Chapter Text
Mafuyu.
There’s a long silence that follows his announcement, but Mafuyu didn’t really expect that Hiiragi would know what to say immediately following, anyway. Things are still awkward and stiff between Hiiragi and Ritsuka, and maybe they’ll always be that way, but at least they’re able to be in the same room as the other person without starting arguments now. That’s definitely an improvement, and Mafuyu won’t bother either of the two to make things better than that. It might come with time, or it won’t. Some people just aren’t compatible, simple as that.
Mafuyu didn’t want this to come off as him rubbing the news in Hiiragi’s face, but he also couldn’t not tell his childhood friend that he’s getting married. It’s a strange tightrope-walk, definitely, and he doesn’t know which approach would be the best. In the end, however, Mafuyu still thinks that Hiiragi would rather know than to be kept in the dark because of his personal feelings towards Ritsuka.
“You know how I feel about him, Mafuyu,” Hiiragi finally says after a while. “But I know how he treats you, how he is around you and when you’re with other people. And I can’t really say I know of anyone who would be a better match for you.”
Mafuyu smiles a little. “Is that your roundabout way of giving us your blessing?”
“Yeah, right.” Hiiragi snorts. He gives Mafuyu a soft punch in the shoulder. “I’m happy for you, you know.”
“Thank you.”
Silence falls again, but this time, Mafuyu is the one who doesn’t know how to really say what he wants to say. Or ask, really. Hiiragi is the only person who makes sense for Mafuyu to ask, but once again, Mafuyu wonders if this would be to just make Hiiragi irate, to rub salt in his wounds or something similar. No, Mafuyu has to ask, has to know. It’s going to be his wedding day, and he wants the most important people in his life to be there for his union with Ritsuka.
So he may as well take the risk.
“Hiiragi.”
“Yeah?”
Mafuyu exhales slowly. “Do you think I should invite Saeko to the wedding?”
He half expects Hiiragi to explode, raise his voice, probably stand up from where they’re sitting on a park bench like two completely normal people. But Hiiragi doesn’t stand up, doesn’t immediately react in a drastic way like he tends to do. Perhaps he expected the question, Mafuyu thinks. Or maybe Hiiragi doesn’t think it’s a dumb idea, considering the role Saeko has had in their lives since they were very young.
“Yeah,” Hiiragi says. “She’d want to see you happy. Even if it’s… you know.”
Mafuyu sighs quietly in relief. “Yeah, I know.”
“Am I even invited to the wedding?”
Hiiragi’s question makes Mafuyu huff a little laugh. “Only if you promise not to take the priest up on his offer to ‘speak now’ if you have an interjection before Ritsuka and I are officially pronounced husbands.”
“Very funny,” Hiiragi replies dryly before he jokingly punches Mafuyu in the shoulder. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know.”
“What does your future husband think about inviting Saeko?”
Mafuyu shrugs lightly. “Ritsuka is fine with it. In fact, he kind of encouraged me to get in touch with her.”
“How about that,” Hiiragi says, and he laughs a little. “Then I don’t see why you shouldn’t.”
Mafuyu looks down at his hands in his lap, and his eyes are automatically drawn to the silver band adorning his left ring finger. It’s still something he has to get used to both wearing and seeing, but every time he looks at it, it’s a reminder of how far both he and Ritsuka have come, and a reminder of the future they have to look forward to together, as a married couple. Mafuyu can’t help but smile as he looks back up, out over the vast, endless ocean stretching out in front of him and Hiiragi.
He calls Saeko the next day to set up a meeting between him, Ritsuka, and Saeko herself. Just sending an invitation by mail wouldn’t have felt enough, considering how big of a role she’s had in Mafuyu’s life for so long. Even long after Yuki passed away, even after Mafuyu met and started dating Ritsuka, Saeko has been a constant in Mafuyu’s life that he’s ever so grateful for.
Days later, Mafuyu and Ritsuka meet Saeko over lunch in a quaint little Italian restaurant. It’s the first time Ritsuka meets Saeko officially, and he’s very visibly nervous about it. It’s a little strange, though, Mafuyu has to admit, for Ritsuka to meet the mother of Mafuyu’s childhood boyfriend now that they’re adults. Ritsuka technically doesn’t have a reason to meet Saeko, but he had insisted on Mafuyu inviting her to the wedding, and also said that he wouldn’t mind meeting her beforehand.
