Chapter Text
Kuroo curses again, as the devil wearing furry clothing swipes at him again.
Yaku watches with completely undisguised glee. “Wow. Who knew that you and actual cat Kuro would hate each other so much? I guess it’s like magnets. If two similar assholes are too close to each other, they repel.”
Kai peacefully watches the chaos unfold in front of him, before Kenma finally goes over to save Kuroo from Kuro, luring the cat back into its carrier.
Yaku poked Kuroo, who was nursing a new set of scratches. “You know, even though you found a cat, you really should still tell Sawamura-san.”
“How?” Kuroo hisses. “Am I supposed to just call him up and tell him that I was pretending to be his future cat the entire time? Oh, and if that wasn’t creepy enough, the reason I did it was because I actually really like him and want to be the one to make him happy now and in the future?”
“Actually, yes! I’d be more than willing to vouch for how much effort you’re going through to make Sawamura happy,” Yaku groans. “But honestly, you’ve kept this a secret long enough.”
Kuroo looks at Yaku as if he’s an idiot. “Look. The longer I keep this a secret, the longer I’ll keep, keeping this a secret.”
“What the fuck? I can’t even--That’s stupid. Just tell him.”
“You’re stupid.”
Yaku immediately opened his mouth, but then closed it, looking very pained. Either he was constipated, or he was about to try to say something exceedingly sappy and heartfelt. “You know that Sawamura won’t be angry.” Kuroo winces. It seemed that it was going to be a heartfelt conversation. He’d have preferred constipation. At least with that, he could just make fun of Yaku and send him on his way.
“No.” Yaku stuck his finger in Kuroo’s face, which, honestly, Kuroo was kind of impressed with, because Yaku definitely had to reach for that.
“Listen. I’m only saying this because Kai is secretly a shit stirrer, and Kenma is enabling your insane behavior for some strange reason. Then we will never talk about your love life ever again, and I will happily watch it all crash and burn around you.”
Yaku blows out a long and angry breath, before starting. “Like I said, Sawamura won’t be mad. He's legitimately a good guy who, for some unknown reason, likes you. You like him, for painfully obvious reasons. This should be simple. Whatever you’re imagining will happen if he finds out, it won’t. Unless you’re imagining him laughing at you for being a dumbass, because that’ll most likely happen.” Yaku tilts his head. “Probably more than just the one time.”
Finished, Yaku looks at Kuroo challengingly. “So, are you going to tell him?”
“Nope.” Kuroo says. “We’ve just found a real cat for him, and Sawamura will never have to know. I can confess my feelings afterwards. I have a ten step plan and everything.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“You won’t be able to keep calling me that once my plan works.”
Yaku narrows his eyes. “Even if your plan does work--which it won’t, it still won’t change the fact that you are, and will always be, an idiot.”
Kuroo grins, because that is just so unquestionably Yaku. He shifts slightly, before clearing his throat, “You know Yaku… I just want you to know… You’re a good friend.”
“Oh no, no, no, NO” Yaku said, waving his hands in front of him defensively. “We are NOT doing this.”
Kuroo smirks, “Oh, thank God. I didn’t have anything nice to say after that.”
Kuroo gets a punch in the arm that he admits he mostly deserves.
________________________________________________________________
“Behave” Kuroo hisses at Kuro. The spawn of Satan gives him an absolutely filthy glare from its cat carrier. He glares back.
“If Daichi wasn’t going to adopt you, I’d toss you out that door so fast--”
He’s interrupted by his doorbell ringing.
Kuroo shakes his finger threateningly at the fuzzy devil, before pasting on his brightest smile and answering the door.
“Sa’amura! Welcome to my humble abode. I have to say that it’s nice to finally see your face when it’s not on a screen.” He steps to the side, ushering Daichi into the apartment.
“Hey Kuroo! It’s really good to see you in person too.” Daichi smiles up at him, a dimple peeking out, and Kuroo can almost pretend that Daichi is only there to visit him. “By the way, thank you so much for doing all this. I can’t wait to meet Kuro.”
Ah. There you are, pesky reality. Right on time as always.
