Chapter Text
What a long day. He was exhausted and to be honest —more than a little pissed off. Having had to deal with the Japanese government was such a pain —he'd already made deals and acquiesces with them, and yet they remain stubbornly inefficient and useless. As he'd said to Louisa, perhaps it would've been better to have bought the entire Special Divisions for Unusual Powers after all. What was 50 billion?
"Hard day?" Atsushi asked, home before him for once.
He gave her a tired smile, throwing briefcase and jacket aside to land somewhere and heading over to her, wrapping his arms around her thin frame and pulling her up from the chair and into his embrace. The smell of jasmine flowed from her to his nose and he inhaled it in, relaxing into her.
"Hard day," he agreed, kissing her ear softly and continuing to caress it with his lips. God, he was so fucking lucky. "How was your day?"
"Not bad," she answered, reaching up to hold onto his arms. "I had tea with Fukuzawa-shishou again and he had mochi to snack on. We talked about how I feel being with the Agency so far and he talked a little bit about how he knew Mori-san before. During lunch, O-Oto…" Her cheeks grew warm and she looked hesitant, but she tried again. "Otou-san dropped by and we had lunch in the downstairs café together."
"Hm," he sounded, dragging one of the chairs from the table to be beside her, still holding onto her though. "I don't really get to have lunch with you anymore. I kind of stop after we started seeing each other like this."
"It'd be suspicious always having lunch together though, right?" she pointed out.
"I think it's more suspicious that I suddenly stopped," he told her. "I'd made it a point to just come over and do what I want, and hog your time before. Now that we're dating and I stopped that so they wouldn't be onto us, they'll probably notice it anyway and wonder why I stopped seeing you and end up figuring it out."
Not that they probably hadn't already. If Fukuzawa already knew, then that meant Ranpo knew. And if Ranpo knew, Dazai already knew —when it came to his 'protégée', that man knew or eventually knew everything. And anyway, either of those two knowing meant that Yosano knew. That was already almost half of everyone in the Agency.
Her eyebrows furrowed. "Would it really be so bad if everyone knew we were together?"
"No," he answered immediately, not even blinking at it. "I don't care. I like being with you and want to be with you. If you want them to know, that's fine with me. Personally, I don't care about them, so I don't care either way if they know —" Francis hid his grin as Atsushi mock slapped his arm, but he did start chuckling after.
"Honestly, you!"
"Seriously though, Atsushi, if they find out, that's fine. It's not a big deal. If you want to just tell them, that's fine too. All I'm concerned with is being with you," he said sincerely, looking straight into her eyes while he brought her back into his arms. "You're my only concern."
A pretty blush covered her cheeks and he admired the look of it on her. He loved it and he loved making her blush. He loved making her blush in other places while he was at it…
Atsushi leaned her head up and managed to kiss his chin while in his hold. "Hey, it's your birthday tomorrow."
That made him grimace and inwardly balk. His birthday. Another year for him. One year older. 33 now instead of being 32.
Francis had never really been bothered with getting older before or celebrating his birthday. In fact, he'd loved celebrating it and tended to throw a bash each year when he could, back when he'd loved the parties, the glamor, the attention (even if he still sometimes sort of did). But now he was getting older and he was dating someone…much younger than he was. Another year for him meant another year between them. He didn't like being reminded that he wasn't just older than Atsushi, but much more older than her. Another birthday was just another day that reminded him of that fact.
Atsushi was young and beautiful and had a full life ahead of her, and the ability to turn heads (even if she didn't think so and had such a low self-esteem). He had plenty of money to throw around, but money had never interested her (at least his, but lotteries, gambles, quizzes and whatnot for her to earn apparently was another matter). He had a pretty exasperating personality (he could admit it) and the two of them had a pretty violent past. He'd tried to buy her, had put a bounty on her. They'd nearly fought each other to the death. They had met as enemies and only recently become something else.
