Chapter Text
Four months. It had been four months since the Pack Alpha had run. And left his pack behind.
The withered spot on the ground was now dusted with frost as the fall turned to winter and the air turned taught with cold.
The pack beta was outside, soaking in the frigidness of the air, the numbness that it brought to his nose and ears and hands and everything else. Even his cracked and shattered heart.
He knew that he needed to move, to go back into the house, but he could only watch as the delicate red and pink petals curled up and shivered, shriveling up in the breeze of icy chill.
Just like him, he thought.
His dusty gold hair was still, resting against his nose and cheeks, he didn’t have the energy to brush it back.
Four months. That’s how long it’s been.
And in that time, Fruit had only been out with the pack twice. Both times he clung to the larger beta of the pack. He kept apologizing to Calvin, but the beta brushed him off and hugged him tighter each time. It hurt.
It hurt feeling this vulnerable. He was supposed to be strong, wasn’t he? The Pack Beta, second in command as… he had claimed. But now, Nestor felt like more of a leader than anything. It hurt.
Seeing the alpha put more and more onto himself to try and make up for the lack of not one, but two pack members. It hurt knowing that Fruit himself could be out there and helping.
His head didn’t jolt as the french doors to their garden from the house opened. Footsteps as soft as a cat’s crept towards him, and inwardly he knew that it wasn’t who he was hoping for. A warm hand rested on his shoulder, calluses scraping against the fabric of his sweater.
He picked his head up and his eyes drifted towards the one stood next to him.
Multicolored hair and amber eyes, TapL stood with a soft—fake—smile on his face.
“It’s getting cold out,” It’s been cold for a whole month now, “you should come back inside and warm up.” I don’t want to move. “Ponk made some stew for us.” I’m sick of eating stew, no offense to Ponk.
TapL just stared down at him, glancing across his pale features—that once used to be tan—for any sign that the beta before him had even heard him. There was none, only the cold blankness that donned his face for four months now, coming up on five in a week.
The older beta sighed, moving his hand under on of Fruit’s—cold, thin—arms and lifted him up easily. “Come on, it’s time to get up.” I don’t want to leave. Please don’t make me leave.
TapL didn’t hear his silent pleas, inevitably, as he practically dragged him inside. Fruit leaned on him greatly, his cold hand gripping the pale green and orange sleeve of TapL’s hoodie.
I hate this feeling. Fruit’s gaze drifted up to TapL’s side profile, his olive-dark skin being more brought out by the dull background of the sides of the mountain and waterfall beyond—now only a trickle as the top began to freeze over.
I hate that I have to rely on all of you so much. But you just look tired, your eyebags are growing by the day. I’m sorry Harvey. The taller beta angled his head down, noticing Fruit’s dull gaze and offered a gentle smile. You have a nice smile, I’m sorry. Fruit only leaned his head against TapL’s shoulder, letting out a breath that faintly clouded in front of him.
The beta opened the door, the glass in it gleaming as it reflected the pale light of the un-warming sun. Fruit didn’t have the energy to wince.
He let TapL lead him inside and sit him down on the couch in the living room. The fabric was itchy against his palms, and he couldn’t not be brought back to the days where Illumina and he would just lounge and laugh and just live life on this very couch. It unsettled him, but he didn’t make to move.
TapL came back over with two bowls of stew, still steaming and sat down on the couch next to him.
The house was warm and smelled of stale air and apprehension; if apprehension could have a smell. And tears, tears were always a constant in this ludicrous place.
Even TapL’s own scent, of honey crisp and apple slices, seemed rotten and foul. It hurts, both you and me, and I’m sorry. Fruit took the bowl within his hands, but didn’t take his dull green-hazel eyes off of the beta.
“What?” TapL asked, his voice softer than the clouds that swarm each morning. I want to tell you I’m sorry, but I don’t want you to brush it off. Fruit just shook his head, lifting the spoon up and taking a small sip from the stew. I’m sick of eating stew. They must think I’m sick.
Fruit jolted—a rare, quick movement—when the door was knocked on, three times, then once. Calvin, Fruit noted.
