Chapter Text
12 years ago
Xiao Zhan at age 26 has already established himself as a great actor. He has also made himself as someone who is great at tuning out the bickering between his manager, Xuan Lu and his agent, Yubin.
He just finished working and he doesn’t have any energy to join their conversation about some party that they are forcing him to attend again . Something about making connections and how important it is, especially on how Xiao Zhan’s career suffered last year because of something that has been kept under the wraps yet at the same time considered as the not-so-secret secret of the entertainment industry.
Last year, Xiao Zhan was the talk of the town for all the bad reasons. This year, Wang Yibo, a rising rookie actor was the talk of the town for all the good reasons. He is also one of the guests of the party that Xuan Lu has been nagging him about for the last 5 hours.
“Zhan Zhan,” Xuan Lu called out to him as he slowly succumbed himself to sleep at the back of the car. “Are you even listening?”
“You know he’s not listening, why are you even asking him?” Yubin asked before mouthing ‘I got you’ to Xiao Zhan who just shook his head to get rid of the sleepiness.
“Lulu, I told you that I don’t want to attend those parties.”
“And I told you that there are some parties that you have to attend and this is one of them,” Xuan Lu exasperated. “You need to make friends in the industry,” she continued as he looked at Xiao Zhan through the rear view mirror.
“You mean I need to make connections in the industry and you know what happened with that,” Xiao Zhan replied, making Xuan Lu stiffen.
“The three of us promised not to talk about it again,” Yubin started, hoping that he would distract the two of them from remembering how much of an endless nightmare last year was. Fans boycotted him. Brands dropping Xiao Zhan from left and right. Projects that never pushed through because no one wanted to be associated with Xiao Zhan last year. No one wants to be seen with the person who crashed at rock bottom.
Yet here he was, climbing back to the top and suddenly everyone wanted to be his friend again. That’s why Xiao Zhan made it clear that he wouldn’t have any friends in the industry. Not one when they only want to be his friend when he’s at the top and leave him as he crashes to rock bottom.
The journey to the top is ruthless, lonely, and exhausting. The view is great, Xiao Zhan can attest to it but it’s lonely. He has become accustomed to the loneliness already that he doesn’t mind being alone, to be casted as an outsider in an industry that would always want to get a piece of him.
Being alone is better than surrounding yourself with people who would jump ship the moment they realized it is sinking. Leaving him when he finally has no use for them. That’s why he earned the title of lonely king. The one at the top but always by himself.
That’s why Xuan Lu has been trying to change Xiao Zhan’s image to other actors. To make it look like that he isn’t really this lonesome wolf that they have to fear but someone they can approach. But everyone kept their distance. Just like how people would admire the most beautiful rose but never pick it up because of its thorns.
“Xiao Zhan… You have to go,” Xuan Lu repeated for who knows how many times already and Xiao Zhan knew that there’s no way out of this argument. It seems like this party was very important that Xuan Lu wouldn’t allow him to go home and sleep.
“How long do I have to stay?” the actor surrendered making his manager grinned triumphantly as Yubin rolled his eyes.
“Just long enough that they can remember you,” and he can hear Yubin scoffing beside him.
Because Xiao Zhan didn’t have to stay that long. If one person caught sight of him, it would spread like wildfire and everyone would know he attended the party. He doesn’t even need to search for people for they would come to him. No need to introduce himself when everyone practically knows who he is. Imagine having people cut off your introduction because they already knew who you are. That’s how it is for Xiao Zhan.
A face that needs no introduction.
—
The moment Xiao Zhan entered the party with his fine tailored suit, all attention was suddenly on to him. Directors and producers immediately made their way to the 26 year old actor and he hasn’t even taken 5 steps ever since he arrived.
“Xiao Zhan,” he could hear a producer call out to him, making him politely smile in apology towards the old director who was talking about how he wishes to work with Xiao Zhan. This was how it feels to be Xiao Zhan, to be the center of attention without lifting a finger. But he hates this. Loathes it . Because he knew how temporary this situation is. He knows that he isn’t the only sun in their galaxies.
In the midst of the people who are trying, fighting for his attention, one person caught his eye. He wasn’t trying to get Xiao Zhan’s attention but he effortlessly did as he scanned the buffet looking for something to eat. Or maybe it was just Xiao Zhan’s stomach reminding him that the last time he ate was 13 hours ago. Either way, he caught Xiao Zhan’s attention.
—
“I just have to talk to Producer Liu… Go get yourself some food,” Yibo watched his manager avoid bumping into anyone as he tried to find Producer Liu, whoever that person is.
