Chapter Text
When Kaidan woke some time later, he found himself gazing at a featureless ceiling that gave him no clue as to where he might be. With some effort, however, he lifted his head and immediately recognized the room as the Normandy’s med-bay. Chakwas was nowhere in sight, but resting on the bed diagonal to his was Garrus, who Kaidan was relieved to see appeared to be sleeping peacefully.
Despite feeling so tired he’d swear his bones were throbbing, Kaidan forced himself to turn to one side, determined to figure out what had happened after he’d finally given up the ghost and blacked out on the Citadel. Clearly they’d managed to get back to the Normandy, but-
From his new angle, Kaidan saw Shepard laying on the bed next to his, and the sight made the biotic’s heart lurch. On the one hand, he was here and not in the morgue, which was a good sign, but Kaidan had shot him in the gut with a high-powered, experimental heavy pistol; who knew what sort of lasting damage he’d inflicted on his partner.
Heart aching even worse than the rest of him at the thought, Kaidan tried to sit up, at which point his body reminded him just what he’d put it through and the pain in his heart didn’t seem quite so bad in comparison after all. It was severe enough that he sucked in a breath and dropped back against his pillow to focus very hard on breathing for a moment before he’d managed to shift more than a few inches.
“Kaidan,” called a soft, familiar voice that immediately dragged the biotic’s attention back towards Shepard. He hadn’t thought he’d made any noise, but his gasp must have been enough to rouse his partner as Kaidan found the commander watching him, a relieved expression on his sharp features.
“John,” Kaidan said, voice low, a pleading note creeping into the single syllable without his meaning it to. Tears sprang to the biotic’s eyes as his lover sat up with a great deal more ease than he could muster, and unable to restrain himself after everything they’d gone through, Kaidan stretched out one hand towards Shepard. He was rewarded with a soft smile as the other man cast aside his blankets and swung his legs over the edge of the bed then pushed to his feet with only a small wince.
Before Kaidan could think better of it and tell the commander to get back to bed, Shepard crossed the space between them on bare feet, clad only in a t-shirt and shorts, and caught the biotic’s hand in his. “How are you feeling?” he asked, studying Kaidan’s face intently as he pressed a kiss to his fingers.
Knowing he wouldn’t get a lie past his partner at this point, Kaidan huffed softly and mustered a lopsided smile as he admitted, “Honestly? Like I got hit by a truck.”
Shepard smiled and reached out to brush a few strands of dark hair from the biotic’s face. “Well, you did catch one,” he pointed out.
“How about you?” Kaidan asked, expression turning serious as he gently pulled his hand from Shepard’s and let his fingertips ghost lightly over the flat of his stomach where the biotic knew he’d shot him.
The commander caught his hand and pressed the palm gently to his abdomen, and Kaidan could feel the bandage beneath the soft fabric of his shirt. “I’m alright. Better than you,” he said with a frown of his own. “The bullet went clean through me, but Chakwas… it took awhile for her to get all the shrapnel out of you.”
“What’s the prognosis, Doctor Shepard?” Kaidan asked, trying to keep his tone light in spite of the worry that lanced through him.
“You’ll be alright,” the commander reassured him quickly, though he was still frowning when he continued, “You’ll need time to heal, but it’s nothing permanent.”
Kaidan grabbed Shepard’s hand again and pulled it in so he could press a kiss to the other man’s knuckles. “Then why the frown, love? That’s a hell of a lot better than I expected to walk away with when we landed in London.”
Shepard was quiet for a long minute, watching Kaidan’s thumb rub reassuring circles across the back of his calloused hand. “You scared me, Denny. It was a near thing during the surgery; we almost lost you. A few times,” he admitted quietly, voice rough with emotion. The commander closed his eyes and forced himself to take a breath as he repeated, “ I almost lost you.”
The biotic could feel the tremor in Shepard’s hand as he said the words, and desperate to reassure him, to remind the man that they’d won, Kaidan pulled him in for a kiss. “I’m alright, John, I’m here,” he murmured against his partner’s lips, free hand going up to cradle the back of his head. “We’re both here,” Kaidan stated firmly after another kiss, pulling back just enough to be able to look Shepard in the eyes. “In one piece, even - if with a couple of extra holes,” he added teasingly.
A soft, wet laugh escaped Shepard and he pulled away, though not for long as, rather than return to his own bed, he climbed into Kaidan’s. It was definitely a squeeze, but the biotic was more than happy to accommodate his partner; the last thing he wanted right now was any sort of space between them. Being the less injured of the pair of them, Shepard looped his arm around Kaidan’s shoulders and pulled him in carefully to rest against his chest and shoulder, then tugged the blanket up over the both of them. Unlike Shepard, Kaidan was still shirtless, presumably so Chakwas could have quick access to his injury if she needed it, so he was glad for the extra warmth the other man provided.
