Chapter Text
[Staff] July 8 2021, 8:20am
Baal: anyone that was in the woods last night has to clean the arts building today.
Venti: ha suckers this is my day off
Kaeya: can we hunt him for sport
Thoma: Idk seems homophobic
Venti: yeah you cant kill me im gay
Eula: I have a suggestion. We do not clean the music room.
Beidou: yesssssssss
Venti: BESTIES NO
Keqing: Y’all are too loud
Yanfei: Someones grumpy lmao
Kokomi: I am not pleased with you either
Yanfei: Since I am gay it would be homophobic to attack me I rest my case
Shenhe: What is a “gay”.
Kaeya: you forgot the slash jay gurl
Shenhe: I do not know what that means.
Ningguang: not my problem, not my problem
Lisa: so true Ningguang we should go shopping today
Yae: Let Mona and I join pls ladies
Lisa: Arts Girls Day, Yelan can come too
Lisa: and Albedo
Venti: what about me
Ningguang: no.
Beidou: you heard the woman gayboy
Shenhe: What is a Gay.
Ayato: Ei should handle this as her senior staff
Baal: i will maim you.
Shenhe: Do you need help? I am highly trained.
Hu Tao: this one scares me
Childe: can we send her back
Ganyu: Zhongli says she’s going to stay as long as we have ghosts, so it looks like she’ll be staying for a while.
Ayato: was there no other exorcists we could have gotten
Xiao: no.
Shenhe: I am one of two remaining heirs to our technique. The other is my nephew. You may know him. His name is Chongyun.
Kaeya: oh the one the femboy keeps bullying
Beidou: you just doomed him bestie
Shenhe: Point out this Femboy to me. I will make things right.
Eula: Damn.
Lisa: even eula is stunned damn
Baal: you cannot harm the campers.
Childe: what if they deserve it
Albedo: oh?
Childe: nevermind my campers are perfect
Diluc: Hoe exactly is Shenhe going to protect us from the ghosts
Shenhe: I will exorcise them. My nephew will be acting as my assistant.
Ganyu: Oh, he has to stay with his group during the day, and must be in bed by lights out!
Shenhe: It may take some time to rid these woods then.
Thoma: Are we really that haunted
Shenhe: Yes.
Childe: rip us
Yae: All the more reason for a girls day
Yelan: where are you taking me
Mona: the mall
Kaeya: dont abandon us here
Venti: at least take me
Ningguang: Beidou my love can we take the Alcor today
Beidou: as long as you dont let miko drive
Lisa: done and done lets go ladies
Ayato: so what are the rest of us doing today
Keqing: I’m supposed to be going on day hike with group b, and I was wondering if one of the sports staff could join us?
Jean: Eula is the only one that isn’t otherwise booked, so as long as she agrees, she can go with you!
Eula: A hike sounds lovely.
Ganyu: Great, I’ll warn the campers to be prepared!
Hu Tao: group a is doing football with kaeya and itto for the morning
Itto: WOOO
Kaeya: lets go
Jean: …I will stop in to observe
Kokomi: Group C is scheduled for a day on the lake. Beidou, would you agree to swimming in the morning and canoe for the afternoon?
Beidou: sounds good to me
Childe: great i love the water
Albedo: I do not trust this man with children and water
Diluc: We have a life guard this time everything should be okay
Baizhu: i’ll be on standby
Jean: Looks like we’re all set for today! Let’s make this one a good one!
Venti: penis
[Group B] July 8 2021, 10:01am
Lumine: wait are we not eating lunch with everyone else
Xingqiu: were you not listening
Lumine: i was too busy trying not to die from your gayass aura
Yun Jin: Wow they really fight over everything
Sara: You get used to it.
Gorou: I’m loving this hike though! It feels great to be outside in nature
Kazuha: I must agree, the breeze today is perfect, it carries the pleasant songs of the wilds
Xiangling: kazuha disney princess confirmed?
Xingqiu: nah hes too fruity for disney
Xinyan: Cant believe disney killed kazuha
Kazuha: I’m not dead?
Yun Jin: Sometimes I can still hear his voice
Xiao: get off your phones.
Lumine: lmao he just told us to touch grass
Chongyun: Im allergic to grass
Sara: Wait. Really?
Chongyun: Yeah if I touch grass I get a rash
Lumine: why would you go to a summer camp then
Xingqiu: hey he can do whatever he wants
Chongyun: My family wanted me to make friends
Xiangling: is he admitting to having no friends
Gorou: He does have friendless behaviour
Lumine: just like xingqiu
Chongyun: They don’t want me to turn out like my aunt
Ganyu: Oh, understandable
Xinyan: GANYU??