Yibo and his manager, Jackson arrived at the party a bit early. Something about the early bird catches the worm and the 20 year old actor actually thought his manager was referring to the food. Oh boy, how wrong he was because the moment they set foot to the venue, Jackson started introducing him left and right to directors and producers whose names he cannot even remember. Because he was also sure that they wouldn’t remember him. After all, he was still a rookie actor with no notable works under his belt. Someone forgettable.
To say he was disappointed was an understatement. He was tired from walking around, introducing himself over and over again that he feels like a broken tape recorder, his cheeks hurt from smiling, and to top it all off he was already starving. That’s why the moment his manager told him to go get himself some food, Yibo rushed towards the buffet. No one can come in between him and food, because who would notice the young man making a dash towards the buffet?
“He’s here.”
“He finally arrived.”
“I thought Xiao Zhan wasn’t coming,”
And Yibo halted his steps. His eyes quickly scanned the room as he tried to search for the man who managed to get everyone enthralled by him with merely breathing. He didn’t have to look for a long time because his eyes immediately gravitated towards him. Just like how people made their way towards him. Xiao Zhan was a black hole that sucked everyone towards him and Yibo wonders if he is even aware of the power he holds.
He wanted to go near him. Approach this bright star but at the same time his feet were planted to the ground. He has been a fan of Xiao Zhan ever since he watched the older actor’s first film.
It was love at first sight. Not on the romantic side, of course.
He was 11 when he first watched the 17 year old Xiao Zhan in a movie he wouldn’t pick but he found himself sitting in an uncomfortable seat in the old cinema in their town because his mother told him that they wouldn’t be watching some action packed movie when she’s the one who is paying.
His younger self was sulking, of course. Why would an 11 year old want to watch some cringe-y drama? Why would he care about lovers in a long distance relationship when he couldn’t even understand the meaning of love?
So thirty minutes through the movie with his popcorn already empty, Yibo finally saw him. The bright smile that stirred something inside of Yibo. An awakening, perhaps? Awakening for his possible love for acting. Realization that girls do not smile like that. Girls cannot light an entire room with just their smile. But Xiao Zhan did.
Perhaps it was the dimly lit cinema but seeing how Xiao Zhan smiles up close, Wang Yibo knew Xiao Zhan can outshine anyone with just his smile. He was probably the only person that Wang Yibo knows who can shine brightly despite being surrounded by other stars.
Now that he finally got the chance, Yibo doesn't know why he didn't grab it. Maybe, he was content in just admiring him from afar. Just like how people admire the stars but never have the desire to come close to it.
So close yet so fucking far.
Yibo was about to return to his journey towards the buffet but the star reeled him back again. Like a black hole pulling everything that comes close to it. Because he saw it, how tiredness was slowly seeping out of Xiao Zhan as he tried to mask it with another polite smile. How his back would slouch for a few seconds before straightening once again when a new wave of people approached him. And he noticed it. How people wanted Xiao Zhan but never listened to him.
He saw how the older actor stopped himself from talking because the person he was listening to never stopped. Yibo felt it, the tug in his heart, heard the voice inside of his head to approach him. He was about to take a step towards Xiao Zhan direction when he's suddenly reminded of who he is.
How can a rookie actor get the attention of the unreachable Xiao Zhan?
Yibo would've known the answer if he didn't turn his back and walk towards the buffet. He would've known what it would feel like to have Xiao Zhan's undivided attention if he wasn't fussing over which type of dumpling to eat.
Because in a room full of stars, Xiao Zhan chose to look at Wang Yibo who didn't have to do anything. Xiao Zhan looked at him and he didn't even know. Just like how the stars at night are oblivious to the people looking, admiring them despite the distance.
If only Yibo looked at Xiao Zhan again, he would realize that he became the black hole of Xiao Zhan's life.
---
Xiao Zhan knew that he did what Xuan Lu asked him to do. Make everyone remember him tonight. Well, most of them.
Because the moment he was finally free from some producer whose name he doesn't even bother remembering, Xiao Zhan saw him again when he was walking towards the buffet to finally have some food.
Wang Yibo almost choked on his dumpling when he saw Xiao Zhan from the corner of his eye and he was sure he was making a fool out of himself. His mind was reprimanding him, telling him that he shouldn’t act this way when the person he has been admiring since he was 11 was suddenly within reach. And the only thing separating them was his lack of courage to approach him.
