Chapter Text
The cerulean waves gently crash against the shore, unperturbed by the ebbs and flows of human activity. The beach is busy now, but the spot, the rocky spot with vegetation, their spot remains secluded and personal.
“Do you think you’d be comfortable with removing the mask?” Yuuta asks, seemingly cognizant of the anxious glances Toge has been casting at the crowds in the distance. But Toge is more confident now, plus this is a date and they have been planning it, so he nods.
He drops their towels onto the shore and stands, uncertain, because sitting down is still a bit of a challenge and so is standing up. Even now, he keeps trying to use his arm, instinctively, his shoulder muscles reaching to connect to bones no longer there.
“I can help you change,” Yuuta offers. “So it’s faster. Easier. If you want.”
Toge’s face reddens but he nods again. They disappear under the willow-like plant providing privacy, and Toge turns his head away, eyeing the foliage in painful, rigid embarrassment while Yuuta removes all of his clothes only to quickly pull the swim trunks onto Toge’s pale body.
Used to being a patient, now, after so much time spent in rehabilitation, Toge has a certain detachment from his body. His shyness about being seen naked is there, still, but he switches off his brain and just allows things to happen to him as if he were but a piece of wood. This is not the first time Yuuta helps him change, but still, but still, each time Toge wishes his boyfriend Yuuta would be undressing him for him, and not because of whatever Shibuya left them with.
He squeezes his eyes closed. It hurts.
“Hey,” Yuuta says when he is done, except for the simple medical mask still covering Toge’s face. “Look at me, Toge.”
Toge looks at him, obedient and unhappy.
Yuuta lifts both of his hands to Toge’s face and gently runs his fingers around Toge’s skull. Toge’s cheeks almost disappear in his large hands, and oh, it feels so nice, Yuuta caresses him behind his ears, fingers moving in his hair.
“Can I…?” Yuuta breathes, his index fingers slipping under the elastic ear straps of the mask. Toge doesn’t know why he asks, especially considering Yuuta has just seen him naked, again, but somehow it makes him feel more in control of his own body; somehow Yuuta asking for consent grants him a sense of agency.
“Salmon.”
Yuuta removes the mask with a slow but firm movement.
Toge just stares, somehow feeling even more exposed than before, and he hugs himself with his one arm, trying to cover his missing arm – the trunk of it, the disfigured, scarred, ugly end of it. Yuuta, however, doesn’t spare even a glance at anything other than Toge’s eyes. He doesn’t look at the missing arm, he doesn’t look at Toge’s blushing cheeks or the seals on it, he doesn’t look at Toge chewing on his lips nervously. All he has eyes for is Toge’s violet eyes, and he looks and looks and looks.
“You are so handsome,” finally he says, with so much reverence as if Toge, the limbless Toge were a god amongst men. “Toge, you’re just so beautiful.”
Toge turns his head away, don’t say that, he wants to scream. Maybe infuse it with cursed energy if it weren’t impossible to curse the special grade Okkotsu Yuuta.
But Yuuta takes this movement as an invitation to press his lips against Toge’s neck. Toge shudders. He loves him so much, he loves Yuuta, and this one simple, chaste kiss is enough to give him goosebumps.
“Come on,” Yuuta says, so earnest and loving that Toge could melt. “Let’s go swim!”
“Tuna, tuna,” Toge responds with somewhat more enthusiasm, and they wade into the water, holding hands.
The weather is beautiful again. The seashore shows no signs of the time’s passing; it looks just like it did over a year ago when they came here first. The sea’s blue is a different blue today, perhaps the sun doesn’t shine in the exact same angle, or the water is more stirred by the currents of the wind, but the taste is equally salty and the ease with which Toge moves in the water is the same.
Toge expected more clumsiness. He prepared himself for the mental anguish that hits him each time when he finds one more thing he has lost alongside his arm. But swimming does not seem to be as severely impacted as some of his other hobbies and activities. The ocean fills him with invigorating energy, his legs propel him forward the way they always do, and even with just one arm he manages to swim straight, his legs instinctively moving in a way so as his arm’s missing contributions do not impact his direction. He is slower and diving does not go very well, but the everyday swimming, the boring part of swimming goes splendidly, to the point that he is still faster than Yuuta, albeit barely.
He grins at Yuuta.
And his heart promptly beats just a little bit faster when his boyfriend grins back, visibly happy for him.
“Look at you,” Yuuta purrs when he catches up. “Just look at you.”
Toge theatrically looks at himself, then tilts his head questioningly.
Yuuta splashes water at him, “You know why,” he scoffs, but the fond smile never leaves his face. Toge’s silvery hair flows into his eyes from the water Yuuta splashed on him, and when he reaches up to brush them away, Yuuta grabs his hand and promptly pulls him in.