“How long was I out?” Kaidan asked as they settled in comfortably against one another, limbs falling into a familiar pattern of entanglement.
Shepard’s hand found its way to Kaidan’s head and gently combed through his crown of dark curls while he used his feet to chafe the biotic’s much colder ones in an attempt to warm them. “A little over a day,” he answered. “We’re in synchronous orbit with the Citadel at the moment; everyone at command HQ is still scrambling.”
Kaidan cocked his head a little so he could get a look at Shepard, though the commander’s hand persisted in its attention to his hair regardless. The biotic had a lot of questions as the commander filled him in on what he’d missed, but there in the peace and quiet of the med-bay, wrapped up in his partner’s arms, it was difficult to get overly worked up over most of them. Still, some were pressing enough to bubble to the surface. “All that wasn’t blood-loss induced delirium, right? We really managed to talk our way out of a war with some ancient VI that was the real puppet master pulling the strings behind the Reapers?”
“You know, I’m still asking myself that same question,” Shepard admitted and laughed when Kaidan cut him a sharp look, then tilted his head so he could press a kiss to the biotic’s temple followed by another to his cheek, quickly soothing away the frown that had been threatening to crease his brow. “I’m kidding; it was real,” the commander reassured Kaidan. “So far the Catalyst is keeping true to its word; the Reapers started pulling out before we even got back to the Normandy and there hasn’t been a whisper or a sighting of them since.”
Kaidan released a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, and judging by the understanding look Shepard gave him, the commander had felt much the same. “You think it’ll keep its promise?” the biotic asked quietly, fingers knotting in the fabric of his partner’s shirt, the question slipping out of him against his better judgment. It wasn’t as though Shepard would be able to give a more accurate answer than anyone else he might ask, after all.
“I hope so,” Shepard answered anyways with a sigh.
“I guess that’s all we can really do,” Kaidan murmured and the commander nodded.
“There’s already talk among the council about continuing work on the Crucible, just in case. Developing our own power source for it.”
The biotic hummed and, immediate fears assuaged, let himself drop his head back against Shepard’s shoulder, turning so he could press his face into the crook of partner’s neck. They remained like that for awhile as Kaidan let the reality of the situation settle over him and finally take root in his mind. They’d been living under the imminent threat of their own extinction for so long that this one moment of quiet in the epilogue to a story he’d never truly expected to see the end of was enough to finally render Kaidan completely undone.
Kaidan pressed his face against Shepard’s neck more firmly as he began to shake.
This was a happy moment and he didn’t want to cry, he hated crying, but that didn’t stop the tears from escaping his tightly closed eyes to stain his cheeks and his lover’s skin. A ragged sob tore its way free of Kaidan’s chest and he clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle a second until Shepard managed to reorient them both so the biotic could cry directly into his chest instead.
The muffled sobs escaping his partner were enough to make Shepard’s heart break, though he found some catharsis of his own in them. After everything that happened on the Citadel he’d felt… happy but numb, though that numbness had finally begun to thaw when Kaidan had woken up. Now it shattered entirely and all Shepard’s pent up sorrow and joy and relief poured out of the man as he twined himself around Kaidan, clutching him tight to his chest as the biotic wound his arms around him in turn and they both allowed their rigid self-control to crumble at long last. So many lives had been lost along the way, and the guilt they felt at that would likely never fade, but at least here, at the end of it all, they were together.
In retrospect, once he’d finally given himself permission to let go, Shepard realized he’d barely been holding it together. Raw determination and blind necessity had been fueling him for months now when all he wanted to do was stop ; to lay down and let someone else take the terrible burden of leadership from him even while knowing there was no one who possibly could. The commander had inadvertently turned himself into the linchpin of the galactic community’s very survival and he’d paid the price for it. His team and the dearly beloved man wrapped up in his arms were the only things that had kept him going. Knowing that his failure meant their demise was a powerful motivator that might have turned toxic if they hadn’t all been so stubbornly determined to help him carry the load however they could.
“We made it, Denny,” Shepard whispered, voice cracking as he pressed a kiss to his hair and ran his hands soothingly down the biotic’s back. The commander sucked in a breath and laughed then, overwhelmed by it all as he repeated, “We actually made it.”
