Chapter Text
"Make sure you can catch me."
That was the promise Win told himself he would never break. He would never have imagined saying that he didn't want Team anymore, in fact, he didn't think he was capable. But this time was different. He needed to tell him that.
He always knew Team's family was kinda homophobic, but his boyfriend never said much about it. Win just happened to talk one day about introducing Team to his mom and they ended up getting into the subject and talking about families. Truly, he didn't pursue the matter, he knew immediately what it was about as soon as he saw Team's face. And silently, the two of them knew that this secret would be kept for quite some time by Team's family. Win never really minded as long as Team didn't too.
“Maybe this is better for us. See other people and... take a break.”
Bullshit.
Win wasn't sure when Team made the decision to tell his parents. In fact, he didn't know until his mother called him. At first, he felt an immense pride, of a size that didn't even fit him and he just wanted to scream and shower Team with kisses. Until the bad part got him.
No one had made as much noise in a heart as Team did in Win's.
Win had a very nice family. They have always been raised with great love and affection, taught to always respect others. But he was aware that there were families with a different dynamic. And even bad ones. Since coming out bisexual to his mother, she had always accepted him and advised him that there would be too many bad people ready to end Win's life. But he never imagined that the one who would end his life would be precisely the mother of the one he loves so much. It was sad and he, deep down, knew that affection was never too much and that together is better than alone. And the two together was way too good and, unfortunately, it ended to prejudice.
He was reluctant during the call. He tried to do his best to make the woman change her mind. But nothing seemed to work. Until she threatened Team's career. And that was the only thing that stopped him talking.
He was always waiting to see Team coming back, walking through the door and making a sleepy face, even though he knew that would never happen again. Not after what he told the boy.
It's just that Win's life was just easier when he had Team on his side. To sleep together, his entire body covering Team's and the little caresses until they fell asleep, in that position Win always felt when Team was about to have a nightmare. And without even thinking, he brushed away any remnants of what didn't let his boyfriend sleep well. Always before bed, they would say something about their day. Any secret, difficulty or something funny that happened. And life seemed to be even better in the morning, when the two of them would wake up with each other's company. The sun catching their bed because of the curtain they forgot to close, the happy face after a good sleep. With Team, Win gave up all his defenses, he didn't need them when he had the love of his life.
"I think... I don't love you anymore."
Bullshit.
Win never wanted Team to doubt his love. It was huge and said so much about himself.
His wardrobe was empty, well not completely, but there wasn't Team's little mess of clothes there. And that hurt. Win's days had been completely gray since that day, and he couldn't take it anymore. But he would do anything to protect him, even if it means he has live without his particular colored pencil that colored his days.
He couldn't see himself without being the love of Team.
It was so beautiful to see Team just existing, he felt a genuine happiness in him that filled his heart and warmed him. And even from a distance, he hadn't felt Team like that for a long time. Well since that day.
Win could name a huge list of things he loved most about Team. He liked it when Team stared at him, his gaze was like a teleport to the galaxy that lived inside of him, and when he saved Phawin's entire world with just a smile. Or when Team's hands wandered under his tattoos, Win liked to shiver under his fingerprints. He liked the savory taste that Team's mouth always had when he'd finished a whole package and was ready to thank Win for buying it. Or the fruity scent that his hair gave off when the two of them slept in their own little spoon. He liked it when the two of them debated things about the world that Win couldn't even think by himself, or when they talked about weird things. He liked it when Team presented his own opinions.
In Team, Win managed to find his best self. He was able to plan a future with his boyfriend and everything seemed safe. He could never find a human being as beautiful as Team, and now, all that's left is to share alone all the joys they will no longer share. But even so, Win would give Team the necessary space to erase it from memory, that would be easy, wouldn't it?!
Win had always respected the minor's privacy when it came to their relationship. Win knew Team was holding on to the privacy they both still had and as much as he wanted, deep down inside, to scream at everyone to hear that this man was his, he wouldn't.
“You guys should talk better. You look horribel and he doesn't even come to training, get this over with soon before this affect you even more.”
Dean wasn't much help, but Win knew he tried his best to understand both sides of the situation without even knowing what caused it all. The worry in his eyes was visible, Win would even joke about it, but he couldn't quite find the words to it. He felt Manaow's anger just by looking at him and he didn't know if Team had told her something, he didn't blame him if he had, but for that, he preferred to stop joining them for the group's lunches.
