Chapter Text
“I don’t deserve to be here. I ruined Asahi’s entire future and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”
“Yamaguchi, stop.” Tsukki grabbed his roommate’s hand as they went back to their suite. “Stop blaming yourself.”
“Then who do I blame?”
“No one.”
Yamaguchi looked at his roommate. “But I have to blame someone.”
“Then blame me.” They stopped in front of their door. “If you have to blame someone, blame me.”
“I can’t do that! It’s not your fault!”
“It’s not yours either. I would rather you blame me than yourself.”
“It’s easier for me to blame myself.”
Tsukki held Yamaguchi’s hand against him. “I don’t like it when you do that. I’m the only one who can be mean to you.”
Yamaguchi laughed. “Wow, so reassuring.”
Tsukishima unlocked the door to their suite. “He knows you never meant to cause any harm.”
“Does he? I literally just met him today!”
Tsukki didn’t know their friendship was that new, but he was still sure that Asahi knew Yamaguchi meant well. And even if he didn’t know that, he would lie to make Yamaguchi feel better. “He knows. I promise no one could ever think badly of you.” Tsukki shut the suite door.
“Not even you?” Tsukki always made fun of Yams. It was just part of their friendship, for as long as they could remember.
“Not even me.” Tsukki touched the bridge of his nose. His face scrunched in thought. “Damn it. I don’t remember where I put my glasses.”
“Oh um… I think they fell off when we went behind the school…” It was awkward for Yamaguchi to talk about.
“Ah. No point in going after them. They’re probably broken by now. Plus I keep a spare in our room. If I can remember where I left them.” He began walking towards the room they shared.
“I’ll help you find them!” Yamaguchi skipped after him, happy for a distraction from his chaotic night.
They went into their room and shut the door, it was the early hours of the morning and they didn’t want to wake anyone. “They’re probably either in my trunk or on one of the shelves in my closet.” Tsukki was already pulling out his trunk from under his bed. “Can you check the shelves?”
“Sure!” Yamaguchi opened the closet door and pushed aside the hanging clothes to see the shelves behind them. There. Tucked in the corner were his spare glasses. As he reached for them, something caught his eye. On the shelf with the glasses was a photo. It was a polaroid of Tsukki and Kuroo. And Tsukki was… smiling? His eyes scanned the shelf. Another item layed next to the photo. He picked it up. Movie tickets? From months ago. There was writing scrawled on them.
He lifted it closer to him to read the writing. “Find them?” Tsukki’s voice startled him.
“Y-yeah!” He quickly grabbed the glasses, setting the tickets down. He turned to see Tsukki behind him. The blond reached around him and grabbed the tickets. He crumpled them and tossed them into the trash. “Wait- what are you doing?” Yamaguchi hoped he didn’t make Tsukki uncomfortable by looking at his possessions.
“I don’t need those anymore.” He took his glasses from Yamaguchi and put them on. “I don’t know why I was saving them in the first place.” He went to shut his closet door. His eyes lingered on the photo with Kuroo. It was as if he was internally debating on whether to throw it out too. But he didn’t, instead he just closed the door, shutting it inside.
“Are you sure you don’t want to keep them? It seemed like they were important!”
“It’s just movie tickets. They’ve already been used anyway.”
“But… if they were from someone special-”
Tsukki sat down. “They weren’t. Just forget you saw anything.”
They’re not? It looked like they were probably from Kuroo. Isn’t Kuroo special to Tsukki? Yamaguchi sat next to his roommate. “Look Tsukki, I know you aren't on the best terms with Kuroo-san right now, but-”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi. I don’t want your advice on my relationships. Besides, it doesn’t fucking matter, he has someone else. That second year that Hinata hangs out with.”
“Kenma? They’re together?”
“Something like that… He didn’t tell me directly, but I’ve seen them together… And they’re always together.”
“Well, you and I are always together? Maybe they’re just best friends, like us.”
Ouch . “Just like us…”
“Hmm? We are best friends, aren't we?”