What could he have to really offer her that someone else, someone younger, couldn't and without the baggage?
"You have a dark look on your face," she noted hesitantly, looking despondent. "Did I do something or say something wrong? I'm sorry, I didn't mean —"
He sighed and gave her a tired smile. She was always blaming herself, when it wasn't her fault. It was always his.
"No, sorry. I had thoughts in my head, is all. Now what about my birthday?" he asked, wishing he could just switch subjects and forget his birthday ever existed.
"I know I can't really get you anything you can't buy yourself or buy something that's to your taste with my salary…" she bit her lip and he wanted to tell her that none of that mattered to him. "But is it okay if we spend it together? Just you and me and we can just go out together…do something…Fukuzawa-shishou said I can have the day off and Chuuya-kun recommended this restaurant and-and-and, um, I-I baked you a cake," she ended shyly and nervously and oh —
"Thank you, Atsushi," he smiled brightly at her. "That makes me really happy!"
It did. That she thought so much on him and wanted to make a day special just for him made him extraordinarily happy. Even if it wasn't the extravagance he was used to, something small, private and intimate like this…and spending it with someone he adored…That was perfect.
And she personally made his cake, spent time and effort making it for him!
"You're going to make me swoon," he teased her, grinning. "Don't I feel so damn special now. That's so sweet, darling. I mean it —I'm inwardly just gushing like a teenage girl right now and —"
Atsushi smacked his arm and pouted. "Oh, hush you! I take it back! You don't get to have any of my cake!"
"Darling! Noooo!"
He started attacking her with kisses, laughing at her squirming and her giggles while refusing to let go of her. When he finally relented, she was out of breath and smiling brightly up at him.
"Joking aside, I really am really happy," he told her affectionately. "No one's ever done something like that or thought on me so much. It honestly really does make me feel special, Atsushi." No big party would ever match up to something like this.
"I just wanted to be able to show you how much I care for you, like you always do for me," she muttered, blushing again.
Goddamn, this girl…
"And I totally appreciate it," he said firmly. "I'm used to spoiling others. Hell, I'm used to spoiling myself. But having someone want to spoil me? That's not something I'm used to or have done for me. You are the sweetest, most beautiful person I've ever met, and I'm thankful that you would have forgiven everything of our past and actually given me the chance I didn't expect to have. I don't deserve you, Atsushi, but I want to."
Atsushi's eyes widened and she opened her mouth, probably to protest, and he shook his head.
"I'm not unaware of my own faults. I'm not unaware that I'm not the type to apologize and I'm unused to it. But you deserve all my apologies and everything I'd ever said or did to you in the past, I promise that I'll always work towards your forgiveness. Because I swear I adore the hell out of you and I want to be able to have you return my affection and rightfully deserve it in time."
This was the first time he'd ever spoken things that had haunted him in his head and heart, things that had always been in the back of his mind ever since he'd grown closer to Atsushi and become louder the more he realized how important she was to him; how much he'd come to adore and really love her. But these were things that needed to be said aloud and things she deserved to hear from him.
"Now…how about that cake?" he smiled tenderly at her, letting his words stew in her head and letting her think over them.
She smiled shyly and moved away from him, heading over to her refrigerator, while Francis once again wondered at his luck.
After they'd eaten a slice of the cake she'd made for him, which was sweet and delicious and carefully made, Francis was ready to wind down and just relax with Atsushi after a long day. Maybe even spend another night making love to her again…
Only, Atsushi seemed to have other ideas.
"I have one more surprise for you," she said, looking tentative. It surprised him, since while she was always the hesitant type, especially since she was new to the whole relationship and affection thing, she wasn't usually wary like this towards him.
"Oh?" he inwardly brushed it off and just smirked at her, ready to tease her and try to relax and calm her down. "Now I'm feeling very spoiled, Tigress. Whatcha got for me?"
She cleared her throat nervously and her hands twisted at the hem of her shirt. "In Japan, for some households, the family members create something called a butsudan. It's a shrine to honor one's deceased family member."