Xiao: no. she’s right.
Kazuha: Is she the new staff from this morning? Shenhe?
Chongyun: That’s her
Ganyu: Hold on, one second
Ganyu added 1 user to [Group B]
Eula: Chongyun. Your aunt is truly unhinged. I want to be her friend.
Lumine: what is happening
Gorou: Is this related to the commotion from last night
Xiangling: the what
Kazuha: Did you not hear the noises?
Sara: No, we play sleep music in our cabin
Ganyu: Please do not tell them about last night
Lumine: no now you have to
Eula: Last night, a handful of the staff were in the woods.
Kazuha: Ah. So it is the same as what Beidou told me.
Xingqiu: i hate that he has a quick source
Xinyan: We’re lucky kazuha isnt xingqiu
Yun Jin: Indeed
Lumine: even the new one doesn’t trust him lmao
Eula: We partook in activities. I will not say more.
Gorou: Somehow this is probably worse than just telling us
Xingqiu: forest orgy
Kazuha: No.
Chongyun: What is that
Sara: No. You don’t want to know.
Ganyu: Why are you all like this?
Xiao: its just xingqiu.
Ganyu: …Yeah,
Xingqiu: you all know im right
Eula: You are wrong.
Lumine: HA
Eula: We gossiped and had snacks. Then, Shenhe appeared and attacked Childe.
Sara: That’s the ginger one right
Xiao: yes.
Lumine: based
Kazuha: Truly
Chongyun: She probably thought he was a ghost or a spirit
Yun Jin: How would an exorcist make that kind of mistake?
Chongyun: I thought he was one too, his aura is awful
Ganyu: Huh, how about that.
Eula: Permission to send him a screen capture of this conversation?
Xingqiu: send us his reaction
[Chucklefucks Unite] July 8 2021, 10:56am
Eula: Childe.
Kaeya: whats happening
Venti: oh?
Eula: Ajax Childe Tartaglia.
Childe: ye wassup
Eula sent a photo to [Chucklefucks Unite]
Beidou: LMAOOOOO
Ayato: group b for best group
Hu Tao: why arent my campers this great
Childe: WHAT
Childe: GRRRRR
Itto: is he a furry
Beidou: bet his fursona is a wolf
Rosaria: basic bitch
Childe: I DONT HAVE A FURSONA
Venti: yeah he doesnt have a fursona guys the wolf is who he is inside
Eula: Screenshotted. Sending to group b.
Childe: I HATE YOU ALL
[Group A!!] July 8 2021, 2:22pm
Barbara: Why are we watching this.
Amber: how could you have a problem with this
Aether: yeah this is great
Barbara: This is a series of PSAs meant for children! Most of these aren’t even about health, this one is about sexting!
Hu Tao: trust the process
Aether: yeah now i know not to ask for nudes
Sucrose: or to send them
Barbara: You should have known that already!
Shinobu: are you assuming
Amber: gasp Barbs how dare you
Ayaka: Okay, but I believe Barbara has a point.
Sucrose: boo
Ayaka: Why are we watching so many in one sitting?
Thoma: If Itto thinks we should watch them all now then well watch them all now
Barbara: And you trust his opinion?
Aether: oooh shade from barb today
Razor: Mean
Amber: im gonna show itto
Hu Tao: wait he might actually cry
Sucrose: thats just another reason to do it
Aether: oh wow he’s actually crying
Barbara: Why would you show him?
Hu Tao: actions have consequences
Barbara: He’s going to tell Jean, how am I supposed to explain this to her?
Aether: in a true way
Fischl: The truth is always the right path to take! -B
Thoma: He wont tell jean hes scared of her
Barbara: Why is he replaying the last one
Aether: this one is funny thats why
Sucrose: i sAw yOuR WilLy
Amber: why is this one so funny
Razor: willy
Hu Tao: now youll all be extra safe from online predators
Aether: yesss hes playing it again
Ayaka: I preferred the one with the tea.
Amber: YEAH
Thoma: Maybe if barbara apologizes hell play it again
Noelle: Please Barbara?
Barbara: You too??
Noelle: That one was good!
Amber: YESSS THE TEA
Hu Tao: i fucking love this
Shinobu: best video ever
Barbara: Why am I here?
[Staff] July 8 2021, 3:09pm
Lisa: how are things at camp
Hu Tao: barbara has gotten depression
Lisa: huh how about that
Jean: What.