Kaidan laughed wetly into Shepard’s chest, hands fisting in the fabric of the commander’s shirt as he sniffed and nodded. “Yeah,” the biotic managed to croak out while the tremors that had wracked his body finally began to ease. “By the skin of our teeth,” he added weakly as he finally pulled away enough that he could wipe at his face with a hand, sniffling as he did. Kaidan caught Shepard staring at him and would have blushed if his face hadn’t already been red from crying. “Half-dead and covered in snot; I’m a wreck,” he joked, embarrassed as he grabbed a tissue off the adjacent bed stand and tried to clean himself up.
Shepard huffed lightly and he reached for a tissue as well. Rather than use it on himself, however, he used it to carefully wipe the lingering dampness from Kaidan’s cheeks, smiling softly as the biotic dropped his gaze, embarrassment growing at the attention, but obviously unwilling to pull away from his touch. “Alive and the most beautiful damn thing I’ve ever laid eyes on,” Shepard corrected him and leaned in to kiss Kaidan’s brow.
“Don’t,” Kaidan dissembled feebly even as he clung to his partner.
“You can’t stop me,” Shepard countered serenely as he pressed a second kiss to Kaidan’s cheek, then a third to his lips. It was a sweet and tender exercise in quieting his lover’s objections that proved all too effective as the commander revelled in the soft pliancy of the man in his arms. The dreamy little sigh that escaped Kaidan when the biotic parted his lips to allow Shepard inside was everything to the man and the subsequent flood of desire for more threatened to overwhelm his good sense.
He wanted to examine every inch of Kaidan, convinced it was the only way to be certain that all was truly well, then follow that with an even more thorough exploration with his lips and tongue… only to be reminded all was certainly not well yet when Shepard’s fingers brushed the edge of the bandages below the biotic’s ribs. Worried he might push Kaidan too far, the commander broke their kiss and smiled in response to the little frown the other man gave him when he cut things short.
“I’m alright,” Kaidan tried to insist, pressing his chest flush to Shepard’s as he leaned up and tried to recapture the commander’s lips. He only succeeded in stretching his injury in the process, however, and flinched visibly at the sensation.
Kicking himself for having egged Kaidan on, Shepard pushed the biotic gently back against the pillows, then settled himself against his lover again. “I had to watch Chakwas root around in your guts up to her wrist pulling that shrapnel out yesterday; no you are not alright,” he replied firmly and Kaidan sighed. The fact that the biotic gave up without any further complaint was all the evidence he needed of just how sore and tired the man truly was, though. “We’ll have plenty of time later,” Shepard added quietly and pressed a kiss to Kaidan’s temple, drawing a smile back to the man’s face once more.
“How’s Garrus?” Kaidan asked conversationally a moment later as he remembered they weren’t actually alone in the room.
Shepard glanced at the bed diagonal theirs where the turian still slept curled on his side, bundled up under several blankets. “Chakwas had to dig shrapnel out of him too, but he’ll be alright,” the commander answered.
“So I was the only one to black out, huh?” Kaidan mused with a soft snort.
“We humans aren’t quite so well known for our radiation resistant carapaces,” Shepard pointed out.
“Turians have all the fun,” the biotic lamented and Shepard laughed quietly, a soft, glorious sense of contentment radiating through him as he started combing his fingers gently through Kaidan’s hair again. There was going to be a lot of cleaning up to do for the foreseeable future, but with the Reapers gone, that future looked well and truly bright for the first time in a long time.
“John,” Kaidan said, tone tense enough to draw Shepard’s attention immediately back to the biotic’s face. Before the commander could ask what was wrong, however, Kaidan prompted, “You never answered my question,” the color unexpectedly high in his cheeks, but his whiskey colored eyes fixed determinedly on Shepard’s face.
Confused, Shepard cast his thoughts back over their conversation since Kaidan had woken up and came up with nothing. Perplexed, he asked, “What question?”
Kaidan frowned and Shepard suspected he’d made a grave error of some sort, though he couldn’t help but wonder at the sudden case of nerves that appeared to overtake the other man. Kaidan vacillated for a moment before coming to a decision as he huffed, then twisted a little so he could get a better look at the commander and asked, “Will you marry me?”
Shepard’s eyes widened and he felt his heart slam up into his throat at the suddenness of the question. Of course he’d heard Kaidan the first time around, but the man had been bleeding out on the floor of the Citadel at the time, so the commander hadn’t allowed himself to give it too much thought. Honestly, Kaidan had been so out of it, eyes unfocused and holding Vega’s hand in a death-grip tight enough to make the other marine wince, that Shepard was shocked he even remembered.
“I-uh, I put it down to delirium,” Shepard admitted weakly, the pounding of his heart like thunder in his ears. The organ probably hadn’t worked this hard during their suicide rush for the beam, but here he was faced with a single question from the man he loved and it felt like the thing was about to burst clean out of his chest.
