Chapter Text
We once had five people living in our six person suite. Now there’s only three of us. Three rooms, three people. Daichi told me he would move into Asahi’s old room, if I wanted more space. He was being nice, but I don’t want him to. Maybe it’s selfish of me, knowing he likes me, and wanting him to stay in my room, but I can’t help it! He makes me feel safe. He makes me secure. “Daichi?”
The dark haired male was sorting through his items. “What’s up?” He glanced at the man behind him.
“I don’t want you to move into the spare room.”
“You don’t?” Daichi set down the shirt he was folding. “But wouldn’t you prefer it if you had your own room? Especially since they are not moving anyone else in here, it would just be empty. I figured you like some privacy and personal space.”
“Well, you figured wrong.” He wrapped his arms around Daichi’s chest. “I’m not letting you go.”
Daichi chuckled, though he didn’t return the hug. “I’m not really going anywhere, we’d still be suitemates. I know you’re upset about Asahi and Noya moving out, but I’m not leaving. I’ll still live here.”
“No. I don’t want to be suitemates. I want to be roommates.” He kept his cheek against Daichi’s chest.
“I’m fine with anything, but are you sure? I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately. You’ve been clingy.”
“Have not.” Ironic, denying the claim as he clung to Daichi.
“Alright then what are you doing now if it's not being clingy?”
“I’m just spending time with my favorite roommate.” He looked up at Daichi. “Let’s spend the day together!”
“I have class. Plus, we’ve spent every day together this past week.”
“And what’s wrong with that, huh?! I just want to spend time with you!”
“Kōshi…” Daichi pulled away Suga’s arms, holding his hands between the two of them. “What’s this about?”
“N- nothing! I really just like hanging out with you!”
“Sugawara. Tell me the truth.” Daichi’s gaze seared through him.
“I’m just… I just want life to slow down a bit. Like when I’m with you. When we went to that festival. When we watch movies. And when… when you hold me… time stops. I want it to stop. I want time to slow down.”
“Time slows down when you're with me?”
“Yes.” Only with you. I don’t know why.
“Suga, do you think you’ve been acting different because you’ve been scared?”
“Scared?”
“Mhm. I think you’ve been feeling like your life has been moving too fast. With graduation, and our friends, I think all the change has been weighing on you. I think you’re scared, so you're clinging to something to ground yourself.”
“And you think that thing is you?”
“I do.” Daichi was still watching him closely. “But what I don’t know is why. Why am I the one who grounds you?”
“Well…” He stepped closer. “Because I feel safe with you.” He put his hand on Daichi’s chest. “Daichi… I-”
“Suga stop.” Daichi moved Suga’s hands off him and stepped away. “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” His eyes were worried.
“You can’t do this. You can’t fucking say all this shit when you know how I feel about you.” He looked really annoyed and hurt. “You can’t tell me how great I make you feel after talking about how you’re in love with someone else! It’s not fair! I want to be there for you! I want to make you feel safe! But do you know how much it fucking hurts to hear you say all these things knowing you don’t feel the same way I do? Do you know how much that kills me inside?!”
“I- I don’t.”
“Of course you don’t! Because I’m in love with you Suga! I have been for years! And all this time I’ve supported and cared for you, and you just accept it blindly. You let me do all these things for you, knowing you don’t love me back. That’s fucked. That- that-” His voice cracked. “That hurts! My heart hurts.”
“Daichi- I’m sorry! I-”
“I don’t want your apologies! I’m not trying to overwhelm you with change, but I can’t do this anymore! I do everything a boyfriend does but without the benefit! I care for you, I spend time with you, I comfort you, but I’m still just a friend to you! I’ve tried so hard to be selfless, to not care that you don’t want me in that way, but I can’t anymore! I need to be selfish now! I need to think of myself! I don’t want to hurt anymore!”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I can’t be your makeshift partner anymore! Unless something changes, I can’t have this kind of friendship with you anymore! I can’t… I tried, for so long, but I can’t anymore.”
“Then don’t.” He smiled.
Daichi didn’t get it. “What?”
“Don’t. You said you couldn’t be my makeshift boyfriend, you can’t do everything a significant other does only without the benefit. So don’t.”
“How?”
“Be my boyfriend instead.” He grabbed Daichi’s hand. “You’re right, you already do everything a boyfriend does, you just don’t have the title. So be my boyfriend.”
“But- but you don’t like me! I’m in love with you, Suga! Real love.”
“I know! You keep saying I don’t like you like that, but I never said that! You just assumed that since I have a stupid crush on Oikawa, that I don’t like you!”
“I don’t understand… how can you like both of us?”
“Because.” His eyes sparkled. “There’s a difference, Daichi. I have a crush on Oikawa, yes.” He pushed onto his tiptoes. “But I’m in love with you. I want to be with you. ”
It was at that moment that Daichi felt time slow down too. He finally understood what Suga had been talking about. The feelings of being loved. It makes it feel like you're walking through clouds. It’s like everything stops. The clock stops ticking. The world stops spinning. It’s just you, and the one who loves you. “You… love me?”
“Yes. I do. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to make you think I didn’t want you. I love you. When I’m with you, I feel complete.” Complete. My other half.
“This is… This is all… Am I dreaming?”
Suga laughed. “You’re not dreaming! This is real!” He stepped closer. “I love you!”
“You love me…” Daichi smiled, looking up. “HE LOVES ME!!”
“Shhh.” Suga giggled, tugging at Daichi. “You don’t need to let the whole dorm know… I’d rather spend my time showing you how much I love you, than telling all our friends.”
“But we will tell our friends right? You’re okay if we’re public about our relationship?”
“Of course!” He kissed Daichi’s chin. “You are my boyfriend now, after all.”
Daichi smiled, his cheeks rosy. “Yeah, I guess I am, aren't I? I think I could get used to that. ‘Kōshi’s boyfriend.’ It fits, doesn’t it?”
“Mhm. It’s perfect.” Kiss me already. “It suits you.” Please kiss me. “I think I like being ‘Daichi’s boyfriend,’ too.”
“Good. I like it.” Can I kiss you? “Hey Suga?”
“Yes?” Kiss me.
“Since we’re dating now…” I want to kiss him. “Would it be okay if-”
Yes. He planted his lips on Daichi’s. It was perfect. It was the best kiss he’d ever had, even if it was short, and light, it was perfect, because he loved the person who did it. “I love you.”
Daichi held him as they kissed. “I love you more.”
Finally. Finally, I feel safe too.