TapL got up and walked to the door before pausing and turning back to Fruit. “Is it alright if he comes in?” I don’t care. Fruit nodded, continuing to take small mouthfuls from the bowl in his hands. TapL grimaced, but opened the door, allowing Calvin to step into the house’s warmth on silent feet.
They started talking, probably about him, but Fruit tuned it out, focusing on the still-steaming stew as it coated and burned his throat and tongue. He couldn’t be upset at them for talking about him, he knew the state he was in, and how he wasn’t doing anything about it. He didn’t have the energy to care.
Not as Calvin walked over and sat down next to him, close enough that his thighs brushed Fruit’s own, the warmth of his body radiating onto Fruit’s skin, even through the pair of sweatpants—Illumina’s—that he bore.
“How are you feeling today Fruit?” The same as all the other times you have asked me. “Anything you want or need?” You make me sound like a dying wolf in the forest, asking for my last words or wishes. Maybe that’s how it seems to you guys.
Fruit shook his head, continuing to slowly fill up on the now-nauseating stew that made his throat burn. He set it down on the coffee table, not allowing any more food, or having the energy to eat anymore. Good enough, he supposed.
He leaned over, pressing himself into Calvin’s warm side. The beta wrapped an arm around his shoulders—thin and bony—and let out a deep sigh.
“5up is excited for the snow. He says that he wants to build snowmen all across the territory like last year.” I remember that. Illumina was so shocked when he woke up. 5up laughed himself hoarse. Fruit didn’t even acknowledge that anything was said. I miss him, Calvin. I really do. Am I dying? That’d be a pitiful way to go, dying of a broken heart.
TapL stalked over, now donned in his fur and paws and laid on the floor with his head in Fruit’s lap. I can’t resist petting you when you look at me like that. The dusty-gold haired beta lightly brushed his thumb over the hair between TapL’s eyes. Back and forth, like the tides of an ocean.
The wolf’s amber eyes drooped as his frame became lax. You and Illumina both love this spot. I wish he was here. The wolf’s eyes slipped shut, and he let out a low purr from deep in his stomach, rumbling through Fruit’s body like a small earthquake. And like that, TapL was out. Good, you need sleep. Calvin let out a soft snort.
In the silence, somber and thick, Fruit spoke. His voice raspy and unused.
“Is he ever going to come back?”
Calvin sighed once again and laid his head atop Fruit’s.
“All we can do is hope, Fruity B. All we can do is hope.”
I’m tired of hoping.
Six months down the drain, now. Fruit hasn’t gotten out of bed for a week.
“He’ll be 18 in a month.” Nestor sighed, sitting in one of the chairs in their meeting room.
Alyssa’s soft humming hitched, her silence ricocheting across the room.
The alpha rubbed at his temples, trying not to stare at the map laid out before him.
“18 And still crying every single day for a male who may never come back. He wont even get out of bed.” Nestor whispered, combing his hands through his hair, and trying to cool the internal volcano of anger that threatened to swell and explode.
The fear of what could be coming overwhelmed him. Illumina wasn’t dead. He knew that well. If he was, then the title of Head Alpha would go to him, and all of the perks that came with it. But as of now, he couldn’t feel the overwhelming sadness of the whole pack, the restlessness of TapL as he scouted the woods every day for even a sign that a wolf had come through, the column of stability that Calvin had made himself among the pack, the agony that ripped the poor blonde beta apart piece by piece ever single day.
Silently he was glad. Silently he wished that those feelings would be enough to bring Illumina back. Silently—
“Nesta! Lyssa!” came a high-pitched screech, and two pairs of footsteps. 5up crashed into the side of the chair, gripping Nestor’s arm, and screaming at an incomprehensible rate that Nestor winced at.
“Slow down, pup.” Nestor said, standing up out of his seat and staring into tear-welled purple eyes.
“Eret and Ponkie saw something in the woods! It could be Dada! Please, please, please can we look?” The pup yelled, the edges of his mouth ticking down into a pleading frown. When had he become the one that everyone went to—
Nestor went stock-still.
“Please Nesta.” 5up cried, “Please go look!” The alpha picked his head up to see two sets of weary brown eyes, full of anticipation and hope.