“I wasn’t delirious,” Kaidan objected, and Shepard rallied enough to fix his lover with a skeptical look the biotic couldn’t hold for long. “Alright,” he admitted, “maybe I was. A bit . But I’d… I’d already been wanting to ask.” Kaidan couldn’t seem to meet Shepard’s eyes again as he quietly confessed, “I just couldn’t ever seem to find the right time.” The biotic’s brow furrowed in annoyance and he added, “Also, shopping for a ring when you’re light years outside of Alliance territory? Harder than you might think.”
The admission was enough to drag a ragged little laugh from Shepard and eased the nervous energy that had been threatening to overwhelm the normally level-headed commander as he remembered that spending the rest of his days with this brave, loyal, kind, and occasionally ridiculous man was everything he’d wanted in his dreams of a life after the war. The tender ache that sprang up within the man as he realized that dream was well and truly within reach now robbed Shepard of his strength and he ducked his head to rest his brow against the crown of Kaidan’s curls. “Oh yeah?” he remarked with a soft huff and pressed a kiss against the biotic’s hair as he tightened his hold on the man.
Sensing the shift in Shepard’s mood, Kaidan went very still and quiet for a moment, then reached out and took the commander’s hand in his own. “I… you don’t have to answer me right now, John,” he said quietly. “I just want you to know I’m serious about it; about us . This isn’t some heat of the moment, near death experience thing,” Kaidan explained, tilting his head a little to catch Shepard’s eye while still maintaining physical contact. “You know I’m not the sort to rush into something without thinking it through. Over- thinking it through, even.”
Shepard opened his eyes and pulled away just enough to meet Kaidan’s gaze comfortably as he reclaimed his hand and used it to cup the biotic’s jaw. “You do think too much,” he teased gently, eyes bright as he swept the pad of his thumb over the curve of Kaidan’s cheek.
“You’re not supposed to agree with me.”
Smile tugging at his lips, Shepard asked, “I thought husbands were always supposed to agree with their spouses?”
Kaidan went very still under Shepard’s hand, his eyes widening as he asked in an unsteady voice, “You- does that mean-”
His smile widening as he fought back a laugh at the biotic’s adorable stammering, Shepard quieted him with a brief kiss, then said, “Ask me again.”
Kaidan grabbed one of Shepard’s hands again then brought it to his lips and, voice low and fervent, asked, “John Shepard, will you marry me?”
“Yes,” Shepard answered without hesitation and the wide, unrestrained smile that overtook Kaidan’s features in response was as bright as the dawn after a long, dark night and the commander couldn’t help but mirror him. “Yes, of course I will, Denny.”
A soft, almost guttural sound of pure joy escaped Kaidan and he lunged at Shepard to throw his arms around his neck and kiss him soundly on the mouth, bearing the taller man back into the pillows under his weight. The biotic’s euphoria didn’t last long as he pulled his injury again and withdrew with a pained hiss and an irritated scowl at the interruption his own body had provided.
“If you don’t stop moving around so much, Chakwas is going to have me thrown out the airlock,” Shepard chided him, still smiling as he coaxed Kaidan back down onto the bed.
“Then come down here and kiss me already,” Kaidan demanded with something dangerously close to a pout as he reached up and tugged on Shepard’s shirt as if to lure him in closer.
The commander chuckled. “Yes, sir,” he murmured and leaned down to give his fiancé what he wanted.
It wasn’t easy to keep things from escalating, but Shepard managed to rein himself in and Kaidan complied after the commander gave him a pinch when the biotic’s hands got a bit too adventurous.
“Why is human kissing so loud ,” Garrus demanded eventually, making both men give a start so violent they bumped their teeth and jerked apart at the unpleasant sensation.
“Sorry, Garrus,” Shepard apologized, words slightly muffled by his hand over his mouth.
“It is not ,” Kaidan countered, then added, “And even if it is- be nice. We just got engaged,” his tone borderline smug.
Propped up on one elbow in bed, the turian blinked at them. “To be married?”
“Yes. What else?” Shepard mused, smiling widely.
“In battle?” Garrus suggested facetiously and Kaidan rolled his eyes. Before the biotic could make a retort, the turian said, “Seriously, though, congratulations you two; it’s about time. Granted, would’ve been better if you’d gotten around to it sooner, but…”
“You that excited about being my best man?” Shepard mused as he propped himself up on one elbow and Kaidan settled himself in against him once more.
