Chapter Text
Ok listen, Clementine was not nervous.
She was never nervous, being the big woman she was and all that.
And if she was nervous for any reason at all, it would not be because her brothers and dad would be coming back any day now, because that would be stupid. The dumbest thing ever even, because why would she be scared of her family.
Don’t bring up the whole Phil thing, because that doesn’t count alright, he was just stressed with the upcoming trip he was taking and didn’t have the time to worry about Clementine. Which made sense, this trip was much more important than Clem’s tantrum.
You also can’t bring up her crying because Phil was mean, she was just being a baby, alright? It was frankly embarrassing looking back on it, and were she in Phil’s position, she would’ve been angry too.
Plus, she was having the time of her life with Schlatt and Puffy, what with Puffy and Niki teaching her how to do her makeup and hair, and Schlatt letting her make as many nests as she wanted in his house, which was very exciting because Clementine rarely got to make her own nests at her house, all the blankets and pillows going to Wilbur and Phil.
Along with the two sheep, Quackity also showed her how to safely put pretty jewelry on her wings, Karl taught her how to paint her nails, Eret offered to help her if she ever wanted to pierce her ears, and Sam also mentioned something about needing to practice how to make accessories for hybrid traits after she rambled about the tail rings she had seen other raccoons wearing.
All in all, it was awesome and once her family returned and they sorted everything out, Phil, Wilbur and Techno were sure to join in on the fun, they had to really.
If they didn’t she would ignore them for like, ever.
-
To say Wilbur was nervous would be an understatement.
It’s not that he wasn’t usually anxious to return home after a long trip, but this time was different, the main reason being his sister, who had recently come out to Wilbur and being the idiot he was, he had completely fumbled around and now Clementine no doubt hated him.
And honestly, he deserved it. Of course the whole house had been tense, as it always was leading up to a trip, but that didn’t mean he could just ignore his sister. And don’t get him started about when she never came down to bid them goodbye, in his head it was all the confirmation he needed that he was officially no longer an older brother.
Along with everything, Phil was acting strange. Ignoring any questions he asked about Clementine, suddenly getting upset whenever Wilbur mentioned their fourth.
All in all, Wilbur felt awful and like the second he would return home he would get his ass kicked.
-
Compared to Wilbur, Technoblade wasn't nervous at all, and he meant that.
Phil’s annoyance with Clementine threw him off, Wilbur’s constant mumbling of no longer being an older brother, and his chat constantly screaming at him for his sister rather than blood threw him off sure, but he had dealt with worse.
Besides, he knew Clementine and Phil got in a fight, and once they returned home, Techno would work to sort everything out because he missed the runt and would be happy to get away from the insanity of his father and brother.
-
Philza was not nervous for anything, or even anxious. No, he was angry.
The trip he, Techno and Wil had gone on was stressful enough to plan for, and when Tommy had come up to him with those delusions of his, it had just tipped him over the edge. He could never hate his youngest, but god could he be annoying. On top of everything, his fight with Tommy caused tension to follow him on the trip, ruining the usually well oiled machine Phil and his sons were.
Walking towards his house let Phil relax, he would sit Tommy down and talk to him, reassure him that he wasn’t mad, tell him lying wasn’t the way to go about looking for attention, and then have everything return to normal.
As the distance shortened, the house looked well kept, the flowers still bright and blooming, along with that the smell of baked goods reached his nose. Maybe Tommy bought something from Niki to welcome them home. With that in mind, Phil smiled.
-
Schlatt was not the best person at reading others. Maybe it’s his constant drunkenness, or just lack of care for others, Schlatt was not considered a ‘people person’. He was probably considered the opposite of it, an anti people person. Besides, whiskey was more reliable than the people on this server.
“Schlatt, do you think you could come home with me?,” the kid he was babysitting suddenly asked, “Not that you have too, just like- moral support? Yeah?”
Heaving a deep, deep sigh, Schlatt pretended to think about it. Be there when the kid’s family got home and possibly fight Philza, or leave the kid and get his ass kicked by Puffy. It was an easy choice really, something about hell hath no fury like a woman scorned or something like that.
‘Sure thing, kid, just go get Puffy too. I’m too hungover to deal with you all on my own.” A loud whoop was all he got before the kid scampered off.
Going to the kid’s house was easy as pie now, having been forced into far too many girl’s nights and sleepovers during the past few weeks. Schlatt knew the journey like the back of his hand, pass Niki’s bakery, turn right at Jack’s firework stand and then walk like a million fucking miles into the middle of nowhere because god forbid they live any closer.
-
This was awkward, Schlatt decided.
So insanely, fucking awkward.
He’s glad he never had too many family reunions.
Philza, Technoblade and Wilbur stood in the living room staring at him in confusion as Puffy and the kid continued on with whatever it is that they are doing, oblivious to rising tension. He thinks faintly he can hear some giggling and weighs out what he should do. Ruin the kids day by saying her asshole dad and brothers are back or wait it out as long as possible so he can put off the inevitable tears.
“What are you doing here, Schlatt?” Technoblade grumbled out, effectively silencing the shuffling in the next room over. Schlatt sighed, already annoyed. This blows.
“Just visiting the kid. I mean what kind of president would I be if I left a kid alone for a couple weeks.” Schlatt raised his nearly empty bottle to his lips, hiding his smirk at Wilbur’s flinch. “Puffy and the kid are in her room.”
“Her?” Phil sounded more annoyed than Schlatt felt.
“Yeah, hers . The kid says boys aren’t welcome anymore.” Schlatt grimaced at his warm bourbon, gross. “Something about me getting in the way, not knowing anything about make-up.”
