Chapter Text
This hadn’t been the plan. It was never the plan.
Though, in a way, the Doctor should’ve seen this coming. Because every time before it hadn’t been the plan, and yet…
The Doctor watched Yaz dash up the steps, and then all she was left with was the constant hum of the control room. She turned to lean against the console, her shoulders heavy.
How had this happened?
When had this happened?
Why had she let this happen? Again.
Clearly, she never learned.
The Doctor ran a hand down her face with a tired sigh.
“Yasmin Khan…” the Doctor whispered to no one but herself.
Faces of the past flashed through her mind at the thought of Dan’s earlier words.
She likes you.
No I mean… she likes you.
It was annoying, how her facade didn’t work on him. How it wasn’t so easy to brush off the most terrifying topic in the universe.
I think you do. But for some reason, you pretend to me, and to her that you don’t.
It was more annoying that he was right. She was the Doctor. She was the one that was supposed to be right all the time.
In the moment, it had been easier to ignore Dan’s words. But that wasn’t to say they didn’t stick with her now. She’d let herself be convinced into slowing down for more than two seconds. And that was a problem.
Because now she was here, in silence, on her own… thinking.
That was a dangerous thing to do when you were the Doctor.
How could she not have known? Yaz hadn’t exactly been subtle. She just hoped she’d been better at hiding her own feelings than her companion had. As much as she would love to be bold, and oh what she would give to be able to be bold. But there was one problem.
There was always one, consistent problem when it came to the Doctor and romance.
Time.
It always ran out. That’s what was happening now. It was what time itself had told her. It would be unfair to let Yaz into that level of intimacy only to inevitably snatch it away. It was coming regardless, sooner than the Doctor would’ve liked.
She couldn’t do that to Yaz. She cared for her far too much. There was a word for that, but the word was far too scary.
The TARDIS rumbled at her. Shouldn’t you talk about it together?
The Doctor frowned at the central pillar. “What’s to talk about? It could never work.”
The next round of beeps were more of a grumble. So you’re going to make that decision for the both of you?
“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”
I’m always on your side, Doctor. Why do you think I’m challenging your points?
The Doctor smirked, “Because you like annoying me.”
A flurry of chimes echoed through the room like laughter. That is true. But I look out for everyone that travels with me. That includes you and your strays.
“She’s so much more than a stray,” the Doctor mumbled.
The chimes dropped a pitch. Then talk to her.
The Doctor swallowed hard, her voice trembling. “But what if it’s too late?”
It's never too late, my dear. Do you remember what your wife told you?
The Doctor’s eyes pricked with tears. “Happy ever after doesn’t mean forever. It just means time…” her breath caught in her throat, “A little time. How could I forget?”
The Doctor patted the console with a small smile as she let a tear drip from her chin. “You’re smart, you are.”
So I’ve been told.
“You always know what to say.”
I like to imagine, Doctor, that I don’t just take you where you need to go, but also tell you what you need to hear.
“And you do a fantastic job of it.”
The Doctor pushed off the console to sit on the steps. Her gaze moved to the ceiling.
“I’m just scared. Actually, you know what? I’m not just scared, I’m absolutely petrified.”
The rise and fall of the TARDIS’ chimes had moved to her head. It was a comforting presence in her mind, warm and enveloping.
Petrified of what?
“My feelings. They’re a lot stronger than I ever planned for them to be. I don’t learn my lesson do I?”
No.
The Doctor ran a stressed hand through her hair. “I just don’t want her to end up like them.”
I know.
The Doctor sighed.
That’s nothing you can ever guarantee, my dear.
“I know. I can’t risk that again. I don’t think my hearts can take it. Trying to keep her at a distance now is hard enough. I mean did you hear her earlier? She thinks I don’t want to spend time with her. It was crushing.”
Talk to her.
“I know. I know. I need to. But—”
You know it’s the right thing to do. The choice of pursual isn’t all on you. This involves her as much as it involves you.
“You’re right,” the Doctor sighed, head in hands.
I am.
“Don’t get smug.”
Her room isn’t far, whenever you are ready.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, but thank you. Think I’ll go to the kitchen first, get us both a cuppa.”
I think she would like that.
“I do too. Boil the kettle for me?”
Already done.
“Thank you, love.”
Now, off you go.
The Doctor stood from the steps and sucked in a breath, “Yeah, off I go.”