Chapter Text
“There we go…”
Johnny huffs out a breath of relief once he successfully positioned Jaehyun’s unconscious body comfortably onto the bed. Jaehyun doesn’t even budge in his slumber.
Taeyong hovers over the door, afraid to step into the guest room for some reason. He doesn’t know what time it is but his eyelids are growing heavy by the minute. The rest of the guys went home already and only Jaehyun stayed. He bites on his lip, arms crossed over his chest, and stares at Jaehyun’s sleeping form. His thoughts are swimming all over his head in a heap of jumbled mess.
“What’s wrong?”
When he looks up to meet Johnny in the eye, he can see the concern reflecting in them despite the dimness of the room.
Taeyong chews on his lip for a moment. “I think he might’ve shared something he shouldn’t have. I mean, something he wouldn’t have normally shared if he isn’t under the influence of alcohol.”
A pause of silence. “About his parents?”
He looks down on his shoes. “Yes.”
He hears Johnny sigh before the sound of his footsteps follow, coming closer to him. “Yong. I know Jae wouldn’t just say that to anybody if he doesn’t want to share in the first place. Drunk or not. Don’t worry about it, okay?”
Taeyong nods once, smiles at the taller. “Okay. I’ll help you clean up.”
You know, you actually remind me of a cat.
How so?
Your eyes are so big and pearly and beautiful. And you’re so small? And cute. Pocket-sized.
Why are you like this?
\_O_/
… Is that you shrugging...
:D
In all seriousness though, my friends back home all thought the same. God, I even suffered through middle school being called ‘Kittyong ’. I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it!
… Kittyong. I’m having thoughts.
Oh my god. I shouldn’t have given you an idea.
;)
Shut up! >:(
I’m not saying anything?
:/ I hate you.
I like you.
… Do you see me often in school?
Yes :) and I still think you’re an angel.
Unfair :(
Be honest, the mic is on. Did you actually come down from heaven?
Yuno!
Taeyong stares wide awake at the ceiling. His arms and legs are spread out on the mattress as he wallows in the luxury of the generous size of his bed. He can faintly hear the buzzing of summer cicadas outside in the garden.
He should be asleep but for some reason, he can’t. And he’s still chatting with Yuno, anyway. Johnny told something about a short trip to the lake tomorrow. “It’s kind of like a tradition we do every year. You know, before autumn season hits. The lake is really pretty, a perfect place to unwind. It’s Jaehyun’s idea,” he said.
Taeyong rolls over then, gaze landing on the opened journal by his side.
Why are you still awake, though? Yuno’s last message reads.
He quickly shoots up to write down a reply. I’m kinda hungry :(
You should eat something, angel.
Hmm. Okay. Bye for now!
Taeyong quickly shuffles for his fluffy Totoro slippers and then he’s out of the room, quickly bounding down the stairs with a light feel to his steps. He’s feeling warm and soft inside, calm even, which he pens as the ‘Yuno effect’ in his book. Well, that is until he rounds the corner into the kitchen and is startled by someone rummaging the cabinets. He can’t believe he has been beaten to the kitchen first.
On top of that: “Jesus. Why are you here?” He asks, clutching at his chest.
Jaehyun turns around to face him. He’s holding a bowl of cereal in one hand and a jar of milk in the other. His mouth is occupied with a spoon. He quickly shoots Taeyong a raised brow, then pulls at the spoon to speak.
“Didn’t you know? I come in and out of here whenever I want.”
“Oh, right. Youngho mentioned it one time.”
Taeyong bypasses him to get to the fridge, already so giddy at the prospect of opening another box of strawberry cake roll. He takes out a box and pulls up a chair at the island. Jaehyun is quick to slide over the jar of milk to his direction after he pours some on his bowl, muttering a small ‘help yourself’ which makes Taeyong involuntarily blush.
“Jaehyun.”
“Hmm?”
“How are you feeling these days? I hope you’ve been better.”
Even Taeyong is surprised that he successfully asked the question without stumbling over his tongue. But he genuinely wants to know. He’s never had the chance to ask Jaehyun since that night. And looking at him now, he seems to be doing fine. He looks healthy, better. The color is back on his cheeks.
“Err. I’ve been better.” Jaehyun rubs at his nape self-consciously. “And Taeyong?”
Taeyong feels the hairs on his arms stand while his heart simultaneously seizes. It’s the first time Jaehyun has uttered his name. Why is he reacting like this? He can only hum as a response while he tries to act as nonchalant as he can.
