Chapter Text
The sunlight was the last thing Midoriya wanted to see when he blearily blinked open his crusty eyes. Thankfully, he hadn’t slept through his alarm, so he still had plenty of time to get all of the old tactful tricks he used to use to remove the signs of crying. It was both harder and easier to do after a full night of drying.
Fortunately, he could use water-based tactics and other responses that required dry skin, since all of his tears had already dried up. Unfortunately, that also meant that all of the puffiness had settled into his skin already, after having the entire night to do so.
Naturally he went with first things first, rubbing his eyes carefully, making sure to loosen the dried up gunk without ripping his eyelashes off. In the end, he still had to wet a towel (which was actually one of his bedshirts from a previous night) to wipe the remainder of the residue. As gross as it sounded, that was the price he paid for one heavy ass night of really shitty sleep.
The issue with being in a dorm was that the next part was going to be tricky if he timed it wrong. Normally, he would use a warm, wet towel to help pull out the puffiness left over by the night, but, if he went downstairs to get warm water, he ran the risk of getting caught. Which really just meant that he had to move quickly.
And he did, running downstairs still in his pajamas to grab some of the hot water before anyone else got up. Placing it in a zipped shut plastic bag, Midoriya hurried back up the stairs to the safe haven of his room. The process took too long to risk doing it downstairs. Honestly, it was quite a soothing procedure; he put the towel over his eyes and let the heat do all of the work as he got to sit back and relax. That was the only good thing about crying- other than the little bit of, what he could only describe as, hollowness that came from the gap in his feelings.
It didn’t hurt as much that Kacchan had bullied him on the playground. It didn’t hurt as much that his mom told him he couldn’t become a Hero. It didn’t hurt as much that his father didn’t call him on his birthday. It didn’t hurt as much that the schoolkids pretended like he didn’t exist or that the teacher didn’t do anything about it. It didn’t hurt that he was finally going to see Bakugou cared for and genuinely happy with someone that wasn’t him.
That one might have been the biggest lie.
He knew that Bakugou was only singling him out because the other kids were, too, because he was weak and frail and fragile while Bakugou was strong and tough and unstoppable. He knew that his mom was just worried about him because he was born quirkless, and she didn’t want to see him get hurt. He really didn’t know much of anything about his father, but he did know not to expect much from him. He knew that the schoolkids were only playing out a warped version of all the things their parents had told them, about how he was different from the other kids. Of course, the teacher never did anything about it, because the teacher didn’t care about him, or really anyone. Some of them pitied him, but never enough to step in and actually act.
Despite all of that, Midoriya always clung to the idea that maybe he and Bakugou could go back to the way they were before. Every day, he was greeted with the sight of the old Bakugou, the Kacchan that he grew to love and admire. Someone who was always filled with confidence- not out of cockiness, but rather out of determination. Bakugou was the image of a clear victory, whether over imaginary villains or their school studies, over the bullies on the playground or the veggies on his plate. Midoriya always aspired to be like him. He was a leader, by example, if nothing less. He always won, so Midoriya always knew he was going to be okay.
Even so, he couldn’t help but worry about the blond. When he fell or got hurt, when he pushed himself too far; Midoriya was there, holding his hand out and hoping that the blond would take it, smile and honestly say that he was all right. Instead everytime, he would smack that hand away and yell, “I’m fine,” but it was always a lie. He’d hiss, “I don’t need your help,” as he pretended not to limp back through the woods, or when his hands shook from the heat of his quirk. Everyone else could ignore it, because Bakugou was strong.
But why did he have to be strong all of the time?
Well, Midoriya supposed, peeling the now cool towel off of his eyes, now Bakugou had Kirishima looking after him. Poking the area, he determined that the swelling had gone down enough for him to continue his regular morning activities. Of course, Bakugou also had Sero, Ashido, and definitely Kaminari in his corner as friends, but it was nice to know that he had someone he felt a strong enough bond to connect intimately. Someone he could trust to run fingers through his hair or cuddle with on a heavy night.
Not to say that friends couldn’t do that, but with Bakugou? He needed a bond, a promise that whoever he opened his heart to wouldn’t leave him with open wounds.
Of course, technically that was only Midoriya’s assumption. However, it was something he felt rather strongly on, seeing as he was basically an expert on all things Bakugou, and Kirishima just had a way of making the people around him feel at ease, like they want to trust him. Maybe it was because of his honest nature. He couldn’t tell a lie to save his life, but he was serious when it came to keeping other’s secrets- that much he had learned from their internships when they both raided the Eight Princeps base.
Normally, Kirishima’s face was a patch of sunlight on a rainy day, but, as Midoriya fumbled with his tie and walked out the door, it was the last face he wanted to see… too bad fate had it out for him.
“Ah, Midoriya!” his cheerful voice was normally like bells, but now they rang hollow and deafening, “I got up early so that I could see you! I wanted to talk a bit about what we said last night…” The redhead trailed off sheepishly, scratching the back of his head as his cheeks dusted with pink.
“Well, I haven’t changed my mind, if that’s what you’re worried about…” Midoriya joked; although it would have been better if he did change his mind.
“No! That wasn’t it! I know you’re a man of your word!” he stumbled, clearly a bit embarrassed, “But you can back out if you need to…” Ruby eyes were so pouty, so big and hopeful… Midoriya couldn’t help but see his reflection in them, “I was just thinking that we could start as soon as possible.”
Ah… Of course…
“I’m just going down to wash my face, but you can join me?” the forest haired Hero offered, even if his head was yelling ‘please say no,’ over and over again, “But we’ll have to be quick because Kacchan likes to get to class early.”
