Chapter Text
"Shii-chan! Shii-chan! I'm hooome~!" Shizuku chanted her sister's name as she entered their residence, waving around a little bag of instant noodles and ramen she had picked up from a nearby convenience store. "I have dinner, too~! Let's eat together at the table!"
Shiho looked up from her normal spot on the couch, her bass faithfully in hand. At the mention of food, the middle-schooler's gaze sparkled a bit, agreement quick to leave her tongue. "Okay. I'll get the stove rea— wait, is that instant ramen?"
"Mhm! I've never had it before, so I thought it'd be yummy to eat together!"
Shiho let out a chuckle as she took the bag from Shizuku, "Sure, nee-chan. You get changed, and I'll make the food."
"Okaaay!"
It didn't take long for Shizuku to get changed, but by the time she'd come down, dinner was already made. Shiho must be getting very experienced in making food, since their parents were coming home later and later— it was usually the sisters who ate together, now, though some of Shiho's friends would join them on occasion.
"Shii-chan, how are your friends?" Shizuku smiled, blowing to ensure her tongue wouldn't get burned.
Shiho paused, her gaze narrowing in thought— Shizuku blinked at the silence coming from her sister; strange, shouldn't it be an easy answer? Shizuku knew the girls were close; they occasionally came over for dinner, and they often went to the park together.
"Shizuku... promise me you won't let yourself get hurt."
The elder Hinomori blinked, at a loss of what to say due to the sudden change of topics. She opened her mouth once, closed it, and repeated this twice before she finally found words to say. "Shii-chan... what do you mean by that?"
"I mean that soulmates aren't all everything they're cracked up to be," Shiho snapped, raw hurt thickening her voice; it made Shizuku's heart twist painfully within the confines of her lungs. "So don't let yourself get wrapped up in all that stupid mumbo-jumbo, because it's not always real."
Shizuku had nothing to reply to that, instead standing up and crossing the room. Wordlessly, she wrapped her little sister into a hug; maybe... maybe if she kept her close to her heart, the bond that had been so painfully severed would be eased. Maybe Shiho would be inclined to keeping her heart opened to the people dearest to her— but these were all just maybe's. Only time would tell what path Shiho would set herself down...
As she looked at the little red string tied to her pinky, Shizuku couldn't help the little pool of dread that formed in the pit of her stomach— if soulmates were destined to meet, then why was she suddenly dreading to meet hers?
"Good job at practice today, girls!"
"Remember, next week is our next big show, so keep yourselves in check!"
All members of Cheerful*Days gave their happy confirmation of the praise, and after quick a run-down of their schedule from their managers, they were dismissed to the locker-room to change. Shizuku, however, was pulled aside from the other three; she ignored the icy looks they cast her way as they were all but forced out of the room.
"Shizuku, remember, you can't let another mishap like last week happen again," their manager set their expression into a stern scowl, placing a hand on Shizuku's shoulder to really drive the message home. "You're lucky that the media brushed it off so quickly."
"Yeah, it's a miracle Haruka retired so suddenly," the assistant manager let out a sigh, before chuckling a bit. "Who would've thought that your greatest rival would've been our greatest savior?"
Shizuku resisted the urge to rebut her managers' words; Haruka's retirement was anything but great. Without her, the media would focus on all the other big idols, including Shizuku— that was a terrifying thought in of itself. But Haruka's retirement was also a reason for Shizuku to mourn; she considered the leader of ASRUN a friend— but perhaps 'friendly rival' was a better term. She wasn't naïve— she saw how Haruka glittered with jealously alongside all the others, hoping that one day she too could surpass the 'effortless' beauty and grace that Shizuku radiated... but unlike the others, Haruka could be kind when they were outside any idol buildings. On occasion, they even got lunch together— in disguise, of course, to avoid a media scandal.
But now she was gone. Shizuku supposed it was inevitable, given that the newest member of ASRUN had been forcefully retired due to overexertion... even thought overworking oneself was a common way to get booted out of the industry, Haruka must've felt some sort of guilt in allowing such a thing to happen. She had a big-sister sort of trait, feeling responsible for those younger or less experienced than her. Shizuku remembered fondly how Haruka had gone out of her way to offer support in their first collaborative album, even though Shizuku debuted only a little bit after her; for that, Shizuku was eternally grateful— her feelings didn't falter, even as word of her retirement dominated the headlines.