He waves Daichi off. “No need for thanks. Actually, thank you for taking this hellion off my hands.” Kuroo feels the truth in every word as they approach the cat carrier. He holds his breath as he carefully opens the door and swiftly backs away, praying that Kuro does not act like the evil demon he actually is. He grabs hold of Daichi’s arm, keeping him from getting too close to the open carrier. “Don’t approach too fast. Just give him a little time.”
Daichi nods distractedly, eyes shining as he watches Kuro poke his head out. Kuroo tries to keep Daichi back, but the other man determinedly moves forward, carefully holding his hand out for the bloodthirsty beast to sniff, crooning. “You’re even more handsome in person, aren’t you? Aren’t you the best guy ever?”
Kuroo’s heart leaps to his throat when he sees the incarnation of evil look at him and then at Daichi with a familiar gleam in its unholy eyes. He hurriedly tries to warn Daichi. “Watch out--”
The warning dies in his throat, his mouth dropping when he sees that foul little shit stroll up to Daichi, and begin purring vigorously, as it rubs its evil head against Daichi’s hands. He gives a soft little sigh as he hefts Kuro up, cradling the cat as it purrs like a rusted engine. Kuroo stares, stunned at the sight, until the furry bastard turns its head to give him the smuggest stare ever.
That little fucker.
“Who’s the cutest, most handsome, absolute best, and smartest guy? Yes, you are. It’s you!”
Kuroo grits his teeth as he tries to ignore the surge of jealousy that welled up when Daichi began sweet talking the spawn of all things terrible in the world. After all, it wasn’t as if Daichi had known that he’d actually been talking to Kuroo before. It’d honestly be better that Daichi never found out, because everything had worked out in the end. He’d managed to get Daichi a cat (most likely the anti-Christ, hopefully, possibly, maybe still a cat), and the man was none the wiser about all the indignities that Kuroo had put himself through, just because he’d thought that Daichi had initially wanted to date him. Kuroo sighs as he watches the other man gently stroke Kuro (aka the beast born from the coldest depths of Hell), eyes fond and warm as the demon purrs vigorously.
It’s just… it isn’t right, is it? Leaving Daichi blissfully unaware of all of Kuroo’s frantic machinations. He has to tell him--has to come clean, because in the end, it really isn’t fair to Daichi. His heart sinks as he drinks in the sight of in front of him (selectively editing out the monster Daichi’s cuddling), just in case this is the last time he gets to see the other man, once he inevitably gets creeped out by what Kuroo had done.
“Kuro isn’t real. At least, he wasn’t real when we were first talking.” Kuroo blurts out.
Well. Thought 10/10, execution -1/10.
Daichi’s eyes dart up to meet Kuroo’s. “Wait. What?”
Kuroo shuts his eyes, and grimaces as he forces out his confession. “The initial ‘bio’ that you saw--or what Suga-chan saw. It wasn’t for a cat. It was for me. I’m Kuro. Or was Kuro.”
Daichi still looked absolutely confused. “You’re--or rather are--Wait. I don’t understand. But that bio sounded like an adoption bio?”
“Actually, it was a dating profile that my friends wrote for me.”
“And this isn’t Kuro?” Daichi asked bewilderedly.
“No. Well. Yes. I mean--" Kuroo ruffles his hair agitatedly as he sighs, "Yes and no.” He meets Daichi’s eyes bashfully. “I mean that when Yaku told Suga that Kenma was looking for someone to ‘take care of a black-haired menace,’ that ‘menace’ was me.”
“Those calls?” Daichi asks, staring at Kuroo.
“A filter, and Kenma held the camera for me, when I was... Kuro.” Kuroo admits, blushing heavily. “Then I’d come back and talk as… well… Kuroo. I managed to find that Kuro for you, but I was Kuro in the calls.” He sighs defeatedly, “I don’t know if it helps, but I’ve felt really bad about everything the entire time, and I completely understand if you never want to see me again.”
Daichi keeps staring at him, his eyes wide as Kuroo continues. “I just… I just wanted an excuse to keep talking to you, and to maybe see if… If we had a chance.”
“You weren’t joking last time,” Daichi says slowly. “When you asked whether I’d want to keep you.”
Kuroo winces. “I was trying to make you laugh?” he asks weakly.
“But you were also hoping that I’d say yes.” Daichi sits on the edge of the couch, mouth slowly curling up at the edges. “Every call, whenever you’d tell me things about Kuro--you’d ask whether I thought he’d be able to make me happy… but it was actually you, wasn’t it?”