“Thank you. For, um, for listening.”
His face instantly breaks off into a sincere smile. “You’re welcome, Jaehyun.”
Jaehyun nods, offering a small smile in return. His adorable dimples make an appearance, stealing the spotlight from the rest of his features. It’s so odd to see those deep pools on his cheeks but it suits him. They deserve their place in Jaehyun’s face, immortalized even.
Taking his bowl with him, Jaehyun starts walking away but before he can be completely out of sight, he turns around once again. “Are you coming with us tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I think.”
“You should.” Dimples. Again.
Dry tree branches crack under the weight of the vehicle as they drive through the narrow trail going to the lake. The view of the vicinity is exquisite to say the least, something ‘pretty’ wouldn’t suffice. Taeyong’s heart begins to roar in his chest as he slightly pokes his head out of the window, welcoming the sun on his face. Eventually he has to move his head back inside because the trail is full of potholes and rocks that shake up the car. Crowning trees line the sides of the road, boasting a beautiful blend of orange and red and green on their leaves. The sun is shining brightly above, provisioning copious heat and checkered light in the surroundings — a perfect day to be at the lake. This is the farthest Taeyong has gotten in the city.
“I’m stealing Taeyong with me!” Doyoung announces as soon as they are settled in the middle of a glade.
“Bring him back in one piece!” Johnny jokes to their retreating figures.
Doyoung takes his hand and laces their fingers together, grinning widely at him. His other hand grips at his camera excitedly. “I can’t wait to take pictures this year because you’re here! No one in the group shared my love for photography before.”
Taeyong automatically mirrors the grin on his face and starts swinging their hands back and forth. He holds up his own camera, which is strapped to his wrist, and gently wiggles the device. Doyoung’s grin grows bigger and they begin to walk faster, more enthusiastically.
For a while, they linger near each other taking pictures of the same subject: a colorful butterfly perched on top of a leaf, the cacophony of leaves above their heads with the feather-like clouds peeking through, a ray of sunlight descending upon a boulder, the wildflowers, the lake itself, and other scenery they find aesthetically pleasing.
They quickly and unsurprisingly get too immersed in the act that soon Taeyong finds himself exploring on his own the unfamiliar forestlands but conscious enough to not stray away too far and still knowing his way back. He smiles at every single living thing his gaze lands on, finding himself enjoying the company of nature. He snaps a few photos here and there. A tree frog hops near his shoes and he squats immediately, not missing the chance to snap its picture.
Taeyong walks deeper into the woods, steering clear of wild plants and low branches here and there, until he discovers a mini grassy meadow. It’s gorgeous. The sight takes his breath away along with the wind. The earth is carpeted with sweet vernal grasses and white and yellow daisies and other vibrantly-colored wild flowers. Taeyong takes a snap and resists the urge to lie down after. Maybe he can do that later when he finds the time to be alone. Maybe he can write about his experience, turn his thoughts into something tangible, just like he has always did. He did bring his journal with him.
Then totally unprovoked, Yuno comes into his mind. And just like any other times, he’s unable to stop it. Does he like solitary places like this too? Would he ever agree to hang out with him here? Is this the kind of place Yuno would like when they decide to meet in person? Has Yuno even ever thought of meeting him?
Truthfully, it saddens him that Yuno still hasn’t opened up to him about this. Ever since he made him upset that first night they wrote to each other, Taeyong didn’t try to bring it up again. He gave him time, he did, but there is only so much time before Taeyong begins to doubt himself or the genuineness of their friendship. He wants to know what’s holding him back but he doesn’t have the balls to ask him.
Feeling heavier this time, he quickly goes back to Doyoung. If there’s anyone he can confidently confide to about this matter, it’s definitely Doyoung.
“Doie.” He can’t help the pout forming on his lips.
“Yong? Is there something wrong?”
“I have something to tell you.”
Doyoung nods once before ushering them to a log. They immediately sit down.
“What’s bothering you?”
Taeyong huffs out a puff of air. “I met my soulmate.”
Doyoung’s reaction is what exactly he has expected. After the initial shock dissipates, his brows pinch together questioningly. “Since when?”
“The start of the school year. On the first day.”
“Isn’t it sweet? Your soulmate has been waiting for you here all along.” Doyoung’s expression turns soft. “Is it a she or a he?”
“He.”
