Chapter Text
And then, there was the night Armin killed someone.
A girl.
A human.
A human girl.
He had killed her.
He hadn't wanted to. Never in his life had he ever planned to kill a human. This was supposed to be them against the Titans, but somehow, the government was involved, and now, people were trying to kill them.
They had to protect themselves.
But he hadn't wanted to kill. But she had jumped into his carriage, and she was pointing a gun at Jean, and it was Jean, and Jean wasn't doing anything but sitting there, stunned, and Jean couldn't die, so Armin didn't think, he just turned around and didn't think, didn't think, didn't think. He pulled the trigger, and he hit her in the head, and the blood and brains went everywhere.
Jean's stunned look was still locked in his mind.
What had Jean thought of him? What was he thinking in that moment? No doubt he had been afraid. But what of? The girl? The fact that he had almost died? Or...Armin? Was he afraid of Armin? Jean had said before that he couldn't kill another human being. At the time, Armin had admired him for it, and he had wanted to be the same way.
But at that second...the second the girl pointed the gun at Jean...
It occurred to him that he was lying to himself when he said he didn't think when he pulled the trigger of the gun, and took her head almost clean off. He had been thinking at that moment, after all. He had been thinking, Jean, no, please, not Jean.
Not Jean.
So, he'd killed her.
Had he done the right thing? When he turned to pull the trigger, he had been sure he did. She was going to kill the boy he loved. But then, as his finger pulled, right when it was too late, he saw her hesitate. She didn't want to kill Jean anymore than he wanted to kill her.
She'd hesitated.
Armin hadn't.
Now she was dead.
But Jean was alive.
Had he done the right thing?
He curled up in a ball, a tight ball, like he could shut out everything in the world. Captain Levi had said he did the right thing. And that had made him feel a little better, but Levi was different from him. Levi was a guy who could do what ever it took to get the job done.
Armin was too, apparently.
He started to cry, loud, sobbing wails. He didn't care who heard him that night. He was so lost. So confused. He needed Eren, but Eren was gone, and he needed Jean more, but Jean wasn't there.
But then, just like last time, like he'd heard Armin's thoughts, Jean was there, pulling him out of the bed, and not saying anything, just letting Armin clutch onto him, and rocking the smaller boy. His hands were tight around Armin, and Armin held him back as he sobbed into Jean's chest. After a few minutes, Jean started to speak.
"Armin, thank you. Thank you so much."
Armin listened, quieting just a little.
"Please don't be sad, don't cry, it's okay. You did the right thing. You did."
Now Armin's cries were hiccups, and when Jean realized he had his attention, he spoke more, wanting so much to calm the boy he loved. It hurt him so much to see Armin like this. If only he hadn't hesitated, if only he'd been the one to shoot the girl, Armin wouldn't be sobbing and hating himself.
I love you Armin. You're so strong. Don't cry. Please, don't cry." Jean was saying everything all at once, and he figured it didn't make much sense, but Armin had stopped crying.
"Jean...I did the right thing?" he whimpered, and Jean leaned back and wiped the tears from under his eyes.
"Armin, you did the right thing. You saved me, again. Armin there is no one here stronger than you."
And from Levi, hearing he'd done the right thing had made him feel a little better.
But with Jean, it changed everything.
At least for now.
Armin's cries quieted, until he was sitting in Jean's lap quietly, his head slumped on the taller boy's shoulder. Jean stroked his hair softly, and when he knew Armin was about to fall asleep, he picked up the blond, and carried him into the bed. He wrapped his arms around Armin. He wished he could do the right thing, next time. He kept letting Armin down. He let that gross man touch him, and today, he had let Armin that the trauma that should've been his.
"I'll protect you, Armin." he whispered. "I promise."
So quickly Armin had gone from just an acquaintance to somebody he couldn't imagine living without. He'd never imagine that would be the case. The first time he'd seen Armin, he'd thought to himself, he looks weak.
But now, he would kick himself if given the chance to go back and do it. Armin was stronger than him, and most likely, stronger than all of them. Except...at night. At night...Armin was weak, and he needed someone there.
And Jean was more than happy to be that someone.
Maybe forever.
Or as long as he lived.