With his one arm stuck between their chests, Toge is practically floating in the water, held entirely by Yuuta whose breath is hot against his neck.
“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. “You’re so strong, so beautiful.”
“Tuna mayo,” Toge adds. And I still swim faster than you.
Yuuta chuckles. “Yeah, you do. Show me again?”
Tentatively, Toge pulls away, then breathes in and swims. The water embraces him as he moves forward with his trademark agility. His movements are graceful, practiced. He is home. He is still capable. He is still a good sorcerer, a good person, even without his arm.
Maybe he still deserves Yuuta.
“Tuna, tuna,” he shouts at Yuuta who still does not have this kind of confidence in the water. Come on, catch me.
Something flashes in Yuuta’s eyes. He begins to swim in earnest and so does Toge, hurrying away from him. What follows is a playful but also entirely serious game of tag. Toge feels Yuuta’s hands brushing at his feet, approaching, and eventually Yuuta does catch up, grabbing his ankle. Toge kicks backwards but he can’t escape Yuuta’s firm grasp, and finally he is pulled in, flush against Yuuta’s bare chest. They both pant and Toge can hear Yuuta’s elevated heartbeat. The moment is a happy bliss, one they haven’t had in a long time.
Toge chuckles first.
“Cod roe,” he mumbles, kissing Yuuta’s collarbone. That was good.
Yuuta sighs into his wet hair in agreement.
“Yuuta.”
He is not entirely sure what he wants to say. He is so grateful. So grateful for Yuuta, for this date. It was entirely Yuuta’s idea. Shoko mentioned that swimming could be a good way to get started with training, and Yuuta immediately jumped upon it, insisting to come to this exact spot.
Toge understood the significance of it. The memory of their first time here is still vibrant in his mind; the giggles at Yuuta’s nervousness, the laughter at Yuuta’s clumsy strokes in the water. The conversation about Rika – and his own anxieties about whether Yuuta would ever like him back.
And then Yuuta liked him back.
In fact, Yuuta’s love for him has been tested and demonstrated throughout Toge’s recovery. It was hard. So hard that at some stage, when Toge was feeling particularly broken and useless, he offered Yuuta that Yuuta could break up with him if he wanted to. Yuuta could go be with someone more capable. Someone with four limbs. In retrospect, Toge is so embarrassed. It is disrespectful to assume Yuuta, the always kind, always compassionate Yuuta would only be with him because of his legs or his arms. But Yuuta never once got mad. He just held Toge and talked about how much he had been missing him while overseas. Talked about how much he wanted to go on movie dates and mused out loud about what they should watch together. He talked about how much he liked kissing Toge. He ran his thumb across Toge’s salty, teary cheeks enough times that its trail, in all fairness, should now be imprinted on Toge’s face.
In the end, Toge had no choice but to accept that Yuuta loved him just as much as he loved Yuuta.
“Yes, Toge?” Yuuta asks, intoning his name with so much tenderness as if he used a pet name of some sort.
I love you, Toge signs with one hand. It’s not a perfect sign, but the phrase is so important to them that they already developed a one-handed version for it.
Out loud, Toge simply sighs Yuuta’s name, hoping to convey the precise amount of adoration he feels for him.
“Oh you,” Yuuta blushes, stroking Toge’s hair with his thumb. “I love you too, Toge. I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”
“Tuna mayo,” Toge points at Yuuta’s chest. Because of you.
Yuuta’s cheeks grow even rosier and Toge presses a tiny kiss against the left one.
“It’s cute when you’re sentimental like that,” Yuuta chuckles as they slowly swim towards the shore where the water is shallower.
“Bonito flakes,” Toge protests. He is not sentimental. Yuuta is the sappy one in their relationship, thank you very much.
“Uh-huh. Whatever you say, Toge-chan.”
Toge splashes water at Yuuta’s unfairly handsome face at the diminutive and hopes that Yuuta’s mouth will go very, very salty from the seawater. It does, Toge can tell because Yuuta tries to remove the salty taste by licking his lips, and—Toge’s heart beats a little faster again.
God, Yuuta is hot.
He is always hot, but there is something particularly endearing about the fact that he is so oblivious to it. He is unaware of how Toge’s blood rushes to certain places of his body, unaware of how much he wants to rub himself against Yuuta, how much he wants to hear Yuuta gasp and—
Toge goes underwater for a second to cool off his burning cheeks. He moves through the water with languid movement. He is not even trying to stop thinking about Okkotsu Yuuta, the sole occupant of his brain for years now; it is a more realistic goal to just try to change the topic of his thoughts about him.