Kuroo swallows, unable to say anything.
Daichi sighs softly, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
That was the million yen question, wasn’t it? Kuroo opened and closed his mouth a few times, because what could he even say? What finally gave him the courage to speak however, was Daichi’s patient smile, filled with warmth, openness, and understanding.
“At first, I wanted to say something right away, but I was scared that if I let go of this chance to talk with you again--build our relationship to something more--it’d never come again.” Kuroo haltingly answers. “I wanted to keep seeing you.” He looks down, mumbling. “I want to keep seeing you.”
“Kuroo,” Daichi says, and oh, his tone is so inexplicably fond, that Kuroo can’t help but look up in hope, because it’s doing terrible things to his heart. “What you did--” Daichi grins, “was well-intentioned, but executed in the dumbest way possible.” He chuckles. “So I guess, it’s exactly like you.”
Kuroo stays silent, unable to refute that assessment.
“I am really sorry you know,” Kuroo murmurs, dropping his head again.
Daichi ducks his head to catch Kuroo’s gaze. “Well, you did eventually come clean with me, and you still got me a cat.” He pauses thoughtfully. “Plus, we’ve both done things we regret regarding each other. Since I guess now’s the time to come clean, I should probably tell you that I spent a lot of our training camps and time at Nationals doing a really unflattering impression of you behind your back.” He smiles down at the black fuzzy incarnation of Satan in his arms. “Let’s just call it even and move on from here.”
Kuroo frowns, stiffening a little. “What impression?”
Daichi shoots him an amused look before running a hand through his hair, spiking it into a disheveled mess. He then turns to Kuroo, giving him a Cheshire grin, as his eyes go heavy-lidded. “Ara ara, what do we have here?” Daichi purrs, and Kuroo’s pulse immediately skyrockets.
“A lone crow away from the rest of his fledglings? Should I worry about being a-cawsted?” Then Daichi blinks, the heavy-lidded gaze gone as he shrugs. “Variations of that, more or less. It got a lot of laughs--especially from your team, and made me feel less like punching you.”
“Wait---that’s not.” Kuroo pauses, trying to get his brain working again. “My team knew about it and let it happen?” Kuroo thought of Yaku, Kai, and Kenma, before groaning. “Of course they did.”
“Your team was one of my biggest enablers,” Daichi laughs. “They really helped me nail the perfect, provocative demeanor to really get at people. Like how you lean in, and how you drawl your words. Honestly, it was super cathartic to be that purposefully aggravating.” He pauses. “You know, I actually use that impression a lot whenever I have to talk to suspects, and I’ve now got the best numbers when it comes to getting confessions in the prefecture.”
Kuroo stares at Daichi, thinking wildly to himself that one, Daichi was likely getting those confessions for an entirely different reason, and two, since this was the time for honesty, he had to be absolutely clear on his feelings.
Kuroo hurriedly grabs at Daichi’s hand, cursing and hastily withdrawing it when Kuro hisses and swipes at him. “Sa'amura, I do like you, you know. As more than a friend.”
Daichi puts a calming hand on Kuro, before reaching out himself to rest his hand on Kuroo’s. “I know, Kuroo. Well, I’m certain of that now. And I actually like you too--as more than a friend.” Daichi gently squeezes Kuroo’s hand, and Kuroo feels the tension immediately drain out of his body. How was it possible that Daichi could so easily relieve his anxiety?
“Besides, you’re not hiding any other huge secret from me, are you?”
“No, because I’ve learned a valuable lesson about being upfront with the person I like,” Kuroo said. “For example, are you free for dinner tonight?”
“Sure.” Daichi grins mischievously. “Wanna go to a cat cafe so you can be among your kin?”
Kuroo let out a loud laugh, happiness bubbling inside him. “Huh. You’re more of an asshole than I first realized,” Kuroo mused, tickling Daichi’s palm.
“Funny, I’m sure I’ve heard multiple people say that about you.” Daichi retorts, tickling his palm right back. “However, joke’s on you. I always knew how much of an asshole you are.”
“Oho? Think you know so much about me?”