“Tadashi…” Tsukki looked at the shorter man sitting next to him. “Would people who are nothing more than best friends do what we did today?”
“What we did?”
“Mhm.” Tsukki ran his fingers through Yamaguchi’s green locks. He pulled lightly. “You remember, don't you?”
I was high but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember. “I remember. I was trying to make you forget about your Kuroo problems.”
“And you did a good job… But it is a shame that our time got cut short. I wish we could have-“ His fingers gripped onto Yamaguchi’s scalp. “-finished what we started.”
“You do?” Yamaguchi’s face felt hot. What has gotten into Tsukki? Did my words really affect him that much? When I told him I’d make him forget his troubles? Did he enjoy it that much?
“I do.” He pulled Yamaguchi towards him. “What about you? Would you have liked it if we kept going?”
“Possibly…” Yamaguchi widened his eyes and looked up at Tsukki. “But there’s nothing stopping us from picking up where we left off.”
“Mmkay, where were we then?”
“If I remember correctly-“ Yamaguchi took Tsukki’s hands, guiding them onto his body. “-you had your hands on me like this… and our lips like this…” He delicately initiated a kiss.
Tsukki quickly returned the notion. “Like this?” He trailed his hand along Yamaguchi’s back, slipping beneath his shirt.
“Somethin like that…” Yamaguchi could hear his own heart beat. This isn’t like before. We’re both completely sober… yet I still want to be with him. I still like the way his lips feel against mine. I don’t get it though. Why does Tsukki want to do this with me? And why now? What’s in it for him? When he likes someone else… Why does he kiss me?
“Tadashi.” Tsukki ran his thumb along Yamaguchi’s bottom lip. “What are you thinking about?”
“Hmm? Nothing.” Yamaguchi let his lips fall open.
“Be honest with me. Something is on your mind.” His hand grazed over Yamaguchi’s freckles. So precious.
“I know I’m the one who told you to think less, and to let loose, but I can’t even take my own advice. I was to be here, in the moment, but my mind is racing. I just keep wondering: Why? Why are you kissing me? Why now? Why me? Am I just a placeholder? Are you just upset about Kuroo? My mind just keeps cycling through but I can’t find the answers.”
Tsukki was so close, the space between them was minimal. “I thought it was obvious.” He made eye contact. “When I threw those tickets away, I thought I made it clear. I don’t want Kuroo anymore. I decided to move on, it was a symbol of that.”
“Oh…” He’s over him? Then why…
“Yamaguchi… I’m kissing you, because I want to kiss you. And I mean you . Not Kuroo, not anyone else, only you. Do you understand?”
Me…? “I think so. But why is that? Why do you want to kiss me ?”
Tsukki pushed a strand of Yamaguchi’s hair behind his ear. “C’mon, you’re smart. I think you can figure it out.”
I have a guess, but if I’m wrong it would be embarrassing. I don’t want to assume how Tsukki feels about me. I just want him to say it. If I say it, he’ll want to know how I feel. And what should I say if he asks? He’s my best friend. But I’ve kissed him… I’ve wanted more. But is that okay? Is it okay to want more from my best friend? Is it okay to want him? He looked at the man who was only centimeters from him. Is it okay to want you? “Kei…” His lips found Tsukki’s once again. He didn’t know how to say everything he wanted to. All he could do was try to show it.
The sweet touch of a long time friend. What blossomed into more between the pair. “I don’t want anybody else anymore. You’re enough.”
I’m enough… and so are you. “I don’t want anyone else either… except for you. Tsukki… is it wrong to want you… as more than a friend?”
“No. That’s not wrong, not at all.” His tongue tangled with Yamaguchi’s. “It’s right. It’s… perfect.”
Perfect. Like him. Like us.
He interlaced his fingers in the silky green hair that he loved so much. “I don’t need anybody but you. You’re perfect.”
I love you.
“Stay with me for a while.”
My love for you is greater than the love of a friendship. It’s the love of two people who are meant for eachother.
Fate. Destiny. “I love you.”
My destiny.