Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Hwa-pyung kept his smile polite and just this side of vacant as the store owner looked over his paperwork. He'd sat through enough job interviews over the years to know that looking too interested was almost as bad as looking disinterested- the best option was the middle ground of a mostly empty stare with enough interest to be polite. At least it was for the sort of jobs he applied for. 

"When would you be available to start?"

Hwa-pyung snapped his attention back to the present. "As soon as you need me." He let his smile get a little less vacant and a little more friendly. "I'm hoping to get settled into the city as soon as possible."

"Mm." The store owner sifted through his documents with vague disinterest. After a moment he glanced up. "You're missing several papers."

Hwa-pyung's smile faltered slightly. "Right, of course." He rubbed the back of his neck with a small laugh. "There's a…bit of a misunderstanding regarding a few things affecting my paperwork, but I'm in the process of getting that fixed."

The store owner raised an eyebrow. "Misunderstanding?"

"I, um…" Hwa-pyung paused with an awkward laugh- six job applications and he still hadn't figured out a good way to say this. "Well, legally, I'm dead. There was an accident about a year ago, things got a bit mixed up, and I, um, got declared dead." He gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm getting it all worked out though, so it shouldn't be an issue."

The store owner watched him carefully for a moment, gaze focusing on Hwa-pyung's blind eye and the scar coming down from it. "Right." The word hung awkwardly in the air as Hwa-pyung continued to smile, doing his best to keep it from looking strained, until the owner finally sighed. "I will definitely keep your application in mind." He slipped Hwa-pyung's papers into a file and gave him a polite smile. "I'll reach out."

It was a nicer rejection than he'd gotten from other places, but Hwa-pyung knew it was probably a rejection all the same. He retired the store owner's smile as he stood, giving a small bow. "Thank you so much. Have a good day, sir."

He sighed as he stepped back out into the sidewalk outside the store, shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing back at the store. It was a convenience store that was large enough to need a stocker and unloader, but small enough to still be independent. It had seemed like a good fit on paper, but clearly not. At least not in the mind of the owner, which was ultimately what mattered. Hwa-pyung sighed- he needed to have a job lined up before he could really risk committing moving back to the city, but the job hunt wasn't going as easily as he'd hoped it would. He'd known he wasn't exactly the most attractive candidate- his work history was spotty and involved several firings, and he didn't actually have any official work for the past year. The fact that being declared legally alive was taking longer than he'd expected certainly wasn't helping either. He wasn't exactly applying to high level jobs, though. He'd spent the past year doing odd jobs and labour at local places in the village, and that seemed like the best route here, and he'd worked enough jobs like those before to know they didn't tend to attract the most upstanding of citizens. Maybe the higher end stores or the ones in nice neighborhoods did, but he wasn't applying to those. He was applying to the stores that paid mostly under the table and didn't ask about criminal history.

Hwa-pyung knew at least part of it was his scars. He'd made the mistake of leaving his sleeves rolled up at his first interview- as soon as he'd noticed the store owner's eyes drift down to the seal carved on his arm, he'd known he'd already lost the job. Wearing long sleeves at the other interviews had certainly helped, but there wasn't anything he could do about his eye. Or about the assumptions he knew people made when they saw it. 

He grabbed a coffee and found a bench in a nearby park, sitting down with a small groan. He'd taken the earliest bus into the city this morning, and the early wake up was already catching up to him. He had two more interviews today before he caught the evening bus back so it would be a busy afternoon, but he could afford a few minutes relaxing on a bench. At the very least, he'd need the caffeine from the coffee if he was going to make it through the day without flagging too much. 

He sat back and watched the flow of people through the park appreciatively. The process of getting into the city was a bit more of a pain than he'd anticipated now that he was doing it regularly, but being back was worth it. People watching had always been something he'd enjoyed, and he'd missed getting to watch the steady stream of passersby- it certainly wasn't something he'd gotten back in Gyeyangjin. And the visits hadn't been entirely fruitless either. Job hunting wasn't going great, but finding an apartment was at least going a bit better. Nothing confirmed yet, but landlords didn't care whether you were legally dead or alive, just that you paid your rent on time. Or at least the ones at the apartments he was looking at did. He supposed that probably said something about the quality of places he was looking at, but not enough to make him look elsewhere.

He barely even thought about it as he pulled the rosary out from under his shirt, fiddling with the small cross absentmindedly as the minutes passed. It had become a bit of a habit over the past year, something to keep his fingers occupied as his thoughts wandered. Maybe even a bit of a good luck charm. There was something almost comforting about the slightly dulled corners and edges of the wood. Something familiar. They'd been sharper when he'd first been pulled out of the ocean, rosary still wrapped around his hands, but months of mindless fidgeting had worn them down. Not by much, but by enough to be noticeable.

Hwa-pyung glanced down at his pocket where his phone was. He'd known Gil-young had given him Yoon's number to encourage him to reach out to him, but he hadn't. He'd pulled the number up several times, even typing out a message a time or two, but he hadn't sent any of them. He'd wanted to- he missed Yoon, the feeling only growing stronger as he got back into the routine of talking with Gil-young. Yoon hadn't exactly been much of one for conversation, but Hwa-pyung missed his quiet companionship- his calm silence, his quiet sighs, the way he frowned he was annoyed or focused. He missed those things as much as he'd missed Gil-young's angry rants and arm smacks. It was funny, really; he hadn't even realized how much he'd grown accustomed to either of them until they were gone. And now that he had Gil-young back in his life, Yoon's absence just felt that much more pointed.

It wasn't his choice to reach out, though, no matter how much he wanted to apologize. After everything, he didn't get to make that choice. Yoon did. And Hwa-pyung knew the chances of that choice being in his favour weren't high. He just had to live with that. 

He glanced down at his watch with sigh as he finished his coffee. The chance to watch the foot traffic had been nice, but it was getting close enough to his next interview that he should get moving. It was on the other side of the city and technically he could take the bus to get there faster, but the weather was nice enough that he didn't want to pass up the walk. November was nearly here and it wouldn't be long before the chill of winter started to set in, so it would be a shame to waste the nice weather while it was still here. Besides, it wasn't like he had much else to do in the meantime.

Yoon rubbed his temples, closing his eyes and sighing. He’d woken up with a pounding headache this morning and tylenol had helped a little, but not much. He hoped a second round would maybe have a bit more of an effect but even if it did, it would still be a bit before it kicked in. As it was, he supposed a headache wasn’t the worst way he could be starting the day. He could work through a headache- it wouldn’t be an enjoyable day and he doubted he was particularly pleasant to be around, but that wasn’t exactly anything new. As long as he wasn’t dealing with nausea on top of it, he was usually fine. 

After a moment he opened his eyes again and turned his attention back to the notebook on the desk in front of him. Of all the administrative tasks he’d been assigned over the past year, helping with bookkeeping was one of his least favourite. It fell in the awkward in between of required effort- dull enough to be mind numbing but complicated enough that he couldn’t quite zone out. File work and copying, for as boring as they were, almost had a meditative quality as tasks. They were simple and repetitive enough that he could do them thoughtlessly. They still weren’t exactly enjoyable tasks to do for hours at a time, but the chance to tune out the rest of the world for however long it took to finish everything was admittedly a bit nice. Bookkeeping, though, required just enough attention to force him to stay focused. Not enough to be interesting, of course, but enough to keep him from tuning everything out. There wasn't anything for it, though- it had been assigned to him, and not doing it simply wasn't an option. 

A knock on the door drew his attention back up, the noise causing his headache to spike slightly. He was greeted by Sister Josephine’s friendly smile as she opened his door slightly. “Sorry to interrupt, but Father Simon asked me to come get you. He’d like to speak with you in his office.”

Yoon nodded, trying not to sigh again. A meeting with Father Simon at some point had been almost guaranteed after the disaster that had been his disciplinary hearing, but having it right now wasn't exactly a pleasant prospect. Could have been a worse day for it though, he supposed. “Of course. I’ll be there in just a moment.”