She hurriedly came over to him and grasped his hand, rushing towards a small door that he knew usually contained a small storage room. Opening it, he saw the small, simple cabinet and inside was a single lit candle to the left, the burning incense to the right and in the middle was a picture of his daughter.
"It's not much, but…I thought you'd might like a space where you could privately remember her and even speak what you wanted…needed to her. Anytime you want to talk to her or anytime you just want to spend thinking quietly of her, you can always come here."
Atsushi bit her lip before kissing his cheek and gently pushing him close to the butsudan before leaving him behind, the door closing quietly behind her.
Francis stood there, staring at the shrine and blinking back tears he hadn't realized had come to his eyes as he swallowed harshly. He took slow steps towards the shrine before sinking to his knees in front of it. He took a shaky breath before he reached over to his daughter's picture and gently touched the frame.
"Hey, Ellie," he spoke with a quivering voice. "God, I miss you," a sob tore out of him. "Every day, I miss you. I miss you so much, it hurts."
The day he held her still body in his arms was the worse. He never forgot that day and it was a memory that had haunted him and drove him in his desperate search for The Book. He wanted, needed his daughter back. But until that day came…
He laughed and cried at the same time, leaning over to kiss the frame. "But for now, let's talk like this, okay?" he said weakly, smiling despite. "I'll catch you up on everything, sweetie," he said quietly. "That way, you won't miss a thing."
Francis glanced at the door before looking back at his daughter's photo. "That sweet girl that did this for me? That helped put you here? She's really special and I know you'd like her. She's really important to me, you know? One day, I hope I can introduce you two. She'd love you just as much as I do and the three of us can go out and do something fun someday, okay? Because…because I really love Atsushi and she'd love the two of us just as much."
He didn't know how long he knelt there, talking to his daughter's memory. But he felt…lighter somehow. And more motivated than ever to find The Book. However, instead of feeling weighed down and tired about the whole ordeal, now he was actually reinvigorated and optimistic about his mission. He wanted Atsushi to meet his daughter and he wanted Ellaria to meet Atsushi. Most of all, he wanted to be together with both of them one day.
As he went to leave the tiny room, he gave one last look at the shrine and at his daughter's photo, and smiled faintly as he closed the door behind him.
He heard the faint strains of a song in the background as he walked out and headed back. Looking for Atsushi, he saw her nervously fiddling with the radio as she sat at the kitchen table, the leftovers of his cake still on it.
"Fathers and daughters never say goodbye~"
"I like the song," he said softly, startling her.
She gave him a bashful look. "It reminded me of you," she whispered. She licked her lips and was back to fidgeting with her shirt. "You reunited me with my father. You made me realize that Fukuzawa-shishou had always acted like a father to me. In return, I just wanted…I just wanted to do something similar for you. Even though we don't have The Book and your daughter really here…I wanted to reunite you two in some way."
Fuck, he was going to marry this girl if it was the last thing he did.
He strode over to her quickly, moving to his knees before her and clasping her hands. He kissed them fervently.
"You have no idea what this meant to me," he croaked out, swearing he was going to cry again.
Atsushi gave him a small smile. "I know it bothers you and makes you feel…strange to hear it, but…you have always been the type of father I'd admired and wanted in my life. Part of what drew me to you," she admitted. "Not because I wanted you to be like my father, but because you were a father who loved and adored his daughter so much he'd do anything to have her back —the kind of love I'd wanted my parents to have for me and wished for all my life before meeting you. Seeing you, seeing that from you…it was something that kind of gave me hope that not all fathers or mothers were like mine, and that the world had fathers like you who actually loved their daughters."
He smiled sadly at her and drew her into his arms, and she wrapped her arms around him back.
Maybe now though, she'd have her father and Fukuzawa to show her love in their own way, so he could love her in his.
Started 7/1/21 — Completed 7/4/21