It’s now almost been a decade now since Yuki passed away, and in the time between then and now, Mafuyu’s entire life has changed in a way that Mafuyu back then would’ve never been able to imagine. Had Yuki still been alive, Mafuyu wouldn’t be with Ritsuka right now. Saeko wouldn’t have given him Yuki’s Gibson, and maybe he and Yuki would still be together. But Yuki was perhaps only meant to be Mafuyu’s ‘once-upon-a-time’, and Mafuyu now wants to make Ritsuka instead be his ‘forever’. They met for a reason which Mafuyu may never really find out, but it’s something he doesn’t want to take for granted.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” Saeko says to Ritsuka across the table. “Officially, that is.”
Ritsuka nods. He still looks nervous, and Mafuyu tries his best to ground Ritsuka, to calm his nerves a little, by holding Ritsuka’s hand under the table. He can’t help but let his fingertips softly run over the smooth edge of Ritsuka’s engagement ring—again, it’s going to take time getting used to for the both of them, but Mafuyu thinks that it’s a good thing to have to get used to.
“Likewise,” Ritsuka replies. His hunched shoulders relax a little; maybe some of that nervousness disappeared now that they’re here, now that Ritsuka has officially met Saeko instead of just having seen her from a distance.
Saeko smiles. “I’m glad, though, and very honoured that you want me present at your wedding. Of course I’ll be there.”
“Thank you. It’s all we could ask for.”
“You know,” Saeko says. She smiles, eyes squinting ever so slightly. “I never got to thank you for completing my son’s unfinished song all those years ago. I’m sure he would’ve loved what became of it; I know I very much did. I… I can tell that you have a very gentle heart, that you care for others even if you may not know them very well. Or at all. Not anyone could have done what you did, and I’m not only talking about musical talent.”
Ritsuka clears his throat. In the corner of his eye, Mafuyu thinks he sees Ritsuka’s eyes start to tear up. It’s the second time he’s seen this now in a very short amount of time. Maybe age has made Ritsuka more prone to tears? Or maybe it’s just that he now allows himself to feel more than he did when they first met, when they were still teenagers. That would make two of them in that case—Mafuyu had trouble expressing himself and knowing how and what to feel at times. He knows that Ritsuka has definitely helped him along that path, and can only hope that he’s been of some help to Ritsuka in the same regard.
“That’s very kind of you to say, Mrs Yoshida,” Ritsuka says. “I was only doing what I felt was right. Both for SYH as a band but… for Mafuyu, too. Since I never had the pleasure of meeting Yuki myself.”
Ritsuka’s voice is a tad thicker now than it was a moment ago, and Mafuyu squeezes his hand a little. His heart skips a beat when Ritsuka squeezes back. Saeko is right: Ritsuka really is a very kind and caring person. Mafuyu can’t think of anyone with a heart as big as Ritsuka’s, accepting the request from Hiiragi to help finish the song of Ritsuka’s boyfriend’s deceased ex. Not only that, but he followed it through in true Ritsuka fashion, putting in almost all of his free time into making sure it was a piece that the perfectionist inside him would be satisfied with, something that even Yuki would approve of. Again, without ever having met Yuki.
Saeko bows her head suddenly, making both Mafuyu and Ritsuka do a double take, almost perfectly synchronised.
“I deeply apologise for the pain and grief caused to the both of you because we were struggling to move on, unable to carry the burden ourselves. Mafuyu… I’m sorry for carelessly insisting you take Yuki’s guitar all those years ago. I couldn’t stand seeing it around, because it did nothing but remind me of a child who never got to fully realise his potential. So instead I… I gave it to you, because I thought you could handle it better than I ever could. I’m sorry, Mafuyu.”
Mafuyu shakes his head. He lets go of Ritsuka’s hand, stretching both of his arms across the table to take Saeko’s hands in his instead.