Sister Josephine nodded and closed the door. Yoon stared at the desk for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. He’d admittedly been glad when none of the priests had pressed anything following the hearing. He’d known they’d been keeping an eye on him- mostly through Father Simon and likely the various nuns at the parish too- which had been a bit grating, but he knew full well he wouldn’t have been up to an actual conversation about what had happened. Or what was going to happen moving forward. He couldn’t avoid the conversation forever though, and he supposed he should at least be glad Father Simon had been willing to wait this long.

He hesitated outside Father Simon’s office for a moment before knocking on the door frame. “Sister Josephine said you wanted to speak with me?”

Father Simon nodded and motioned for Yoon to come in. “Close the door behind you, please.” 

Yoon nodded and closed the door quietly as he entered, taking a seat in front of Father Simon’s desk. The office was at least quiet and relatively dark, which was a small blessing; this wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation no matter what, but at least it wasn’t somewhere that would make his headache worse. If he was lucky, maybe the tylenol would even start to kick in before the meeting was over. That seemed a little too hopeful for how his days usually went, but it was still possible. 

He waited quietly as Father Simon finished going through the papers in front of him, keeping his expression as calm and unreadable as he could. Finally Father Simon sighed, moving the papers aside and looking up at Yoon more fully. “I think it’s time we finally discuss the events of your disciplinary hearing.” Yoon nodded and Father Simon paused, clearly waiting for some sort of verbal response, but Yoon stayed silent. After a moment, Father Simon sighed again. “I will be the first to commend your adherence to the probationary guidelines over the past year. You haven't always been one to follow the rules in the past but you’ve followed them closely and without complaint since returning to service, and if that were the only thing being taken into consideration I would recommend your full reinstatement without hesitation.” He paused again, watching Yoon carefully. “That isn’t the only thing being taken into consideration though, and your…manner and state of arrival to the hearing has only served to strengthen already present concerns about your well being and fitness to return to full duty.”

Yoon knew a response was expected of him and bowed his head. “My sincerest apologies, Father. I know that was unacceptable.”

“You are a priest, Matthew. As such, you are expected to live up to higher standards than the average lay individual. We are only human and no human can truly escape their vices or temptations but there is concern among the committee, including myself, that you have begun to…rely on your vices a little too heavily.” Father Simon’s voice was firm and Yoon could hear the disappointment in it. “Your state during the hearing was certainly the worst I have seen you arrive to the parish in, but it is far from first time you’ve arrived hungover.”

Yoon winced at the open acknowledgement of what exactly his state of arrival had been. The constant talking around the subject had been annoying at times, but there had at least been the veneer of plausible deniability. He kept his head down, avoiding eye contact as he felt his face grow warm. "Of course."

"I understand the past year has been hard on you, Matthew- grief is a heavy thing to carry. But this is not acceptable behaviour for a priest, and if it continues, serious thought will have to be given to whether you are still fit to serve as a member of the Church." Father Simon's tone softened somewhat. "I don't want to see you defrocked. You have a steady faith and have served the Church well, and it would be a shame to lose that." He hesitated a moment before continuing with a small sigh. "Perhaps I shouldn't tell you this, but I can't see the harm. The committee is requesting that your hearing be pushed back by another month in order to better evaluate your behaviour. I can tell you now that you will not be fully reinstated- the concerns over your mental state and your drinking are too great. If, however, there are no incidents of you coming in hungover between now and when your hearing is rescheduled, the chances of the committee deciding to extend your probation rather than laicize you will be much better." Yoon could feel Father Simon watching him intently even without looking up. "I will be reporting to them on your behaviour until then, though. And it will be an honest report."

"Of course, Father." Yoon's voice was subdued and he could feel shame burning in his face. "Thank you for informing me."

"Do you have any questions?" Yoon shook his head and Father Simon pulled the papers back in front of him. "Then I will let you get back to your work. I encourage you to be…mindful of your out of work activities for the near future."

Yoon stood with a small bow. The walk back to his own office felt agonizingly long, made bearable only by the small miracle that he didn't run into anyone on the way- the thought of having to face another one of Sister Josephine's cheerily polite smiles was more than he could handle right now. He leaned against his office door as soon as it had closed behind him, groaning quietly and pushing the heels of his palms against his eyes. Great. This was great. Absolutely fucking wonderful. It wasn't a surprise- after how everything had gone, there was no way it could be. The fact that Father Simon had thought it necessary to explicitly inform him that his behaviour was under close inspection though was bad. He'd known he was on extremely thin ice but this suggested the ice was even thinner than he'd thought, thin enough that Father Simon clearly didn't think Yoon could maintain even probationary standing without explicit direction. Which, to be fair, he probably wouldn't have. Not at his current rate anyway. 

He let himself wallow in frustrated self-pity a moment longer before sighing and walking back over to his desk. This wasn't great, but there really wasn't much he could do about it right now except for continuing to do what he had been given to do. The mental effort of bookkeeping didn't actually sound that bad anymore- it would at least keep his mind off the shame he could still sitting in his chest. By this point, he'd take whatever small victories he could. 

Several hours, a cup of coffee, and enough time for the second round of tylenol to kick in meant that Yoon's headache was at least mostly under control when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He immediately abandoned bookkeeping to pull it out- the tedium of his work had, admittedly, done a good job of distracting him, but it was also, well, tedious. By this point he was thankful for even a brief distraction. 

I should be off shift at 6 today, you maybe up to grab something to eat?

Yoon hesitated. It had already been a long day, and he doubted it was going to get much better over the next three hours- the prospect of sitting through dinner with someone wasn't exactly thrilling at the moment. It would be nice to see Gil-young though. And he supposed he could probably use the distraction. 

Sure. Just let me know where to meet you

Yoon recognized the address Gil-young sent, a small hole in the wall place near the police station. She seemed to know quite a few of those, usually tied to some story about some case she'd worked. This one was related to a local street gang, if he was remembering correctly. He sighed, slipping his phone in his pocket and turning back to the notebook on his desk- at the very least he could maybe get an entertaining story as distraction this evening. 

Even with his headache mostly gone and his attention as focused as he could get it to be, though, getting through his work took longer than he'd expected. The diocese in general had a number of expenses and even just the paperwork for the parish alone came with a complicated list of expenses and donations that he had to tally up and balance. It still managed to surprise him just how much the parish spent, and how much it brought in in donations. He'd always rolled his eyes at the dinners and banquets and events frequented by the more senior priests- they'd never quite felt like things priests should be attending- but clearly they were worth it if they were bringing in donations like these.

It was nearly quarter til by the time he pulled on his coat and closed the door to his office. He managed a polite smile in response to Sister Josephine's cheery good evening, nodding and slipping out onto the sidewalk as quickly as he could. Gil-young was already probably going to get to the restaurant before him, the last thing he needed right now was to get caught in small talk. And he definitely didn't want to run into Father Simon. He'd usually already headed out by now, but sometimes he stayed this late- the tedium of the afternoon had helped dull Yoon's shame and embarrassment from their earlier conversation but it hadn't made them go away entirely, and Yoon would be perfectly glad to avoid Father Simon for the rest of the week if he could. 

Sure enough, Gil-young was already seated when he walked into the restaurant. She raised an eyebrow as he sat down. "How is it that I managed to get here before you? Isn't timeliness one of the virtues or something?"

"It's not. And this is far closer to the station than it is to the parish." He sighed. "Finishing up work took a little longer than I anticipated too, sorry."

"It's no issue." Gil-young opened the bottle of soju that was already sitting on the table and poured a shot into the two glasses beside it, giving him a smile. "I'm just glad this worked out. Been a while since we got something to eat like this."

You're checking up because you're worried. It wasn't a hard motivation to figure out, and Yoon had no doubt that was the primary reason she'd asked if he was free. He kept his thoughts to himself, though, returning Gil-young's smile as best he could. "It's been busy recently." He accepted the glass of soju gratefully. "You're not usually off shift this early."

