Chapter Text
Jaron took a deep breath before stepping out the door. It’s been long enough and he needed to stop hiding in his room. While he was heading towards where he assumed Tobias is, he’s already been stopped multiple times by his friends questioning him on his behavior. It was exhausting. He sighed in relief when he finally reached the door to Tobias’ room.
Tobias scrambled up to meet him, looking so surprised that he left his room at all. There were bags in his eyes that let him know that he was not the only one losing sleep over everything that’s happened.
“Jaron, are you okay?” Tobias asked and if he wasn’t so tired, he would’ve sassed back that it was him who’s supposed to be asking that.
“As okay as I can be, I guess.”
He headed towards one of the chairs and sat down when Tobias broke the silence.
“So.” He started, looking unsure how to bring the topic up.
“What is it?”
“What’s your plan?” Straight to the point then. Jaron appreciated it.
“What do you think I should do?” He asked him instead.
“I only know the information given to me by what I read so I don’t actually have all the facts but I’m sure Roden can fill you in.” Tobias reassured the king but Jaron’s eyes turned dangerous as they narrowed towards him.
“Listen to me Tobias. You must absolutely not tell Roden about my condition, understand?” Jaron’s voice seemed almost filled with hidden threats but Tobias couldn’t understand why.
“But why? He can help you. I thought you guys are starting to be friends again?”
“That doesn’t matter. Besides, why should I? He sure did not want my help before.”
“Are you serious? You’re rejecting his help because you want to be petty?” Tobias huffed, but Jaron was quick to clear it before he misunderstood.
“This is not about that, trust me. But right now, you’re the only one I trust to know about it, alright?” Jaron looked almost desperate, so he conceeded and let him have his way for now.
“Fine.” They settled on silence again, but Tobias still has one question in mind.
“Jaron, can I ask who the hanahaki is for?” Jaron had been expecting that question. Honestly, he was just waiting for him to ask. Doesn’t mean he can answer though.
“It doesn’t matter. It‘s not like I’m going to tell them.” Tobias’ brows creased at his answer, feeling like he’s had this exact conversation before.
“Please Jaron, at least think about it. I’ve already let Roden gone through with it and look what happened!”
“This is different.”
“How? At least talk to them so you can be certain that your feelings are not going to be returned. I don’t want you to dwell on the what-ifs.” Tobias insisted.
“I’m absolutely sure, Tobias.”
“Did you talk to them already?”
“No, but I don’t have to.”
“Stop assuming stuff!” Tobias slammed a fist on the table, frustrated at how his friend is being so stubborn. “Don’t just give up if they never explicitly stated that they won’t be able to love you. What if they did? What if they just couldn’t tell you? You have nothing to lose anyway! At the very least once you get the surgery, you won’t have to deal with the awkwardness if there even is! Just talk to them first!”
“I’m definitely sure that he won’t love me Tobias!” Jaron snapped. “You want to know why? Because he did and now he doesn’t! He lost more than just his feelings for me and there is absolutely no way to get them back!” He didn’t mean to say that. He promised himself to never tell anyone but he couldn’t take them back now.
Soon, gears were turning in Tobias’ head. He stepped back in shock and stared blankly at the king.
“No way.” Tobias’ eyes widened, understandably shocked about the revelation. “Is it actually…. for Roden?”
“What do you think?” The king scoffed but his quivering lips and the look on his face gave away just how much he was hurting.
“I’m sorry Jaron," Tobias spoke up "had I known, I would have persuaded Roden more… or I definitely would’ve told you, even if Roden ended up hating me for it.” He doesn’t blame Tobias, it really was out of his hands but...
“Why didn’t you?”
“Well it's because, I guess, as much as I wanted Roden to reconsider, there was also a big part of me that believed his feelings would not be reciprocated. I’m sorry.” Tobias looked down in shame, probably chastising himself for thinking that way but really, it wasn’t his fault.
“I see.” Jaron crossed his arms and looked away, thinking hard.
