Chapter Text
The morning after Leia’s funeral, Rey woke to the sun filtering through her room, bright motes dancing in the beams. The entire city government shut down for the day in her honor, so Rey didn’t have anywhere to be and lay for a moment in drowsy comfort. But as she stretched and turned over her pillow, she groggily remembered Ben was sleeping on her couch. Ben Solo was sleeping on her couch. She suddenly became fully alert. The night before, they stayed up late on the couch talking, as Ben told his family’s story and they discussed his defection from Snoke and eventually First Order. Leia asked Rey before her death to take care of Ben--specifically asked her to pick him up when he was released, arranged a car for her, and gave her a key to his disused apartment. Yesterday, she felt her role had purpose and did her best to offer comfort to a grieving friend while mourning herself. But this morning, the reality of Ben Solo sleeping on her couch and the prospect of a day with no defined purpose or agenda hit differently. She felt restless, uncertainty creeping into her core and bringing with it all the turbulent feelings that had followed his letter to her 3 months ago. I will always be thankful I met you. I do understand why he came to love her .
Rey reached for her phone. 8:27am--late enough for a text to the one person who knew about Ben’s letter and its effect on her.
Rose, are you up?
Rose Tico: Hey, friend. Yeah. How are you doing this morning?
Panicking.
Rose Tico: That isn’t exactly the emotion I expected.
Ben Solo is sleeping on my couch.
Rose Tico: Wait, what? He spent the night at your place??
You know Leia asked me to meet him and help him through the funeral.
She gave me a key to his apartment and I gave it to him and all but it didn’t seem like he ought to be alone so I offered to let him stay here.
It seemed really logical last night but this morning…
Rose Tico: Hmm. I know you don’t want him to be lonely.
Rose Tico: Said with both serious compassion and sly eyebrow wiggles.
ROSE.
Not helping.
But also those two ideas are the issue, I’ll admit.
Rose Tico: Did you talk about the letter?
Absolutely not. Just stories about his family.
Didn’t matter yesterday but now I can’t stop thinking about it.
I don’t know if I should say something or do something or pretend it never happened.
Rose Tico: Okay, breathe. You are calm under pressure all the time. You got this.
Rose Tico: Don’t put pressure on yourself to figure it all out right now. You can give it time. Today just help him figure out what he needs to start getting back to normal life.
Yep. You’re right, of course.
I mean, this IS why I texted you.
Okay. I’m braving the kitchen for coffee. Wish me luck.
Rose Tico: Absolutely. You got this. Let me know how things go.
Rey dressed quickly in casual clothes and crept into the kitchen, having heard nothing from the living room. Ben appeared to still be asleep, with his face turned toward the back of the couch so Rey could see only his broad shoulders, dark hair, and the slow rise of his breath. She hesitated for a moment, wondering if she could manage coffee without making him. She crept to the counter, measured beans into her hand grinder, and began to crank. Thinking Ben was still asleep, she turned back toward the couch and nearly dropped the grinder when she found him awake and watching her over the back of the couch, hair wild from sleep and a faint imprint of a throw pillow on his cheek.
“Good morning, Ben,” she said with a shocking level of control, considering the way her stomach fluttered at the sight.
“Morning, Rey,” Ben muttered, blushing and staring down at the couch.
“Would you like some coffee? It’s a local roast from my subscription box--uh--let me see--” she turned to grab the bag from the counter.
Ben nearly groaned. “OH, you have no idea how much I’ve missed good coffee over the last 3 months.” He sprang up from the couch and into the kitchen, grabbing the bag of beans from Rey and inhaling deeply. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Heaven. Heaven is real and this is it.”
Rey continued to turn the crank of her hand grinder mechanically, but her brain had shorted out as pajama-clad Ben Solo had a spiritual moment with a bag of coffee beans approximately 3 inches away from her. She stared at him in disbelief. He set the bag down and looked at Rey, suddenly realizing how close he stood and glancing down at his attire.
“Well, I suppose this is awkwardly intimate, considering... I’d get dressed but I don’t have anything but suits and they seem a bit out of place at the moment.” Rey nodded. “Can I help?” He asked and reached for the coffee grinder, allowing his fingers to brush over Rey’s.
She inhaled sharply and turned away. “Sure, yeah. Sure. I’ll make some breakfast?” Ben made a vague noise he took as assent and she busied herself with preparations and conversation. “I can take you to your apartment after we eat, if you want. So you can get clothes and settle back in and whatnot. Leia gave me your keys. Wait, you know that already. I gave them to you yesterday.”
“Yes.”
“Cream cheese on your bagel?”
“Yes, please.”