"There's been a bit of a lull at the station the past couple of days, which has been nice." Gil-young leaned back with a sigh. "I'm sure things will pick back up again next week though, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts."

"Several cases coming to a head, I take it?" 

"More like the captain is a pain in the ass."

Yoon sat back as Gil-young talked about the station. She and her captain seemed to butt heads at the best of times, and it seemed like now was no exception. He could feel the rest of the day settling on his shoulders but Gil-young's rant provided enough distraction to make it a little less noticeable. The soju helped too. It wasn’t enough for him to actually feel it, but it was enough to dull the edge of everything. He knew he needed to be careful, but a little to numb the day wouldn’t hurt. Let things settle a bit. It would make them easier to sit with and ignore later in the evening when it was just him with his thoughts. 

It wasn't until they'd already gotten their food that Gil-young shifted the subject. "So how've things been with you?"

Yoon shrugged, looking down at his food. "Fine."

Gil-young hummed, clearly not convinced. "How's everything been with all your disciplinary stuff?"

"It's…fine."

It was a bad lie, and Gil-young sighed. "Come on." Yoon could feel her watching him with what he was sure was an unimpressed expression. "We've already ordered and gotten our food, it's not like we'll be leaving anytime soon. You might as well just answer the question now rather than trying to avoid it for the next few minutes before you finally answer it anyway because I refuse to drop it."

Yoon paused, looking up after a moment with an accusatory look. "You planned this on purpose."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm a detective, Yoon. It's my job to make people talk. Now out with it." She motioned with her chopsticks. "You were cagey about it last time I asked too. What's going on with your hearing?"

Yoon frowned. The conversation- or at least Gil-young talking, Yoon wasn't sure he could exactly consider it a conversation- had been a good distraction, but that wouldn't exactly work if he was talking about the thing he was trying to distract himself from. Gil-young was stubborn though- she and Hwa-pyung had always shared that trait. After a moment he sighed. "It's been pushed back. The preliminary hearing happened a couple weeks back, but Father Simon informed me today that the committee wants to push the final hearing to a month from now." He paused. "It's…not looking great."

"What do you mean?"

The concern was clear in Gil-young's voice and Yoon's shoulders hunched. He'd managed to mostly shove down the lingering shame and embarrassment as the afternoon had gone on, but he could feel it pushing back through now. "Being fully reinstated isn't really an option anymore. At best, my probation will be extended, and even that's…not guaranteed right now."

He finished the soju in his glass, hoping it would maybe help push the discomfort in his chest back down, and he could feel Gil-young watching him as he refilled the glass. "You always seemed so careful about following the restrictions."

Yoon paused, keeping his gaze down. "I have been. The committee has…other concerns though."

Gil-young was quiet for a moment, her voice careful when she finally spoke again. "About how you're holding up?"

Yoon frowned down at his glass. He could feel himself getting defensive, shoulders tensing. "I'm fine."

"Yoon, don't try to lie. You're terrible at it, and we both know it." Gil-young's tone was gentle. "A lot's happened recently and you've been a bit…off with all of it. I mean, it’s to be expected obviously, but you don't seem to be handling everything very-"

"I think I know how I'm handling things better than you do," he snapped. The words came out harsher than Yoon intended and he grimaced, immediately feeling bad. Gil-young was just worried about him- he couldn't begrudge her that and, out of everyone, she was the least deserving of his frustrations. "Sorry, I just…" He sighed, finally looking back up. "I got a rather pointed talking to about this from Father Simon today, and I'm maybe still a bit…touchy about it."

Gil-young gave him a deadpan look, but there at least wasn't any anger in it. "You don't say. Just how pointed of a talking to was this?"

Yoon sighed and leaned back in his seat, taking a drink. "Very."

Gil-young nodded and made a sympathetic noise, picking up her own glass. "Those are never fun." She gave him a hopeful smile. "Still, you've put a lot of effort into following the rules and doing what you were supposed to, and that's got to count for something, right? I mean, a few weeks of being a bit off isn't great, but I don't see how that would-"

"I showed up to my initial disciplinary hearing an hour late and…extremely hungover."

Gil-young stopped, blinking in surprise. "Oh." She grimaced, taking a drink. "Okay, yeah, that's not good."

"No, it isn't." The concerns certainly hadn't started with that- worsened, yes, but not started- but he didn't see the need to get into that right now. He sighed. "The committee could technically still side with me and extend my probation, but I'm under a lot of scrutiny after what happened."

Gil-young paused, eyeing Yoon as he took another drink, and he could see her weighing her words. "You sure you should be drinking then?"

"This'll be fine." He shrugged. "A couple glasses won't have much of an effect."

She nodded slowly, still watching him carefully. Yoon looked back down; there was no judgment in Gil-young's expression, but he could feel his shame building back up all the same. After a moment, Gil-young sighed. "Have you heard from Hwa-pyung?"

Yoon wanted to be glad that she hadn't pressed the topic on his decision to drink, but this somehow felt like an even worse thing to talk about. "No."

"You know you can reach out first, right? He'll be back in the city soon- I'm sure he'd love to see you."

He gripped his glass a bit tighter- it had been a long day already, and this was the last conversation he wanted to be having after all of it. "Yeah." An edge of bitterness crept into his voice despite his efforts. "I'm sure."

"Just…" Gil-young paused. "Just think about it, that's all." Yoon didn't respond and the moment of silence between them was long enough that he knew Gil-young was debating pushing the topic more, but finally she leaned back in her chair, motioning to the bowl in front of Yoon with her chopsticks. "You know, I've never understood how you manage to eat that stuff. I like spicy food as much as the next person, but I've never gotten the appeal of jjambbong."

Yoon looked down at his food with a small shrug, grateful for the switch to a less loaded topic. "I've never minded it much, I guess. It's not that strong here either."

"I'll leave that determination to you and stick to food that won't make me feel like I'm dying, thank you very much."

That got a slight smile out of Yoon and Gil-young moved easily onto another topic. He felt bad for her sometimes when they got together; Yoon knew he wasn't great conversation. He never had been, and he knew well enough that he wasn't exactly fun to be around these days. Gil-young tried though, keeping the conversation moving even though it was mostly one sided. And Yoon tried to participate, he really did. It felt awkward though, stilted and uncomfortable as he tried to talk around the shame and discomfort that had settled back in his chest. They were at least a bit easier to ignore with the steady flow of conversation from Gil-young; still there, heavy and insistent, but a little easier to ignore.

The day started catching up with him eventually though. It was always good to see Gil-young and he appreciated her concern and checking in, but even on a good day the noise and crowd of the restaurant would have started to get to him after a while. And today hadn't exactly been a good day. He waited until there was a slight lull before sighing. "Listen, I should probably head out." He gave Gil-young a tired smile. "Thank you for this though. It was good to see you."

Gil-young glanced down at her watch. "I guess it is starting to get late." She glanced back up at him with an amused look. "You usually duck out long before now."

There was a little more warmth in Yoon's smile this time. "First time we've really gotten to see each other in a while. It was a nice distraction from everything."

"Well, if what Goh says is anything to go by, I'm very good at being a distraction. Though," Gil-young paused, "I don't think he usually means that in a good way."

They paid for their meals and headed back out onto the street, the relative quiet after the restaurant feeling nice. Yoon looked up as they made their way down the street, watching the sky as they walked. “Sounds like things will be busy at the station coming up?”

Gil-young hummer beside him. “Yeah, probably. I’m hoping it won’t last too long but,” she let out a small sigh, “who knows.” 

He looked over with what at least felt like a mostly genuine smile. “I’m glad we got to do this, then, before it all picks back up.”

“Me too.” Gil-young nudged him. “You know, I might be a bit busier, but you can still text. It’s good to hear from you outside of when I check in to make sure you haven’t died or fallen off the face of the earth.”

“Alright, point taken,” Yoon laughed quietly. “I’ll try to reach out more.”

“You’ll let me know if you need anything, yeah?”