“Jaron— I—…”
“It’s okay, Tobias. I probably would’ve thought the same, if I were in your place.” Jaron tried to reassure him.
“Hmmm. Just let me know once you figure out what you want to do. I’ll be here.” The king nodded.
Unbeknownst to Tobias, Jaron has already made up his mind. He knows what he has to do.
‘Spending time together seemed like a double edge sword’, Jaron thinks. On one hand, he really enjoys Roden’s company and it makes him feel a little better but on the other, every second with him, knowing he won’t be able to return his feelings anymore just makes his condition worse.
Right now, he tries not to think about all the negative and just focused on what he has now. He and Roden just finished horse racing, adrenaline no longer pulsing as they sat on the grass, waving off their exhaustion and settled on a comfortable silence.
Sure, it could be better. Roden is still avoiding his gaze most of the time but he’s trying not to think too much about it. At least he stopped avoiding him.
‘Please look at me’ Jaron whispered, even when he already accepted that it may never be the same. For now though, this is fine.
The spent a few more minutes just basking in each other's presence when Jaron decided to drop the bomb. “I know about the hanahaki.” Jaron just said so casually like he’s talking about the weather, not even looking at Roden.
Roden froze, not expecting that at all. “How?” He shook his head, when he realized it was actually obvious. “Tobias told you?”
“Well, I kind of figured it out a little and when I maybe interrogated him, Tobias told me exactly what happened.” Roden sighed, slightly cursing his friend but without any real bite to it.
“I see. I hope this doesn’t make it any awkward between us." Roden smiled sheepishly at him. "If it makes you feel better, the surgery was successful and I don’t have any lingering, um, feelings so we can just pretend it never happened.” No, that did not make him feel better. At all. Roden’s words which were meant to reassure, just felt like plunging the knife deeper into his chest.
“So it’s all gone, huh?” Jaron was wistful but made sure to hide it in an indifferent tone.
“Y-yeah, don’t worry about it.” Is it just him? Or is Roden nervous? Does he really think he’ll be mad about it?
“Hmmm. I read your letter, too.”
“I wrote you a letter?”
“You sure did. You kind of told me everything.” He did. And Jaron’s heart broke for the nth time, thinking of the contents of the letter.
“Let me see it.”
“Nope. It’s for my eyes only.” Jaron teased.
“It’s MY letter.”
“No, it’s for ME. You lost all rights to it the moment it was sent.”
“Jaron!” And just like that, the atmosphere was lighter. It’s like they were back to before everything went to hell.
And oh, how Jaron missed those silly banters, he‘s missed it, he missed it so much, he missed Roden, and to have him back, here right next to him, it’s like everything is right in the world, and he feels safe.
It feels like home.
“Jaron,” He eyed Roden, who was looking at him somewhat nervously, “are we okay?”
“Of course.” As Jaron responded, he looked at Roden once again, he was given a small, soft smile that is so beautiful Jaron momentarily forgets how to breathe. It could be better, yes. But right now, it’s enough.
At the end of the day, while it’s undeniable how much pain he is in, just seeing Roden smile makes the suffering all worth it.
“Tobias, why did I do it?” Roden walked into the room without any warning, looking just about ready to cry which was really unusual for the captain.
“Do what?”
“The surgery. How did I convince myself that it was okay?”
“I’m sorry.” Tobias looked so guilty. “I tried stopping you but you wouldn’t listen.”
“It’s not your fault. Really. Why was I so stubborn?” At this, Roden sank down on the floor, feeling too exhausted to even move. Tobias sat down next to him, offering what little comfort he could give, like he’s making up for something.
“I just realized, I don’t know if I’m even the same person anymore.” Roden whispered as he wrapped his arms around himself, “I know I loved him. Loving him is part of my life. Why did I ever think I’d be okay without it?” Tobias stayed silent, knowing his friend just needed him to listen. He just needed him to stay close.
