Chapter Text
Kiyotaka Ishimaru was still dreamy about the fact that Mondo liked him back.
Mondo. His bro, his best friend, now was his boyfriend. It felt so great to think of him as that as well! After so long struggling with his feelings about it…
It had been difficult for him. For a long time, Kiyotaka never thought he could even feel such feelings. It was part of the reason why he felt so weird about romance books. The feeling was still there, even if now he understood it better.
Romantic feelings were not his area of expertise, in fact, more than often he found himself drifting away from the concept, as if it was something from another planet instead of an idea he could reach. So he went for help, asking Makoto and Hina about it. At first, it was confusing. How could he truly know the difference between romantic and platonic affections? It wasn’t so clear to him…
But slowly, he started to understand that the urges he felt, the way things felt, was what made it possibly romantic. It was such a hard nuance to tell, to think that one could want to hold your bro’s hand and it could be either platonic or romantic! Thinking about it was very confusing and distressing for a while, which cost him some nights of sleep…
No surprise Mondo picked up on that, but thank God Taka managed to get him to believe it was just from overworking.
Now, though, after managing to misunderstand Mondo’s terrible attempt of a confession — seriously, who comes to a friend and asks weird things like “Do you want to change our relationship”? It was bound to make things confusing! —, he finally got to confess himself. The first proper confession, since Mondo’s attempt didn’t really count.
And so, they were dating. It was such a wild thing.
To think he went through so much just to understand romance! So many talks about it with Hina and Makoto, until he finally understood himself and his feelings better… until he finally understood that yes, he had a desire to kiss Mondo on the lips, that he didn’t want anyone else doing it to him.
It was still a very new feeling, but he had to celebrate!
As he rushed to tell Hina and Makoto the news, he couldn’t help but go back to when he and Mondo kissed. It had been such a simple gesture, but so meaningful, just thinking about it made his cheeks burn.
How much longer would it have taken for him to understand it all properly if it wasn’t for the help of his friends? Probably a long time, as he also got nervous for liking a man at first. It wasn’t… wrong, but it was badly seen and he wanted to have a career on politics! What would people think if he had a relationship with a man? Could he really afford that?
If it wasn’t wrong, why should he care, though?
It was a new challenge, to accept that he wanted to be in a romantic relationship with a man. But a challenge that he happily accepted, as he knew having the person he liked next to him would give him strength no one could take from him. Even if he was a bit unsure if Mondo would ever like him, as he wasn’t exactly equipped with the ability to notice those things…
He still didn’t believe Makoto when he said that they already looked like a couple. And Hina even agreed to it! It was so unlikely, maybe it was because of how their bond as bros worked… but he did have a few moments where he wondered if he was trespassing such a bond, going into another territory. Was it normal to have moments where both of you would just stare at each other, seemingly lost, only for both of you to get too embarrassed about it and never ever mention it? Probably not, now that Taka thought about it.
Now it was alright, though. They were dating, and there was no reason to worry about getting closer than he should, now he could do things without the fear that it was being too romantic. He now could be as romantic as he liked!
And besides, now he had time to think about his feelings in a more constructive manner, like wondering if he did love Mondo or of it was just the overwhelming feeling of having romantic feelings towards someone. It did feel like love, at least, but he couldn’t be too sure about it…
Oh well, at least he had time to wonder about it while on his boyfriend’s arms, completely relaxed after a good session of studying.
“Hey, Mondo?” Taka questioned, as he was laying down on Mondo’s chest, both being on Taka’s room “It might be way too early for this, but… do you think about love?”
“Huh?” Mondo got so, so red, it was a blessing to be able to see that! He looked down at Taka, visibly confused and of course very embarrassed “What brought that up?”
“I’m not sure, it’s just… I never expected myself to feel anything like that. I mean, like romantic feelings. Because I never expected to bond with people this way, the way we did as bros, I never thought that it could lead to something different. For me, feeling this way towards you, might be very similar to what love is, but I’m not very sure since I don’t know much about the subject. Does that make sense to you?”
“I guess? I don’t know for sure, man, it sounds really personal…” Mondo seemed unable to process it all, his blush somehow getting worse. It was almost worrying, really “But… it’s not a bad thing, so thanks… I can’t deny thinking about it before myself, to be honest.”
“Really?” Taka raised his face, his eyes almost shining from how excited he was with the idea. Maybe Mondo could get it? Maybe he would share the feelings? Maybe he would also say that he loved him?
It was too much, soon enough Kiyotaka was laying down his face on Mondo’s chest again. As he heard some students say before, the world was cold and harsh, but the chest was soft and warm! Very warm, and since he was laying down on top of Mondo’s heart, he could hear his heartbeat! It was so fast… it was comforting to hear it.
“Yeah… I mean, I went through a lot trying to sort out my feelings” Mondo explained, as one of his hands moved to scratch gently Kiyotaka’s head. It felt really good and relaxing… “It was something I wondered, if I wasn’t feeling too much when we weren’t even dating. It was hard enough to deal with the idea of a crush, so hard that after dealing with that, I sorta just… accepted that maybe I was more of a sap than I thought? Like…maybe I do feel a lot towards this guy. Maybe.”
“Just maybe?” Kiyotaka raised himself again, batting his eyelashes at Mondo with what he hoped to be a cute expression. It was hard to tell, with how amused his boyfriend looked at his attempt! “Are you sure you’re not in love with me, Mondo?”