Who was he to approach Xiao Zhan? He doesn’t have any accolades under his name, just his dumpling knowledge that Xiao Zhan should definitely try the xiao long bao they have served for tonight.
He was aware of the difference between them in both space and career. But Xiao Zhan moved closer to him and Yibo could faintly smell the perfume the older actor used for tonight that he mentally added it to the growing list of the differences between the two of them. Yibo uses perfume that smells like sage wood and sea salt while the man who was busy picking which type of dumpling to eat smells like honey and milk.
He also notices how Xiao Zhan seems so keen with the spicy delicacies on the buffet table that he knew that just by merely observing the man he has grown up to watch in films was so different from him.
The differences in the venn diagram is growing and the middle section looks like a barrier that reminds the younger actor how different they are.
He was still busy thinking about their differences such as most of his projects are action packed while Xiao Zhan plays roles that require him to show various emotions every take when he first heard him speak.
“Excuse me,”
Yibo blinked and turned to face the man who was slightly taller than him. He not-so-subtly looked around, wondering if the Xiao Zhan was talking to him. Noticing that they were only the two people who were in the buffet, Wang Yibo stepped aside so the older man could reach for the sauce.
“I’m… I’m Wang Yibo,” the younger actor introduced himself. Gone was the grace he had a while ago. He was sure how awkward his smile looked when Xiao Zhan looked at him weirdly before he reached out for the sauce.
Yibo was sure he had the wrong timing. He should’ve introduced himself when the actor before him was done getting his sauce but it seems like his mind had malfunctioned a bit and decided, screamed at him that now is the time to introduce himself. This might be your only chance.
And he took the chance, despite the possibility that Xiao Zhan would forget his name and just associate him as the buffet guy, or dumpling guy.
Wang Yibo took the chance that night and no, Xiao Zhan didn’t forget his name, would possibly never forget his name that would be engraved in his own heart for the years to come. Wang Yibo wasn’t just the buffet guy or dumpling guy in Xiao Zhan’s mind, he became angel, love, heartbreak, martyr, moon, sunset, and a lot of other things.
Throughout the years, Xiao Zhan associated a lot of things with Wang Yibo. Maybe, that is why he can’t forget him. Because he’s always everywhere despite not being there.
---
“I’m… I’m Wang Yibo,” he heard the nervousness from the voice of the man who had been hogging the buffet all to himself that night. He didn’t expect that this boy, this kid to have such a low voice that he almost spilled the sauce on the expensive suit Xuan Lu got him for tonight.
He looked at him, waiting for him to continue but he was left with an awkward silence. Nothing. No, “Xiao laoshi, can we please talk about this,” or “Xiao laoshi, can you put in a good word for me,”. There was nothing coming out from the younger actor’s mouth and Xiao Zhan was perplexed, caught off guard for the first time in years.
“I’m… I’m Xiao Zhan,” his name feels so foreign coming out from his mouth because he reached the point where introductions were unnecessary when it comes to him. But here he was introducing himself to a rookie actor who would’ve probably known who he is from his face but gave the chance to introduce himself. Gave him the chance to claim his name again.
Yibo smiled at Xiao Zhan and said that he forgot how much his cheeks hurt. Or maybe, this smile didn’t hurt because it was genuine, it wasn’t something forced because he had to but rather he wanted to.
“It’s nice meeting you, Xiao-laoshi,” Yibo said. He wanted to talk even more with Xiao Zhan but he saw Jackson making his way back to him already. And so throwing caution out of the wind, “I… I hope we can be friends.” he hesitantly said because who was he to offer friendship to Xiao Zhan? Friendship is all Yibo has to offer to the man he believes to have everything.
Maybe it was because he could still remember how lonely Xiao Zhan looked despite being surrounded by people. How his eyes would lose their shine every time a new person approaches him. How his shoulders would stiffen when someone pats his back, commending how good his performance was. The surprised look on his face when Yibo finally let him speak without cutting him off was what gave the younger actor the courage to ask him that question.
Because being alone and being lonely are two different things and Xiao Zhan was both of them. He was alone half the time but he was lonely all the time.
Xiao Zhan was about to respond but Jackson already called Wang Yibo, telling him they have to go because he still has an early morning shoot. Yibo looked at Xiao Zhan, unsure how to end this awkward encounter between the two of them.
“Yibo,” he heard Jackson call his name but his feet were refusing to move. The black hole refuses to let him go.
The older actor watched the young man walk away, like a comet being sucked into the black hole once again. Only this time Xiao Zhan willed himself not to be pulled into this mysterious force called Wang Yibo.