“Well, I know you have an older sister, and always wanted a dog growing up, but your parents wouldn’t let you get one.” Daichi said, leaning towards Kuroo. “Your favorite food is grilled salted mackerel pike, but you also have a not-so-secret sweet tooth. You’ve liked volleyball for almost your entire life, and introduced Kenma to it. You might look like you’re a social person, but you’re actually pretty shy, and it takes you a little while to open up to people.” Daichi smiles. “You’re one of the most well-meaning idiots I know, and I would love to keep you if you still want me to.”
Kuroo swallows, completely speechless.
“What I’m trying to say is that I do know you.” Daichi murmurs as he leans in. “Even if I first thought that some of those things were about a cat.” He finishes cheekily, brushing their noses together.
Kuroo can’t help but pout a bit, and Daichi gives him an impish grin. That’s all the warning Kuroo has, before Daichi finally kisses him on the mouth, gentle and sweet and more mind-blowing than any kiss has a right to be for being so chaste. It makes Kuroo ache to his core, and when Daichi attempts to move back, he immediately grabs a handful of his shirt, hauling him back to kiss him deep and slow, groaning softly when Daichi opens beautifully to him.
When Daichi finally draws away, panting slightly, Kuroo whines a bit, trying to chase after his lips, but is stopped by Kuro’s menacing hiss. He shoots a glare at the furry epitome of evil, as Daichi soothingly pats it with his free hand. As Kuro (and Kuroo) calm down, Daichi asks, “By the way, you know that Kai and Kenma were both texting me about you as Kuro, right?”
“Of course they did,” Kuroo said. And then he froze, “Wait.”
“The entire time,” Daichi’s grin is growing wider. “They told me all kinds of things. Like the fact that you pooped everywhere, would sometimes knock things over out of pettiness, and that I should definitely get you neutered because you acted like you were always in heat.”
“Daichi, I’m going to have to ask you to look the other way as an officer of the law.” Kuroo gritted. “I’m about to put Dexter to shame.”
“Oh, so it’s not your own fault that you didn’t just tell me?”
“They told me not to!”
Daichi snorts. “And you listened to them? You definitely need me in your life.”
Kuroo breaks out into a sappy grin, “Yea. I do.”
The door to Kuroo’s place opens with a bang as Yaku casually strolls in, Kai and Kenma following behind.
Kuroo immediately fixes them with an absolutely scathing stare. "Anything to say to me, Kenma-kun? Kai-kun?"
Kai and Kenma both stop, looking at each other before they just shrug.
"I needed a beta tester, and honestly, this was some of the best entertainment I had all year. Plus, I knew you’d eventually do the right thing. I see it all worked out for you anyway."
"What Kenma said. Except for the beta tester part."
Kuroo narrowed his eyes menacingly, despite feeling slightly touched that they did believe the best in him. "I never thought I'd ever say this, but Yaku is my best friend as of now."
Kenma and Kai look at each other before shrugging again. "Sounds good."
Yaku immediately refuted. "Hell no! Especially if having that title means I have to listen to you wax poetic about Sawamura-san's thighs again."
"Again?" Daichi shoots him an amused look.
It was official. Not a single person from Nekoma could keep a goddamn secret.
Taking refuge in audacity, Kuroo immediately whines. "Sa'amuraaa, everyone here is a bunch of evil bastards who give me terrible advice and just want to see me suffer. As an enforcer of justice, the savior of the poor and oppressed, you have to save me."
Daichi utters with absolute seriousness. "Oh, my poor little meow meow, my baby, my little baby who hurts so much but treats people with nothing but tenderness. How could they treat you like that?”
Kuroo stares, jaw dropped.
Daichi lets out an amused huff, eyes twinkling. “Considering how often you’re on Twitter, I’d think you’d at least know that meme, old man.”
“Wha--You--Daichi!”
“Yes, that’s me. It’s always been just me.” Daichi responds laughingly. “By the way, I seem to remember a certain someone wanting to take me to dinner...” Kuroo’s heart thumps harder as Daichi flutters his lashes at him teasingly, “How do you feel about going a little earlier so I can save you from the clutches of evil?"
"Sounds absolutely perfect." Kuroo means every word, not even minding when Kuro, the little bastard, digs a sneaky and sharp, claw-filled paw into his leg.
Because, honestly, it really was, wasn’t it?