“I’m not familiar with human bonding ceremonies, so, no-” Garrus mused. “Though since it’s labeled ‘best’, I will gladly accept.” Kaidan chuckled and Shepard smiled as the turian admitted, “Tali and I had a bet going. Fool that I am, I was convinced you were already engaged and were just holding off on the announcement until the war was over. Tali was certain neither of you had made the leap yet. Needless to say, I’m out 100 credits after your little stunt yesterday, Kaidan.”
“Sorry to disappoint,” the biotic drawled without any real heat.
“I’m more disappointed in the commander, really,” Garrus said with a dismissive wave of a hand. “I can’t believe you made Kaidan ask you after all that pining last year when he left you on Horizon. Then he moved into your quarters so soon after returning I just assumed you’d proposed the moment you got him back on the ship.”
Shepard flushed and cleared his throat awkwardly but Kaidan only smiled at him wistfully. “You pined?” he asked as he reached up and brushed his fingers along the commander’s stubbled jaw.
“He was a mess ,” Garrus complained as he dropped back against his pillows again. “Buy me a few rounds sometime and I’ll tell you all the awful, sappy details.”
The commander heaved a sigh but muffled the retort lurking just behind his teeth out of respect for the fact that Garrus, admirably devoted friend that he was, had been the one to help him pick up all the pieces after Horizon. Well, pick up the pieces and keep him company at the bar in the observation deck. It was next to impossible for Shepard to get well and truly drunk these days thanks to his cybernetically enhanced body and metabolism, but Garrus had matched him drink for drink anyways and listened to him pour his heart out like a true friend.
So, instead, Shepard dropped his head to rest his brow briefly against Kaidan’s and quietly admitted, “Of course I pined.”
“I am sorry,” Kaidan said, brow furrowing unhappily. “If I’d just-”
“We buried it, remember?” Shepard reminded his fiancé, straightening a little and brushing a soothing hand over his hair.
Kaidan sighed, but let it go. “I pined too, if it makes you feel better,” he confessed with a small smile.
“A little,” the commander replied, and might have asked further if the biotic hadn’t continued.
“Also, I uh… I might have reamed Anderson when I found out after the fact that you had come looking for me when you woke up,” Kaidan added, expression abashed at the admission.
A bark of laughter escaped Shepard at the news and, delighted in spite of himself, asked, “And you still made major?”
“Somehow,” Kaidan replied with a chuckle, then leaned forward so he could press his brow to Shepard’s chest and loop an arm over his waist. “And now we’re here,” he added quietly after a moment.
“No place I’d rather be,” Shepard said and leaned down to kiss Kaidan when the biotic looked up at him again with that expression of soft adoration in his eyes the commander never quite felt like he deserved, but craved all the same.
Kaidan leaned into his touch happily, lips parting and inviting the commander in for more when a loud groan from across the room brought them both up short. “Do you have to start?” Garrus pleaded, captive audience to his friend’s ardor.
“Just turn over and go back to sleep,” Kaidan groused, unhappy at the interruption. Normally he might have been embarrassed and backed down immediately, but after everything they’d been through the last few days, and in the light of Shepard agreeing to marry him, the biotic was in no mood.
“With all that noise?”
Shepard snorted and reached behind him for their extra pillow, then threw it across the room at Garrus, who caught it full in the face. “Last I checked, I’m still commander on this ship, so I command you to cover your ears and go back to sleep so I can kiss my husband-to-be in peace, Vakarian.”
“Help you save the galaxy and this is the thanks I get,” the turian grumbled without any real heat behind the words as he lay back on his side and used Shepard’s pillow to cover his head then, to all intents and purposes, appeared to go to sleep.
“Husband-to-be, I like the sound of that,” Kaidan remarked quietly when they were ‘alone’ and the commander chuckled low in his chest. “Major Shepard-Alenko has a nice ring to it, too,” he mused absently, a pleased air about him as he traced one of Shepard’s scars with idle fingers.
“Oh, are we hyphenating?”
Kaidan chuckled. “Well, I wouldn’t want to be Major Shepard and risk people thinking you got demoted.”
“What about Commander Alenko then?” Shepard suggested as he gave one of Kaidan’s curls an affectionate tug.
The biotic hummed and smiled up at his fiancé, seeming to like the sound of it, but said, “Lets be honest, John, no one will ever call you anything but Shepard. Not after everything you’ve done.”
“You’re probably right,” the commander admitted with a sigh, then said, “Shepard-Alenko it is.”
“Not so bad, is it?”
“No,” Shepard answered immediately with a smile. “In fact, I think it is very, very good,” he said as he leaned in and brushed the tip of his nose against Kaidan’s.
The biotic smiled. “Good,” he murmured and closed the distance between them for another kiss.