“I don’t even know anything but I miss my memories, I miss him so much. I feel so broken, Tobias. I don’t feel whole and I don’t know what to do.” Roden choked out a sob. “Spending time with him, I kind of get why my past self had fallen in love with him. He’s amazing and he's someone I can admire but that’s it. I can’t do more than that. But I want to.” He cried as he continued to wipe tears, and you can just hear the amount of regret he had in his voice. “This is all my fault. Maybe I should’ve listened to you. I could’ve at least tried. Maybe I’d actually have a chance or at the very least, he wouldn’t have abandoned me, maybe I could make him at least see me. I should’ve just listened to you!”
“You should’ve, Roden. You really should’ve.” Tobias' voice broke as he finally spoke up, very obviously hurting for both of his best friends and while they might not think so, he feels partially responsible for not trusting Jaron with Roden’s feelings. But they can do nothing about that now. Both of them just let themselves lean on each other wrapped in silence, crying in each other’s arms.
Jaron walked in just as Darius was leaving, he seemed to be in a serious conversation with Roden. He acknowledged his older brother with a nod and went to speak with his captain.
“You seemed to be getting close to Darius, Roden. What’s this? Is he recruiting you at Belland? Is this betrayal?” Jaron teased him, as usual. Roden just shook his head at his friend’s antics.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Roden only rolled his eyes. “I told you, didn’t I? You’re my king, Jaron. You are always my king.” Jaron laughed at that, but then faltered as his words registered.
“How did you know that?” Jaron was pretty sure it never come up recently.
“Um. That’s the thing.” Roden looked towards anything but him, scratching the back of his neck. “You see, I actually got my memories back.”
“What?” Jaron exclaimed, mouth open in shock. “That’s possible?”
“According to what the practitioners told me, I will gradually regain my memories but well, I’ll remember them differently, like I’m only seeing them but they happened to someone else since you know, I wouldn‘t have my thoughts from before. Just the memories will be back…” He began murmuring, but Jaron understood it all the same.
“But not your feelings, huh?” If he was looking, Roden would’ve seen Jaron’s lips pressed together, frowning and a little bit hurt.
“Yeah, but isn’t it better this way? No feelings to complicate our relationship. I don’t want you to treat me any differently.”
“I wouldn’t have.” Jaron stated firmly.
“Maybe. But don’t you think it would’ve been awkward at the very least? If I had another choice I wouldn’t have done it but I already did so there’s no point in me being hung up on it I guess.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Of course.” Jaron decided to let it go, to not let Roden know there was something else going on but he still needs to know.
“Can I ask you something, Roden?”
“What is it?”
“Just. Why? Why didn‘t you tell me? Why couldn’t you have just been honest with me? I don’t think I would’ve reacted badly if you did.”
“Because I didn‘t think it would matter.” Roden shrugged. “You wouldn’t have felt the same anyway, so I didn’t want to put it on you and make you feel like guilty. Besides, it was better for everyone.”
“You cut me out, Roden.” The captain flinched at the accusation. “You meant to abandon me, to stay away. How could you ever think that’s okay? That I‘d be okay without you?”
“You’ll get over it. You‘re the strongest person I know, you would’ve been fine, even if I’m gone. I mean, I’ve been gone for a while anyway and we sort of stopped being friends. You still survived." Roden, only half-joking, tried masking his awkwardness with a laugh and Jaron chuckled, Roden not noticing how fake and empty it was. “I guess so, huh? But that doesn’t mean everything was fine.”
“Sorry.” Jaron waved him off, telling him it doesn’t matter anymore and that they were past it.
As soon as Roden left, Jaron’s façade dropped. He smiled bitterly to himself.
“You‘re right, Roden. I did. I survived.”
“But I spent every moment, wishing I didn‘t.”
“Jaron, I can give you the details for the surgery. Do you want me to schedule it for you now?” Jaron shook his head. “Alright, but let me know when you decide to do it." Tobias took a deep breath and continued. "So, as you already know, you will lose your memories of Roden. But it’s not permanent! I talked to Roden and apparently you will get your memories back in time.”