Doyoung gathers Taeyong’s hands together and puts his own on top soothingly. “Oh, Yong. Isn’t that wonderful? But what seems to be the problem?”
Taeyong inhales a deep breath, prays he’ll make it through explaining everything without tearing up. He doesn’t want to be emotional now. “The problem is, he refuses to meet me in person. And I don’t know if I’m being selfish and inconsiderate but I just think it’s unfair that he sees me in school and yet I’m not even aware if he’s in front of me or not. We write to each other a lot. He makes me laugh, Doie. And it scares me because what if he stops one day and I don’t even know who he is. He can’t even give me his real name. I’m not sure what’s holding him back but I’m afraid to know.”
Doyoung rubs his thumb over the back of his hands repeatedly. “Ask him. Ask him if he wants to meet you for real. Don’t you think you deserve that, hm? That peace of mind. Don’t be afraid of rejection because at least you’ll get your answer.”
His lower lip quivers. “I’m afraid of his rejection because I don’t think I can handle it.”
“He might have his reservations, and I pray they’re reasonable, but I don’t think it’s right that he’s leaving you in the air like this. You know, this thing with soulmates — it doesn’t have to mean you magically fall in love with your counterpart just like that. Sometimes, it can start with a friendship too. And then love can come next.”
“Really?”
The smile Doyoung gives him is unlike any other that ever crossed his face. “Yes. Yuta and I were like that. We crossed paths when we were nine. We were so young we didn’t even know what love was. He was a transfer student like you, Yong. We were shaken up by the fact but we became friends even so. We never really talked about the whole soulmate thing until we were in high school and decided we should take things slowly. In fact, we only got together officially last year.”
The tears threatening to fall out of Taeyong’s eyes quickly backpedal and are replaced with a bright smile instead.
“It doesn’t have to dictate the way we live our lives. We are still the captain of our own ships. The universe is merely granting us its guidance, what it thinks is best for us. The choices are still yours, Yong.”
They share a warm embrace after that. Doyoung rubs a palm on his back to soothe and reassure him, all the while Taeyong collects himself back altogether. Doyoung is, indeed, the berth to his ship.
After that little moment, they amble back towards where their friends are. From the distance as they approach the lake, they can already hear the hollers and bright laughter coming from them. They’re playing volleyball in the water.
“Oh! Let me in, let me in!” Doyoung exclaims happily.
Taeyong just smiles and decides it’s the perfect time to read a book in the water while the sun is still high and mighty. He quickly retrieves his giant float and the book he brought from the car. The others are still laughing when he comes back, splashes of water echoing in the open, and slowly, he dips his bare feet into the water. It’s the perfect temperature.
He makes sure he’s at a safe distance from them in case he gets hit by the ball. Soon enough, he’s comfortably floating on the still water in his inflatable donut float. He sighs in great pleasure and begins to read his book in peace.
Not even half an hour later, someone pulls at his leg from below. He shrieks and kicks his leg back in reflex. It’s probably the most embarrassing sound he has ever let out.
Johnny goes back to the surface with the biggest grin ever. Of course it’s Johnny! Taeyong nearly hits his head with the book but holds himself back just because he has a dignified self-control (read: he doesn’t want the precious book to get wet).
“Why did you do that?” He demands.
“Save the me-time for later, Yongie, you got to join us!”
He quickly glances at the group that is now looking back at him. “Uh… Do I have a choice?”
“No!” The group shouts in unison, making the both of them laugh.
Taeyong can hear Jaehyun laughing too, which makes him look at their direction again. He tries not to get affected at Jaehyun’s wet look — the way his cheeks are flushed from the heat, mop of black hair wet and shiny which reminds him of a dog, eyes crescent from laughter, and the way his shirt clings onto his torso like a second skin, revealing a set of toned abdominal muscles beneath the fabric.
Johnny pulls at his leg again, impatiently, and this time Taeyong doesn’t hold back with hitting him on the head. Another bout of laughter erupts under the sunny skies.
Taeyong goes back to the little meadow he found earlier. He easily finds a spot where he lays the blanket he brought with him and immediately sits down on it. Without wasting another moment, he opens his journal and begins writing to Yuno, hoping he can receive a reply.
Yuno?
Angel.
He lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Relief washes over him in copious amount.
What’s your favorite place in the neighborhood?
Yuno’s answer is a bit delayed. That would be the amusement park.
And why is that?