(It was the same with Airi, after all.)
"You can go get changed now, Shizuku." the manager of Cheerful*Days smiled at the girl, motioning for her to leave.
Shizuku managed a dull nod, turning to leave after she grabbed her bag; she found that her feet autopiloted her down the hall towards the locker room, which was pretty useful, given that she could let herself get completely lost in the marsh of her thoughts— but she came back to herself as her teammates' voices flowed to her ears. They were gossiping about her in the locker-room again... Shizuku didn't even know why she bothered to be surprised anymore. This was practically their daily routine, now.
She sighed, setting her bag down as she slid down the wall. Her bum met the cold tile, and for a moment Shizuku was tempted to just lie down right there and take a nap. Honestly, anything was better than having the others' gossip slither through her ears and crawl over her skin...
"They probably pulled her back to give her an extra treat..."
"Hmph. Aren't we just as deserving of such things?"
"Not in the managers' eyes..."
"Why can't they see we work twice as hard, only to get half as far?"
"I know, it's so unfair..."
"She hasn't even found out who her soulmate is."
Shizuku wondered; could they even be considered her teammates if they gossiped about her behind her back every chance they got? Besides, Himari couldn't talk to her without involuntarily sneering, Yui wouldn't even make eye contact with her, and Sara always gave her the cold shoulder... before, they used to be at least a little sheepish whenever Shizuku walked in on their conversations, but that behavior had faded as of late. Now, they'd just glare at her whenever she was in a ten-meter radius of them...
Although, they were partially right; she hadn't discovered who her destined partner was— it was the secret she'd let slip at the interview her managers were scolding her about. When answering questions about whether or not they had found their soulmates yet, the other girls had all confirmed their status as 'taken'. Shizuku had instantly answered with the truth ("Ahh, no, I unfortunately haven't found my partner yet."), which nearly caused a media scandal— Haruka's sudden retirement had saved her the hassle, though.
Shizuku glanced down at the little red string tied to her pinky; it could lead anywhere in the world... how could she even know if the person on the other side of it was within walking distance? How could she know they were a good person? If they even wanted an idol like her to be their partner? Someone who was uncertain on whether or not she should be in this group anymore?
There she was, going off on a tangent again— there was no use in trying to wait the others out. All that would accomplish would be her drowning in the marsh of her worries; she'd change in the restroom's handicap stall, and then walk around town before returning home. Maybe she'd meet someone she knew, and the afternoon would turn pleasant; anything was better than staying to hear all the awful things the others had to say about her.
It turned out that fate had good plans in mind for Shizuku, since she was discovered wandering about near-aimlessly by Momoi Airi, someone she considered a true friend. They had been in the same agency when they both worked as idols, but Airi quit after her managers began projecting her as a TV personality; still, she had been kind to Shizuku when the latter had first debuted, and they were in the same class at Miyamasuzaka, so they really didn't have any reason to not be friends.
Airi was someone Shizuku looked up to, as well. She was so determined and straightforward, unlike herself, who was more of a fish swimming with the current.
The two, as classmates, chatted about their latest assignments for a short while, and ended up grabbing an outside table at a nearby restaurant after Shizuku's appetite made itself known. She hadn't eaten since before practice, after all... as such, they ordered while chatting about nothing in particular. It was like they were normal high school students for a moment— but it was only a matter of time before their conversation diverted to idol news... more specifically, Haruka’s sudden retirement.
"It sucks how she decided to retire," Airi hummed. A nearby billboard was alight with a video of her Haruka’s concert, casting a shadow over their conversation. "It’s like there’s going to be a giant hole where she used to be."
Shizuku nodded in agreement. "It’ll certainly be strange working without her in the future."
"Mm." Airi's gaze turned downtrodden. "I wonder... did Haruka's agency pressure her too? Maybe to make up for Mai's absence? You and I both know it's not out of the question for them to do such a thing."