“Saeko… please don’t apologise. I may have been inconvenienced by it at first, way back when, but… nowadays I’m only grateful. I’m grateful that Yuki’s legacy to me—among other things—was music, because it allowed me to get to where I am today. I still miss him, and I think part of me always will, but… most of all, I’m thankful for the time we had together.”
A few heads have turned, people having noticed the drastic shift in the conversation between Mafuyu, Saeko, and Ritsuka, but Mafuyu tries to pay it no mind. He knew this was a possibility, but also knew it was a necessity, for all three of them. Mafuyu wants to do things right this time around, wants to settle things properly with his past before he can take a step further towards his future with Ritsuka. He’s already seen what happens and how he’s affected when he rushes things, but thankfully, he’s learnt from past experiences.
While the atmosphere remains a little heavy for a bit, things get better as lunch progresses. By the end of it, it feels like they hadn’t had an emotional conversation not that long ago. When they exit the restaurant, it’s already well into the afternoon, and soon about time to start planning dinner. It was nice to spend time with Saeko like this again, though. Mafuyu feels bad about the fact that he can’t remember the last time he spent this much time with Saeko, but he hopes that maybe that can change now.
Saeko leaves Mafuyu and Ritsuka with the promise that she’ll see them again at the wedding, and then the two men return back home. Now that it’s just the two of them, it feels a little strange. It feels like they’ve come out of a bubble, unaware of what went on outside of it for however long they were at the restaurant.
In the comfort of their own apartment, just the two of them in bed shrouded by the darkness of night, Mafuyu embraces Ritsuka, takes in his scent, and Ritsuka returns the embrace. Mafuyu pulls back a bit, and he lets the back of his hand gently caress Ritsuka’s cheek.
“I love you,” Mafuyu says. “I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you.”
Ritsuka smiles and huffs a quiet laugh. “What brought this on?”
“Can’t I say that I love you whenever I want to?”
“You can, absolutely,” Ritsuka replies, “but, no offence, I don’t think this is for no reason.”
Mafuyu can’t help but mirror Ritsuka’s smile. “Fine. I just… I think I fell in love with you again today. When we were talking to Saeko, and how… how you talked about Yuki, and the song from all those years ago.”
Ritsuka lets out an ah as it clicks for him what Mafuyu is referring to. “Well, I meant it. I was jealous once upon a time, but that was because I didn’t know better. Now I do, though.”
“I know,” Mafuyu says. “And that’s one of the million reasons why I love you. You’re understanding, patient, and you really do have the biggest heart. Saeko was right.”
“Oh come on,” Ritsuka mutters. “That’s a little exaggerated.”
Mafuyu smiles. He can’t help but find it adorable when Ritsuka is embarrassed by praise. He means every word, though, and would gladly remind Ritsuka every day if he needed to. Often times, Ritsuka’s efforts would go underappreciated or even unnoticed when they were still in school. Only as time went on would people start to actually acknowledge him for said things, but that didn’t mean Ritsuka started getting used to people complimenting him. He’s still not used to it.
“Not at all,” Mafuyu says, and his smile only grows when Ritsuka’s embarrassment does, too.
He moves in closer again, softly pressing a kiss to Ritsuka’s lips, and Ritsuka seemingly melts into it before his bold side takes over and deepens it. Mafuyu’s heart beats faster when Ritsuka coaxes him to lie on his back, and Ritsuka then hovers above Mafuyu. He leans back down, his lips mere millimetres away from Mafuyu’s.
“Forever, right?”
Mafuyu blinks. The urge to burst into tears suddenly washes over him. He nods, and feels the way his lower lip quivers.
“Yes. You’re my forever, Ritsuka.”
Ritsuka smiles widely, warmly, and Mafuyu falls in love again for the second time that day. “Good.”
∞
Ritsuka.
“For the love of all that is holy, Uecchi… sit. The fuck. Down. You’re making me nervous here, and I’m not the one getting married.”
Ritsuka sighs with exasperation, running his fingers through his hair for what must be the tenth time in ten or at most fifteen minutes. By now, he probably looks like a hedgehog with how his hair must be standing up. “You’re already married, you can’t be nervous about someone else getting hitched. That doesn’t make sense.”
