying to keep from having a full-blown panic attack in the parking lot of the restaurant.
the moment finn's car pulls out of the lot, clarke sucks in a strangled breath, and bellamy's hand falls on her shoulder, heavy yet comforting.
"hey, c'mon," he urges. "breathe. it's okay."
clarke covers her face with her hands. she feels like such an idiot. partly for looking like such a fool in front of a stranger, but more for ever thinking she could handle watching finn get married to another woman. even the thought of being more involved in it, being his best woman like she'd just agreed to do, make her gasp for more breath.
"clarke. c'mon." bellamy's hands are gentle on her, yet his words hold no pity. for that clarke's glad, at least.
he guides her over to the sidewalk so she can sit and put her head between her knees. by the time they're both settled, she's mostly all right. just trying to keep from crying now.
"you're still in love with him, aren't you?"
clarke sniffs pathetically. "it's all right, you don't have to pretend like it's not the most obvious thing in the world. that must've been a pretty entertaining dinner to sit through."
bellamy makes a disapproving noise. he leans back, hands resting on the sidewalk, one right by clarke's hip.
"loving someone isn't something to be ashamed of, or put yourself down for," he says in a soft voice. "not really something you can help, is it?"
clarke sighs and says, "guess not. i've never been able to help it when it comes to finn."
"when did you realize you were in love with him?"
clarke can't quite imagine bellamy actually cares about hearing this sad history of hers, but when she glances over at him, his eyes are trained on her face and expectant. for a moment, she's distracted by their deep brown shade.
"i'm not really sure. i think it was something that was just always there." she sits up a bit and hugs her knees to her chest. "i'd always thought finn was the coolest. my parents and i moved into a house down the street from his when we were kids, and we hit it off instantly. we've been through a lot of shit together. stuff in my family has been--complicated," she says, shaking her head as she gazes absently in front of her. "but finn was always there. i knew things would change when we went to different colleges, but i never thought this much. i told myself it'd be good to spend time apart to get over him, but i was fooling myself. i was never ready to get over him. still not."
bellamy's quiet for a bit, but eventually clarke feels his broad hand on the small of her back, rubbing a little before he pats her back.
"know what i think?"
she leans her cheek on her knees to look at him. "what?"
he cracks a small grin. "i think you need a drink. that champagne wasn't nearly enough."
his words are so surprising that they wrench a laugh from clarke. but then she realizes he isn't just being funny--he's got that expectation in his eyes again.
"what--now?" she says. bellamy shrugs.
"well, you shouldn't drink alone," he says reasonably.
"but--but you don't want to hang out with pathetic me," clarke says. she ignores his protest and speaks over him to add, "besides, you've done too much for me already. don't you want to get back to your night? i've ruined all your plans."
bellamy shakes his hand and starts to heave himself up into a standing position.
"hardly. octavia--my sister--left an hour ago. if anything, she's the one who ruined my plans. but i'm used to that." his smile is goodnatured as he holds a hand out to clarke. "c'mon, drinks are on me. i know a good place not too far from here."
to be honest, clarke isn't one to drink away her woes often, much less with someone she met just a few hours ago. everything bellamy's done, if looked at the right way, could be taken as a little creepy. but clarke has felt nothing but comforted from him, oddly enough. he's been just about the only good thing about this night, and pouring out her heart to him just now hasn't been awkward. it's been...good. almost like she feels when she pours her heart out to finn.
"if you're sure," she says as a last-ditch effort to get him to reveal his true feelings. but bellamy's grin only widens.
"i'm sure."
clarke isn't surprised at all when putting her hand in his to leave with him feels as natural as breathing.