He shifts his attention to the daisies surrounding him as he waits for the other to write back. The scent of summer in the air is sweet and heady, putting him under a spell and at the same time setting him free like a bird. Down here from his spot, the skies are wide and endless.
I used to go there with my grandma when I was a lot younger.
Do you miss her?
Yes, so much. She lives in another city and I barely visit her these days. Dad doesn’t want me frequenting there, for some reason. His relationship with his mother is kind of… err, complicated?
I see… He plucks out a daisy, twirls it between his thumb and forefinger in deep thought.
We used to ride the Teacups a lot. It was one of the few rides where I didn’t cry from being so scared. Haha. Thinking about it now, it’s funny. It became my favorite ride, though. Lots of great memories were made there.
Taeyong bites on his lower lip. He needs to write it now because if not now, when? When will he have the courage again? When will he stop depriving himself of answers he clearly deserves? His hand slightly shakes on the paper.
If we ever decide to meet in person, will you meet me there?
Taeyong waits and he’s so anxious that he forgets he’s not supposed to bite on his nails as a nervous habit. His heart nearly shatters when he doesn’t receive an answer. Did something happen? He inhales a calming breath, lets it out through his nose slowly. It’s fine. It’s fine if Yuno doesn’t want to talk about it still. Pressuring him about this is the least of his intentions, after all. And there’s still a lot of time. Maybe he can ask about it next time and receive a better reply. For now, he just needs to apologize for possibly making him uncomfortable.
His hand hovers on the leaf for a while, thinking about his next words carefully. Instead of an answer, he hears the gentle sound of grass being crushed under a weight. A breeze wheezes past through him, shaking the flowers in their roots from their gentle sway. There are movements, sweet vernal grasses being steered out of the way, and then a figure: Jaehyun.
Taeyong quickly gathers his pen and journal and hides them under the blanket, putting some of his weight over.
“Jaehyun?”
“Oh, sorry for disturbing you.” His forehead creases. He looks apologetic.
“It’s okay. Are you alone? Where are the others?”
“Mhm. Johnny, Yuta, and Taeil decided to explore an abandoned railroad tracks somewhere in the area. The rest are skipping stones on the lake.”
“Did you know about this little place too? Because it didn’t seem like you just stumbled on here accidentally.”
Jaehyun graces him with a smile, the kind where his dimples pop out. “This used to be my own spot, my little secret where no one can disturb me every year we go here. But I guess it’s not a secret anymore since you’ve found it.”
Taeyong blinks repeatedly and he avoids the eye contact all of a sudden, feeling beyond embarrassed. “I see. But I can just go? I don’t want to intrude or steal this from you. It’s your spot.”
“It doesn’t matter. It calls out to you, doesn’t it? It just draws you in.” Jaehyun removes his gaze from him to marvel over the surroundings with so much wonder in his eyes that Taeyong feels shy at the intimacy he’s able to see in them. A smile lights up Jaehyun’s face before he brings his gaze back to him. “I understand that. Who am I to deny you of the same thing?”
Taeyong is stunned. He quickly clears his throat. “We are like the same, in some way. Our sentiments, I mean.”
Jaehyun sits beside him, not on the blanket but on the grass. As usual, Taeyong finds himself noticing every little move he does. He’s squinting at the sun, the corner of his lips quirked up slightly as his nose scrunches from the abundance of heat. He’s staring but he can’t quite look away either. He likes this kind of Jaehyun — smiling, calm, at peace, and talking about himself without flickering. He silently prays he won’t ever be hurting again.
Jaehyun turns to him then, but he’s not quick enough to not get caught. Somehow, the smile is back on Jaehyun’s face. He brings up a hand into the air and then carefully, hesitatingly, his fingers brush over the strands of Taeyong’s hair before tucking a wisp behind his ear, all the while staring into Taeyong’s eyes. He shudders.
“Your hair resembles the white daisies a lot.” At this point, it must be courage that Taeyong is still able to meet Jaehyun’s agonizing gaze. His heartbeat suddenly accelerates, fight-or-flight response activated. “You look like an angel.”
Angel?
And then nothing. Taeyong’s heart stops.
This is wrong. This is all wrong. What is he doing? What is he thinking? Why is he feeling all these emotions for Jaehyun? Why is he reacting like this? He needs to go. He needs to run away from Jaehyun. Because this is wrong.
“I… I should go.” He stands up at once and gathers his things as quickly and as calmly as he can. He doesn’t say another word as he breaks out into a run. He doesn’t dare look back either.