"Yes, but Haruka was the center of ASRUN," Shizuku frowned; something wasn't adding up, "Would they really do something so risky?"
Airi sighed; it was clear she wasn't convinced— Shizuku wasn't either. Haruka's retirement was sudden and jarring, and while it may have been Shizuku's savior from a media scandal, her sudden disappearance would no doubt cause ripples all over the industry. It already was, if Airi and Shizuku's conversation was any indication of it. Right now, all they were doing was throwing the endless possibilities at the wall to see what would stick— there was no clear answer to her choice.
"Haruka... was an idol like no other." Airi's gaze turned wistful as she stared at the billboard projected Haruka's video. "She was known all throughout the industry as the star of ASRUN, just like you're the star of Cheerful*Days. I wish... I wish I was more like her."
"But Airi," Shizuku turned to her friend, "You're an idol in of your own right, too."
"I'm not," Airi shook her head in denial. "I'm just a TV personality. No matter how hard I tried, the agencies never saw me as an idol... and neither did the people watching me."
"That's not true!" Shizuku argued, flattening her hands on their table as she stood; she couldn't let Airi talk down about herself! She was a wonderful, wonderful person— why couldn't she see that? "You're an excellent singer! You're an idol like no other, one who can give hope—"
"Stop, Shizuku!" Airi's voice rose this time, her hands clenching into fists where they sat her lap. "You can't say that— what do you possibly know about me?!"
"I..." Shizuku hesitated. What did she know?
"You don't know anything about this industry, or all the struggles everyone else goes through!" Airi slammed her hands on the table as she shot to her feet, hurling insult after insult after insult. "Everything’s been handed to you on a silver platter! They accept you as an idol because you were born with everything you need— you've got the talent, the aura, the pretty face! All I have is a plain face, and I wasn't approved no matter how hard I try! Everyone else has to work themselves to the bone to get halfway to where you are, so don't act like you know what my struggles are!"
Everyone else has to work themselves to the bone to get halfway to where you are.
Airi’s words were... close to Yui’s— Why can't they see we work twice as hard, only to get half the results?
But... Airi couldn’t be like Yui. She couldn't be like her, or Himari or Sara— Airi was good. Airi was kind and confident and wonderful— but, if she were so good, then why did her words cut like a knife? Why did it feel like Shizuku was in the locker room with her teammates' glares on her skin, their gossip in her ears?
...why couldn't she breathe?
"S-Shizuku?" Airi, she realized, was by her side, her hand on her back; her gaze was concerned and full of guilt. "I— Shizuku, I'm sorry, I didn't mean —"
She needed to go. Airi shouldn’t have to see her like this. With a shuddering sub, she turned away, tears in her eyes as the warmth of Airi's palm slipped off her back.
"Shizuku, wait, I didn't mean..." Airi sounded genuinely regretful, but Shizuku was already on the move by the time her mind had registered. "Ah— Shizuku, wait!"
She just had to get away— it didn't matter where, she just needed to go. Even with the tears blurring her vision, her feet carried her fast and far— and she covered much more distance due to her height; but that really didn't matter. All that mattered was her getting away— away, away, away, away, away—
Away from those nasty words and too-high expectations. Away from everything— but yet, she couldn't get away from the painful betrayal she felt from Airi's cold, harsh words. Did everything they had been through not matter? How could Airi turn out to be like the rest of them? Everyone, with all their petty drama and gossip?
How could her one true friend be just like the rest?
"Found ya! The winner of this audition's grand prize, Hinomori Shizuku!"
Shizuku swallowed nervously, turning to the source of the voice. A girl, a good length shorter than her, was standing in front of her, her gaze simmering with confidence. She began going off about how they'd be rivals from here on out, but Shizuku couldn't bring herself to concentrate on her; this was all so overwhelming, but... she needed to be brave. Her friend said this would be fun, that she was the perfect match for this job— the grand prize confirmed that, right?
Yeah. That's right, she was made for this.
"Hey..."
Shizuku's attention was drawn out of her thoughts, and back to the girl in front of her. Her gaze lacked the fiery determination from earlier, now more... dull. Shizuku felt a sense of relief from that, but when she recognized the dullness as a glint of pity, tears instantly formed. Was she really that pathetic?
