Chapter Text
Dean took it apart in his head, tore it up into little pieces and dissolved it like dye in water. He analyzed every single moment of the kiss that never ended, after it had ended of course. How Cas’ lips felt, and how they moved against his own. How he kept on crying, and Castiel’s tears mingled with Dean’s. It was surreal. An abstract notion at the periphery of Dean’s existence for years and years, buried deep down and smothered.
Everything, Cas had said.
This kiss was everything.
Talk about good timing.
After the fact, Dean couldn’t say how much time had elapsed while he and Cas were kissing in that clearing. He wasn’t aware of the slowing of the downpour or the adherence of his shirt to his slippery skin, nor the clouds drifting along above. He was too busy being reduced to nerve endings and muscle memory.
Dean didn’t have to think about where his hands were, or how hard he was gripping Castiel’s shoulder as they kissed and kissed. Cas certainly wasn’t holding back. His hands were in Dean’s hair and down his back and on his cheek and curled around his hip and retreating back to square one, blowing Dean straight out of the water with the gently sweeping pressure.
How have I lived without you?
And Dean pulled abruptly back then, subconsciously aware of every place where they were touching, but too curious and desperate and goddamn happy to continue until he’d made it categorically clear where they stood.
Castiel seemed to feel the same, judging by the mile-wide grin on his face and the gentle light in his eyes.
You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Cas.
“Likewise, Dean.” Dean startled and laughed, unaware he had said that out loud.
“Cas, how are you here? I mean, how are you back? I’m beyond happy, man. But we- I thought it was for good…”
Cas’ smile fell a little, and Dean swallowed a lump that had suddenly made itself known in his throat.
“It was Jack. He just showed up in the middle of one of my dreams, and after he explained everything he offered me a choice.”
Dean waited.
“He said that I could risk coming back as an angel, that he’d try everything in his power to pull me out with my grace, or he could cut my grace out and ensure that the Empty let me go without a struggle.”
“And you…” Dean trailed off, unsure of where this was going.
“I chose to cut out my grace. Jack risked a lot to retrieve me, and he would have risked even more that I’d be whole. But I couldn’t have asked that of him, Dean.”
“So, you’re, -you’re human?” Dean didn’t even know how Cas must’ve been feeling. “You’re good with that?”
And the smile came back again, this time wry. “I think I am. After all, life is what you make of it, right?”
“Now that Chuck’s dead, it is.” Dean agreed.
“I know of your concerns, especially because of my last experience as a human. But truthfully? I’m tired of being an angel, Dean. I’m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again, and I’m tired of being caught in the middle of what I want and who I was.” His face looked tired indeed, tension etched there like it had any business making a home in Cas.
“So what now?”
“You gave me the blade. I cut the strings tying me to heaven. I’m here, human, and quite frankly feeling a lot at once. You tell me what comes next.”
Dean reached down between them to grab Cas’ hand. He brought their interlaced fingers up to place them over his heart, which thumped its staccato rhythm like the thunder above.
“The future is whatever we want it to be. And I know my future ain’t worth a thing if it doesn’t have you in it.”
Cas looked at him then as if he were the most important component in the assembly of the universe, as if Dean was light itself.
“Dean,” he said, “however long my future may be, and I pray it’s a good number of years, I promise I’ll spend every moment of it with you.”
Dean caved in at long last, leaning in and pressing his mouth to Cas’ with none of the urgency of before. This kiss wasn’t a desperate hello after a tragic goodbye, but instead the lingering seal of a covenant between them. Dean took his time with this one. As Cas kissed back, he realized that this was all he’d ever need. Just two weary souls finding rest in one another at last. He wanted to carve this moment into the sky above. He wanted to shout his happiness out, wild and unexpected like lightning, and maybe he’d hear it echo off the surface of the moon.
Long ago, they had sat under a blanket of glittering night together. There had been so much unspoken between them at the time, and Dean thought it would remain that way until the end. But under a different night sky, Dean and Cas washed away the uncertainty of the past together. And as the storm cleared, neither of them bothered to look up at the stars that emerged once more, silent witnesses shining on their promise made in love.