Chapter Text
The journey back to Skyhold was filled with relief, cheer, and praise from the Inquisitor's companions and soldiers. She could hear Varric telling Blackwall how he planned on writing that battle in his book, the old soldier laughing in agreement. Iron Bull was assuring Dorian that he hadn't been injured as badly as Lina knew he had been. She glanced around at her friends, thinking about everything that has lead up to this point.
Back in her clan, Lina had felt like a hart among halla. She was always quiet, even as a child. She studied and observed rather than join in with others as they laughed and played together. Several of the elves thought she would make an excellent hunter because of it, but they gave her few compliments aside from that, keeping their distance in subtle ways. Keeper Deshanna had told her that she would need to make a special effort to fit in once her magic came to light and Lina became her First. The Keeper had always shown her kindness despite what Lina heard others whisper to the older elf.
When things between the templars and mages got heated, everyone in the clan became a bit nervous. The fighting could easily spiral out of control and affect the Dalish. Keeper Deshanna wanted to send someone in the clan to the Conclave just to determine how bad things were, but no one else wanted to leave. Lina knew she would be the best option, and she was the only volunteer. Despite not wanting to send her First into such a dangerous situation, the Keeper finally relented and sent her out. Now, Lina hoped that someone else in the clan would come to magic and become a better First than she had been. After all, what kind of First leaves the clan and winds up being declared the Herald of Andraste?
Despite being a suspect in the beginning, she found herself quickly warming up to the people in the Inquisition. Cassandra went from treating her like a wolf caught in the camp to being a trusted friend. Lina often found herself talking about expectations they had each been held to before, their mutual dislike of the Game, or even Varric's romance books. She loved to hear the Seeker's romantic notions and thoughts on the way the Chantry should be, and she knew that her warrior friend would be just the Divine the Chantry needed.
Varric was a friend before the elf even realized it. It was almost unnerving how easy it was to talk to the dwarf. He was kind and easy-going, joking with her to lighten her mood, but also lending an ear when she just needed to talk. She loved hearing his stories and listening as he spoke with the rest of their friends, whether on a mission or in the tavern.
Admittedly, the Inquisitor never really developed as strong a friendship with Vivienne, Blackwall, or Sera, but she still considered them her good friends. Despite Sera's feelings about “elfy” elves, the two of them shared drinks at the tavern and played pranks on people. Blackwall had taught Lina how to do some rather basic carving, and Vivienne seemed to take great pleasure in dressing up the elf in various dresses and masks both for fun and important events.
Her friendship with Cole perplexed her the most. The spirit had grown on her like a little brother. Lina found herself concerned for him more than she had been for any of the younger elves in her clan, yet she also felt like he was constantly thinking on a level far above her own mind. The poetic riddles he rambled off didn't annoy her so much as they encouraged deeper thought on her part. Despite being a private woman at heart, Lina also found his ability to hear what she wasn't saying rather comforting. If the truth was to be told, this was likely what she cherished most about the strange young man.
Dorian was probably her best friend. Lina swiftly found that she could flirt back and forth with him while having none of the worry that either would misinterpret the playfulness. It was wonderful and freeing. She could easily discuss magic and magical theories with him, and they shared similar taste in books. Lina also found that, much like Vivienne, the Tevinter rather adored playing dress-up with her. It was fun finding out what outrageous outfit he'd have her try on next, and he didn't mind when she made a face at the way some dresses looked on her. When he told her that he and Iron Bull were getting more serious, the elf could hardly contain her happiness for them. The two men were so well matched.
The former Ben-Hassrath agent had also won the elf over. Despite being rather over fond of dragon battles and destruction, he made for a very good friend. She found his relationship with the other Chargers particularly endearing. The relief on his face when she gave the order to save them at the Storm Coast was well worth losing the potential Qunari alliance. She loved visiting with the mercenaries at the tavern. They always had such interesting stories.
Even her advisers had become like friends in a way. Josephine was very patient with her while teaching her about human politics, and the two of them made it a point to have tea together in the mornings whenever she was at Skyhold. Leliana would join them from time to time as well. Lina found that the spymaster was an excellent source for gossip, and the elf brought her information in turn. It was unlikely that the Orlesian hadn't heard it before Lina told her, but she still accepted it with grace and thanks. As for Cullen, he always knew just what to do to make her smile. He wasn't very good with words, constantly stumbling and rubbing the back of his neck, but he made up for it in little things he would do for her. He'd come to he and make excuses for her to leave when the nobles got to be too much, bring her a book he thought she might find interesting, or simply offering her friendly advice that had nothing to do with battles or enemies.
Though the Inquisitor had gained more friends in this crazy Inquisition than she had in all the years among the Dalish, none had caught her attention quite like him. Solas was certainly not like any other elf Lina had ever met. He seemed to know so very much about the history of their people, learning from the Fade as he slept. In truth, Lina suspected that he had known far more than he shared and that not all of his knowledge came from the Fade, but now she would never have a chance to ask. She had thought that perhaps what they had was a real romantic relationship, but every time they would get closer, he'd take at least one step back.
When Solas told her about the vallaslin, Lina felt sick. It was hard to make the decision to have it removed, but she thought that it would be alright so long as she had him with her. The shock of having her face bared hadn't even worn off before he told her he was done with her. He had called her unique, said that she was important to him, kissed her as he held her close, then turned around and said that he was distracting her from her duties. The full effect of the break up didn't strike her immediately. She was able to calmly accept it, saying that it was his choice, that everyone makes mistakes. She broke down that night, weeping into her pillow. There was barely enough energy in her to make her usual daily journal entry.
After that, Lina looked at her other friendships with new eyes. It had been so easy for the one she allowed closest to her to walk away from her as though it meant nothing. His words spoke of importance and caring, but his actions spoke so much louder. If she wasn't enough for the elven apostate, how could she think she would ever be enough for the others? They all had purposes driving them, goals and families and jobs to do when everything was over. Not Lina. Not anymore. She had nowhere special to go. No one to return to now that she had no Dalish markings. No one would want some mage elf hanging around while the world slowly came to order. That was when she turned to her books. True, the others seemed to notice, even showing concern when she stopped going to the tavern, stopped making small talk and wandering from friend to friend in Skyhold, but they probably just wanted to make sure their Inquisitor hadn't lost her nerve to fight the big bad darkspawn.
The Inquisitor was startled from her thoughts by everyone stopping to let the horses drink at a stream. Surely they wouldn't miss the mage if she were to slip away for a moment. Lina didn't wander far, but she made sure to be out of sight as she brought her field journal out of her satchel. She always had one journal for home and one to take with her on her travels since one could never be too careful. A dragon had once managed to singe one of those travel journals to within an inch of being legible. The question now was what to write. The only things of note were the battle and Solas walking away. Again. Lina sighed. She really didn't feel like writing, but old habits die hard.
12 Justinian, 9:41 Dragon – It's done. We've beaten Corypheus. I had hoped it would feel better, but I feel as numb as ever. Solas is gone. I wish it surprised me. He left when the orb broke. He said that what we had had been real, but that's laughable. He never was straightforward with me. I hope he finds something that makes him happy. At one time not long ago, I would have wished it could have been me that made him happy. Now I wonder if we ever could have been more than we were. He always held himself back from me. Sure, I loved what he let me see, but how much of him was that? At least I won't have to worry about avoiding him in the Fade soon enough. I won't have this ache in my heart, and I won't feel so... empty.