There was still enough lightness in Gil-young’s voice to keep the atmosphere from getting heavy, but Yoon could still hear the serious undercurrent. He looked back down at the sidewalk. “I will.”

“Alright.” Gil-young nudged him again before turning as they came up on an intersection. “I’ll see you around.”

Yoon nodded. “See you around.” He headed off in the direction of his apartment, the remnants of his smile fading away as he turned. He really was glad he'd agreed to get dinner, but he could already feel the weight of the day settling back in now that it was just him. It was the sort of weight he normally would have dulled with a few more drinks, but he knew he couldn't risk that right now. The thought alone was enough to make the weight a bit heavier and the shame within it sharper, and he sighed- it was going to be a long month. 

Hwa-pyung sat nervously in the chair, checking the paperwork he'd brought with him for what felt like the thousandth time. He knew he had everything with him but he had to check all the same, just to make sure. Getting everything set had been an absolute pain so far and he didn't want to risk having to come back again simply because he'd forgotten one small thing.

He felt a bit stupid being this nervous, honestly. Police stations weren't exactly an unfamiliar setting for him- he'd ended up in this exact one as a person of interest three times during the hunt for Park Il-do alone, and it had been a similar pattern throughout most of his life after he'd left home. It was generally small things- trespassing, loitering, breaking and entering on an occasion or two. There had even been some more serious incidents, like the incident with Councilwoman Hak-ju. Tracking down Park Il-do hadn't always been the most legal of life paths, and Hwa-pyung had been perfectly fine with that. Sitting in the police station or an interrogation room had quickly stopped bothering him.

Sitting in one for administrative purposes, though, was somehow worse. Maybe it was the oddly mundane stakes. It was almost easier to distance himself from the situation when the stakes were high, when he could serve jail or even prison time. This was different though. If it didn't go well he wouldn't go to jail, but he would have trouble starting his job. The convenience store owner had come through in the end, apparently willing to look the other way about Hwa-pyung's legal standing during the hiring process, but he couldn't actually start until he was officially not dead according to the law. And if he was delayed in getting started, then his first month's rent would be due before he'd gotten his first paycheck. He could afford a single month out of pocket but it would stretch him thin, and he wanted to avoid it if at all possible. It was a small, low stakes series of consequences, and that somehow felt far more nerve wracking than any of the most serious consequences he'd faced down in police stations before.

"Yoon Hwa-pyung, right?"

Hwa-pyung glanced up, surprised to find Detective Goh standing a few feet away from him. He stood, bowing slightly- it maybe wasn't completely necessary, but nervousness had always made him polite. "Detective Goh. It's good to see you again."

The detective made a small, non-committal noise, watching Hwa-pyung carefully. "What sort of trouble did you get into this time?"

"Oh." Hwa-pyung quickly shook his head. "I'm not in trouble. For once at least, I guess. I'm just here to hopefully take care of some administrative things." He motioned awkwardly with the papers in his hand. "Turns out it's a lot more difficult to get yourself declared alive than declared dead."

"Hm. I can imagine." Detective Goh watched him for a moment. "You have all your paperwork, I'm assuming?" Hwa-pyung nodded and Goh  headed back towards the main part of the station, motioning for Hwa-pyung to follow him. "Come on, I'll get everything processed for you."

Hwa-pyung blinked, surprised. Goh was a major crimes detective- this definitely wasn't part of his regular job duties. "Oh, no, it's fine, I don't mind waiting for-"

"Never turn down an offer to be pushed through red tape a bit quicker. Take it from someone who's spent his life on the other side of said tape."

"Right. Of course." Hwa-pyung hurried after Goh, feeling awkward. He supposed Goh might just be doing him a favour since he was Gil-young's friend. They'd never interacted much- at least not under circumstances that didn't involve serious criminal charges or demonic possession- but he knew Goh treated Gil-young like a younger sister, so it certainly wasn't out of the question. He didn't exactly get the sense that was what was going on though, so he simply followed Goh silently, trying to keep his anxiety from climbing any higher than it already was. 

The silence stretched awkwardly as Goh logged into his computer. Finally he held out his hand. "Alright, I've got the forms pulled up. If you give me the paperwork and a government issued ID, I should be able to get everything entered."

Hwa-pyung handed him everything. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate this."

"Of course. You're Gil-young's friend, and she doesn't have many of those." Hwa-pyung gave a small smile that felt a little more like a grimace in response but Goh didn't seem to notice, his attention fixed on his computer screen. "She said you're moving back to the city?"

Hwa-pyung nodded. "Things have gotten a little held up with all of this, but the hope is to move next week."

Goh hummed, looking through the paperwork and typing information in on the computer. "She's quite happy you're back."

Hwa-pyung knew it could have simply been an innocent comment about him moving back, but he got the distinct feeling Goh didn't mean it as such. "I'm glad to be back too."

"She missed you. A lot."

He hesitated, knowing he might be fast approaching hot water. "It's been really great getting to see her again. I missed her too."

"Bit different, though, isn't it?" Goh's tone was casual, his attention seemingly focused on entering Hwa-pyung's information. "You didn't spend the past year thinking she was dead."

Already in hot water, then. Hwa-pyung looked down, feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to answer. Gil-young's anger was easier to deal with- he knew her, knew her reactions and knew that anger was going to be a part of it no matter what. Goh was different though. Hwa-pyung knew his anger was justified too, but he was far less sure how to handle it. 

Goh thankfully didn't press it, simply continuing to enter Hwa-pyung's information into the computer with a nonchalant silence that somehow made the situation more uncomfortable. Hwa-pyung kept his gaze fixed solidly on the edge of the desk. Just how much of his information needed to be entered? He'd assumed this would be a bit of a process- the rest of it certainly had been- but the seconds dragged on for what felt like far longer than they should have. 

“Alright, everything should be set.” Goh sighed and sat back in his chair, finally looking back at Hwa-pyung with an expression that was as casual as ever. “It’ll probably take a few days to work its way through the system, there’s not much I can do to help with that, but it’s at least in there now. If you haven’t gotten some sort of confirmation within a week, I’d suggest coming back in just to check.” 

Hwa-pyung smiled, relieved at both this whole process and this particular interaction being done. “Thank you so much.”

“It’s no issue. Like I said, you’re Gil-young’s friend.” Goh held out Hwa-pyung’s paperwork for him to grab, but he didn’t let go when Hwa-pyung went to take it back. Instead he kept his grip firm, fixing Hwa-pyung with a look that had lost all of its casualness. “I’m hoping you’ll keep in mind how much she cares about you going forward. And maybe make some better decisions.”

Hwa-pyung nodded awkwardly, wanting desperately to look away and knowing that would only make the situation worse. “I-of course.”

Goh watched him a moment longer before finally letting go of the papers, turning back to his computer like nothing had happened. “Have a good day. And good luck with the move.”

Hwa-pyung gave a hurried bow as he stood up. “Thank you again, I really appreciate it.” Goh gave a small nod and quiet hum as Hwa-pyung made his way back out to the lobby, trying not to make it obvious that he was hurrying. It wasn't until he made it back to the sidewalk outside that he finally paused, though, glancing back. The few times he'd interacted with non-possessed Goh, the detective had never come across as particularly menacing, but Hwa-pyung supposed that had only been in comparison to Gil-young and within the broader context of everything happening. He was, ultimately, a major case detective- it made sense he could be menacing if and when he needed to be. Hwa-pyung sighed and set off down the sidewalk; he'd be perfectly fine if he was never on the receiving end of an interaction like that again.

I'm officially alive again :D

Gil-young opened Hwa-pyung's text with a chuckle. It had never really occurred to her before all this that there would even be a process to have yourself undeclared dead, much less that it would be so difficult, but it made sense on both counts the more she thought about it. Accidents did happen- bodies were misidentified and people mistakenly declared dead in absentia. And where there were accidents, there also had to be ways to try and fix those accidents. There was also the risk of fraud, though; she'd heard of at least one case where someone had pretended to be a wealthy businessman who's died abroad in an attempt to claim his business assets. Making the process of reverse a legally declared death a bureaucratic nightmare wouldn't necessarily stop fraud, but it would at the very least deter the less committed. 