He pulled his arm out of 5up’s grasp and then he was out of the Pack meeting room immediately.
His paws bounded on the grass as he sprinted down the hill. He clipped a hole and stumbled down, down, down until he came to the bottom of the hill.
Faster, he got up and bounded for the entrance. Faster, faster, faster—
He stopped, panting as his furry chest heaved.
Footsteps ran up from behind him and then stopped, utterly still and silent.
Out of the darkness of the entrance, out of the abyss of loneliness, stepped Illumina.
A soft tap on the door made him flinch out of his mind
TapL was in the living room, along with Calvin, he knew. No one answered the door. I don't want to leave them waiting out in the cold. And Calvin and TapL need their sleep.
He got up, gathering his strength, taking the knocks as someone like Ponk or Alyssa, and walked shakily to the door. He took a small glance to the two older betas lounged on the couch, both asleep. TapL was in his wolf— as he has been for a few days now, it helps with the emotional part of everything, Fruit mused to himself.
He twisted the doorknob, opening it slowly, he could barely do anything fast these days and—
Black, greasy hair. Eyes as dark as the Void. The strong smell of midnight and roses and the slight smell of cedar wood.
The beta blinked.
“Hey.” The alpha before him croaked.
He couldn’t— it was a dream. He was dreaming. Am I dreaming?
It didn’t matter. Tears sprung in his eyes and his chest and throat tightened. His knees buckled.
He slammed to the ground, his grip on the door still holding, holding as if it would keep him from diving back into the abyss of his mind. It’s all a ploy.
“Fruit..?” A warm, strong hand laid on his shoulder and he could only cry harder. Wet, ugly sobs that retched through his ever-tightening throat.
“Hey, hey, hey… It’s me…” There were knees pressed to his own and a hand was on his cheek, lifting his face, his pale, too-thin face.
His green-hazel eyes were dull and full of tears, but he still looked Illumina—Illumina was back.
He dove into the other’s arms. Wrapping his lean body around the alpha and holding on with a white-knuckled grip.
“I know, I know… I’m here. I’m here.” The male whispered. Fruit could only sob, crying into Illumina’s shoulder. Oh, how he missed that smell of midnight. Oh, how he missed this, him.
Fruit couldn’t stop the urge to punch the man he was held by. He lifted a fist and hit the man in the shoulder, over and over and over. They weren’t hard, he could barely even lift his fist, much less throw an actual punch, but he still needed to.
Illumina took each punch and his ripped and dirty hoodie soaked up each of Fruit’s tears.
“Why?” Fruit rasped, “Why, why, why?”
Illumina didn’t say anything, Fruit didn’t expect him to. He only said two words.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered into Fruit’s neck. “I’m so sorry, Fruit.”
You left me. You left us. You left me here… I missed you so, so much.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, again and again, a whisper of warmth against his too-cold skin.
“I missed you.” Fruit sobbed out, quiet and reserved, yet open and desperate. Like taking a knife to his chest and opening it up for the alpha to see. His alpha.
“I missed you too…” The ‘all of you’ was left unspoken, it didn’t need to be said.
Not as Illumina wrapped his arms around Fruit’s waist and hoisted him up. Has Fruit lost weight? And walked them into the living room.
His dark onyx eyes met soft amber and brown ones. They were already standing, their scents smelling far more lively than they had been moments before, and Illumina felt the tugs of happiness and gratefulness in his chest.
Illumina sat down on the couch with Fruit wrapped around him like the world depended on it. Maybe it did for Fruit. Maybe by him leaving, he stole the world away from Fruit too.
All because he had killed his mate. In his chest a pang of hurt echoed throughout, that bond going dark and dissolving. But…
With Fruit clenched in his arms, his pack happy that he was home—of course there would be some things to work out and hurt to be shared—and a feeling that all would be alright… Maybe he would be okay. He looked down to the beta in his arms. All would be okay.
The sun beat down on them, showering them in a golden light as it hovered above the horizon.
The tan skin and light freckles of the beta before him shone. Much better than the sickly pale that they were before—the image of his beta in that condition still haunted him in his nightmares. His cheeks were fuller and dusted in a light salmon. His dusty-gold hair gleaming.