There’s a knock on Taeyong’s door while he’s in the middle of tossing around on his bed for what seems to be the umpteenth time that night.
Life went on after that day in the lake. He turned his attention fully to school and the photography club. He has successfully managed to get out of Jaehyun’s way and dodged every attempt at interaction. As for Yuno, he felt guilty and dishonest of his feelings so he took the chance to step away for a while to organize his thoughts.
Taeyong only allowed himself to cry once which he did as soon as they arrived and locked himself in his room. After that, he didn’t cry about Jaehyun or Yuno or all these confusing feelings that seem to get the best of him. There was no use to crying.
He quickly takes a glance at the watch on his bedside table which indicates it’s quarter past eight. No wonder why he can’t sleep. His body-clock isn’t used to retiring to bed so early. Who is he fooling?
“Come in!” He says and sits up.
His father doesn’t bother turning on the light as he makes his way to Taeyong’s bed, letting the light from the hallways stream into the room instead. It’s enough for Taeyong to understand that his father is perfectly aware that something has been troubling him for the past few days. A pout involuntarily makes its way to his lips. No one can ever underestimate a parent’s instincts for their child.
“Hey, dad.”
His father smiles at him, careful as he places the hot mug on the table. The smell of something sweet and woody with a hint of spice immediately tickles Taeyong’s nose, making him smile automatically. It’s chamomile.
“I missed this.” He says, taking a cautious sip.
“Yongie, are you okay?” His father asks, already sitting on the bed, and Taeyong silently winces. He’s always like that, blunt and straight-forward. “You know I’m just worried for you. It has always been you and me and I’m just wondering why you’re not telling me anything all of a sudden.”
“Dad!” Taeyong whines, cheeks coloring. “I’m eighteen! I’m allowed to not say anything.”
His father does that hearty laugh of his which is so eternally contagious that Taeyong begins to laugh as well despite his defiance.
“I know, I know. Wow, I can’t believe you’re already at this phase, pushing me and all that. In all seriousness though, is this something big, honey, so that you’re not telling me? It must be boggling you earnestly. I’ve never seen you space out so much.”
Taeyong sighs and sets the mug down. The sheets rustle gently at the movements. He’s thankful for the partial darkness or else the heat on his cheeks would’ve revealed his thoughts. “It is a big deal, dad. But I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”
“Of course. And I know I don’t need to tell you that I’m always here.”
“Right,” he smiles shyly. “But I do have a question.”
“And that is?”
He hopes his father wouldn’t think so much of it. “Dad… Can soulmates not be in love at all?”
For a moment, his forehead creases so deeply that Taeyong’s heart begins to hammer in his chest. But it quickly subsides, replaced by a tender expression. “The answer is it’s impossible. Love cannot not exist between two soulmates. But what seems to be continually overlooked by everyone is that we are all humans, Yongie. Just humans — nothing divine but nothing perishable, nonetheless.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“That as humans, it is in our nature to be faulty at times. We are flawed beings, we have our shortcomings, and we have the tendencies wherein giving up on our problems and being too selfish to see the differences in one another are inevitable. These imperfections, they are ingrained in us. But these are also the factors that may hamper between soulmates. But you know what? These are merely rocks along the way. This soulmate deal is greater than that, bigger than that, it can move heaven and earth.”
His dad reaches up to ruffle his hair and Taeyong revels in the affection, giggling like a child.
“They will be okay,” the man continues. “Maybe not today, but stars will surely align for them once again. It is never an error for soulmates to cross paths and the universe is not selfish at all. It will give away, time and time again, it will give chances until it can be right again.”
Taeyong suppresses the urge to tear up. Maybe this is why he’s such a hopeless romantic, he comes after this man like a carbon copy. “Thanks, dad.”
His father places a kiss on his forehead, and while this may seem cringe-worthy for his age, Taeyong is sincerely grateful for the physical affection especially now that he’s feeling too emotional. In no time, darkness envelopes his surroundings once the door clicks closed and he finds himself alone with his thoughts again.
He lays still, thinking about his own soulmate. He’s too scared to reach for his journal yet. He doesn’t want to see if Yuno had written him anything for the past days. He doesn’t want to think if Yuno has been worrying for his lack of reach. For now, he just waits for courage to come to him.
It took Taeyong a week to gain courage to be able to look at his journal again.