Unfortunately, that also made it difficult for the people who really did need their legal death reversed. Gil-young had gotten enough annoyed texts from Hwa-pyung as he'd tried to navigate the process to know that put the government's love of red tape to full use. 

Glad to know the law finally caught up! Will you be able to start your job now?

Yeah, I got confirmation that I'll be starting next Friday 

Looking forward to it?

I am to the paychecks at least

She could easily imagine Hwa-pyung's grin accompanying the text and smiled in response. 

Keep me updated on the actual moving date

Of course!

She set her phone aside, going back to the dishes she’d been washing when the text had come in. It still felt a little surreal that Hwa-pyung would be back in the city so soon. The entire situation still felt a little surreal honestly if she thought about it too hard, so she did her best not to. Hwa-pyung was back. He was alive and he was coming back to the city and she was still a bit angry with him, but it was okay. Still a bit weird, but okay.

It really would be nice to have him back in the city though. Gil-young had always preferred to spend time with people in person and after everything, she definitely preferred to see Hwa-pyung in person even more than she would have normally. It made it at least a little easier to grasp that he really was back when she could actually see him. That was hard with him out near Gyeyangjin though. It was a long enough trip that Gil-young’s schedule made it difficult to fit in, and she knew taking the bus out was both annoying and expensive for Hwa-pyung. It would be easier to get together for both of them once he’d moved. She knew better than to think that things would ever quite go back to the way they had been before, but they could at least settle into a new normal far easier when it didn’t take a nearly two hour trip to see each other. 

Hwa-pyung stood in the entryway, glancing back at the inside of the house. He needed to get going if he was going to make it to the bus stop on time, but he couldn't quite bring himself to walk out the front door just yet. It was odd how normal the house looked. All his belongings were in a backpack and two bags at his feet, and the house around him barely looked any different. He supposed that was probably a large reason why- everything he owned was in those bags. That was all it had taken. A backpack and two duffle bags, and his entire life was packed up. No wonder the house didn't look any different with him gone. 

He supposed he'd always known he'd leave one day, even if he'd never really given it much direct thought. The fisherman who'd pulled him from the water had been kind to him as he'd settled in the village, seeming to field the questions of the other villagers when Hwa-pyung had first arrived and renting him the small house at a rate that seemed to change just enough each month to mirror what he was making with odd jobs. It had been good. Fine. Enough. But it hadn't been permanent. He'd always known that, at least on some level. So what was the point in trying to leave his mark on it? The space hadn’t been his, he’d simply been in it- why bother pretending otherwise?

It still felt odd, though. An entire year, and nothing to show he’d ever been here as soon as he closed the door. The fisherman had agreed to continue bringing the packages to Hwa-pyung’s grandfather, but other than him Hwa-pyung doubted he’d be remembered long here. Maybe a few months as the odd stranger who had shown up one day, but that was it. No mark. Not on the house, not on the village, not on any of it. Just passing through, like he’d been doing his entire life. 

He sighed and picked up his bags, stepping out onto the porch. The bus left in just over a half hour- he needed to get going. The station wasn’t actually that far but it was a good 20 minute walk, and he didn’t feel like having to rush. Better to give himself a little extra time to enjoy the walk and the village one last time. He let the door close behind him, taking a deep breath as he heard it click. It was time to leave. 

Gil-young looked up at the building with uncertainty. Hwa-pyung had said his apartment wasn't exactly in a great building but this was a bit more than she'd expected. It looked like the sort of building she and Goh picked up suspects from. She frowned- now that she thought about it, they maybe had picked people up from here before. She supposed it made sense- places like this were cheap and she had no doubt the move had taken up a fair amount of whatever money Hwa-pyung might have had saved up- but still. 

The inside of the building wasn't much better. It was, she thought as she read the graffiti on the wall by the stairwell, maybe worse, actually. The lobby was dirty and dimly lit, and the stairwell even more so. The various sounds coming from the apartments as she walked up to Hwa-pyung's door- a combination of loud music and even louder arguments- certainly didn't help either. It was, all together, a thoroughly unpleasant building. 

Hwa-pyung's smile as he opened the door made the surroundings seem slightly less dingy for a moment. "You came."

"Of course I did. Told you I'd help you welcome in your new place, didn't I?" She held up the case of beer she was carrying. "Celebratory drinks and everything."

Hwa-pyung grinned and moved aside to let her in. "Good. I think I'll need them to get through the first night."

"Yeah, your building is certainly…charming." 

Hwa-pyung chuckled, closing the door. "That's one word for it. Shit-hole is probably the one I would have used, but charming works too."

"You said it, not me," Gil-young laughed. She glanced back at him as she walked into the main part of the apartment, setting the case of beer on the table. "You're definitely right though. Shit-hole is a better word."

"It's cheap though, and that's ultimately all I care about right now." Hwa-pyung grabbed a can from the case and gestured broadly. "Well, welcome to my new apartment. All 250 square feet of it."

Gil-young looked around. The space was small, barely the size of the kitchen and living room in her apartment, and had clearly seen better days. A single bulb lit it with a weak light, illuminating a table, a couple of chairs, a box, a backpack, and two duffle bags. She turned back to Hwa-pyung with a raised eyebrow. “I’m guessing you haven’t actually moved your stuff in. Not that there’s much space for it.”

“This, um,” Hwa-pyung rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward smile, “this is actually all of my stuff.” 

Gil-young stared at him. “Hwa-pyung, you don’t have any furniture.”

“Hey, I have a table. That counts for something.” He motioned back towards the box by his bags. “I got a futon too, I just haven’t put it together yet.”

Gil-young looked between him and the box. “You really don’t have anything else?”

Hwa-pyung shrugged. “The place I was staying back in Gyeyangjin already had furniture, so I didn’t need anything.”

Gil-young sighed, grabbing a beer and heading over to the box. “Well come on, then.”

Hwa-pyung frowned. “What?”

“A futon isn’t much use if it’s still in the box, so let’s get going.” She sat down on the floor, pulling apart the tape and opening the box. “Though, fair warning, I don’t have a great history with putting together furniture. I think it took me almost two hours to put together my kitchen chair, and I’m still not sure I did it correctly.”

“You really don’t have to, it’s fine, I can-”

“Please,” Gil-young scoffed. “If I leave this to you, I’ll come over in a month and it’ll still be in the box.”

Hwa-pyung rolled his eyes and held up his hands in mock surrender as he sat down. “Alright, if you insist I guess. Though, full disclosure,” he grinned at her, “I’m not great at putting together furniture either.”

It was a slow going process. Gil-young had a lot of talents, but following directions had never been one of them. The instructions for putting together the futon seemed unnecessarily complicated, expressed mostly through images that weren’t particularly easy to follow. The bits and pieces of the couch all looked the same too, at least to her. She supposed adding alcohol into the situation probably wasn't making it go any smoother either. 

It was nice, though. They were drinking shitty beer in a shitty apartment as they struggled to put together a shitty couch, and Gil-young found herself laughing more than she had in a long time. She wasn't great at putting furniture together but Hwa-pyung seemed to be even worse at it, pouring over the instructions with confused frustration that didn't seem to have any actual annoyance in it. He’d always been the quickest with a smile and a laugh out of the three of them and there was something infectious about it, Gil-young smiling almost reflexively in response to his laughter when he realized he’d screwed the couch leg on wrong or had accidentally managed to do the instructions in the wrong order. She’d missed that- Hwa-pyung’s cheerfulness had grated on her nerves at times, but she’d missed his smile and the way it managed to make everything around him just a little bit brighter. Trying to put together a couch would have been annoying on her own, but putting it together with Hwa-pyung was a comedy of errors that she couldn’t help but laugh at.

They were both several beers in by the time the couch was put together enough for them to sit on it. Not quite finished, but close enough to stop caring. Gil-young settled back against it with a huff. “You know, I’m starting to think that it wouldn’t have been laziness that kept you from putting this couch together on your own, just sheer incompetence.”