There was a tense silence, and for a moment Schlatt almost believed he could take on two of the strongest people on the server, then Phil groaned and scrubbed at his face. “Tommy pulled you into this as well? He just never stops, does he?”
At that Wilbur looked surprised. Hmm, maybe it was just Techno and Phil.
Techno then shifted awkwardly, moving away from the blond, even if just a little bit. Alright, so it was just Phil. Schlatt could take him on.
The door to the kid’s room creaked open slightly, a soft chittering sound leaking out, along with the soft stamping of a hoof.
“Not to be rude but the kid told me she informed you of everything before you left,” Schlatt was staring directly at the trio, he felt oddly powerful for someone whose main backup was an angry mom and an unstable teen, “Clementine didn’t pull me into anything, Philza, she just told me that she didn’t like the whole ‘boy’ thing.”
“It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like it because he is a boy, and there is no changing that,” Phil’s wings puffed up in threat as Clementine’s door slammed fully open, “I won’t feed into his- his fucking delusions !”
“Delusions?” Puffy practically growled out, a sound that would’ve made him piss his pants, were he a lesser ram, “Your daughter wishing for happiness is delusional to you?”
There was a soft ‘ shing ’ sound that rang out as Puffy pulled out her sword, she could be a bit trigger happy, it was then pointed directly at Phil as he opened his mouth again, “I’d choose your next words very carefully, Philza.”
The avian groaned and looked around the room, Schlatt following suit. A horrified Wilbur, an awkward Technblade, a furious Puffy, an annoyed Phil, and a crying kid. Wait a crying kid? When did she start crying? She was gonna get so much snot on his suit after this. And whatever that black stuff around her eyes was.
“Okay, alright everyone, let’s calm down, I’m sure Clementine doesn’t want to see blood on her floors,” The kid nodded at Schlatt’s words, “All I need to say is whether you are there or not, Phil, she will continue to be herself, no matter what you say.”
“It doesn’t matter now. Just get the fuck out of my house,” Philza took a few steps forwards, “And take Tommy with you, bring him back when he’s done with this act.”
Schlatt watched from the corner of his eye as Puffy raised her sword, seemingly ready to strike. The ewe took a step towards the avian but was stopped short as the kid ran in front of her, barreling straight towards Phil. Schlatt didn’t know what the kid was doing until her head rammed directly into the avian’s stomach.
And Schlatt fucking died .
-
Clementine didn’t know what she was thinking when she decided to copy the thing Tubbo and Puffy did when they were mad, because it fucking hurt , like holy Prime did that hurt. She clutched her forehead as Schlatt choked on his screaming laughter and Phil laid on the floor holding his stomach. At least she wasn’t the only one in pain.
Note to self, leave the headbutting to goats and sheep.
“What the fuck?” Phil groaned out pathetically, like the idiot loser he was.
“That’s for being a dickhead,” At that Clementine let go of her forehead to kick Phil again, causing the old man to yell out in pain, “That’s also for being a dickhead, asshole. And, you aren’t the only man anymore, you’re like the least man ever! Fuck you!”
Turning around to Puffy whose eyes were blown wide and shining with pride, Clementine hugged her fiercely, “I wanna go home, this place fucking sucks.”
“Of course, little lamb.”
“ ‘M not little, bitch.”
Puffy let out a soft bleat and held Clementine close, both ignoring the two men on the floor. It was nice being with a family that defended her, it was so nice. Clem met Puffy’s bleats with chitters and chirps of her own.
Then Techno cleared his throat. Bastard. “I got your letter but you both still suck. Not as much as Phil but still.” An olive branch, a ‘I want you back, please tell me the you want the same’.
“Understood.”
“So I’m still your brother?!”
The twins said at the same time, both sounding relieved, and Clem snorted at them, “Yeah, you’re still my brother, sadly, you are quite annoying.”
Phil then groaned loudly again, “Shut the fuck up.”
Puffy responded by slamming her foot into his stomach, and then she lifted Clem up, awkwardly holding onto the girl that was nearly a foot taller than her, “Ever talk to Clementine, to my lamb again, I’ll tear off your wings and feed them to sharks.”
Wasn’t that a sight, both Puffy threatening a terrified Phil and the threat itself. Clem giggled, hiding her face in Puffy’s curly hair, peeking up just enough to see Phil nod and Schlatt finally catch his breath and stand up.
“Alright kid,” the president said through hysteric giggles, “let’s go, I have a meeting and Quackity needs some help.”
After spending so much time with Schlatt, she knew what that meant. She understood the ram’s silent ‘let’s go do something that doesn’t suck ass, no more crying’, and smiled.
-
Schlatt and Puffy walked up ahead as Clementine talked to her brothers, all three of them holding bags of her belongings. The kid was going to be staying with Schlatt, at least for a little bit, the ram and the ewe being the main one’s to take care of her.
The president had been expecting a much worse outcome, mainly of him actually having to fight the kid’s family. Schlatt was untrustworthy, and learned to not expect much of others, always waiting for disappointment, waiting for the pin to drop or the sword to fall. Schlatt was a businessman by nature, a conman by trade and an asshole in general, and yet, a kid decided he was the best bet.
Glancing at the ewe he saw almost as a sister, he wondered if he could be better. His reputation was much worse than Phil’s, most disliked him, some outright hated him. Schlatt wondered what it would be like to not hold contempt for the people around him and those around him feeling the same way.
As Schlatt saw the kid hug both her brothers before running to catch up with the pair of sheep, holding onto his hand tightly, he figured he could at least try.