"Hey, why do you look like you're about to cry?"
The genuine concern in her tone almost made Shizuku break down then and there, but somehow she managed to hold it in. Still, she couldn't quite stop the quivering in her voice as she spoke, "It's just... I'm very scared. My friend submitted an application form without me knowing, so that's why I came to this audition."
"Oh," was the only response that came from the girl— her name was Momoi, right?
Shizuku couldn't even remember. But still, she was the first person here who hadn't treated her like an adversary or client, so Shizuku couldn't bring herself to stop confiding in this girl. "And then I ended up winning the grand prize, so people probably have high hopes for me... but I'm not experienced in dancing or singing like everyone else. I'm afraid... I'm afraid I might drag them down."
Momoi chuckled, offering a well-meaning smile, "I heard you were super pretty, so I was ready to face someone of that caliber..."
Shizuku flinched, feeling more tears bubble up in her gaze; did Momoi think of her as a flawless pretty girl, too?
"...stand up straight!" Momoi's sudden exclamation caused Shizuku to flinch again. "You're an idol now, so don't be timid!"
"But..." Shizuku blinked, too shocked to feel shaken at the girl's loud voice— wasn't it even louder than before?
"Listen," Momoi smiled at her, "An idol is someone who gives hope to their fans."
"Hope?" The concept of hope wasn't foreign to her by any means. But what did hope have to do with idol work?
Momoi nodded, seemingly invigorated by Shizuku's response, "When we work hard, we make our fans think, 'let's also do our best tomorrow!'. It's not about looks or talent; it's all about having a positive heart that says, 'I'm gonna give everyone hope!'. No matter how worrying or tough it'll be, you have to look straight ahead!"
Shizuku blinked, a couple tears finally bubbling over at the girl's words. Idols and hope? It made sense now that she was thinking about it. Whenever she attended concerts with her friends, there was always some sort of warmth that formed in her chest while watching those girls dance around on stage; was it hope she was feeling? Hope for tomorrow, hope for herself?
"Here!" Momoi handed her a towel, smiling; did her smile ever falter? "Wipe your face. You have a pretty one, so use it for a smile."
Shizuku accepted the towel, offering her thanks. It was soft and cool, like a caring mother. Reassurance flowed into her, gentle as a morning stream.
"Let's do our best as idol singers!" Momoi's smile widened to a grin, "You won't beat me, Shizuku!"
Were they on first name basis? Shizuku looked up from the towel, surprise shaping her features. But her surprise just as quickly morphed to happy acceptance; this girl, Airi, was charming, that was for sure. All she could do right now was hope to surpass her one day, as an idol equal to her ability!
"Okay," Shizuku replied, a smile of her own— the first genuine one she'd sported since the audition's start— shaping her features, "Thank you, Airi!"
If it's not about looks or talent, then why did Airi say all those things? What could she have possibly meant? It was her words that managed to get her this far, in spite of all her teammates' glares and gossip. As long as she had one person— one true friend— in her corner, Shizuku could push through. She could deal with gossip and scandals, high expectations and disappointment all the same, if just one person was supporting her; but now that her one person was gone, it was just too hard.
Perhaps, if somehow her soulmate made their way into her life, she'd be able to keep going. Her red string was more like a red blur right now, with the tears in her gaze, but it was on her pinky all the same. If she could—
Suddenly, she met the ground in a harsh slip, and a bitter, metallic taste exploded in her mouth as he jaw met pavement. As she sat up, Shizuku realized it had started raining some time after she'd left the restaurant. It was coming down harder with each passing second, but she really couldn't bring herself to care. I t was like the sky was crying alongside her; it was like they were both fed up with all the gossip and pressure— it was like they both knew it was just too hard for a single, soulmateless person to bare on their own.
With trembling hands, knelt on the street of some back alleyway, Shizuku pulled out her phone and dialed her manager's number.
"Shizuku...? What are you calling for this late?"
Shizuku choked back a sob, though she doubted she'd need to worry about her getting heard over the rain. "There's... something I've been thinking of, for a while now. It's regarding my career as an idol..."