Illumina thought he looked like a god, his inner alpha purred in contentment and something akin to interest.
His skin flushed a soft cherry as the gleaming beta looked to him, eyes full of green and hazel sparks, and a bright smile on his face.
The rest of the pack all lounged or played or battled beneath them.
The young pup bounding away from a determined Calvin, who actually seemed to be having some difficulty catching the pup. His scream of pure joy echoed across their territory.
TapL, looking more rested and energized than that first day back, was currently having it out with Nestor, both in their wolf and rolling through the grass as teeth snapped harmlessly and tails wagged.
The two omegas sat with Eret, chatting about something unbeknownst to him, with smiles on their faces.
The other members were all playing in the pond beneath the waterfall, now back in full after the ice had melted. It was a beautiful sight to see.
But his eyes never left the beta’s before him. A smile grew on his own face, contagious. He scratched the back of his neck as the sweet scent of pears and after-rain assaulted his senses. Is it just me, or did Fruit’s scent get… sweeter?
“What?” Illumina asked as Fruit began to let out soft—cute—giggles. His heart practically melted at the sound. Fruit settled back into a feline grin, a smirk, if you will. His sharp canines poking through his strawberry-pink lips. Yeah, he’s definitely a god.
“Nothing. Just your cheeks are a little…” he paused, tilting his head, “Red.”
Illumina stuttered, “Wha—no they aren’t!” He defended, leaning back subconsciously. Fruit laughed again, turning his gaze out onto the distant mountain peaks.
“It’s cute. One of the most powerful alphas in history, blushing.” He mused, his grin turning into a soft smile. Illumina tilted his head, trying to read the emotions flickering on Fruit’s face. He let out a soft whine of inquiry.
Fruit looked back to him, eyes soft and open. And as he spoke, his voice offered much more emotion than the usual calm tone of the beta. “I’m really glad you came back.” He shook his head, “I honestly don’t know what would’ve happened if you didn’t.”
5up’s screeches rand out happily as Calvin finally tackled him to the ground—now shifted into his large brown wolf. Illumina watched them with intent, but his mind swirled.
“I—”
“If you’re going to apologize, then save it.” Fruit teased, that faint smirk coming back. Illumina let out a half-hearted growl and frowned.
“I wasn’t.” he stated, looking into Fruit’s beautiful eyes. “I was going to say… I always come back.”
Fruit’s smirk dropped into another one of those soft smiles, but his eyebrows tilted up, reminiscent almost. “Why?” not accusing, but simply a question. A question that Illumina knew the answer to, has had the answer since he began his trek back to the lands. To his pack. To his dirty blonde, green-hazel eyed, beautiful, beta.
“Because I could never stay away.” He breathed, glancing down to the strawberry-pink lips of the other, then back up with a smile of his own. “I can never get enough. Of everyone, everything…” he paused, finally turning away, “And you.”
They were both silent for a moment.
Then, Fruit shifted closer to the alpha, his sweet scent of pears threatening to suffocate him in their glory. Illumina’s alpha instincts purred and begged to be closer, to drown in that scent.
“That’s a relief.” Fruit commented softly. Illumina turned back, and then there was a weight on his shoulder. A head of dirty blonde hair streaked with brown was now settled on his shoulder as Fruit’s lean—yet shorter than Illumina—body was pressed up to Illumina’s side. “Because I don’t know if I would have survived without you.”
Illumina let out a pained sigh—sounding almost like a whine—and pressed his face into the fluffy hair of the other. Relishing in the smell of the beta and this moment.
Three words tapped at his teeth. Three words that he had never spoke to anyone before. Not even his mate—now dead and gone because of his own hands, a small voice at the back of his head whispered, it was quickly drowned out by the purr of his beta as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“I love you.” He whispered. Quiet and open. The words that had been scraping at his mind every moment, every day, even in his dreams—the good ones—for months now. Ever since he stepped back into his territory.
Fruit purred once again, slotting himself further into Illumina’s side as the alpha pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I love you, too.” Fruit said back, Thank the Gods.
His beta. His beta. He let out a soft and approving growl, an alpha’s growl of claim and unrelenting happiness.
His.