Hwa-pyung frowned back at her as he grabbed another beer from the pack on the table. “Says the girl who nearly put the arm on the wrong side of the couch. ” He shot her a well meaning glare as he wandered back over. “Twice, I might add. You almost did that twice. What’s that saying again? Something about the pot calling the kettle black?”

“Shut up.” Gil-young looked over with raised eyebrows as Hwa-pyung dropped down onto the couch beside her. “Careful, I’m not sure we put it together well enough to handle that much force.”

“Well if it collapses, I want you to know that I blame you just as much as I blame myself.”

She grinned. “That’s only fair, I guess.” She looked around the small space with a sigh. “Please promise me you’re going to get more furniture though. Like a coffee table or, you know, an actual bed.”

“A futon counts as a bed.”

“For a guest, maybe. You’re not a guest, though, you live here. Please get a real bed.”

“Come on, there isn’t much room. And who knows how long I’ll actually live here.” Hwa-pyung sighed. “I could do a coffee table though. That would be worth getting.”

Gil-young hit his arm. “You have the weirdest living space priorities of anyone I’ve ever met.” She paused, thinking for a moment. “Except maybe Yoon. I'm pretty sure he’s lived in his apartment for at least a couple years, and it still doesn’t look like an actual person lives there.”

Hwa-pyung looked down at his drink. “Yeah, I remember that.”

A bit of discomfort crept into Hwa-pyung’s posture and Gil-young glanced over at him. “Have you talked to him at all?” Hwa-pyung hesitated a moment before shaking his head, and Gil-young bit back a sigh. “Hwa-pyung…”

“You said yourself he’s hurt and angry. And rightfully so.” Hwa-pyung kept his gaze down, avoiding looking over at Gil-young. “If he doesn’t want to see me again, then that’s his choice.”

Gil-young did sigh that time. She should have seen an argument like that coming. “He does want to see you again, I can almost guarantee it. You know how stubborn he is though. You might have to be the one to reach out first, but he’ll reach back.” She paused, watching Hwa-pyung carefully. He gave a small nod but none of the discomfort had left his posture, and Gil-young knew pushing the topic wasn’t likely to get her anywhere; Yoon was stubborn but so was Hwa-pyung, and convincing him was going to be a longer process than anything she could accomplish right now. All it would do was dampen an otherwise good evening. She sighed again, leaning back against the couch and taking a drink. “You know, you should get some plants.”

Hwa-pyung finally looked back up at her. “What?”

“Plants. I think they’d liven the place up and make it a bit less sad.” She shrugged. “I have a couple back at my place, and they really add a nice atmosphere.”

Hwa-pyung raised an eyebrow. “Guess I didn’t really peg you as the gardening type.”

“Eh.” Gil-young gave another small shrug. “They’re mostly cacti and succulents, so they’re pretty hard to kill. I still managed with a couple though, before I got used to it.”

Hwa-pyung laughed quietly. “Okay, that I find a bit more believable.”

Gil-young smacked his arm lightly. “Shut up, asshole. I think being able to take care of plants is perfectly believable.”

Hwa-pyung laughed again. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He paused for a moment. “That’s actually not a half bad idea, though.” He took another drink, looking around the small space with a contemplative look. “A coffee table and some plants. That really would do a lot to brighten the place up.”

Gil-young smiled. “Despite your tendency to disregard them, I do have good ideas. Who knows- give it a few months and I might even be able to convince you to get a real bed.”

Hwa-pyung rolled his eyes, grinning. “Maybe. Let’s just start with small steps for now.”

Yoon leaned against the counter with a sigh. He hated cleaning his apartment but he knew it desperately needed it. And even if it hadn’t, it would have still been a good idea regardless. It wasn’t guaranteed that the committee would do a walkthrough of his flat, but he knew it was likely given their concerns. He doubted he’d get much warning, though. It was even possible they would come by when he wasn’t in. He’d lived in the apartment for almost three years but it wasn’t actually his- it belonged to the parish, which meant the committee would have access to keys to get inside and the legal right to enter even if he wasn’t there. It had never bothered him much before, but the thought sat oddly with him now. The space had never exactly felt like a home , but it was his space. Maybe it was the increased scrutiny or maybe it was just the knowledge of how precarious his current position was, but either way Yoon suddenly found himself unsettled by the knowledge that his living space could be invaded at any moment.

There was nothing he could do, though. Inspection of living quarters was an accepted- if rarely used- part of protocol when a priest was returning to full duties, and the committee was well within their rights to go through with it.. He might have been in a position to voice his discomfort previously, but he definitely wasn’t anymore. The most he could do was make his apartment as presentable as possible and do his best to keep it that way until a decision had been made. Easier said than done, but still doable all the same. 

He straightened back up as the restlessness in his chest started to grow again. Some nights he got back to his apartment feeling drained but other nights were like this, agitation latching onto him and digging in deeper every time he tried to stay still. They weren’t as common as the nights he felt drained, but what they lacked in frequency they made up for in unpleasantness. There had been enough to keep him busy at the parish during the day, but he’d felt it even then. He’d actually been rather glad for the busy work today- it had given him something mindless to focus on, dull enough to not require much thought but still enough to keep him moving and distracted. For as annoying as they were, days like these were actually some of his more productive days and he’d done his best to take advantage of that; he had enough days where getting things done was a much more monumental effort that he wasn’t going to risk wasting a day where he might actually get caught up on everything. It was harder now that he was home, though. There was far less to occupy his attention here, making space for the restlessness to expand and strengthen. He’d never been a particularly anxious person but this is what he imagined it must feel like- nervous tension and the insistent need to do something that didn’t seem to go away no matter what he did. 

He could guess easily enough what was causing the feeling. Gil-young had extended the invitation for him to join her at Hwa-pyung’s apartment just like she had when he’d come to the city the first time, but he’d turned it down. She’d told him when he was moving in anyways though, telling him to just let her know if he changed his mind about coming. Yoon had done his best to ignore the date as it had gotten closer but it had been looming in the back of his mind despite his efforts, and the growing restlessness had come with it. It was starting to get late now- had they finished moving in? He tried to shove the thought aside but it was just replaced by another similar thought, the line of thinking hard to avoid now that it had started.

It was strange to think that Hwa-pyung would be fully back in the city again now. The physical distance between them had been a buffer he hadn’t even noticed until suddenly it was going to be gone. Gil-young had mostly avoided pushing the topic when they talked but her gentle prodding to try and get Yoon to reach out to him had still been obvious, and he was sure it would get less gentle and more obvious now that Hwa-pyung didn’t live almost two hours away. Yoon had even considered it a few times, pulling up the contact Gil-young had entered into his phone. He’d almost deleted it at first, but that had felt…wrong. So he’d kept it, opening it a handful of times but never getting farther than that. He didn’t try to identify the emotions that curled in his chest every time he’d opened the contact, just letting them sit there unnamed until he shut his phone and pushed them back down as he went on with his day. He could feel them there now, buried under the shifting restlessness but still there all the same. It was an unpleasant combination, heavy weight mixing with jittery agitation, 

He could feel his gaze drifting towards the fridge and quickly busied himself wiping down the countertops. Anything to keep him occupied and not thinking about the bottle of soju in the fridge. He normally would have just done his best to drown the restlessness out by now, but he knew that was a bad idea. He’d managed to avoid showing up to the parish visibly hungover since Father Simon’s warning, but he knew this was a bad night to test that pattern- nights like these weren’t as common but the tension and agitation were harder to dull than the listless emptiness that he was more familiar with. It was better not to push his luck. If he kept himself busy enough for long enough maybe the feeling would fade and he could get some sleep. That was all he needed. Just a little sleep. 

