Chapter Text
I’m standing next to Cinna waiting for the Tribute Parade to start. He has me dressed in skintight black with embellishments on the shoulders. I’m not quite sure what to expect but he tells me it will be fiery and passionate. That I shouldn’t be afraid. But that itself is enough to make me fear what is coming next. I decide to trust him anyway.
It feels like days since I was last in Twelve. After the reaping, I thought we would at least get to say our good-byes but instead they made us wait in our individual rooms. And we waited. And waited. And waited. And no one came until the time for goodbyes had passed. Then they took us to the train and everything that came after is a blur. We ate the most extravagant of foods but I cannot remember what any of it tasted like. Effie kept talking but I cannot remember anything she said. I remember Gale throwing his gold plated knife against the wall but I cannot remember why. And I know Haymitch drunkenly promised me things but I cannot remember what they were.
I think I was numb.
All I remember is sneaking into Gale’s room. Seeing him sitting on the edge of the bed, his back facing the door, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he suppressed his sobs. All I remember is climbing onto the bed behind him and snaking my arms around his waist and pressing my cheek into his back and holding him as hard as I could. Breathing in the smell of him and preserving in my memory forever the feel of him against me.
Neither of us slept last night. And when Effie found us this morning her shrieking was probably heard all the way back home.
It’s been a long day of torture in the name of beauty and longer still because I have not seen Gale. He’s always been angry and that is part of what drew me to him. But since the reaping, he is unreachable in his anger. And I feel so alone.
Cinna stirs next to me and I turn to follow his gaze. I see Gale walking towards me but he looks so different that for a moment I am confused. There’s a woman walking next to him, Cinna greets her and they move aside to talk in hushed whispers.
He’s always been striking but I’ve never seen him so clean or clean-shaven. He’s wearing the same skintight black that I am wearing with larger embellishments on the shoulders. He looks so tall and strong and proud and I think to myself he’s mine, he’s mine, how is he mine?!
But he doesn’t look at me. He stands next to me and his beautiful grey eyes are cold and hard like steel as they watch the chariot, the horses, the other tributes, their stylists. And once again I feel so alone. I place my hand on his arms that are crossed in front of him. He spares me a quick glance before his eyes return to the other tributes, weighing, measuring, judging them.
I look back towards Cinna and Gale’s stylist. They’ve been joined by Effie and Haymitch. I wonder why I’ve never noticed how close Effie and Haymitch always stand when next to each other. Haymitch doesn’t look as drunk as usual and he must feel me staring at him because he turns to look at me and smirks. I honestly don’t understand how my mother and he came to be such close friends but there it is. One of the great mysteries of my life.
I turn back towards Gale. He’s still observing the other tributes but his stance has softened slightly. I walk towards the horses and decide to pet them for a while. It doesn’t help much but the repetitive motion helps a little bit.
I’m not sure how much time passes but when I look up towards Gale, I realize he has been watching me. His eyes are soft now, soft and warm and grey.
Cinna walks up to me and directs me into the chariot and Gale steps up beside me. All around us tributes are stepping into their chariots and slowly the districts start leaving the tunnel. I can see the brightness outside. I can hear the noise of the crowds. It is overwhelming and I am glad to have Gale’s warm, comforting strength on my right. Cinna arranges us to stand facing forward with our hands resting on the front of the chariot. As he leaves his whispers to me, “Stay strong!”
I don’t understand but he just smirks at me and jumps off the chariot. I turn to my right to ask Gale what he means but stop when I see how intensely he is looking at me. The chariot starts moving forward with a jerk and I tighten my grip. The end of the tunnel and the chaotic brightness outside is drawing closer but I am only vaguely aware of it. Gale is looking me like I have hung the moon and stars. He leans down and softly places a kiss against my lips. I feel a fiery heat engulfing us both. And when he lets go we both turn to face the light drawing closer.
With him beside me, I cannot be afraid.