Thoma: We have a block with itto
Albedo: that explains it
Kaeya: wait hes not actually doing it is he
Venti: noooo did he not realize it was a joke
Baal: what did you do.
Hu Tao: hes playing random psas its amazing
Jean: Why? What happened to teaching the campers about being in good health?
Beidou: he asked kaeya and venti about ideas and actually listened
Venti: we said slash jay
Keqing: And you assumed he knew what that meant?
Kaeya: yes
Rosaria: how do you still have service
Eula: I am hotspotting all of group b. They are very entertaining.
Baizhu: is a nature walk not meant to enjoy nature
Ganyu: Some of them are enjoying nature! They’re just also texting
Xiao: we’re letting them because they’re bullying childe as a group.
Jean: So, they’re just like this chat?
Ganyu: Even Lumine and Xingqiu have joined forces
Albedo: wow.
Yanfei: Indeed
Keqing: It’s almost unnerving to see them get along
Beidou: wait so you guys have service right
Xiao: yes.
Beidou: perfect can one of you drop back with Kazuha he needs to answer a call
Baal: it has already been approved. before anyone asks.
Ganyu: Oh, I can Beidou!
Ningguang: Shoot is that today
Lisa: go take your call girl the mall will still be here
Kokomi: Is this a common thing?
Beidou: naw just gotta call ms ping
Yanfei: Yo your social worker is Ms Ping too
Keqing: You have a social worker?
Ningguang: I thought we went over this already
Baal: some people were orphans after the disaster.
Beidou: yeah ms ping just checks in on kazu ning and i sometimes
Yanfei: Same here
Albedo: how interesting
Ganyu: We’ve fallen back, so the call can start anytime!
Yae: Ningguang we’ll be in the food court when you’re done
Jean: In the future, if anyone needs to take a call, message Ei directly as soon as you know, so that we’ll be prepared!
Eula: Update on group b, they are now singing song parodies about Childe.
Childe: what if i drowned in the lake
Kokomi: No.
Kaeya: lmao blocked
Yelan: denied
Ayato: oh hey would one of the arts ladies or albedo want to bring me back some boba
Thoma: Still with the boba
Ayato: are you jealous
Hu Tao: lmao imagine being jealous of a drink
Thoma: Tao bestie why
Albedo: I’ll bring some for you
Ayato: thank you
Yelan: no one else ask for anything
Itto: BRING ME BOBA TOO
Yelan: no
Yae: Slayed
Baal: why is there screaming coming from the lake.
Beidou: the kids knocked childe out of the canoe
Kokomi: I’ll make sure he won’t drown
Diluc: are the girls okay
Kokomi: Oh, they’re having a great time with Beidou!
Beidou: were playing pirate
Keqing: Fitting
Kaeya: without me bestie
Jean: He was wearing a life jacket, yes?
Kokomi: He wouldn’t have been allowed out on the water without one
Yanfei: Great he cant sue
Albedo: i would ask who he would sue, however i feel i know it would be a child
Venti: childe sues a child NOT CLICKBAIT
Diluc: you’ve been awful quiet where are you
Venti: using the tv in the staff lounge
Keqing: In the what.
Jean: Ah, it seems we forgot about something.
Baal: Whoops.
Venti: im taking a break from teaching shenhe about gay people to play rock band
Venti: shes nearly breaking the drums
Rosaria: so this bitch genuinely didnt know gay people existed
Ganyu: Chongyun says she was raised by a relative, alone for most of her life
Eula: This is what no bitches does to a girlboss.
Yae: Maidenless behaviour
Childe: virgin activity
Ayato changed Ajax’s screenname
Virgin: COME ON
Rosaria: based
Virgin: FIX IT
Beidou: please dont this is funny
Kokomi: Oh, he’s filling with White Boy Rage
Yanfei: Lmaoooooo
Jean: Ayato,
Ayato: fine, give me a second to figure this out
Thoma: Do you need help
Itto: no watch my videos
Hu Tao: this is a VOD from your twitch
Jean: Why?
Itto: the kid with the mask played with me
Baizhu: the streamer
Venti: yo one of the campers is a streamer
Virgin: lame
Ayato cleared all screennames
Ayato: did that work?
Ajax: testing
Miko: Damnit that was funny
Miko: Oh
Jean: It seems you reset everyone’s screennames
Ei: unfortunate.
Ganyu: Oh dear,
Xiao: it probably reset zhonglis.