He pulls up the chair on his desk and leafs through the last page where they left off. Yuno has written for him. There are two:
Please see the back part of the journal, the last page.
Let’s meet at the park. Whenever you want.
With his heart ringing in his ears, Taeyong flips the journal to the backside and slowly opens it to reveal the last page. There’s a short message written on it. The ink doesn’t look fresh.
July, 27, 2021 — marked the day my life changed forever. You were marked in my heart, Lee Taeyong.
A hand flies up to clump on his mouth to prevent him from sobbing. With an erratic heart and silent tears flowing across his cheeks, Taeyong hurriedly goes back to the previous page to scramble for a reply, the strokes unsteady: Let’s meet now.
He doesn’t wait for Yuno’s response. He knows he’ll be there.
Taeyong quickly puts on his shoes and grabs his jacket hanging by the door. He doesn’t care if he will look like a mess in front of Yuno, he just wants to see him finally. Once the jacket is on, he dashes out of his room and prays no one is downstairs to ask him questions. Thankfully, there’s no one so he takes this as a chance to go for the front door.
In no time, he’s out in the streets to brave the cold nighttime air. He knows the amusement park is just several blocks away from their home. He hasn’t gone there yet but he sees it in passing when they drive back and forth to school. Taeyong keeps running, fueled merely by the adrenaline rush. He’s panting by now but he’s not stopping.
By the time he arrives, there is still considerably a crowd going to and fro in the park. He buys a ticket from a stall situated by the tall gates and the cheerful woman behind the glass wishes him a wonderful evening as he gets inside at last. The night is still young and it’s only understandable why there are so many people around still. The air is frenzied and filled with all kinds of noises and movements. Taeyong looks around helplessly. Suddenly, it’s hard to breathe.
He asked Yuno to meet him now at the park, but where exactly?
His feet are already in action while his mind still lags to comprehend the idea that just popped up. The Teacups. He starts moving again, looking around frantically for the ride, while simultaneously trying to dodge people left and right. He breathes out in relief the moment his gaze lands on the glorious ride. His feet refuse to move for a moment before he snaps out of it and quickly enters the ride.
Biting his lip, he looks around for an empty teacup. Most of them are empty, actually. He struggles to bite back his laugh as he remembers what Yuno said about this particular ride. It’s nothing thrilling at all, hence, probably why it’s one of the unpopular rides. Some of the taken seats are mostly occupied by mothers and their child or couples who are in for an easy one.
Taeyong sits on one, a white one with decorated strips of pink and hearts in the color of red, and then waits anxiously.
Someone steps foot into his ride, causing him to nearly jump out, and that someone takes a seat in front of him. It must be Yuno. His insides erupt into a fortissimo rendition of a full orchestra but he doesn’t know for what exactly — the lines between horrifying fear and extraordinary excitement have long blurred out. With a pounding heartbeat, he slowly looks up at the person only to be faced with…
“Jaehyun?” His eyes widen in confusion.
“Hi.”
“Huh? Why are you here?” He begins to panic. “I think you’re mistaken. I’m here for someone—“
“It’s me, Taeyong. I’m Yuno. Your Yuno.”
“Huh?” Taeyong is dumbfounded. His brain shuts off completely as he stares at the boy in front of him. Without even knowing, hot tears start streaming down his face in an unstoppable pace. It’s all so overwhelming. He doesn’t know if he wants to cry or laugh or just stop existing from sheer embarrassment.
Jaehyun looks panicked himself and for a moment, his arms hover awkwardly mid-air before he snaps out of it completely. He reaches up to cup Taeyong’s face in his heated palms and quickly thumbs at the tears. The gesture only makes him cry some more. His heart is about to burst from the tenderness of the touch. “Shh. Please don’t cry. Come, let’s get out of here.”
Jaehyun holds his hand and they immediately get off the ride while it hasn’t started yet. Taeyong keeps his head down the whole time they walk through the crowd. He isn’t sure how, but Jaehyun has managed to find them a quieter area with benches scattered along dingy lamp posts.
The second they settle on a bench, Taeyong grabs Jaehyun’s face and turns it to him, cupping his face with his cold hands. His mind is still whirring.
“You are real.”
“All along.” Jaehyun laughs. It’s the first time he has made him laugh.
A surge of potent energy seizes through him, filling every single veins and arteries in his body, and for a second he feels the urge to cry again. Unsure of what to do with the onslaught of emotions, Taeyong squeezes Jaehyun’s ample cheeks, so hard that his eyes turn into crescents when he starts laughing again, lips slightly puckered. He looks so funny that Taeyong can’t help but to laugh as well despite himself.