“If you want, I can tell you everything you’ll forget. Or, if you’d rather write a letter like Roden did, I can give it to you once you’re back. Just one problem, Roden for sure will know what happened so it’s up to you whether you want to tell him before or I could also explain to him. I’m sure he’ll understand.” Jaron stopped listening mid-way to Tobias’ rambling. Not only because it was too long but he’s already made a decision, and he’ll stick by it.
“No.” Jaron had spoken up in the middle of him explaining. Tobias jolted at his interruption, tilting his head.
“No? Are you just going to leave him in the dark? You do realize that what happened would be pretty obvious to him, right?" He tried, "I mean. You can still try to be friends. If both of your feelings are gone then there‘s no problem, is there? But… if you think it’s better this way then I guess it’s your call?”
“That‘s not what I meant.”
“Then what do you mean?” Tobias looked at him, trying to guess what his king was thinking.
“I‘m not getting the surgery.”
“What?” Tobias gasped and he tried to process what Jaron just said. “Jaron, are you out of your mind? You know that there‘s no other way.”
“Roden already let go once. But I won‘t. I can’t.” Jaron’s shoulder was slumped in exhaustion, avoiding his gaze.
“Jaron, please. Please tell me you‘re not saying what I think you’re saying—”
“I don‘t want to forget him, Tobias.”
“Do you know what will happen if you don’t take the surgery? You‘ll either suffocate yourself or drown in your own blood while you suffer until you stop breathing. Do you even understand that?”
“Then, so be it.”
“Jaron—”
“It’s not even about the memories, Tobias. Losing him— I can’t do that. Please don‘t make me do that.” Jaron looked at him with so much pain in his eyes, that made Tobias pause before he said his next words.
“Don’t ever ask me to stop loving him, please.”
Tobias’ face twisted in frustration, confusion. But mostly, Jaron could see the hurt and anger in his eyes.
“I‘ve already made my decision. Please respect it.”
“But what about Carthya? What about us, Jaron?“ Tobias desperately tried to make him think about it more, but the longer it goes, it seems to be getting harder to make him listen.
“The war has long been over. We are at peace. Our enemies are gone. No one would be daring enough to try, at least not so soon. You don‘t need me anymore. Besides, we all know I’m the one who brings the enemies anyways.” He laughed like it‘s something funny. “I will talk to Darius. He has a right to the throne. And he will be a much better leader than I ever could be.”
“Don‘t say that.” Tobias pleaded, but Jaron was firm in his decision. He already spent a lot of time thinking about this, and he still had the same answer.
“I never wanted the throne. I only took it because it would mean suffering for Carthya otherwise. We led the country to victory, now our people live freely and safely. Now that I‘m no longer needed, I think it’s time to think of myself for once. And I think, it‘s time I be free.” He finished, feeling like a weight was lifted from his chest now that he let it all out. And it’s true, he even rather be a common thief than a king, but he had no choice. Now though, he has one.
Tobias broke down sobbing, still in disbelief at his words. Jaron wanted nothing but to reach out to his friend, even to tell him a lie, just to get rid of the pain didn’t mean to cause but he couldn’t. This what he decided to do, no matter how utterly selfish it is. All he could do was cry with him.
It never gets any easier.
He feels like he should’ve gotten used to it by now, but honestly it’s just getting more painful. With seeing Roden frequently, his coughs keep getting worse and now with Tobias, looking like he was about to have a breakdown any second, still understandably trying to make him change his mind. At least when he accepted Roden’s decision, it wasn’t this drastic.
Tobias cornered him one day and Jaron just looked at him in defeat. He gestured the regent to come inside his room, to make sure no one overhears.
“I’m not changing my decision.” Jaron stated as soon as he saw his friend open his mouth.
“Jaron,” Tobias took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “I know you won’t but can you at least consider it? We still have time. I know this is hard and painful but please, Jaron. Just. Don’t forget that you‘re not alone. I’m here. Everyone is. As long as you need us. Please remember that.” He begged once more.
