Chapter Text
(Earlier that day)
Mysta groaned as he attempted to open his newly downloaded indie horror game for the umpteenth time, and he heard the classic windows error chirp in response.
I swear that sound is going to give me nightmares, agggggggggghhhhh what the hell man.
Mysta wasn’t exactly a tech genius, he’d be the first to admit it. However, Mysta had been getting better and better since his debut. He was even proficient enough with troubleshooting most of the time that he didn’t need to run crying for Shupport every time he couldn’t get his audio right. He supposed it came with experience, but it was times like this that he felt transported back to that first week where it seemed to him that the computer had a mind of its own.
Mysta checked his OBS assets once again, skimming through all his tabs to see if there was any room to remove things to free room up on his RAM. He shouldn’t be having this problem, this was the whole reason he’d gone out of his way to get a friggin tank of a PC, so he wouldn’t run into problems like these. It didn’t help that the error message was vague as hell. Most of the time, he’d have some idea of where to start fiddling with settings based on the contents of the pop-up. Instead, every time he loaded up his VR horror game it would make it to the home screen, and the moment he clicked on the menu to begin the game itself the program stopped responding, and sometimes the whole application just closed with the incredibly unhelpful and frustrating message.
[ There was an unexpected error. ——— has closed unexpectedly.
(Ignore) (Report)]
Well, thanks…..
Now before anyone asks why he doesn’t just ask for help rather than spending hours on end fiddling with settings and restarting his computer over and over hoping something will change.
First of all, he wasn’t in a rush necessarily. He wasn’t planning on streaming this game until next week, and if he couldn’t get it working before he had to make his schedule he could just push it back. Secondly, if he always just asked for help, he’d never actually figure out how to do it himself.
Of course when he asked Shu or the others to help him they always explained it to him, but he wasn’t great at remembering things like this unless he physically and mentally got there himself. In fact, when he’d told Shu that fact in the beginning, if there was time Shu had just given him a set of instructions and menus, and would only give him hints on where those menus were if Mysta specifically asked.
Shu was incredibly patient and understanding about it as well, he would always just sit in Mysta’s office on a bean bag chair in the corner idly making some of the objects float in circles around the room as he gave Mysta instructions, or even just letting Mysta figure things out himself.
Just having Shu’s presence in the room was often enough to calm him down enough that he could actually think, something about the amicable silence was enough to put him at ease and still his bubbling frustrations. It even helped him focus and sift through his thoughts easier, his thoughts were less erratic and chaotic when Shu was there steering him in the right direction.
Thing was, Shu had been extraordinarily busy this week, participating in at least a half a dozen large collars and a few other inter Niji EN ones, on top of his own stream schedule and Zatsudan readings. This left Shu streaming twice a day and using the rest of his time to organize thumbnails and coordinate his schedule for the next week…
Mysta hadn’t been the only one to express concern to Shu about this, but he always shrugged and laughed it off.
“I’ll be fiiiine, it’s just this week. If my schedule was this packed all the time you’d have a reason to be concerned. I’ll take it easy next week, I promise.”
None of them ever had anything to say to that, because it was the truth.
The other members were all occupied at the moment as well. Luca and Ike were both streaming today, and Vox had gone out for groceries a little while ago.
So he was doing it himself, and that was final.
What if he didn’t use the VR version and settled for desktop play?
Mysta loaded the game changed his setting and pressed play.
PrrRRRRRiiiiiIIIInnNgggggggg
Mysta didn’t even read the pop up, he just closed it and stood up and walked away from his computer before he felt the urge to crush the thing with a baseball bat. He closed the door to his office behind him and sighed, he was pretty hungry. A snack and a nap might clear his head, Mysta pulled out his phone. He had four hours until he had to stream later tonight, so he did have the time.
It was decided then, he smiled and hopped his way down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Everything happened so quickly.
Mysta saw Shu looking blankly into space, then realize after a long moment that his ramen had gotten cold, and start the microwave again. Mysta tried to ask if he was ok, because Shu certainly didn’t LOOK ok. He looked distant and tired and, sad. Mysta could feel that something was off, Shu was wearing himself too thin. Everyone had their limits, it wasn’t possible for one person to always be happy or optimistic. Of course some people naturally were more optimistic than others, but even the most optimistic people sometimes felt overwhelmed or hopeless.