“I can’t believe it’s you all this time. I feel so stupid.”
Jaehyun’s smile drops in an instant and he turns serious once again. His gaze travels all over Taeyong’s face, searching. His forehead creases. He looks deeply repentant. “I’m sorry.”
Taeyong shakes his head silently. He lifts one of his hands to press his pointer onto Jaehyun’s forehead, easing the frown on his face. He smiles softly. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m not mad and I completely understand.”
“I never wrote anything in my journal because I didn’t believe in soulmates. I never wanted to meet mine. And then you came along and I was so mad. And that anger, I turned it on myself. There are days when I beat myself up for it. I was conflicted, in denial, and afraid. But every time I talked with you, I forgot about everything else. It was as if I was a completely different person. You made me believe that it’s real. And it scared me, Taeyong. It scared the hell out of me. I… I see them fight every day and yet here you are, so, so lovely and everything I’ve ever wanted.”
Jaehyun is shaking by the time he finished talking. His eyes are reddish even under the dull light of the post. Taeyong’s heart breaks. Jaehyun doesn’t deserve all this. Gently, he runs his fingers through the soft strips of Jaehyun’s hair to calm him down.
Jaehyun closes his eyes and leans more into Taeyong’s touch. His eyelashes are long and breathtaking, causing faint shadows to paint across the top of his cheeks.
“You’re so brave, Jaehyun. I’m proud of you.” He whispers into the shell of the boy’s ear while he stares up at the wide blanket of charcoal skies. He silently thanks the lone star twinkling above them in this lonely night.
Jaehyun opens his eyes once again. He collects Taeyong’s hands in his and starts kissing every single finger, his lips warm and tender and feather-like.
The next course of action doesn’t need to be spoken. Jaehyun sticks their foreheads first, their noses second, his lips lightly touch Taeyong’s nose third, kissing his cupid’s bow fourth, and connecting their lips at last in a sweet first kiss.
Taeyong shuts his eyes. Jaehyun is everything he has ever wanted, too. And more.
The next day, while on his way to lunch with Doyoung, Taeyong gets pulled into an empty classroom. For a second, Doyoung looks like he’s ready to throw hands to whoever did that to his friend only to frown when he sees it’s Jaehyun.
It takes all of Taeyong’s self-control to not laugh when he tells his friend to go without him. Thankfully, Doyoung doesn’t question anything. As soon as he closes the door and locks it, he feels Jaehyun’s arms circle around his waist. He giggles when Jaehyun’s hot breath fans over the side of his neck, and the sound alone makes the other giggle too, which doesn’t really help lessen the tickle.
“Why did you have to do that? He was about to punch the hell out of you.”
“I’m glad you made friends with him.”
Jaehyun turns him around and promptly lands a chaste kiss on his forehead, waking the butterflies inside his stomach. Taeyong can’t seem to stop being so giddy. Ah, the Yuno effect.
“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?” Jaehyun asks him with a slight frown. “Because I feel like you were so overwhelmed by the shock that you forgot to acknowledge that you were actually angry.”
“Jaehyun, what are you saying?” His voice takes a soft approach when he sees through Jaehyun’s eyes how bothered he actually is, the mirth from earlier no longer there.
“I don’t know. I just feel like I deserve your anger. I was dishonest and you didn’t deserve that.” He lets his fingers run through his hair in frustration, now frowning deeply. The action makes the longer strands of his hair ride up a little, allowing his undercut to peek through. Taeyong gets sidetracked for a moment.
“Hey.” He takes Jaehyun’s jaw on his palm to gently urge him to look at him. “I wasn’t mad then and I’m not mad now. I don’t feel any anger towards you, Jae. I understand your situation, remember? And I would’ve felt bad if you forced yourself for the sake of us being soulmates. You already had so much on your plate. What you did was for yourself and I’m proud of you for choosing that, hm? And I’m glad I got to meet Yuno. He was so different from you.”
“Yuno.” Jaehyun laughs. Though, he isn’t sure if he is laughing from the way Taeyong scrunches his nose at him cutely or from the oddity of their situation.
“Right. I don’t know if I should keep calling you that now that I know you’re Jaehyun.”
Jaehyun takes the hand that is still cradling his jaw to kiss the inside of Taeyong’s wrist. “Of course you can still call me that if you want to. You’re the only one allowed to, remember? Besides my grandma.”