Seeing Team in the same state he was in was even more exhausting. Everything in his life already seemed out of place, seeing Team scared and almost asleep while eating was something bad. He doesn't know how to explain this feeling tightening his chest; He never wanted this to happen. Why didn't Team just forget about Win like he asked?
And, God, how could he have asked? Win didn't know whether to be angry or disappointed in himself when he realized how easy it was for Team to believe his words, how he didn't even question when Win said he wanted a break or when he said he didn't love him anymore. That was fucking impossible and Team should have known that.
Win could easily assemble an arsenal of clichés when it came to Team, and he did it all with the intention of Team always remembering that no matter how many times they woke up at night from the nightmares, Win would never complain, quite the contrary, he would try the best of you to make it through. He didn't want to imagine how Team would be right now, sleeping without someone to chase away his bad dreams.
The other day, Win went to the grocery store closest to the dorm to pick up some things until he found himself with three packages of Team's favorite snack food in his cart. It was automatic. And he wondered if Team still ate just that or if he was eating healthy stuff too, as Win always picked him up to eat while they were still together.
Dean just ignored Win when it came to Team. He needed to know something, to know if he was okay, and the only way he could find that out was Dean, who stopped talking about it after two days. Worry and anguish kept tangling Win's tongue that he couldn't even eat or do anything else right and it got on his friend's nerves, who just didn't understand why the two just didn't talk like normal people would.
"Not everyone was born with a fucking soulmate story or wherever like you and Pharm, you know?"
He knew his friend would be even angrier at him after that. But he couldn't tell the truth.
"What truth?!" Win sighed, not even knowing what made sense in this whole mess anymore. Maybe Team would have some ide... Oh.
[. . .]
Loud knocks on his door disturbed his attempt to study, not that he was having any success, but he went snorting and ready to complain to whoever it was, he opens the door to find Pharm worried, he looked like he was looking for something and Dean.. well, as usual.
"Is Team here?" Pharm didn't waste his time with good afternoon's, weird, and started being direct. "Please say yes."
"..Why would he be?" Win tried to sound indifferent, but his mind started racing.
Dean took a deep breath and rolled his eyes, Win seemed to know exactly what the other was thinking, "He's not here, let's see if Manaow had any success."
"What happened?" Win surrendered. Maintaining the face of someone who didn't care about the love of his life was difficult and he didn't recommend it, the worry was already consuming him completely.
Dean was ready to call the elevator, but Pharm showed some pity. Win still didn't know for sure if he knew what happenned, but he was merciful anyway.
"He didn't show up in classes or training today. And he's not responding to any message nor answer calls. And yes, we've already knocked on his room, but nothing either."
Fuck.
Where have you gotten yourself into, Team?
[. . .]
To be honest, Win no longer cared what Team's mother had said to him on that call. He was trying desperately to call Team and suspected that he already sent over 100 messages. He just needed a sign of where he was. Pharm and Dean had gone to meet Manaow, who was in the mall with Del to see if Team was at his favorite coffee shop. Team has never disappeared like this before and it was nerve-racking.
Until he spotted Team's dorm keys hanging in their usual place. Hanging on the counter.
He could find something there, right? And if he was lucky, Team could be right there too. It definitively was better than sitting around waiting for something he still didn't know. He grabbed the keys with that thought, asking for something or someone to hear him right now and make it all right again.
The elevator seemed like the worst idea to him, so he just ran the stairs and he even forgot about his shoes. Not that he cared too much about it right now.
The door opened in all the haste he had and it even thudded against the wall, making a little thing move on the bed, but it didn't seem to have woken up.
All that Win did was smile. Team was there and well, what more could he want? He was tired of lying that he didn't love him anymore, he was already fed up with living without his moon by his side.
He approached Team, still smiling like a fool, it was gratifying to see him sleeping so peacefully. He tried to ignore the strong smell of alcohol that the room gave off and rolled his eyes when he saw the shirt stained with some drink, tomorrow they would talk about it. Maybe. Well, they had to talk about too many things. But for now...
He lay down on his side like they did every time they went to sleep in Team's room, even though the bed was too small it was still perfect for them. He wrapped his body around Team's and breathed in the scent of fruit so well known and so missed. He was finally home.
"Hia?"
“Shh, I'm here now. You can sleep now, love.”
Win chooses Team every day. And he's going to choose for over a million lives, since only one feels too little and he wants to live all he can alongside his passion that had the scent of fruit and the taste of Lays.