“Tuna mayo,” he turns to face him after his head breaks through the surface of the sea. I want to tell you something.
“Yes, Toge?”
It is totally unnecessary for Yuuta to say his name just to prompt him to continue, but Toge’s heart nonetheless soars a little.
He gestures towards the shore, “Cod roe.” Gotta go outside for it.
“You want to type it?”
“Mhm.”
“Sounds like it’s a big deal, then,” Yuuta says, half-joking.
“Salmon,” Toge replies with a vaguely flirty undertone. Oh yeah. Very big.
Throwing innuendos into Yuuta’s face is always very, very rewarding because Yuuta gets hilariously flustered. This time is no different, Yuuta must force his eyes away from Toge because he doesn’t quite know how to react. Before he could choose to ignore Toge’s little prank, though, Toge swims back into Yuuta’s embrace and tilts his forehead against Yuuta’s chest.
It almost drives him crazy how Yuuta shivers from his touch, how he pulls him closer with an out-of-character greediness.
Or perhaps it is very much in-character. Toge is still not entirely used to those strange flares when Yuuta wants him so much as if he could rip the fabric of the world apart just for Inumaki Toge. Rationally, it is somewhat scary, sometimes. Yuuta is very powerful after all; but all rational thoughts are banished from Toge’s little head when he is with Yuuta. He is unafraid.
This is why he is unafraid to screech at Yuuta who had the special grade nerve to just lift him up in his arms as if Inumaki Toge were a baby. It is easy to pull this move; they are still weightless in the water.
“Shush now, I’m just saving you the energy of having to wade,” Yuuta chides.
I can swim, Toge signs, but melts against Yuuta’s chest nonetheless. It is a very good chest, if one were to ask for Toge’s honest opinion. Yuuta just laughs in response and kisses his forehead, effectively pacifying Toge.
They make it to the shore, finally, and Yuuta gently places Toge onto his beach towel. “Want to sit or…?”
Toge wants to sit so Yuuta holds his one arm to help him find the right balance. Toge has been getting used to the new balance of his body, but he doesn’t want to say no to Yuuta’s observant, sharp attentiveness. It is too heartwarming.
When Yuuta gets ready to lie down, Toge gestures him to come closer.
Specifically, to use his lap as a pillow.
Yuuta’s eyes—no, his whole face lights up and he lies on his back, head resting upon the folded legs of Inumaki Tog, affectionate eyes glued to Toge’s face. Toge has a vague memory of the last time when they were here, when he was desperate to reach out and touch Yuuta’s cheek but did not. Today he doesn’t hesitate. His fingers cradle Yuuta’s cheek, feeling the peach fuzz, the eyebrows, his dark lashes, two tiny, protruding moles just next to his left ear—and Yuuta’s eyes flutter closed. He leans in, just the way a younger version of Toge once hoped and dreamed.
“Yuuta,” Toge says softly, captured by the warm, golden hues of Yuuta’s hair that the sun brings out. His boyfriend opens one eye to look up at him.
“Mm, yes, you wanted to say something. What is it?”
“Yuuta,” Toge repeats because he is still not bored of saying Yuuta’s name and he probably never will be. I love you, he signs, but as he tries to go on, he gets frustrated with his missing arm. Discouraged, he drags his backpack closer and gets his phone, ignoring the droplets of water that could hurt the device, and starts to type with his right hand.
“You can sign, you know,” Yuuta says with a little pout. “I don’t mind it if it takes forever.”
“Cod roe,” Toge mumbles. You just want to look at my face.
“Well, yes,” Yuuta admits. “Not my fault you’ve got these eyes…”
Toge flutters his eyelashes at his boyfriend and said boyfriend scoffs in embarrassment, “You don’t have to make them even more distracting…”
“Yuuta.”
Yuuta promptly shuts up, looking up at him with an outright worshipful face.
What I wanted to tell you was that I’ve got my inheritance from my family, Toge shows him his note-taking app.
“…Okay?”
I’m essentially disowned by them :) – says Toge’s next text.
Yuuta’s features harden into a scowl. His expression grows darker, which in turn makes his trademark eyebags stand out, giving him a sullen, unwell look. “Why?”
They’re not exactly modern when it comes to disabilities.
Yuuta’s tension pours against Toge’s legs, against his crotch, against his waist. Yuuta must be leaking cursed energy if it is this palpable. Toge runs his finger over the bridge of Yuuta’s nose to help him get a grip. His soft touch grounds Yuuta; he offers a tight smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Before you go on,” he interrupts so gently that it is hardly an interruption, “I just want to make it clear that you are not one bit less valuable than you were before Shibuya.”
