Chapter Text
"Lena, can I ask you something?"
Kara knew what she wanted to say, it was in the tip of her tongue, so why couldn’t she say it? Why did her mouth just open and close like a fish out of water and at the same time she felt her head underwater, all distorted sounds, and slow movements?
Lena watched her with big curious eyes. “What is it?” Kara hadn’t answered, she waited. “What do you want to ask me?”
What do you want to ask me?
What do you want?
Do you want me?
Kara couldn’t answer, she remained mute for the rest of the night and they continued watching Halloweentown until Lena fell asleep on her shoulder, soft snores against her neck and hand held in Kara’s.
It’s been two months since then and Kara still hasn’t been able to confess her feelings or anything that resembles it. It’s absurd! She’s pretty sure Lena reciprocates them, then why is it so hard to tell her?
“See you tomorrow for brunch?” Lena asks, standing on the threshold, game night has just finished and her best friend -besides her sister- is the only one still there.
Kara slides her hand down Lena’s upper arm and squeezes her hand. “As always.”
Lena smiles softly, it’s her favorite kind of smile, double dimples, and rosy cheeks. It’s a smile she’s only ever seen directed at her -and once at James but Kara isn’t particularly fond of that memory- one of the many telltales of them being more than just platonic.
Lena leans in for a quick cheek kiss and then it’s gone with a waving hand and a “Goodnight.”
Kara peeks out of the door and reclines against the doorframe to watch Lena’s retreating figure wald down the hall, an unbidden sigh comes out of her and she follows her heartbeat until she’s out of the building then turns on her heels to close the door, cheek still warm and probably stained from Lena’s kiss.
She freezes in her place when she comes face to face with her sister with crossed arms. Alex’s face bears a disapproving look that Kara’s very used to by now, and shakes her head.
“You’re reaching new levels of ridiculous.”
It’s true but that doesn’t mean she wants people saying it to her face.
She rolls her eyes and takes the beer bottles over her kitchen counter to the recyclable bin, ready for this conversation to go the same as always. “You’re overreacting.”
“Really? Because as soon as Lena got here you didn’t stay more than the necessary time for her to pee away from her.”
“You’re one to talk.”
“The difference is that Kelly is my wife. Lena is your ‘best friend’.”
Kara purses her lips, not appreciating the air quotes.
"You know I'm very touchy with all my friends."
Alex throws herself carelessly on the couch.
"Funny thing, I've never seen Nia in your lap with your head in her boobs."
Kara gasps, Alex raises her hand, as if asking her to say nothing else. Good thing because she doesn't have a decent answer for it.
"All I'm asking, no, I'm not asking anymore, I'm begging, please you either tell her how you feel or get over her."
Kara frowns. It’s not the first time Alex says such a thing, she sighs again, far less wistful and more tired she takes a seat on the coffee table. “Why don’t you get over your beef with Lena? It’s been too long.”
Alex rolls her eyes. “It’s not because of that.” Kara deadpans. “It’s not only because of that, okay? Kara, you have been through a lot, we’ve all been and it’s normal for you to want normalcy and stability but sometimes change is good.”
Kara bites her lip, an unexpected lump has formed in her throat. “But what if things are already good?”
Why change what's not broken? Why can’t she keep loving Lena in silence for the rest of her life because getting over her? That’s not an option, what a stupid idea, getting over Lena would be like getting over Krypton; impossible, both fundamental parts of her being, essential parts of her life.
Her sister gives her a fond look and extends her arm for Kara to join her on the couch, she takes it, sinking in the familiar comfort and smell of citrus of her perfume.
“But what if it could be better? She wants you, we can all see that and I know you know it so what’s stopping you? Are you really trying to tell me her friendship is all you want?”
“It’s enough.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Kara sniffs. “Well, you’re asking a lot of questions.”
Alex bops her forehead and Kara swats her hand away.
“I’m your big sister and you’re being stubborn so I’ll ask you the same thing you asked me after all those years ago about Maggie… How's her?”
“You know her.”
Alex shakes her head.
“Not like you, she’s different with you. So tell me, how’s Lena?” she tries again.
Kara swallows and closes her eyes, the light of the room suddenly too bright on her eyes.