The workspace in Rey’s kitchen was relatively small, so she never left Ben’s orbit much as she toasted bagels and added cream cheese, and she avoided making eye contact throughout the process. Ben finished grinding the coffee and added it to the french press Rey left sitting on the counter by the time she turned to hand him a bagel, just at the moment he reached for the water boiling in her goose-neck pot. The motion put them face-to-face and once again awkwardly--tantalizingly--close.
“Here’s this,” Rey said vaguely, offering up the plate she held. Ben reached to take it with one hand, without breaking eye contact, and Rey caught her breath as he lifted the other hand to her face and couldn’t so much as blink. Was he about to--
“You have some cream cheese just here,” he said softly, wiping it from her cheek.
“OH, thank you.” Rey felt foolish for thinking anything else might happen. She hadn’t seen the man in months (though it felt like no time had passed, now). She had never responded to the letter he sent, clearly asking her to stay away, but maybe hinting at something deeper in their relationship. She and Rose analyzed it thoroughly at the time, but in the end Rey found herself at an impasse, allowed uncertainty and the holiday season to fill up her time, and never worked up the courage to visit. Now, faced with Ben Solo in her apartment, she regretted how things had gone. She felt drawn to Ben more than ever, and wished she had confronted him about that weighted postscript.
But she reminded herself of Rose’s advice to take things one day at a time as they sat down to eat.
“After breakfast I can drive you to your apartment. Your mom arranged maintenance for it and I think she had some things, paperwork and whatnot, left there for you. One of her assistants dropped it off and picked up the suit for you to wear yesterday.”
“It would be just as easy to walk,” Ben replied. “It’s--actually only two blocks away. But I would appreciate your company on the walk, if you’re willing.”
“Sure. I’m happy to help with whatever you need to get things back to normal.” Rey feared she might be overstepping, but also didn’t think Ben had many other options for support. And she really did care for him.
After eating, Ben dressed in his suit and Rey disappeared for a few minutes to get ready. While he waited, he decided to try plugging in his phone. He’d been given the device with his things at his release, with the sim card taped to the outside and a dead battery, but assuming it wouldn’t work had simply shoved it into the pocket of his jacket. But knowing his mother had worked to maintain his apartment and left a packet of paperwork, he suspected she may have also maintained his accounts. He spotted a charging station on Rey’s kitchen counter with her smart watch and a spare cord attached. Soon, the phone powered up and seemed to work--so Ben decided to test it out by sending Rey a text.
“Just testing out my phone to see if it still works,” he sent. A moment later, the screen of Rey’s watch lit up:
Kylo Ren: Just testing…
Ben stared at the watch, reaching out to brush it with his hand. Kylo Ren. He was programmed as Kylo Ren . Because of the letter? he wondered, suddenly burning with curiosity. Shame and confusion rose within him as well. If she understood what he meant in that postscript, and never contacted him, surely that must mean she found his affection unwanted. But it was such a roundabout confession--perhaps she didn’t realize?
Ben still stared at the phone when he realized Rey had appeared by his side.
“Your text came through--so your phone still works. Must have been your mother’s doing.” She smiled at him. “Ready to go?”
“Yes, I saw--on your watch.” Did her eyes widen? “You--have me saved as Kylo Ren?”
“Yes.” Rey didn’t entirely seem to breathe.
“Is that--is it because of the letter I sent you?”
“Actually no, I did that when you first gave me your number, when you asked me to work on the Snoke case. You always reminded me of Kylo Ren, from the start--tall, dark, powerful, brooding, and, well--” She shrugged, looking sheepish.
“Evil,” he finished.
“Well, at the time, yeah. That was my perception, you know. But I think I always hoped for you to turn like Kylo. Luke actually called me out on it, when I asked him to tell me about the conflict between you.” The statement was some comfort to Ben, but he still needed to know what she thought about that damn letter. But before he could formulate a way to ask she went on. “I found it so interesting you seemed to make the same parallel in the letter you sent me.” So she did get that much, at least.
“Rey, did you--did you understand everything I meant to say.”
“I thought it was clear you didn’t want me to visit you. Which is why I didn’t; I would have otherwise.” She shrugged and became suddenly interested in the counter. “But there was that line: ‘I do understand why he came to love her.’” Rey hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. She was strong and bold as a lawyer--why not now? She raised her eyes to Ben’s, still trained intensely, searchingly on hers. “It could mean you love me. But I feared it was just my own wishful thinking making me interpret it that way.”
“Wishful thinking.” Rey nodded and Ben felt his face split into the biggest smile in--years, certainly. Maybe ever.
Rey nearly melted at that smile. And then she raised up on her toes, pulled him in and kissed him soundly. Ben responded with all the intensity she expected from him. But he eventually leans back, brief disbelief giving way to delight, and folded her into his arms. They simply stood in the kitchen holding each other, resting after all the turmoil and grief and hope they’d shared.
It was then Rey thought: after all the years of searching— this is home .