“Yeah, dude, no problem” Kirishima brightened instantly; it made Midoriya want to vomit. He could feel his throat close up as tears threatened to prick his eyes if he let his guard down in the slightest. As if to hammer the nail into the coffin, Kirishima spoke up again, this time more quiet and hesitant, “I, uh, thought of a few ideas… that I kind of wanted to run by you- if that’s okay.”
“That’s a great idea!” Midoriya cheered, pumping his fists up in the air- it was a lie; he was lying, “It’ll be better if they come from you, anyways- you know, since you can always rely on me.” His lips smiled, but his brain screamed ‘I don’t want you to rely on me.’ He felt awful, but he truly, deeply didn’t want to see them happy. He didn’t want to hear about it. He wanted to run into the sunset and never look back, but he couldn’t do that… they were friends.
Kirishima, ever unfazed, opened the door for Midoriya, looking around the bathroom just to make sure that no one was accidentally listening, “So, uh, I mean at first I wanted to buy something for him!”- a part of Midoriya scoffed, knowing how bad of an idea that was, -”But, uh, you know… he’s not really one for stuff like that, right? I mean, he paid me back for my night vision goggles even though I didn’t even buy them for him! Actually, uh, you know I did. I did buy them for him, but he doesn’t really know that…”
Sour.
Bile rose in Midoriya’s throat as Kirishima kept speaking. The little, vile part of him that felt superior died like a vampire walking out into the sunlight: burning to ash violently. It felt bad when Kirishima didn’t know Bakugou well, but something about knowing that he did- it almost hurt worse.
“Instead, I was going to try and bake him something!” the redhead cheered, before leaning forward incredibly close. Midoriya’s heart skipped a beat as some deep part of him wanted Kirishima to- he didn’t really know? But he wanted that affection, wanted to lean into it as the redhead brushed his cheek.
Still, before he could even react, the hardening Hero all but jolted back up, holding the finger that brushed Midoriya’s cheek out, “You missed a spot!” he cheered. As if nothing, he just wiped his hand on his pant leg and leaned back nonchalantly.
Infuriating.
“Ah! Thank you!” Midoriya smiled nonetheless. He had years of training, of hiding his emotions; usually, they were easier, seeing as he just convinced himself he wasn’t feeling them, but he couldn’t do that with this. Much like Bakugou had, the forest haired Hero pushed his own feelings so far down that he just told himself he wasn’t feeling them.
He wasn’t in love with Bakugou. He just admired him as a Hero.
He did genuinely want to be a Hero, so, of course, he believed in himself! He knew he could accomplish his dreams if he tried.
If he worked harder, he would no longer be the “Deku” of the past. It was doable, and he would prove that!
He wasn’t upset that no one believed in him! All he had to do was prove them wrong, right?
“But Kacchan doesn’t like sweets-” that ugly feeling of his twisted its grotesque head, looming over him as it tightened its grasp on his chest. He didn’t want Kirishima to falter- he really didn’t! Still, he kind of did. Even if Kirishima’s taken aback face made him want to curl into himself, it made him hurt as well: he couldn’t help but want that itch of satisfaction.
Kirishima just smiled, flexing- both verbally and physically flexing. He put both of his biceps up with a grin, “Yeah! I don’t really like sweets either, so that makes two of us!”
Midoriya liked sweets. He loved them, actually. Maybe he would get himself something sweet to force down the sour feeling in his throat; he really couldn’t win, huh? They were just so much better of a match that he had to accept defeat, didn’t he?
“I was going to use my protein powders and stuff to make him some healthy snacks. Does he like bittersweet better? Oh! Or cinnamon?” getting caught up in his own world, Kirishima gave the forest haired boy enough time to relax his face; his true feelings seeping out for the moment as the redhead went on, “I could try to make spicy options, but I don’t know if that would work… maybe I should just stick with healthy options?”
“Kacchan likes healthy. He also likes cinnamon.” The words left his mouth without thinking. “He’s okay with bittersweet, but it’s not his favorite. He’s not a big fan of spicy treats- he prefers dishes or hard snacks.”
Salt hit the wound as Kirishima all but leaped forward, grabbing Midoriya’s hands, “Thanks, bro! I knew I could count on you!”
Pride made his heart swell, but, of course, the thorns around his heart tightened, choking him out. Still, the forest haired boy was nothing if not, well, fake. He smiled widely, “It’s really nothing! I’m sure you could have figured that out on your own,” he swallowed thickly, hoping Kirishima didn’t notice the way his expression was strained, “I just know because I’ve known him for so long.”
If only Kirishima could just accept the way he dismissed the topic. The redhead, thankfully, let go of Midoriya’s hands, instead scratching the back of his head, “Yeah, maybe. I was just going to go with the healthy options to be safe, but still! It’s really cool that you know all that!”
Lost in his own world, he even added, “Wa~ah, I’m almost jealous.”
Midoriya wanted to vomit.
“We need to get ready for class.” He spoke much more harshly than he meant to, world spinning as he turned around to avoid facing Kirishima, “Ah, sorry! I just remembered I forgot to do a question on the homework!” he lied. Even the naturally airy redhead caught on to that change, flinching- Midoriya saw it from the mirror out of the corner of his eye.
Dizzy. He felt dizzy- even moreso when Kirishima laughed awkwardly, “Yeah, man, I uh- I’m sorry to have kept you… See you in class!” He brightened by the end of it, but it was clear that he knew he made a mistake. The forest haired Hero really didn’t have a choice but to turn around, lying through his teeth, “Not at all! I’m happy to help. It’s great that you’re looking out for Kacchan! I just don’t want to get any points docked off. See you in class!”
He couldn’t cry. Not again.