“Okay.” That was the best reassurance he can give him. It doesn’t mean anything yet, but Tobias seemed satisfied anyways. For now. He only nodded at him and spent the afternoon in silence, with his friend by his side.
~~~~~~~~~
“Hey, Jaron.” Roden spoke up. He entered the room after he saw Tobias leaving it, curious about what he’s in there for, instead of his study rooms.
“Do you know what’s wrong with Tobias?”
“What do you mean?”
“He doesn’t look like he had any sleep for at least a week. I know that’s just like him, but it’s worse lately.”
“I’ll talk to him.” Jaron murmured, hoping Roden wouldn’t figure it out.
“Thanks. I worry for him sometimes.” Roden clicked his tongue when something popped into his head, “You know what’s weird? I saw him almost desperately trying to get information on something, I thought another research or so but when I took a look it seems he was researching hanahaki.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I wonder why. Maybe he’s writing a book about it.” Roden seemed comfortable enough to talk to him about it, without any awkwardness between them which actually made him feel more alive than he was these past few days.
“Maybe he’s trying to learn more about your condition or if there’s a way to reverse it?”
“You think so?” Jaron just shrugged. “You know, I wonder sometimes what would happen if I didn’t get the surgery. If I had just been honest with my feelings. What do you think?” Judging by his tone, it seemed like Roden has been thinking about it a lot.
“Well, I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen but certainly not what happening right now at least.” Jaron replied only half-joking, inwardly laughing bitterly at the ridiculous situation they both let themselves in.
“That’s true.” Roden’s voice was melancholic which made Jaron listen intently to his next words.
“You know, for what it’s worth, I think even if I had been given another choice, I still would have chosen to love you. Even if it hurt so badly, I don’t think I’ll ever regret loving you. So maybe I made the wrong decision, or the right one, I can't tell. But even if you’ll never love me back, I just know. That loving you was enough.” And with that Roden smiled and turned to look at him directly in the eyes, for the first time in a while.
Jaron made a rough, anguished noise in the back of his throat, wishing that he wasn’t able to see the tears forming in his eyes and smiled ruefully back.
“Roden, come with me.” Jaron demanded one day, eyes twinkling in excitement, it made Roden blink. He hasn’t seen that expression on the king’s face since he came back from surgery and it was honestly refreshing.
“Where to?”
“Just come.”
“You can’t just expect me to follow you blindly to the unknown.” Jaron raised his eyebrows at that statement. Roden sheepishly looked away.
“Alright. You got me. Let’s go.” Jaron pulled him by his wrist and lead him to an unfamiliar place which seemed to be hidden inside the castle grounds.
Jaron looked up to the sky, it looked like he was searching for something when he finally sat down on the grass and motioned his captain to do the same.
“Why are we here, Jaron?” Roden took a step towards him, still standing and waiting to be answered.
“Just humor me. Maybe I wanted to have a ‘me’ day for once but I want to spend it with you.”
“I’ve never been in this place before.” He looked around, inspecting the place.
“Yeah, this is my secret place. I come here when I want to be alone.” That made Roden confused. Then why did he show him this place? That’s just going to invite an uninvited presence if he needed to stay away from people. “Then why am I here?”
“I want you here.” Jaron smiled softly at him and his heart skipped a beat, for reasons he couldn’t understand. He ignored it and went to sit next to the king. Jaron gestured for him to look at the sky, seeing so many stars in the beauty of the night. “There are certain times where we can see meteor showers here, you know. It’s nice.”
“Wow,” Roden whispered in excitement. “I’ve never really just sat down to appreciate the sky before.” Roden kept saying, eyes towards the stars above. Jaron couldn‘t recall just how long it had been since he saw him so relaxed. He watched as Roden continued to watch the sky for a while. ‘He looked so peaceful, I could stare at him all night like this.’ Jaron let himself enjoy it, for as long as he could.
