Chapter Text
I won't lie to you
I know he's just not right for you
And you can tell me if I'm off
But I see it on your face
When you say that he's the one that you want
And you're spending all your time
In this wrong situation
And anytime you want it to stop
I know I can treat you better than he can
And any girl like you deserves a gentleman
Tell me why are we wasting time
On all your wasted crying
When you should be with me instead?
I know I can treat you better
Better than he can
“Treat You Better” – Shawn Mendes
“And then, can you believe it, he had the nerve to tell me that I was being uptight.”
“Mm hm.”
“I mean, he was the one having a conniption about me hanging out with other people, with my friends. But when I ask him to lay off the video games for one night on our anniversary, suddenly I’m the over-controlling girlfriend?!”
“Mm.”
“I just don’t understand why he can’t just be a reasonable human being. I mean I’m not asking for much, but at least an acknowledgement of our anniversary would have been nice, you know?”
“Mm hm.”
“Aleksander, are you even listening to me?”
Aleksander sighed, closing his book and leaning back in the creaky uncomfortable library chair. “Yes, Alina, I’m listening. Mal’s an ass. What else do you want me to say?”
“He’s not an ass, he’s just frustrating at times, is all.”
Aleksander let out a snort, grabbing another book from the stack next to him and flipping it open, trying not to swipe through the pages too angrily.
“Now what’s your problem?” Alina sighed at him from across their study table.
“Nothing at all, Alina.”
“Clearly, there’s something.”
“Really, it’s nothing. Well at least according to you.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
Aleksander slammed the book back shut with a groan, running his hand through his hair and taking a deep breath. “Nothing. It mean’s nothing. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he gritted out, gathering his things. “I’m sorry, Alina, I gotta head out now. See you tomorrow in class.”
Alina gaped at him. “What? But I thought we were going till dinner?”
“Had something come up,” he mumbled, not meeting her eyes.
“And you’re just telling me now?”
“Just remembered. And you don’t want to piss Mal off more anyway, right? I know he doesn’t like us hanging out,” he says darkly, shrugging on his bag. Taking in her bewildered face, her petite frame barely filling the rickety chair, he let out a sigh and grasped her hand. “Sorry, Alina. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
She nodded mutely, and he booked it out of there.
The crisp late winter air hit his face as he stepped out onto campus, refreshing his senses. He relished the slight sting on his cheeks, trying to let his frustrations blow away with the breeze, tamp down his heartache as he’d been doing for over a year now. But it was getting harder and harder. Harder to listen to Alina describe how much of a douchebag Mal was. Harder to see how terribly Mal treated her. Harder to see Alina, beautiful, bright, wonderful, vivacious Alina, continuously make herself smaller around that son of a bitch.
But she would never hear a word against him. Couldn’t see what he and all their friends were trying to tell her. Because Mal had always been her blind spot, and Aleksander always just sounded like a pathetic jealous bastard the more he tried.
Maybe it was time for him to move on.
But how could he? How could he ever be around Alina, sunshine personified, and not love her? Not want to bask in her warmth, wrap himself around her small but strong frame, soak in her light and never leave?
The only way he could see himself not being in love with Alina was if he never saw her again, and even just the thought of that, of never seeing her smile again, of hearing her laugh again, sent a sharp ache through his chest that took his breath away.
He really was fucking pathetic.
So wrapped up he was in his pitiful musings, he almost didn’t hear Alina rushing up behind him.
“-ksander! Aleksander! Wait a sec, goddammit!”
He spun around, looking at her in surprise. She finished her jog up to him, breathless, shivering in her long-sleeved but thin top.
“Alina, what are you- ”
“What did you mean, before? In the library.”
“Alina, it’s freezing, where the fuck is your jacket?” he scolded, dropping his bag onto the sidewalk and shrugging out of his. She gripped his wrists as he draped it over her shoulders, preventing him from drawing back.
“Aleksander. What. Did. You. Mean?” Her dark eyes were serious, voice steely.
“I –”
“No more excuses, no avoiding the topic. Just be honest with me, for Christ’s sake. I’m sick of men brushing me off.”
“Then why are you still with him?” the words burst out of him before he could stop it, and Alina dropped her grip on him in surprise at the forcefulness behind his voice.