“Jesus, man!” Mondo covered his face, his blush extended to reach his ears “Why do you have to ask stuff that is so embarrassing?!”
“Because I want to know the answer! It’s something important, and I understand if you’re not, we as a couple are a recent thing after all!” Taka was being serious! It was perfectly fine for him to maybe love Mondo and Mondo to not love him yet! Everyone should be able to take their time, and maybe Taka was just too emotional, who knows! He took feelings very seriously, like most things!
Mondo stayed quiet for a few moments, apparently trying to think of an answer before finally speaking, with his hands still covering his face.
“I… I think I do. It’s confusing, but I think I always did. Not just in a romantic way, but loving you as my bro is also a thing. Like… in a way or another, I always loved you. I just got another way of doing that now.”
That was…
That was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to Kiyotaka!
“Broooo…” Taka was now crying, staring at his boyfriend who now removed his hands from his face to stare worryingly at Taka “That’s so beautiful! I’m so glad to be your boyfriend and your bro and to be the one that receives such affection! I’m so glad!”
“You don’t need to cry about it, man…” Mondo seemed embarrassed as he realized it wasn’t a bad reaction, just a very emotional one “It’s ok, really…”
“My tears are not a bad thing! They are just proof that I’m glad to be the one you love! And I want you to know that!” Kiyotaka insisted, barely doing anything to stop crying, just letting the tears fall with a smile “Just like I want you to know that I think I love you too! Just like you! I always loved you as my bro, I’m sure of that, but I think I also love you in a romantic way!”
“Heh… we both think that… maybe one day we will be actually sure?” still, just the thought was enough to get Mondo blushing like mad, and as Taka laid down on Mondo’s chest again, he could hear how fast his heart was beating.
“One day we will… feelings are complicated, bro!” Kiyotaka wiped away his tears, so to not cry all over Mondo’s shirt. And they sure were…
Kiyotaka could still remember how much he went through how feelings work. It was to be expected that a man who never had many positive bonds with his peers wouldn’t be properly aware of how it was to feel different things. It was such a hassle, to think about friendship and things that didn’t feel like friendship at all, and things that didn’t feel like his brother-like relationship with Mondo…
It was so worth it, though. It satisfied him immensely to be able to fit everything in a labeled box, labels made him so much more comfortable! And now he had a different label, in a way, for his relationship with Mondo!
Boyfriend. What a wonderful word.
As Kiyotaka closed his eyes, in a rare moment where he felt truly relaxed, he thought there was nowhere else he would rather be. No, being there, with Mondo, was the best place he could ever be. They remained in a comfortable silence
But soon, Mondo opened his mouth.
“I still don’t get it, man. What’s so good about me?”
It was such a out of the blue question. What was there to not like about Mondo? I mean, sure, there were a few things that he could agree that he had to work on, like his anger issues, but Mondo was so much more than that! And he knew he wasn’t the only one to see that, as Mondo had other friends and many guys, even from other gangs, admired him!
“Mondo, I’m saying this not exactly as your boyfriend, but as your bro first.” Kiyotaka raised himself up a little bit again, so he could stare at Mondo. He was very serious about it! “You have so much to offer for the entire world. You’re loyal, have a heart of gold despite your rough exterior, you care about people, you can be gentle, you try your best to protect those you like… there is so much good about you! You make a wonderful bro; a great friend and I couldn’t be happier to have you as my boyfriend too. And I know I’m not the only one to think that you’re a good person, you have good friends after all! I’m sure they would say something like that to you as well, you just struggle with noticing your qualities!”
Mondo blinked a few times, then turned his head to the left, trying to avoid eye contact. Still, it was very visible for Kiyotaka that he was holding back tears… it was true in the end, Mondo had a lot of trouble with perceiving himself as a good person, even with his problems. But it was ok to be like that. Taka would always wait for him to be ready to talk about his issues and slowly work to do better.
It wasn’t as if Taka didn’t have his own problems to begin with, after all.
How much did he ask Makoto and Hina if he would ever be a good boyfriend? How much did he doubt himself about being good at things, even if he tried his best at everything he did? He wasn’t a natural when it came to social interaction, even if he knew that some autistic people could be like that. It just… wasn’t his case. He was always awkward and said things at the wrong time.
Like that time Makoto said he was going to die out of boredom and Taka simply said “Then die soon” because clearly, a slow death would be painful. It took a weird and surprise glance from Makoto for him to realize that he had been awkwardly rude again.
How would someone like that be a good boyfriend?
His friends did a good job encouraging him, though. He still remembered Hina’s words about him being very enthusiastic about doing the best for other people, and that after they get past the awkwardness, they all could see Taka was a good person. It was a step already fulfilled with Mondo.
He still wasn’t that sure about it, but his friends were very, very convincing that he should still try it out and see how it goes. And besides, he did want to try it out anyway! He wasn’t going to let his fears stop him! Having fear is not a problem, the problem is letting them dominate you! And he wasn’t going to allow that!
So, for now, he wouldn’t worry as much.
All he knew, is that he was Kiyotaka Ishimaru, and now he had a boyfriend and a bro at the same time. He didn’t know if it would end well, or if they relationship would really last, but he could move on as he always did: forward, with a smile and determination on his face.
And as always, with Mondo on his side, making him better and stronger every time.