“You know what doesn’t make sense?”
“What?”
Haruki sighs. “You being nervous, of course. Why are you nervous? It’s not like he’s gonna leave you at the altar—he’s the one who proposed. Not the other way around. I’d be pretty damn surprised if Mafuyu were to get cold feet at this point and regret all of it.”
Ritsuka finally sits down opposite Haruki by the kitchen table, and he rests his head in his hands, elbows propped up on the table. He knows it’s very likely that he’ll be back up on his feet pacing back and forth around Haruki’s apartment in no time, so this is kind of unnecessary. Ritsuka already feels the urge to bounce his leg up and down, but he doesn’t because he knows Haruki will most likely consider resorting to violence soon if Ritsuka’s stress train continues chugging throughout the space Haruki calls his home.
The wedding isn’t until tomorrow, but it’s still tomorrow and the day crept up on Ritsuka without him noticing or apparently even knowing how time works. It’s not that he isn’t prepared, at least on the practical side. He and Mafuyu went shopping for wedding suits last week, so that’s all taken care of. The still unlikely but deadly combination of Yayoi and Haruki took on the task of planning the wedding, with Akihiko present as a mediator just in case an argument would somehow ensue. They’re good friends these days, but Yayoi’s strong personality can still rub Haruki the wrong way sometimes and cause friction.
At least they’re trying. Things certainly haven’t been easy for any of them, but it’s getting better slowly but surely.
So, everything is set. All they have to do now is to get married, but that might just be the most nerve-wracking part about this whole thing. Getting married. Mafuyu marrying Ritsuka, Ritsuka marrying Mafuyu.
Oh shit. How did this happen?
“… Uecchi?”
Ritsuka doesn’t look up. He stares down at the table, head still in his hands, and he wonders to himself how he can say this without running the risk of Haruki freaking out on him. Ritsuka loves Haruki and he’s thankful that they met all those years ago, but sometimes—even after all this time—Haruki can overreact and at times jump to conclusions. Ritsuka doesn’t need that right now, but he also knows that he needs to vent his thoughts and feelings. Past experiences have told him that, if he bottles things up, he’ll end up feeling a lot worse.
He swallows hard, willing himself not to cry. Not yet, for god’s sake—he hasn’t even spoken yet.
“What if Mafuyu some day regrets his decision?” Ritsuka asks finally, and he hates how tiny and meek his voice sounds. “What if he wakes up one day and wonders exactly why he married me? What… what if he’ll one day come to hate that we’ll share the same last name after tomorrow?”
Maybe it’s a little bit too late to ask these questions now, but Ritsuka has never really been good at planning these sorts of things. Now that he’s gotten it out of his system, he feels a little bit lighter, but he still doesn’t feel great. The worries are still there, even if he’s now shared them with someone else rather than keeping it to himself.
He winces when he suddenly feels a hand on his head, but otherwise doesn’t move. Ritsuka doesn’t want to see the pity in Haruki’s eyes that he knows is there, because he doesn’t need nor deserve pity. This is just him being overly paranoid, there’s no reason for Haruki to humour him. But knowing Haruki, he’ll still do it, because that’s just how good of a person Haruki is.
“Why would he regret it?”
“Because… what if he’s already had his forever, and I’m only dragging him along because I finally found mine. What if I’m not his?”
There’s a slight pause that probably only lasts a few seconds, but in Ritsuka’s mind, it feels like it lasts several minutes. “Uenoyama. Hey. Look up at me?”
He dreads seeing that pity in Haruki’s eyes that he’s seen so many times when something has been his fault, when he’s been too dense to realise something, when he’s been too proud to apologise or admit that he was in the wrong. Ritsuka knows that he’s probably being an idiot right now, to think like this on the day before he gets married to the love of his life, to Mafuyu. And he fully expects Haruki to tell him that he is an idiot, but still look at him with that look of pity that Ritsuka hates.
But he looks up anyway, because Haruki won’t let this go otherwise. Ritsuka was the one to bring this up in the first place, so he definitely has to see it through. Haruki will make sure they do before he lets Ritsuka leave that damn apartment that Ritsuka willingly entered in the first place. He set himself up for this, he has to own up to whatever he’s done, whatever he’s said or brought to the table. In this case, it’s his near-crippling fear that Mafuyu might one day see things in a different light, whether it’s next week or in five years.