He stepped back, running his hands through his hair and tugging it as words started waterfalling out of his mouth. “He’s an ass, Alina. He is. And you just won’t see it, refuse to hear it. He treats you like shit, doesn’t appreciate what he has, and you deserve so much better, Alina.”
“Aleksander…”
“And it would be one thing if you actually seemed happy with him, but you don’t. You’re always stressed and on edge when he’s with you. And I get it, he doesn’t like us. But isn’t that fucked up, too? We’re your friends, and he doesn’t like a single one of us. Doesn’t that say something?”
“Aleksander—”
“I know he’s been in your life for forever, that he was the only friend you had when you were in the system, but you’re not in the system anymore, Alina. You have friends. Friends who support you and lo- care for you. And people change. I don’t care how great he was when you were kids, I don’t care that you two had some secret meadow or hideout or whatever. I just care that he doesn’t treat you well, and hasn’t for years.”
“Aleksa—”
“You could have better, Alina. You deserve better. You deserve someone who appreciates you. Someone who’ll give you flowers and hold open doors for you and won’t forget dates or anniversaries or your birthday. Who sees how bright you shine. Who understands how smart and kind and beautiful and –”
“Aleksander!” She slapped both her hands to his barely stubbled cheeks, smooshing together and jolting Aleksander out of his rant. He panted heavily against her fingers, his breath misting lightly in the cold winter air. His eyes locked on hers, and was startled to see they were teary.
She let out a sigh, and guided his head forward, leaning into him so that their foreheads touched together with a gentle thump. “…I know.”
“What?” He was distracted by her proximity. Made dizzy by the sensation of her breath hitting his lips.
“I know. I…you’re right, I had been denying it, outwardly, at least. To all of you. But internally…in my heart, I knew. Mal’s…changed. Or maybe he hasn’t, maybe I have. But we...we’re not good together anymore.”
Aleksander could only stare at her, one part of his mind bewildered at her words, the other losing itself in her dark intelligent gaze, her gentle scent, the feel of her soft fingers on his cheeks. He was wholly entrapped, and could only revel in it.
She stroked his brow, sending shivers through him that had nothing to do with the temperature. “Thank you, Aleksander. Thank you for caring so much, for seeing me. I…I think I was just having trouble with letting Mal go…letting the feelings I had for him, for so long, go. It frightened me. But I’m not afraid anymore…because I have you guys now, all our friends. Because I have you.”
She made to pull away with a smile, but he grasped her wrists, keeping her close and their gazes locked.
“Alina…I more than care for you,” he said roughly, his stomach swooping at the gamble he was about to take. “You do have me, all of me…if you’ll only give me a chance.”
He watched as her jaw dropped slightly in surprise. “It doesn’t have to be today, or next week, or months, or even years from now. But…I’m here, I’ll be waiting and you’re worth the wait, even if you in the end decide you don’t…want that…with me,” his voice dropped off as he lowered their hands, before it regained its strength and he was looking at her with as much ferocity as he could muster. “But if you do decide you want that, if you do choose me…Alina, I swear that I would be that guy. That man who’d buy you flowers, chocolates, cheesy cards, anything. Who’d open doors and pull out your chair and massage your shoulders because I know that’s where you keep your stress. I’d remember every date, every anniversary, and definitely your birthday because there is no other day in the year that is more worth celebrating. I would never take you for granted. Never forget that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t deserve you, but I would do my level-best to treat you the way you deserve.”
For what felt like an eternity, shock lingered across Alina’s face, as Aleksander’s innards twisted and turned in anxiety. He felt his hands turn clammy around hers and his throat bob as he gulped.
“Aleksander I…I need to talk to Mal.”
He tried not to let his disappointment be too obvious, as he nodded and relaxed his grip on her hands, gaze lowering to the ground. She caught them again though and squeezed, prompting him to look back up to see a shy smile on her lips and pretty blush on her cheeks that was more than just from the wind. “But after…I’ll call you? Tomorrow?”
Hope welled in him, intoxicating and heavy, and he nodded. Vigorously.
Her smile was brighter than the sun. “Great. Now walk back with me to the library? I left my stuff there and I have a feeling I’ll need you to charm the librarian to get them back.”