Chapter Text
The walk into the hospital with Mer is deadly silent. ‘Mer, I-‘ I start as we reach the door. She has this unreadable expression on her face. ‘Tell me you know what you’re doing?’ She asks sincerely. I smile at the reference to my comfort movie. ‘I never did,’ I grin. Meredith squeezes my shoulder. ‘I just don’t want you or anyone else to get hurt Amelia and I just want what’s best for you.’ An awkward silence settles again. ‘I know. I’m just living my best life‘ as people say these days. We both sit outside Hamilton’s room for a while and enjoy the peace. ‘We went in, and fixed his bowel perf. He’s stable and should be fine’ Meredith says and i glance upwards to see Kai stood there. They sigh, ‘Praying our hard work doesn’t go to waste and the FDA gives us another window soon.’ ‘You’re religious?’ I ask curiously. ‘It’s just one of things you say. God never has been a part of my life,’ Kai responds honestly and runs their fingers through their hair. The same fingers that were intertwined in my hair not too long ago. God those lips. Amelia STOP STARING. Mer clears her throat again. ‘This isn’t the time to be talking about God, unless i’m about to die that is!’ A weak voice shouts from inside the room and Mer goes in to check on Hamilton. Kai whispers in my ear, ‘I wanted to give you this’ and pushes a folded piece of paper into my top pocket. ‘Oh?’ ‘It’s my number.’ ‘I’ll err see you later i’m being paged’ And i walk away before i have to say anything. I power walk down the stairs and as i enter the room i hear link shout ‘Where’s neuro??’ at the nearest slightly terrified resident. There is so much blood. All over link, on the floor, the drapes. ‘32 year old male, car flipped and crushed his right leg. Open tib fib fracture.’ ‘His right pupil has blown, let’s get him to OR 3 now.’ I don’t even look at link as the patient is rushed into the OR. I don’t say a word to him as we scrub and gown either. Halfway through the surgery he decides to make a comment. ‘Why won’t you marry me Amelia?’ It’s dead silent over the the sound of the suction and monitors. ‘Dr Lincoln i don’t think it’s very appropriate to bring that up while i’m in the middle of this guys brain.’ I snap while removing the blood clot. ‘Well you’re gonna have to answer me at some point and everyone knows already. ‘Who’s fault is that,’ I mutter under my breath and ask my favourite resident to close, and she smiles excitedly. I couldn’t get out of that OR fast enough, and it’s gone 5pm. Home time. I’m surprised smoke wasn’t coming off my shoes as i collected my things from the lounge and headed to daycare to pick up Scout.
‘Hi little one’ I whisper as i cradle Scout in my arms and tuck him in his car seat. Sighing, i kiss his fluffy head and get ready to take him home. I strap Scout in and put the car in reverse and spot Kai beside the car and roll the window down. ‘Shepherd you dropped this,’ Kai says and passes me Scouts’ favourite stuffed animal. I sigh in relief and turn around and pass it to Scout. ‘Thanks,’ I grin and wave as i pull out of the parking lot.
It’s 8:30pm and i’ve showered, cleaned the house, fed Scout and he is fast asleep in his nursery. There is nothing but the usual weekday evening crap on tv and the ticking of the clock in the background is making me anxious. I’m craving red wine. Even one the cheap five dollar bottles would do. Just to take the edge off. I lean back against the couch cushions as my skin itches with the urge to use again. It creeps up on me when my brain is unoccupied and it’s quiet. It feels like i haven’t drank for days and i want water. It makes me head spin, makes me tired and god the mood swings. I mean, my sisters always said my mood swings were enough to give them whiplash, and that was before the drugs. I think this is just how i am at this point and i’ve accepted it.
The door clicks open and i jump instinctively. ‘Amelia?’ Link calls and walks into the living room. It’s 9pm. ‘I- I didn’t know you’d taken Scout and I went to collect him from daycare and they said you’d already taken him soo..’ ‘Right yeah, he’s fast asleep.’ I reply awkwardly. He sits on the couch next to me. ‘Amelia, i’m sorry about today during surgery I didn’t mean it.’ ‘Don’t say that if you did mean it, Link.’ And he falls quiet. ‘What i meant to say was i didn’t mean for it to come out like that.’ ‘It’s okay,’ i whisper and scroll through my phone absentmindedly. Something is up Link never apologises. Before i can question him on it he walks away into the guest room with the baby monitor. I lie there for a few minutes and pluck up the courage to text the number in my pocket.
Amelia: Hey it’s me.
Unknown: Hey Shepherd it’s nice of you to bless me with your presence, even if it’s virtual.
Amelia: You’re funny. And call me Amelia, you did have your tongue in my mouth earlier so.
“K”: We should probably talk about that.
Amelia: Do you want to?
“K”: Not right now, i’d rather communicate in a different way ;).
Amelia: You do realise you’re driving me insane right?
“K”: Bet that’s what your lovely fiancé says to you 💍
Amelia: Oh fuck off.
“K”: I was going to invite you over right now but if you insist.
Amelia: Send me your hotel address and room and i’m coming.
“K:” In both ways i hope.
Despite being in my pjs, i throw on a sweater and boots and send link a text. ‘I’m going out. Watch Scout - A.’ That will do the trick. Before i know it i’ve driven to their hotel and i’m in the parking lot. I glance at the car clock reading 11:47pm and suck in a deep breath before heading out. ‘You made it.’ Kai smirks and lets me in. They’re wearing an oversized button down shirt and boxers and i feel all the blood in my body rushing from my head. ‘I did.’ I respond and kiss them gently as we shut the door. Kai locks it shut and pushes me against it roughly.
Waking up at 6:47am sharp, I gasp and roll over in the king size bed, expecting to see link out of habit and being pleasantly surprised when it is definitely not him. I lie there and let the events from the night before. God it was so good i couldn’t feel my legs, my arms, my face, anything really. I’ve never felt anything quite like that before in my life. I smile at Kai sleeping peacefully and nudge them awake. ‘Hey.’ ‘Hmm- Hi.’ Kai says sleepily and wraps their arms around me and i gasp as they kiss me. ‘Don’t distract me, you feel so good and i’ve got to get up’ i whine. I check my phone and see one text that shakes me. ‘I’m outside the door’ from Link. ‘Shit! I hiss. Hide or something.’ Kai laughs as i pull a shirt on and open the door. Link is stood there looking quite disheveled and tired. ‘Amelia what are you doing?’ He pleads. ‘Just come home and we can talk you’re not yourself.’ I can’t hold in the anger anymore. ‘I am the most myself i’ve been in a very long time. You are blatantly unaware of the fact i do not want to be your perfect little trophy wife and i want to live my life. So i am.’ Link stares at me and then at Kai behind me, who’s peeking in from the balcony door in nothing other than a sports bra and boxers. ‘Morning to you too.’ Kai says sarcastically. Scout suddenly cries and whines from his stroller. ‘I’m going. Look after your son.’ Link says and he walks away. I push the stroller inside the hotel room embarrassed and Kai smiles. ‘He has your nose.’ I want to cry i feel so overwhelmed right now. ‘D-do you mind watching him while i shower?’ ‘Of course.’ I sigh a breath of relief and head to the shower.
I return to see Scout dressed and back asleep in the stroller. ‘Oh- you didn’t have to.’ ‘It’s no problem, plus he’s cute.’ Kai smiles. I think everything is gonna be okay.