“Thanks for bringing me here, Jaron. The view is really beautiful.” Roden, mesmerized, watching the stars light up the darkness around them.
“Indeed it is.” Jaron spoke, not taking his eyes off the look of awe in Roden’s face.
“I wish I could just stay here forever.” Roden prayed silently and looked back up at the sky. Oh, how Jaron wishes the same thing. He didn’t want this moment to end. But he knows the time is soon and he felt his heart fill with sadness at the fact.
He really loves seeing Roden smile. He rarely does it so when he does, it’s just so rewarding. He doesn’t want to consider losing this, losing his precious memories of even just Roden’s smile, let alone his entire existence. Roden, who means so much, who shines so brightly...
Jaron is going to miss him.
Suddenly coughs tear through his throat, and he folds into himself, trying to keep it back in, his chest feels like splitting apart. His lungs constricted as his cough became harsh and wet, and then he couldn’t stop coughing, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Multiple flowers were spilling on the ground along with a concerning amount of blood. He could vaguely register Roden screaming out his name.
“Help! Someone help!” Roden kept screaming.
“What in the devil’s name is going on?” Mott ran towards them frantically.
“Roden?” The captain was unable to respond, eyes wide in horror at what’s happening in front of him.
“No. Not you too. No, no. This isn’t happening.” Roden keeps repeating like a mantra.
“Jaron!” Errol shouted at the same time Mott noticed him. “What is this?”
“Go get Tobias.” Roden begged, his breathing ragged as he kept his eyes on Jaron.
Someone ran in to get the regent, he doesn’t know who it was, but it wasn’t important.
“Who is it? Jaron, tell me who it is, please. We can get them and…” Jaron used what little strength he had, and took Roden’s hand in his. He squeezed his hand and held it tight, whether he was trying to ground himself or Roden, he couldn’t tell.
“Tobias!” Tobias finally came, hands flying to his mouth as he was frozen in fear at the scene he stumbled upon.
“What do we do? Please tell me what to do.” Roden cried, almost screaming at Tobias. He felt sick, his shoulders trembling and shaking and he doesn’t know what to do.
“Tobias,” Jaron addressed his friend, “send the letter I gave you to Darius. He’ll know what to do.”
“Jaron, no.” Tobias was doing everything he could, but even he doesn’t know how to deal with this. “I’m okay. I’ve already made my peace with this.” Tobias was sobbing uncontrollably, trying and failing to keep himself together. At some point, Fink also came along with most of his friends. All of them in shock and clueless, but they were all crying. Jaron thanked them for everything. Telling them how happy he was that he met all of them. How he doesn’t have any regrets.
“It’s okay, don’t cry.” Jaron chokes out a cry, his eyes landed on Roden again, and he brought up a hand —the hand not holding Roden’s— to wipe his tear-stained face.
“Don’t do this to me.” Roden begged.
“I love you.” With last one broken smile, Jaron’s hand slowly fell from Roden’s face as his eyes closed for the last time.
Storm has been raging on the entire day. Lightning striked the heavens and rain came pouring hardly without stopping. It was completely similar to the storm going on inside Roden, as well as the entire Carthya, crying over the loss of their beloved Ascendant King.
The news took them like an unpredictable storm and all could only wonder what actually happened and what went wrong. Only his closest friends have been informed of what took him, but only Roden and Tobias were aware of all the details surrounding it. Everyone else respected Jaron’s privacy and made no intention to pry.
Roden wished he could’ve known it too. It might be hypocritical of him but he wished so badly that Jaron talked to him about it. He didn’t even get an explanation. At least he left a letter for Jaron, to at least give him some answers.
But unlike him, Jaron didn’t give a letter, he just left him with a single sentence. It’s just one line, a phrase which broke his heart and entire being after learning that Jaron had made his peace with it.
“It’s okay, because it’s you.” He didn‘t know when he’d started crying, at some point his eyes had been dry, Roden couldn’t tell when that had changed.
A sudden feeling has washed over him. He knows what it is, but it’s too late. It doesn’t matter anymore.