Toge’s eyes go blurry with a thin film of tears, but he blinks them away. This very much needs to be said. Losing a limb took a heavy toll on Toge’s sense of self.
“Yuuta,” he whispers with all the gratitude he can muster, and his fingers run across Yuuta’s wet scalp in a weak attempt to repay his kind words.
“Don’t thank me. I’m just saying it like it is.”
I love you, Toge signs, then types quickly, I’m just saying it like it is ;3
“Pfft,” Yuuta rolls his eyes at him with a laugh and his tension is, thankfully, gone. This means Toge can once again be distracted by the fact that Yuuta’s head rests in his lap. “Come on, go type why you’re telling me all this, I am so curious now.”
Toge types obediently, ignoring the goosebumps he gets from Yuuta staring at him. His gaze is protective, Toge knows this flavor of Yuuta, but it is evident that Yuuta is trying to control his anger, the one he gets when people he cares about are hurt by others. Toge doesn’t want to dwell on the topic of his family and Yuuta, his caring Yuuta, is doing his utmost to respect that. It is unbelievable.
My family said that they would buy me a place in Tokyo from the inheritance. It’s better to do that due to taxes and stuff. I have a month to choose one.
“Woah,” Yuuta reacts. “You’re gonna be a rich boy. I chose well,” he adds with a sly smirk, and Toge could devour him for that smug look because it looks just brilliant on Yuuta’s normally gentle face.
“Are you sad about this?”
“Bonito flakes,” Toge shakes his head. He drops the phone for a second to sign, will still keep in touch with them.
“You just won’t be part of the clan business part of it, or…?”
“Salmon.”
“Okay then.” Yuuta’s sigh is unmistakably infused with relief. Toge runs a finger across Yuuta’s lips in a calming, grounding, doting manner. He doesn’t miss the ever so slight movement of Yuuta’s mouth; his boyfriend parts his lips in response to the touch.
Toge swallows and continues to type instead, choosing his words carefully this time.
I wanted to ask you if you wanted to choose a flat with me. Together. Because what I’d like, secretly, is to move in with you after we graduate (｡･･｡) Y/N?
The world’s edges blur into oblivion. As much as they are committed to each other, theirs is not exactly a normal, common relationship progression. This is a big thing, one that Inumaki Toge is not entirely sure Yuuta would be ready for. For once, he isn’t sure what Yuuta will think at all.
Yuuta’s face is frozen into a surprised expression. Toge can tell he is re-reading the note on the screen, and he is sure that it must be a bad sign—
“Yes!! Oh my goodness Toge, yes, so much yes I can’t even articulate it.”
Yuuta sits up and turns around so he can face Toge, so they can sit in front of each other. Toge’s breath is stuck in his throat at Yuuta’s positively sparkling eyes. The sheer joy of his smile could illuminate the darkness of Master Tengen’s dim-lit dungeons, Toge thinks for a second, but he doesn’t have much more time to think because Yuuta leans in and kisses him, hand coming up to support Toge’s head.
Toge’s eyes close on instinct. The world’s quiet cacophony – the waves, the wind, the little noises of the pebbles – fade into the background, and all he registers is Yuuta and the feel of his lips playing with his own. Then there is the taste, salty from the seawater that is still dripping from their wet hair. Normally, Toge is fierce when they kiss and Yuuta calls him a little goblin for nibbling and using tooth, but this time he is heartfelt and slow as he kisses Yuuta, his one hand caressing his boyfriend’s strong cheekbone, his jawline.
He said yes, Toge thinks, choking on the happiness bubbling in his lungs. He is so happy.
Yuuta giggles when they stop, “It’d almost be like being married.”
“Bonito flakes!” Toge protests. You’ve already had your marriage story.
“Okay, no rushing it this time,” Yuuta smiles sheepishly. “But I like it. The commitment. Being with you. Next step of being together. That kind of thing. Plus, what? You’ll be my landlord? Is that… hot?”
Toge’s face is horrified. “Bonito flakes!!”
“Okay, okay, landlords aren’t hot. Got it loud and clear.”
“Toge,” Toge emphasizes, adding the only sign with his hand.
Yuuta repeats obediently, “Only Toge. My Toge. Moving in with my Toge. Now I can’t wait to graduate.”
Huffing in amusement, Toge presses his nose and forehead against Yuuta’s. He doesn’t bother to try to respond; it is better to trust that Yuuta can decipher his affection from the way Toge touches him, the way Toge looks at him, the way his breaths are uneven, or his cheeks are ablaze.
And Yuuta understands. His hand is perfectly warm and solid against Toge’s back and waistline as he pulls him in for another kiss. Behind them, the cerulean waves continue to crash against the shore.