Chapter Text
“I can’t believe how committed Troy and Britta are.”
“Yes, commitment is not something you understand.”
“We are committed, Annie.”
“Yes, to the make believe.”
“It was your choice to move in with them.”
“Are you saying I had another choice?”
“We could have played house.”
“I see. I’m not sure how that would be different from where I live now.”
“Because I don’t have a separate playroom. I live in reality.”
“Truth doesn’t exist in the dark.”
“Might I remind you of your little game of inviting me places, well after dark.”
“I can’t help it if you fall for things so easily.”
“I am a simple creature.”
“Sure you are.”
“There is good and bad.”
“Man and woman.”
“We are definitely products of Greendale.”
“If I apply your logic, to us, it gets much simpler, Jeff.”
“Exactly. Young. Old.”
“One, plus one, makes two.”
“I’d say your math is slightly off.”
“Aren’t you a student of moral relativism?”
“I was. That was Old Jeff. New Jeff sees shades of gray.”
“That’s convenient.”
“I want to see the light, but I’ll always have a dark side.”
“And you think I don’t?”
“I’d say all signs point to no, Annie.”
“That’s your problem. Right there.”
“I have several problems. Can you be more specific?”
“You assume I haven’t been manipulating you all this time.”
“I’d say the purple curtains are proof-positive that you have.”
“Just live with them for a while. You’ll see.”
“Next thing I know Zac Efron will be hanging from my wall.”
“You always have to make this about me being childish.”
“Hmm, I wonder why? These pops of color didn’t get here on their own.”
“My taste does not correlate to my age.
“I thought we agreed not to bring that up anymore.”
“Um, you started it.”
“You’re proving my point, Kiddo.”
“Ugh, don’t talk down to me. Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“Unless that’s what does it for you.”
“Annie.”
“What? Do I make you uncomfortable?”
“Of course not. I’m still me, remember?”
“Then, let me, be me.”
“I’m not sure who I am talking to right now.”
“You only see what you want to see.”
“You have to admit, you sort of do it to yourself.”
“Really? That’s an interesting theory.”
“Is it?”
“You’re the lawyer.”
“You want to be a scientist.”
“Both rely on factual evidence.”
“Fine. You ambushed me, not once, but twice our first year.”
“Ambush? Um, you’re like a foot taller and have at least 100 pounds on me.”
“Hey, muscle weights more than fat.”
“Jeff! Focus.”
“You pull me into your silly escapades and then need help getting out of them.”
“Don’t trivialize the time we spend together.”
“Two words. Pens and yams.”
“Oh, yeah, well at least I didn’t run around for a year having secret sex with our friend, like it was no big deal.”
“It wasn’t.”
“To you. We've kept a stupid kiss secret for 3 years.”
“Impulsive, maybe. But not stupid.”
“Then why did we do it?”
“Because.”
“Oh, that’s a great reason. Because. You’re so lucky I never outed you. I wanted to punch you right in the face that day.”
“Because it was the right thing to do.”
“Because Britta’s our friend? The study group won’t understand? You are a monster? Too immature? Too old? Fill in the blank after because with anything you like. You’ve been doing it for years.”
“Because, Annie. This is the because, here and now. I don’t want to fight with you.”
“You’d rather suppress what comes naturally to us. Because that’s so much better.”
“And you’d rather pretend.”
“It’s not pretending, Jeff.”
“The lap dance last year? Sending me text messages in the middle of the night to meet you? Playing the role of Jeff Winger’s wife?”
“I can’t help wanting what I want.”
“That statement is pretty open to interpretation, Annie.”
“I’ve tried for specific, as you so rightly just described. So interpret away.”
“Then decorating my place with a “little” Annie suggests you do want to play house with me.”
“I told you we can take it all back.”
“We, Annie. Isn’t that what people do when they play house? Together.”
“I don’t get this fixation of yours on where I live.”
“Ever since that night, Annie, when I took you home after the dance … I, uh.”
“What? What’s wrong, Jeff?”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen to you, there, all alone.”
“But nothing did happen. I’m fine.”
“I know, but, it doesn’t mean I don’t worry.”
“Worry, like in the present tense? About me living with Troy and Abed?”
“Troy, who you were secretly in love with.”
“Jeff … don’t.”
“And, Abed, who you, you know… let’s not do this, ok?”
“Ok, ok. I think I get it. But, still, we skipped a very adult step that comes before grown-ups play house.”
“That’s a valid hypothesis.”
“It’s a fact, Jeff.”
“So what do you propose we do?”
“You’ve never taken to any of my ideas. I was hoping you had some.”
“W-what?”
“Do what comes naturally to you.”
“What comes naturally to me is to do nothing.”
“Only as it relates to me.”
“Yes.”
“That’s unnatural.”
“If I follow my instinct, that would mean I was evil.”
“No, it would mean you’re human.”
“I’m a better human if I do nothing.”
“Is that what you believe?”
“That’s what I know.”
“So, if I follow your way of thinking, that means I am evil, too.”
“No, just me. I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“The solution is not to keep you here, with me. My little daydreams have no place in reality.”
“Don’t apologize, Jeff. I genuinely think you believe what you’re saying.”
“Then, why are we arguing?”
“Because.”
“Cute, but profoundly unproductive.”
“Because, Jeff. You are being unfair to yourself.”
“Remember, me? I’m the most selfish person you ever met.”
“If that were true, we’d have no reason to argue, right?”
“Um, maybe?”
“And, you wouldn’t have agreed to keep Fiona.”
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into keeping it.”
“She is adorable. Pets make a home, Jeff.”
“I am more of a dog person.”
“Someday, when you have more room.”
“When will that be?”
“You’re about to graduate. The future is bright for you.”
“I hope I can still find my way out there.”
“You will.”
“I can’t escape the past, Annie.”
“Maybe you’ll follow a different path in the future.”
“I want to. But I have to find the right one.”
“You’re already on it.”
“Only because you keep lighting the way.”
“Then why do you want to look away?”
“You are so bright sometimes.”
“I can turn that down.”
“I don’t want you to dull your light, Annie. It keeps me going.”
“Jeff, maybe there is a place we can meet. In the middle somewhere.”
“Between now and the future?”
“You’re ready for that?”
“I’ve been at Greendale so long. I don’t know.”
“We’re not at Greendale now.”
“No, we’re in my place. But Greendale’s all around us. It lives next door to me and brings me kittens.”
“There’s just you and I right now. Inside this world.”
“Do you think we can make it out there, though? In the real world.”
“Is that where we are now?”
“You seem real enough to me, Annie.”
“Then, you have your answer.”