“I thought you said it wasn‘t possible.” Roden cried in anguish. “You were wrong, Tobias. You’re wrong.” His legs felt weak and he collapsed on his knees, crying his heart out at the loss of his love.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The sound of the alarm woke him up. Roden sat up to stretch and looked at the time.
7:00am
‘That dream again’ He yawned. It’s always the same dream. Like it was reminding him of something he had lost. He shook himself from the remnants of the dream and prepared himself to leave. It’s his first day at the university, and he can’t afford to be late.
He left the dorm he‘d been assigned to and headed towards the school, taking a bite of the apple he brought with him. He was nearing the gates when he started having doubts, feeling nervous for his first day but hoping it’ll all be fine. He had been so lost in thoughts that he ran into a boy probably his age, who was now picking up the things he dropped because of him. Roden apologized profusely, holding out his hand to help the boy up. He visibly chastised himself, first day here and you’re already causing trouble.
“It’s okay.” The boy looked so hauntingly familiar that it took Roden’s breath away. The boy turned to leave but Roden knew he can’t afford to let him go. He grabbed him by the arm and forced the boy to look at him. “Wait. Please.” He turned to face him and…
“It’s you.” Roden breathed. Time stopped when the boy met his eyes, it was like there was nothing else that mattered in the world but them. The boy snapped out of his thoughts when Roden let go of his arm and stood up straighter.
“I‘m Jaron.” He held out a hand towards him, eyes full or mirth and grinning. Roden realized that this looked to be the exact scenario from a long time ago. ‘Wow, he’s beautiful.’ It wasn’t the first time he thought that, and right now it was accompanied by a comfortable feeling in his chest, so familiar, and warm.
“Roden.” He promptly shook his hand and smiled.
“Roden, huh? Nice to meet you.” Jaron seemed to be staring at his class schedule which was out in the open and pointed at his own. “Are we in the same class?”
“Yeah, I think so.” That was good. He already knew someone from class, he felt his nerves wash away.
“Shall we go together?” Roden was about to speak when Jaron continued, “C’mon, you’re stuck with me now.”
“Huh? why?”
“Because I want you at my side, Roden. I need a friend from class I can trust” Jaron grinned cheekily, obviously hinting at something Roden took moments to grasp. Understanding dawned on him, and he chuckled softly.
“But how can you ever trust me?” He only half-played along, reminiscing their past as Jaron continued to show him that he remembers.
“Because you could‘ve ignored me just now. You could’ve just walked away. I know everything about how to make an enemy but very little about friendship. Still, I think we can be friends. If you‘d let me.”
“I‘d like that.” Roden’s eyes crinkled, face showing genuine happiness he hadn’t felt in so long.
“Should we swear on it?”
“Are you serious?” He looked up to see Jaron‘s smug face grinning at him. Shaking his head in exasperation, he playfully put his hand on his chest, doing a mock bow.
“I swear it to you Jaron, as my friend always, wherever in this world you go.” Jaron‘s smile was blinding. It looked even more beautiful directed at him. And seeing that expression, realization filled him. How could he ever have been so blind, so foolish? How could he have tricked himself into thinking that the other boy won’t ever feel the same? He really set himself up for this one. He mentally smacked himself, thinking how stupid this all was. A lot of things could‘ve been avoided if he wasn’t such a coward. If only he wasn’t so stubborn maybe he could‘ve had his happy ending. But does he deserve it? It’s all his fault. If only he—
“We‘ll make it right this time.” Jaron looked into his eyes while smiling softly, interrupting his thoughts. And suddenly, all his worries seemed to disappear. It doesn’t matter now. He‘ll focus on what he has now and he’ll make the best of it. Jaron then offered his hand but Roden felt that he was asking him to take much more than that.
“This time.” Roden agreed, taking the offered hand and the boy‘s heart with it, lacing their fingers together and making a promise to himself to never let go again.
.
.
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This time, he‘ll make sure to have his happy ending.