Ritsuka tries, he tries so hard, but he doesn’t always succeed. He feels like success comes rarely in his life, which is why he should probably celebrate any victory, big or small. Because next time he might not get so lucky.
When Ritsuka looks up at Haruki, he doesn’t see pity. His gaze meets a gentle one, one that shows understanding, compassion, sympathy. It comes as a surprise that Ritsuka isn’t able to hide well, which he knows is why Haruki then smiles.
“You know,” Haruki says. “I was once in the same position as you are now. Days away from getting married to Akihiko, and I… I was also terrified. I didn’t understand what he saw in me, didn’t understand why he’d want to marry me.”
Ritsuka lowers his eyebrows slightly. “But you were the one to propose.”
“Exactly,” Haruki says. “I proposed and he said yes, but it still made me wonder if Akihiko would one day think better of it. I think… that’s one of the negative things we’ve got in common, you and I.”
“How wonderful.”
Haruki laughs a little. “I’m just saying that I know what you’re going through, for the most part. It’s different for everyone, but… when it comes down to it, it’s just a matter of you not thinking too highly of yourself. You raise Mafuyu to the skies while you at the same time put yourself down. Right?”
It shouldn’t surprise Ritsuka that Haruki hits it right on the mark, because like Haruki himself said, he’s been there. And it’s true that the both of them seem to share that trait of not thinking too highly of themselves in comparison to their respective partners. Ritsuka really can’t help it, though. It’s always been like that, ever since way before he and Mafuyu started dating. Mafuyu has always been an almost dazzling presence in Ritsuka’s life, brimming with talent and potential, and though it definitely took a lot of effort on his part to get where he is today both musically and emotionally, it took Ritsuka a lot more to get anywhere close to it.
Does it make him competitive? Ritsuka doesn’t know the answer to that question. The last thing he’d feel is bitter about Mafuyu’s various successes in life—in fact, it’s one of the many things Ritsuka admires Mafuyu for. The fact that Mafuyu went from that shy, almost non-talking kid who often spaced out, to being a much more outspoken, expressive, and happy man. He wears his happiness on the outside and is seemingly not afraid of showing how far he’s come. It’s honestly awe-inspiring, and Ritsuka can only hope to be half that someday.
“Maybe,” Ritsuka mutters. “… Maybe I do, yeah.”
Haruki nods. “See, Akihiko lectured me about that so many times that I had no choice but to let it sink in. And if I need to, I’ll give you the same treatment, because it’s only for your own good. Mafuyu proposed to you because he loves you and very obviously wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You two have been together for so long now that, not to scare you or anything, he’s had plenty of opportunities to change his mind, break up with you. But he never did.”
Indeed, there were several times when Ritsuka thought “oh, this is it”. They’ve fought a few times over the years—not that that isn’t normal in any kind of relationship, romantic or not. But some of those fights really did make Ritsuka fear that they would break up following said argument. They would spend days not talking to each other afterwards, but they always made up in the end. Sometimes it took practically no effort because the argument was dumb and baseless. Sometimes, it would take quite a while to iron things out between them, but again—they always sorted things out.
Haruki still reminds all of them every once in a while that music is all about communication. When Mafuyu and Ritsuka started dating, Haruki changed it slightly to better fit their new relationship, that love also requires communication. A lot of communication, trust, and effort. Just because you’ve reached a certain point in your relationship, that doesn’t mean you’re good from then on out, Ritsuka has come to find out over the years. It requires constant work on both parts to make it work.
And maybe Ritsuka should take it as some sort of sign that, despite the obstacles they’ve run into, they’ve always overcome them, and come out of arguments as better people, and as a stronger couple.
“Guess you’re right.”
“What I’m saying is, try giving him a little more credit. You know he loves you, that he’s very serious about your relationship. That’s not gonna change just because you’re getting married, Ue.”