He glanced back at the fridge. Still. It was starting to get late, and he needed to be at the parish early tomorrow. Even if keeping busy did eventually tire him out enough that he was able to fall asleep, he could tell easily enough that it wasn’t going to happen any time soon. And when it did happen, he’d still be left with the heaviness the restlessness was covering- there was less agitation that came with it, but that didn’t make it any easier to fall asleep with. He hesitated a moment longer before putting the cloth down with a sigh. A drink or two wouldn’t be the end of the world. 

Gil-young looked up as Goh set a large container on the desk next to her. "Sesame noodles." He shrugged as he sat down. "Da-eun made some and wanted me to bring some in for you."

Gil-young smiled, sliding the container off to the side. "Tell her I said thank you." Goh’s wife was an excellent cook in general but her sesame noodles had quickly become Gil-young's favourite, beating out anything she could get in a restaurant by a mile. 

Goh sighed. "I'm at least glad one of us is happy right now." He groaned, leaning back in his chair. "I hate being called in for overtime. And I don't even have someone bringing me in noodles to make it less miserable."

"I mean," Gil-young paused, "I suppose I could bring you noodles in, but they'll either be instant or inedible."

Goh groaned again, turning his computer on. "Why couldn't I have been stuck with a junior who knew how to cook?"

"What, and miss out on my charming demeanor and lovely personality?"

Goh grinned, smacking her arm lightly. "I think the food would make up for it."

Gil-young rolled her eyes and chuckled as she started sorting through the file in front of her. There had been a major bust earlier in the day that had resulted in multiple arrests and a whole wealth of new evidence that needed to be gone through, so it was all hands on deck until things were sorted. Gil-young didn't actually mind that much- late nights had stopped bothering her years ago, and extra bit of pay was certainly appreciated. This was shaping up to be a particularly long night though, not in the least because of the amount of grumbling and complaining she knew would be coming from her partner. 

"So did your friend ever find a place?"

She looked over, amused. "You know we're here to work, right? You can't small talk your way out of that."

Goh frowned. "I just barely sat down. Let me have a few minutes. Besides, now that you have friends, it's my duty as your senior to pry."

"You're insufferable, sir." Gil-young grinned as Goh swatted at her arm again. "Hwa-pyung moved in last week. It's a small place, but he seemed happy with it." She shrugged. "Honestly I think he's just happy to be back in the city."

"Have he and the priest talked things out yet?"

"No, not yet." She sat back with a sigh. She'd hoped that Hwa-pyung being back in the city would be enough for him and Yoon to at least talk, but no such luck yet. "I've tried nudging them, but I think they're both too stubborn to be the first to reach out." It was coming from different places- anger and hurt for Yoon, guilt for Hwa-pyung- but that didn't make it any less annoying coming from either of them. 

"Huh. Nudging doesn't really sound like your style." Goh grinned as Gil-young scoffed. He leaned back, thinking for a moment. "Did I ever tell you about the time I refused to speak to my old partner?"

Gil-young looked over, eyebrows raised. "No."

"Yeah, it was back when I was still new on the force. My partner and I got into a fight about something. I couldn't even tell you what it was anymore, just that it was stupid and we were both refusing to speak to each other." He chuckled. "The captain hadn't made rank yet but he was already unofficially in charge of the unit, and I think he was about ready to kill us both for how stubborn we were being."

Gil-young stared at him in surprise. Goh had always been so easy going and insistent on keeping the peace that it had never occurred to her that he might have had issues when he'd first joined the force. "What happened?"

"We both asked to be reassigned, but the captain wasn't having any of it. He made sure we still had to work together and, sure enough, we eventually managed to talk out whatever it was we were both so up in arms about." Goh shrugged, leaning forward to sign into his computer. "Maybe your friends just need a bit of time too. Just keep nudging them."

Gil-young paused, considering his words. After a moment her gaze drifted down to the sesame noodles, then back to Goh. "You know how much I love your wife's sesame noodles, right?"

Goh glanced over at her, frowning. "Yeah?"

Gil-young nodded. "Then you know how much I absolutely don't want to be doing this." She pulled out her phone, ignoring Goh's confused look, and pulled up Hwa-pyung's number, waiting several rings before he picked up. "Hey, are you free this evening by any chance? I was hoping you could maybe do a favour for me."

Hwa-pyung stared up at the apartment door apprehensively. The cab had driven off several minutes ago but he still hadn't managed to actually climb up the stairs, just staring from the sidewalk instead. He still remembered the last time he'd been here. His father had told him that he'd only tried to strangle Hwa-pyung because his grandfather had told him to. The story made sickening sense knowing everything he did now, but at the time it had sent him reeling. His grandfather had been the one constant in his life and that had shattered the foundation Hwa-pyung had built around him. He'd been lost and confused and hadn't known where to go, so he'd gone to Yoon. It had felt natural then. Obvious. 

Now all he felt was uncertainty. So much had changed since then. Maybe too much. Hwa-pyung wanted nothing more than to be able to go back to how things had been, but he knew the chances of that were low, if it was even possible at all. He knew better than to cling to hope like that. He glanced down at the container in his hands with a sigh; he'd agreed to do a favour though. No point in freezing out on the sidewalk any longer than completely necessary.

He knocked on the door hesitantly. Maybe Yoon wouldn't answer. It was starting to get a bit late, maybe he'd already gone to bed. After a moment though the door opened, and Hwa-pyung gave a small, almost unbearably awkward smile. "Hey."

Yoon was wearing the black clothes Hwa-pyung was used to seeing him in, but without the collar that usually went with them. Hwa-pyung saw the brief flash of surprise in his expression before it settled into something unreadable. "Hey."

"I, um…Gil-young asked me to bring this by." Hwa-pyung held out the container. "Noodles, I think. She said she wanted to bring them over for you but she's stuck working overtime and, well…yeah."

He trailed off unceremoniously, unsure what to say. Yoon seemed similarly unsure, taking the container after a beat of awkward silence. "Right. Thanks." 

Hwa-pyung nodded, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably as they fell back into silence. He felt like he should say something, but what? What was there to say after what had happened? Everything, really, but nothing he seemed to be able to find words for. "I should…I'm sure you probably have an early morning tomorrow, I don't want to-"

"Have you eaten?"

Hwa-pyung stopped, caught off guard by the question. "Sorry?"

Yoon was staring down at the ground and looked as uncomfortable as Hwa-pyung felt. "The food Gil-young brings over is usually best fresh." He gave a small shrug that almost seemed more like a jerky twitch than an actual gesture. "It'll be too much for me to eat, so you…you're welcome to join. If you haven't eaten yet."

"Oh." Hwa-pyung blinked, trying to process the unexpected offer as quickly as he could. If he took too long to answer Yoon might take it back, and he…didn’t want that. "I…yeah. That'd be nice. Thanks."

Yoon nodded and opened the door more, heading inside. Hwa-pyung followed him, mind racing desperately to try and catch up to what was happening. It felt odd stepping inside and closing the door behind him, like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to despite the invitation. And it had been that- an awkward and uncomfortable one, but still an invitation. Yoon's apartment looked just as he remembered it, impersonal and sparsely decorated. It was almost comforting to see how similar it was- so many things had changed, but not everything. Not fully. Hwa-pyung couldn't help but immediately notice the glass and open bottle of soju on the table, though, as he looked around. Yoon seemed to sense that he'd noticed, grabbing the glass and bottle as he walked over to the counter. 

Hwa-pyung stood awkwardly, halfway between the entryway and the table and not quite sure which direction to commit to. "I, um, I didn't realize Gil-young cooked. Never really struck me as something she'd do much of." Just another change I missed, I guess.

"She doesn't." Yoon set the container on the counter and opened one of the cabinets. "It's probably from Detective Goh's wife. I think she sends food for Gil-young, and sometimes Gil-young insists on giving some of it to me." He shrugged, grabbing two bowls. "She keeps saying I need to eat more." 

Hwa-pyung could see Yoon better now that they were under the kitchen light rather than on the doorstep. It was the first time he’d really had the chance to take in how Yoon looked and he couldn't exactly blame Gil-young for sending the food- Yoon had never been large, but he looked thin now. He knew full well that Gil-young had asked him to do this to try and get him and Yoon to talk, but clearly there had been genuine sentiment in sending the food too. 