Lisa: we best change them before we make everyone more confused
Beidou: wait what would grandpas be
Barbatos: probably rex
Kaeya: lmaooooo it got venti too
Rosaria: rip starbucks
Baizhu: i’ll change them back this time
Miko: Could you leave Ei and I’s as is
Albedo: that would probably be wise
[The B in Group B stands for bomosexual] July 8 2021, 4:21pm
Xingqiu: damn we missed it
Sara: Outdated meme.
Lumine: is it just me or
Xingqiu: just you
Yun Jin: Let the girl speak
Gorou: Get him
Lumine: anyways
Lumine: yall think Ganyu likes Keqing
Xinyan: For sure
Kazuha: Indeed
Xingqiu: okay its not just you theyre clearly in gay
Lumine: great
Xiangling: they’d be cute together ngl
Sara: Oh no. Guys don’t go there
Chongyun: Hm?
Lumine: we have to set them up
Yun Jin: Are staff even allowed to date?
Kazuha: Yes, as long as it does not impede their work
Xingqiu: did your sister tell you that
Kazuha: No, her girlfriend did
Lumine: wait i remember you mentioned this
Gorou: Yeah, you eat with them sometimes right Kazu
Sara: Are you talking about Ningguang
Xinyan: Did y’all forget they’re dating
Lumine: no comment
Xingqiu: are any other staff dating
Gorou: There was that thing with group a yesterday
Lumine: i’ll ask my brother
Xiangling: add him bestie
Xingqiu: fuck no this is group b only
Chongyun: Why can’t we talk to group a?
Sara: See you made him sad
Xingqiu: we can just make another group chat
Yun Jin: Wouldn’t that be too many?
Xinyan: I do wanna find out whats up with the others tho
Lumine: leave it to me
Lumine created [Chat]
[Chat] July 8 2021, 4:49pm
Lumine added 1 user to [Chat]
Aether: lumi??
Lumine: wanna make a groupchat for group a and b
Aether: sounds dope
Lumine: great
Lumine made Aether an admin
Lumine: you add your group i’ll add mine
Aether: so we’re leaving group c out of this
Lumine: do you want children in this chat
Aether: i see your point
Aether changed the chat name to [MILF and DILF Lovers Convention]
Lumine: i want to complain but i can’t
Aether: yeah cause your gay awakening was mrs incredible
Lumine: says you yours was mufasa you furry
Aether: IT WAS HIS ENERGY OKAY
Lumine: if you say so
Aether: ugh let’s just add everyone
Lumine: fine
Aether added 9 users to [MILF and DILF Lovers Convention]
Lumine added 9 users to [MILF and DILF Lovers Convention]
Barbara: Why would you name it this?
Xingqiu: do you not love milfs and or dilfs
Lumine: she isn’t responding
Sucrose: seems shes just like us after all
Gorou: Do we need to do introductions again or are we good
Sara: Let’s just say we’re good
Fischl: Hey! This is Bennett! My phone broke so Fisch and I are sharing for now! -B
Fischl: Tis true, mine companion Bennett hath fallen upon a situation most unfortunate. I could not stand idle by as an innocent suffered from the doings of the abyss. Signed, Princess Fischl
Xingqiu: wtf
Xiangling: oh so she texts like that too
Amber: yep
Aether: you’ll get used to it
Razor: big words
Lumine: him too i see
Gorou: Oh hey Razor
Razor: group
Fischl: His autocorrect changed that, sorry! He meant to say Gorou! -B
Xingqiu: whatever lets talk about why were really here
Noelle: Oh?
Lumine: do any of you know if any of the staff are dating
Ayaka: My brother, Ayato, is dating Thoma.
Aether: it’s a sore topic for her
Sara: Let’s move on then
Kazuha: We know that my sister Beidou is dating Ningguang
Sucrose: fr?
Xinyan: Ye
Aether: damn
Lumine: stole the words from my mouth
Amber: how did you end up at this conversation
Barbara: I have a feeling that I don’t want to know.
Xiangling: we want to help ganyu get keqing
Noelle: Oh, that’s not too bad actually!
Chongyun: They’d be cute together
Xingqiu: so you guys in
Shinobu: sounds lit
Barbara: No, it doesn’t. Why not just let them progress on their own?
Kazuha: Jean.
Aether: oh?
Xingqiu: tea?
Barbara: I see your point. Consider us in.
Sara: Are you serious
Lumine: perfect
Aether: time for the milf and dilf lovers convention to take on its first mission
Yun Jin: How about we call it Mission Sapphic?
Sucrose: genius
Amber: i like that one yeah
Lumine: so it’s decided
Gorou: Mission Sapphic has begun