Shu was always so sturdy, and stable. Dependable to a fault, maybe not the best with physical affection but he was a seemingly infinite pool of patience. He would spend as long as you needed listening and talking to you, he would walk you through your problems, not just in terms of tech support.
Even when you just needed someone in the room, someone to sit and share a space with. He was so very good at that, silence around Shu was never awkward or forced, or cold. Silence with him around was a warm embrace, subtle and reassuring, his presence filled that spot in Mysta’s mind that tended to run wild with negative thoughts when he was alone.
He was able to control it, calm himself down on his own, but it was a hell of a lot easier with Shu next to him.
All it took was took to make something monumentally intimidating seem trivial, was the presence of a certain sorcerer next to him and the sound of his cheery laugh.
It made Mysta’s heart ache to see him looking so despondent, so muted.
A piece of his own heart dwelled with Shu, and seeing him push himself like this made him want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he came to his senses.
That was why, when Shu’s eyes glazed over and he winced holding his head in pain, Mysta let out the sharpest gasp he’d ever in his life.
“Shu?!” Mysta gasped and hurried over to the sorceror, not hesitating to support his friend as he wavered, for a moment seeming to nearly faint sideways into the counter. He had regained enough strength to lean against the counter instead, though. Mysta still kept a firm supportive grasp on his shoulder, his other arm poised and ready to catch Shu should he falter again, he did this all on instinct not thinking for even a moment.
His thoughts were on making sure Shu was alright, to get him talking to say anything. Mysta could feel like own breaths coming in panicked gasps, his heart was raging with concern and fear for Shu’s health. Mysta was not 100% sure Shu, was not ok, and was suddenly wishing he’d pushed harder when he’d confronted Shu about being concerned the first time, maybe then….
Shu’s eyes fluttered open for a moment and Mysta froze, Shu met his eyes for less than a moment as he muttered thanks to him.
“Its no problem, but Shu you need to sit down, or lay down or something?! You’re clearly NOT okay man, so”. Shu’s eyes were closed again and he began to faintly glow. “NononoNO, not MAGIC, seriously you need to stop like right now!” Shu didn’t even flinch. Mysta shook him by the shoulder, he could hear the anxiety and desperation in his own voice, and it only made him feel even more helpless. Shu began to glow more radiently for a long moment, then in less than a second Shu collapsed to the ground, seeming to lose all of his energy at once, both magical and physical. It happened so quickly that even as close as Mysta was, he barely grabbed hold in time.
“SHU!” Mysta cried, clumsily and shakily lowering Shu to the floor. He didn’t know what to do, he’d tried everything, everything and everything he could think of. Mysta just didn’t know what to do, what if something bad happened because he didn’t know how to help, what was he supposed to do?! An incredibly unhelpful part of his brain supplied him with the fact that Mysta needed to calm down to be of any help at all. That of course did little to help him calm down, his breaths still came in panicked gasps that were halfway between sobs and whimpers. He was at least partially aware that he was in the midst of a panic attack, the knowledge didn’t help him much.
Mysta dully realized that he’d come to rely on Shu’s presence far more than even he himself had realized. Somewhere along the way, Mysta had started to rely on him to ground him, Shu had become ground zero. When he freaked out or panicked he simply gravitated back to him, Shu had become his center, and now that he was crumbling to pieces, Mysta felt as if the world had begun to crumble under his feet.
Mysta didn’t know when this had happened, or how. Sure Mysta enjoyed spending time with Shu and went out of his way to seek him out, he found safe from the world and himself around him, it just felt natural to want to spend more time around him. It was instinct. Shu was such a bright light in the lives of the people that knew him, how could he stay away?
Surely he wasn’t the only one to feel as if he was the very center of the universe?
Right?!
Why does this hurt so much? It’s not like, he’s dying…. He’ll probably be fine…. Right…..?
…….what is this….
Why does it hurt so much that I can’t help him at all?
….after everything?
I can’t even fix this……
Shu please….
Wake up….
….please….
……………please…..
…I need to know you’re ok……..
……..I can’t……………
………..I can’t stand this……………..
…………….why am I so useless………….
…………………..you deserve so much better than me…………….