Ritsuka takes a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly. He thinks back to the night of their first live performance, the way Mafuyu looked at him on stage shortly before Ritsuka kissed Mafuyu backstage. He remembers the day Mafuyu confessed his feelings when they were at the port in Minatomirai. Then, Ritsuka’s mind wanders to the most recent proof of Mafuyu’s love for him, when Mafuyu proposed. And suddenly he feels like maybe Mafuyu should be the one in his shoes right now, because Ritsuka wonders if his love for Mafuyu is as apparent as it is the other way around.
If anything, he can add another vow to the wedding ceremony taking place tomorrow, to make it up to Mafuyu for all of the love he harbours for Ritsuka, the way he shows his love, and how he’s never once wavered in these feelings of his.
Ritsuka huffs a laugh. “Shit, you’re right. I… feel like an idiot now.”
“Good, because you kind of were. Until just now, that is.”
“Thanks,” Ritsuka says. “But seriously… I mean that. Thank you. I guess I needed that metaphorical slap in the face.”
“I can provide you with a real one if you n—”
“I’m good,” Ritsuka interrupts. “Please don’t. I don’t know how I’d explain that to Mafuyu tomorrow at the altar.”
Haruki shakes his head, smiling. “Just glad you came to your senses in the end. Don’t do this again tomorrow before you go out there to get married to the guy. I might actually slap you if you do. And I’ll gladly explain to Mafuyu why you’re arriving with a swollen cheek.”
“You can be really fucking terrifying sometimes, you know that, right?”
“I know,” Haruki says with a laugh that Ritsuka almost feels like it should chill him down to the bone.
∞
He’s so nervous that he feels like he might throw up, but his best men Akihiko and Haruki thankfully provide Ritsuka with the support he needs in order to be able to get through this day. Jokes have been completely off the table today, and it hasn’t even been a rule that Ritsuka set. It seems like Akihiko and Haruki just want to make sure that Ritsuka’s wedding day goes as well as it ever could. Because, hopefully, Ritsuka only ever experiences a day like this once in his entire life.
When they’re about to start walking up to the altar, Ritsuka constantly tells himself internally not to clench his fists in nervousness. Akihiko gives him a soft, joking punch in the shoulder that makes Ritsuka come out of his deep thoughts.
“You ready to go?”
Ritsuka looks at his friend, bandmate, and best man, who for the day has taken out all of his facial piercings. Strangely enough it makes him look almost ten years younger. Ritsuka nods before he takes a deep breath.
“Yeah. I’m ready to get married.”
“Exactly what I wanted to hear. Let’s go out there and get you married to Mafuyu already.”
The second they open the doors to walk up to the altar where Mafuyu awaits, Ritsuka feels like his heart might leap out of his throat through his mouth. And when he lays his eyes on Mafuyu, Ritsuka inhales a shuddery breath, feeling like he may burst into tears. He’s absolutely the luckiest man on Earth, there’s no doubt about it. Any and all nervousness he’d felt up until just a second ago is now completely gone, all from just seeing Mafuyu in his wedding suit at the altar, looking back at Ritsuka with a loving look that on its own could punch the air right out of Ritsuka’s lungs.
Finally reunited in front of friends and family, Ritsuka and Mafuyu exchange their vows. Ritsuka makes sure to tell Mafuyu that he’ll spend the rest of his life making sure that Mafuyu knows how much he means to Ritsuka, how much Ritsuka loves him and wants all the best for him. For a line not originally written into his vows, Ritsuka thinks he still delivers it fairly well, and judging by Mafuyu’s tearful expression, he’d say that Mafuyu probably agrees with that.
Ritsuka may have had a fair amount of screw-ups in the past, and he certainly isn’t perfect. But Mafuyu makes him want to better himself every day in order to be the man Mafuyu deserves. Ritsuka loves Mafuyu more than he ever thought was possible to love someone, and he owes a lot of experiences, emotions, favours, and memories to having met and started dating Mafuyu. And now that they’re entering this new phase of their lives as a married couple, Ritsuka knows there’ll be more of that to come.
He may not have been Mafuyu’s first, but Ritsuka wants to make sure that he’s Mafuyu’s last, that Mafuyu becomes his ‘forever’. And it all starts with saying a very simple “yes”.
∞