The silence in the room was awkward and heavy as Yoon dished out two portions and walked back to the table, motioning for Hwa-pyung to sit. None of the awkwardness lessened as they started eating. Hwa-pyung glanced up, trying to get the sense of how welcome any attempt at conversation would be; Yoon had never really been one for small talk and Hwa-pyung didn't exactly get the sense that had changed over the past year, but he had been the one to invite Hwa-pyung in. That had to count for something. "So, how have you…been?"

Hwa-pyung tried not to grimace at how uncomfortable the question sounded, but Yoon just shrugged. "Fine." Hwa-pyung couldn't help but let his gaze wander back over to the open bottle of soju on the counter and the nearby small collection of empty green bottles by the sink, or notice how Yoon's posture hunched slightly as he noticed where Hwa-pyung was looking. "I've been getting by."

Hwa-pyung quickly looked back at his bowl. "That's…that's good. I'm glad." The silence felt worse now, somehow even more uncomfortable than before. He motioned to Yoon's clothes, trying to grasp onto some sort of conversational thread that would be a little less awkward. "Glad to see things worked out with the parish. I know they'd been mad about your methods leading up to…to everything."

"They're…still deciding, actually. I'm on probationary status."

"Oh." Great going, asshole. You're really hitting it out of the park. He stared down at the noodles in his bowl. They really were quite good, but it was hard to enjoy them with each increasingly painful attempt at conversation. Maybe it was better to just let it be awkward and then leave as soon as possible.

"How have you been?"

Hwa-pyung glanced up. Perhaps he hadn't managed to completely kill the conversation after all. "Fine, I suppose. It's…nice being back in the city. I missed it." I missed the two of you. That felt like too much to say right now though. Small steps. 

Yoon nodded, staring down at the table. A moment of silence passed before he spoke again. "I…wanted to apologize. For punching you."

Hwa-pyung looked up more fully this time, the statement catching him completely by surprise. "What?"

"It was…maybe an overreaction. I just…it was a lot. And I didn't handle it well. Sorry."

Yoon's words were halting and Hwa-pyung paused before answering, watching Yoon for a moment and finally taking him in more fully. There was a tense uncertainty in his posture and he looked tired. The sort of tired that couldn’t be attributed entirely to lack of sleep. "Well, to be fair, I kind of deserved it." That got a small chuckle. Little more than a particularly forceful exhale, but he'd take it. “You’ve got a solid right hook, not going to lie.”

“Probably not the sort of thing a priest should be proud of.”

“Maybe. Still impressive though.”

Another small almost-laugh, and a little bit of the tension in the air drifted away. Not much, but it was better than nothing. "Will you go back to being a taxi driver now that you're back in the city?"

"No, not really an option anymore." Hwa-pyung sighed and motioned to his eye. "My depth perception's messed up just enough that I don't think I could get my license back."

"Oh. Right."

A little bit of tension crept back into Yoon's shoulders, and Hwa-pyung mentally hit himself- they were only barely talking again, bringing up everything that had happened probably wasn't the best idea right now. He fumbled with the least awkward smile he could manage. "Lots of work here in the city though, so I've been able to start settling in without too much issue."

Yoon nodded, tension staying in his posture. "That's good."

They finished eating in silence. A little bit of conversation had been nice but there was enough discomfort on both their parts that the silence almost felt like a relief. It was still awkward but no more so than the stilted questions had been, and certainly less awkward than it had been when Hwa-pyung had first come inside. It was, in any case, a step in the right direction- neither of them really seemed to know where to take it from there, but he supposed they didn't have to. Not yet at least. 

He stood up from the table as Yoon brought both bowls over to the sink when they finished. "Do you have an early morning tomorrow?"

Yoon shrugged. "I guess. Nothing too bad."

Hwa-pyung pulled on his jacket. "Well, I don't want to keep you up. It's starting to get late anyways, even if you don't have an early morning." He knew he didn't have to justify heading out, but it felt better to be able to give a reason other than he felt uncomfortable staying any longer.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Yoon followed him over to the door, seeming just as unsure about how to end the interaction as Hwa-pyung was. There was an almost comforting familiarity in the awkwardness though- Yoon had always been a bit awkward, a bit distant and unsure, even if it hadn't ever been quite this strong. He still didn't look great, but he looked distinctly like him, and Hwa-pyung had missed that. "Thanks for…for stopping by."

"Of course." Hwa-pyung hesitated, hand on the doorknob. "It was good to see you. Really good, actually."

"It was good to see you too."

Yoon's voice was quiet and unsure, but it wasn't angry- Hwa-pyung would take that. "Gil-young gave you my number, right?" Yoon nodded. "Feel free to reach out whenever. If you want." He paused, uncertain if he should continue. There was no harm in a little honesty though, he supposed. "It'd be really nice to spend some more time with you. If you were okay with that."

Yoon gave another small nod, distinctly not looking at Hwa-pyung. "Have a good night."

Hwa-pyung nodded, opening the door. "Yeah, you too."

The cool night air was actually rather nice as he stepped outside, seeming to clear away some of the discomfort. Hwa-pyung paused again as he reached the sidewalk at the bottom of the stairs, glancing up at Yoon's door. That had gone…better than he'd thought it would. Not great. He wasn't sure it would ever be great. But it had been better. And that was good enough for now. 

Yoon stared at the two bowls in the sink, something heavy sitting in his chest. It was an odd feeling, one he wasn't quite sure he could name. Wasn't sure he wanted to name it. It was there, though, whether he wanted it to be or not. 

Two bowls. It shouldn't have been as odd a sight as it was, but Yoon couldn't quite bring himself to stop staring at them. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd had someone at his apartment- several months, at least. When he saw Gil-young they usually met up somewhere else, and the times she had stopped by his apartment had generally been brief; it was usually after she'd finished a shift and Yoon wasn't exactly the best conversationalist, so she rarely stayed more than a few minutes to check in. Maybe in the first few months after everything, but not recently. 

That wasn't what was driving the feeling in his chest, though- Yoon didn't have to bother trying to figure out what the feeling was to know that. He didn't know who he'd been expecting to be at the door when he'd opened it, but it hadn't been Hwa-pyung. It had taken him several seconds to process the familiar face in front of him and to try and figure out how to respond. He’d spent several weeks actively avoiding reaching out to or contacting Hwa-pyung, what exactly was he supposed to do now that he was on his doorstep? He certainly hadn’t intended to invite him in. The words had been out of his mouth as soon as Hwa-pyung had started to come up with an excuse to leave though. He hadn’t really wanted Hwa-pyung to come inside but he hadn’t really wanted him to leave either and standing awkwardly on the doorstep hadn’t really been an option, so he’d gone with the first thing that had come to his mind. 

It had been awkward. Almost unbearably uncomfortable at first. What were they supposed to say to each other? The conversation had been tense and halting, neither of them knowing how to approach the other anymore. Yoon had been able to feel the apology building in the back of his throat as soon as he’d invited Hwa-pyung in but actually getting the words out had been almost painful. He’d hoped that getting it out might bring a little relief but there had been none, just the beginnings of the heaviness he could feel in his chest now. 

He supposed that wasn’t quite right, though. There was relief, at least a little. Part of him had wanted to see Hwa-pyung, the same part of him that hadn’t deleted Hwa-pyung’s number and had occasionally pulled it up even if he’d never actually typed out a message. And that part did feel relieved. But that relief didn’t do anything to lighten the heaviness that almost seemed to root him in place in front of the sink. It simply seemed to mix in with the feeling instead, gripping him and holding him in place.

It took several minutes but he finally managed to pull himself away with a sigh. This was stupid; it was late and he was tired, and staying up any longer would just make him hate the morning even more than he already knew he would regardless. He supposed he should probably wash the dishes before turning in, but he didn’t want to risk getting stuck in place again. Better to just leave them until the morning.