“She’s brave and so smart.” Kara starts and a tear falls from her closed eyes. “She’s so so soft and- and precious but she somehow makes me feel safe when I’m with her and I just… Alex, I love her so much, for-”
She tries to contain the sob emerging from her chest and hides her face in the space between her sister’s shoulder and neck.”I know that I love her for forever but what if this isn’t the same for her. She may love me but will she be with me till the end? On one hand, how can I be Supergirl and have a relationship? That’s never worked before. On the other hand, this city, this whole world needs me.”
Alex rocks her in her arms and Kara is as if they’re back in the bedroom in Midvale, in the middle of a thunderstorm or after a particularly bad nightmare, like those times, Kara focuses on Alex’s heartbeat; steady, constant, the only constant since Kara got to earth. Sometimes Kara is taken aback at how these humans -Lena and Alex- with their fragile bodies can be her haven when it should be the other way around.
Alex puffs. “Those are heavy expectations to put on Lena, whether she meets them or not is up to her, about the rest... you know you don’t need to carry the world on your own, right? You’ve got me, and J’onn, and Brainy, Nia, Kelly, Lena, and all your multiverse friends that would be here as soon as you called them. I’ve always hated the comparisons between you and Clark but I’ll just say that you could take some hope from him this time, he’s managed to be Superman and to have a human life all this time, you can do that too.”
“It’s not the same.”
“How could it not be the same?”
“Kal is not like me, he’s more human than Kryptonian. He never had to pretend to fit in, his powers are only a part of him that he learned to live with but without them, he’s as human as Kelly or you.”
“Perhaps, but if that’s how you feel about Lena, then I think the effort is worth it.”
Kara blows her nose with her shirt and lets out a noise that is half sob and half-laugh.
"Your wife is the psychologist, not you."
Alex presses a kiss on her forehead.
"I don't need a degree to know what makes my sister happy."
***
Lena is finishing frying some bacon when there’s a rapid knock on her door.
“Come in.” she says, knowing well is Kara, no one else besides her best friend (and Jess) has the code to her personal elevator.
Kara struts in with one cardboard box in each hand and parades them in front of her face, the smell of cinnamon and glass sugar perfuming the kitchen.
“Hey! I got scones and sticky buns.”
She takes the unlabeled boxes from Kara's hand, one day she'll discover the secret to her flying food half across the world and it still being warm.
“The ones from-?”
“Yes, from that french bakery you love so much.” Her best friend assures her and leans in to greet her with a cheek kiss because that's a thing they do now; hi and goodbye kisses, and if Kara's lips linger or hand squeezes Lena's waist in a way that makes her knees weak. Well, that's no one's business but hers.
“That’s why you’re my favorite.” she turns back her bacon puts it on a plate, then takes it to the table with Kara behind her, cutlery and coffee pot in her hands.
“I thought it was because of my charm, amazing company, and impeccable taste in movies.”
Lena laughs. “Maybe those are a bonus.” then points to the oven where she saved the omelettes and hash browns to keep them warm. "Please bring the rest."
When their assorted buffet of greasy food and fresh sliced food is served they finally sit down, but Kara is not throwing herself at the banquet as she usually does, instead, she's fidgeting with a napkin, folding it time and time again until she's formed a crane.
Lena can't say this is totally new. There's been a few months since there’s been this… restless energy to Kara. It’s as if she’s about to tell her something but never actually does it.
They manage ten minutes of awkward silence, and in that time Kara has taken two morsels off her plate, most of those ten minutes she's spent staring at her and pretending her honey-glazed sausages are the most interesting thing she's ever seen.
There's nothing in specific that makes her break first, or perhaps there is; the knowledge that if she doesn't ask first she may pass the next four years unaware of whatever is going on with Kara.
She sets her knife and fork over her plate, in the table etiquette for 'waiting' that she learned within the first week at the Luthor manor.
"What is it, Kara?"
The blonde jumps in her chair, as if not expecting Lena to talk.
"What? No- there's nothing. What do you mean?"
If the words hadn't given her off, her inability to meet Lena's eyes would have been it. She sighs and crosses her arms over her chest, this may take a while.
“Is it another big secret? Because Kara, we’ve been through that and you know I prefer the truth over anything you think you’re protecting me of.”