Taeyong can no longer contain himself so he invites himself onto Jaehyun’s body like it’s no one’s business and holds onto him like a leech. He’s unapologetic, though. He hears the other softly chuckle at the side of his head and his knees nearly give out when Jaehyun’s warm lips press against his hair with a pressure so sweet and delicate. He doesn’t have a problem reciprocating the embrace.
They stay like that for a while, just listening to the noise coming from outside in the hallways. Taeyong leans away slightly to look at the other.
“Hey.”
“Hmm?”
“Are we telling everyone soon or later?”
Jaehyun meets his eye. He tightens his embrace. “About that. After I came home last night, I talked with my mom. I… I told her everything about you, Yong. And she cried. I panicked. She told me how happy she was that I found my soulmate. She said she’s going to try again, to fix things with my dad. I was so overwhelmed that I cried too. And we kind of just… cried together. It was silly.”
Taeyong giggles, rubbing circles on Jaehyun’s back. “I’m so glad to hear that.”
“But hey, you really are an angel in disguise.”
Taeyong pinches him at the back, not sure if he should laugh at how adamant Jaehyun seems to be at this whole angel thing just to annoy him. Jaehyun protests and threatens to retrieve from the hug only to receive more pinches this time on the side of his waist. It takes everything in him to not chortle from how much it tickles him.
But he’s a man on a mission. “Or not. Just my angel.”
Taeyong punches him on the chest.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
Taeyong lets out a yawn, stretching his body like a cat on the velvety bed. He groggily lets his eyes roam around Jaehyun’s room and his gaze stops at the messy heap of textbooks and several highlighters and printed copies of papers on the desk. Right.
Jaehyun is sitting on the bed with a pillow on his lap just observing him silently. “You look so beautiful, angel.”
“Thank you.” He coos, making Jaehyun laugh. “And you look so beautiful when you smile like this. It suits you.” He reaches up to fondle the gold metal piercing Jaehyun’s ear. “What’s the story?”
Jaehyun wrinkles his nose. He’s shy all of a sudden. Cute. “It was childish and nothing really deep but yeah, mainly for expression. I did it to rebel against my parents, but mostly because I just like wearing one.”
“It’s cool.”
Jaehyun quickly leans down but before his mouth can reach its desired destination, Taeyong is quick to turn his face sideways. He snorts at the noise of protest Jaehyun lets out. “I just woke up.”
Jaehyun quirks an eyebrow at him. “And so? I’d kiss you in under any circumstances.”
“Oh god. You really are Yuno. You’re so mawkish and sugary. Jaehyun is so much easier to handle.” He shoots up from the bed and spots Jaehyun’s guitar on the corner. “Don’t laugh at me for this but I’ve been wanting you to play for me ever since I learned you know how to.”
“Do you want me to serenade you with a song?” Jaehyun’s face instantly lights up and before Taeyong can answer, he’s already bouncing off the bed and walking over to his guitar.
Jaehyun goes back to the bed and flashes Taeyong a grin before he begins strumming the opening chords to a song Taeyong is unfamiliar with.
Boy, you’re a river of healing
I was certain that I wouldn’t last
And you are the answer to questions
That I didn’t know my soul was asking
My time’s been wasted, searching for light
When you’re the brightest thing in my life
Jaehyun’s voice is sweet and sultry and so smooth like honey pouring into his ears. He has the most beautiful voice he’s ever heard. He’s mesmerized by how adept his fingers move across the board, almost like casting a spell. His heart is in his throat in that moment, overflowing from all the emotions he feels for this boy. Meeting one’s soulmate is magic indeed, but to him, Jaehyun is magic himself.
’Cause you’re the water that runs forever
When I’m feeling like my well is running dry
And you’re my center, you keep me tethered
Even when I drift away from time to time
Got me feeling like it’s too good to be mine
Too good to be mine
When Jaehyun is finished singing, his cheeks are flushed but his smile on Taeyong never goes away. Taeyong might not know the song but the lyrics speak to him well and the hurdles they encountered to get to this point. And they’re all worth it. The universe couldn’t have chosen a better soulmate for him. Jaehyun is perfect in every way, in both his best and worst times. Taeyong liked him when he was Yuno and he liked him even more when he was Jaehyun.
Taeyong silently promises to himself to do whatever it takes to keep that smile on Jaehyun’s face.