That seems to set the alarms off because Kara hurries to say: "That's not at all what this is about!"
"Then what is it?"
The Kryptonian stands up and starts to pace around, she steals glances from Lena, and then her eyes go back to the floor or the glass panel wall.
"I want, I-. I want-"
Kara starts and stops herself two more times and Lena is really trying to be patient but she's been it for weeks now and she needs answers. She rises from her seat to face the other woman.
"What! What the hell you want?!"
Kara observes her with anguished eyes and finally says; "You!".
That leaves her pinned to her place, unsure what to do with herself. Kara turns her head, looking at the city sight, she walks towards the living room and plummets down on the couch. The day has just started but Kara looks tired, her posture is one of defeat.
“Lena… you can't possibly not know how I feel, after everything."
Lena’s mouth is suddenly dry, she goes to sit next to Kara, she cracks her fingers just to have something to do with her hands. It feels like an eternity when Kara finally looks at her again and what she sees in the Kryptonian’s eyes makes her catch her breath. It’s raw and it’s too much.
“But in case you don’t, I must tell you… I love you, more than anything, more than anyone and-”
She is expectant. Kara leans in as if pulled by Lena’s own desires to have her close but doesn’t close the distance, lets Lena choose but there isn’t much to think about, she’s been choosing Kara since the moment they met so no, it’s not a hard choice to close the gap between them and put her mouth on Kara’s, especially when she’s been dreaming about doing this for years.
Kara is frozen for six seconds, Lena knows this as a fact; she counted them and made the mental promise that if she didn't get a reaction from the blonde by the tenth second she would stop. Lucky her that isn't necessary because once Kara reacts, well, pours herself into that kiss.
Throughout the years, Lena has had more than enough time to picture every version of a kiss possible and couches were in high demand in her fantasies. Nervous, sweet, passionate, hard kisses, she's thought of all but this one? She can't fit into a sole category; Lena's own hands are on Kara's neck and one of the Kryptonian's hand is holding her head, pulling them together, as if they could get closer than having their tongues in each other's mouth. Lena almost regrets having her hair braided at the base of her nape just because it impedes Kara from burying her fingers in it and Lena wants it; she wants Kara’s fingers in her hair, clothes rumpled or even better, no clothes at all. She wants to be pressed on the cushions of this couch and to be ravished, rough then gentle. Lena wants it all, Kara’s moans against her mouth and her hand slipping under her shirt and caressing her ribs tell her she does too.
Kara’s touch is a contradiction, her lips are insistent, her tongue is hot but her hands are tender, hesitant, in fact, Kara's hands have the littlest of shakiness. Lena wants to continue, she really does but there are words that need to be said. She extricates one of her arms, which is fiercely grasping Kara's collar, and takes harsh breaths, they need to clarify some things before this continues.
She’s panting heavily, her forehead resting against Kara’s temple, the other woman’s lips pressing kisses on her jaw makes her lose her train of thought. “Ok, but what were you trying to tell me?”
“ Lena. ”
She chuckles and with any other person it would be embarrassing but at this moment, she couldn’t care less. “I’m joking.”
They set some distance, not fully apart but enough to see their faces without getting cross-eyed.
“So, what’s your answer?”
Lena narrows her eyes, unsure if Kara's messing up with her but her big Bambi eyes leave very clear that the Kryptonian's question is genuine, however stupid it may be.
“ Kara." She says in the same chastising tone the blonde had used. "We just made out on my couch, are you really asking me what’s my answer?”
At least Kara has the decency to blush at that, she scratches her neck and shrugs.
“It’s not the same being attracted to loving someone.”
“Let’s see, you want to hear it? You are my best friend; I feel safe around you, I can be me when I’m with you and I trust you, more than anyone in the world.”
Kara nods, the lines of her mouth going down. Lena wants to kiss her sadness away so she does, a quick peck on the lips that has Kara chasing for more and observing her with a confused expression.
“You are also the woman I love, the one I want to go home to and to sleep and wake up with, and I'm more than attracted to you in case you were wondering.” Lena cradles Kara’s face between her hands. “You, Kara Zor-El, are the love of my life. Is that clear enough to you?”
Kara bites her upper lip but not even that is enough to hide the big smile forming on her face.
“It is."
And that's all Lena needs too.