Chapter Text
“What?” Max muttered to himself as the staff wheeled Helen into the Operating Room. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His legs suddenly felt weak, and his chest tightened. Max started hyperventilating. He couldn’t breathe. Helen was pregnant? Max was scared and pale; it was as if he had seen a ghost. Intrusive thoughts clouded his judgment; he couldn’t think. Damnit, he was shocked to learn about this baby, but now there was a chance he would lose both Helen and their unborn child.
Max couldn’t sit still. There was too much going on. While he usually welcomed the fast pace energy in New Amsterdam, at this very moment, he hated it. All of his surroundings made him nervous. If it wasn’t the screams of patients being admitted into the E.R. down the hall, something so minor like the ticking of a clock bothered him. Almost two hours had passed, and there was still no news on Helen as Dr. Reynolds and Dr. Malvo continued operating on her. Max couldn’t take it anymore. It was all too much.
He walked up and down the hospital halls more times than he could count. But then he unexpectedly found himself outside the hospital chapel. Was this a sign? Max was far from religious, and he rarely ever prayed. He wasn’t even sure he believed in a higher power. Yet, he got down on his knees because while he had nothing to lose if he was wrong about God, he had everything to lose if he was right. So maybe this was God giving Max a sign. Telling him: I’m here, trust in me, have faith.
“Oh God, I’m so tired of being afraid.” Max said as he closed his eyes and bowed his head. “I don’t know if I’m doing this correctly. But I could use a miracle right now.”
He remembers asking Minister Reid to teach him to pray for a miracle a few years ago. He had told Max: “Do you know what miracles are? They’re the word for the shoreline between what we understand and what we can’t….When we do it, right prayer changes us, not the other way around. Whether we’re praying for forgiveness, gratitude, or guidance, we’re not looking out, Max. We’re looking in. And if you can find that shoreline within yourself, I mean find it; that’s when you’ve got a shot at one of your miracles.” Although Max wasn’t satisfied with that answer, he needed to believe in it now.
“Please God, you already took Luna and Georgia from me.” Max stated as tears fell down his cheeks. “Please, I can’t lose Helen too.”
Max looked up, then turned to look outside the window of the chapel. It was raining, but suddenly, he had a flashback from three years ago during New York's biggest blizzard. The psychic, Marlene’s voice echoed in his head. "There's someone else. Someone you care for deeply. And you are going to lose her."
“Please, God, I can’t lose her. I don’t know if I believe, but I want to believe.” Max admitted, sucking in a deep breath before speaking up again. “So I’m putting my faith in your hands.”
After pleading, Max sat there for a few moments. He found it comforting. Then as if on cue, the chapel doors flew open, and Max felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey, Max…” said a man’s voice. He turned around to see Dr. Reynolds and Dr. Malvo standing behind him.
“Helen?” Max asked worriedly. “Is she okay?”
“She’s stable.” Floyd told him. “Surgery went well.”
Relief was evident on Max’s face. He was comforted that Helen was doing fine, but he understood that she would want him to put their child first if she knew about the baby. “And the baby?”
“It was touch and go.” Lyn told him. She could sense the fear in Max’s eyes.“You’ve got yourself a little fighter. But, we still need to keep an eye on the baby’s vitals.”
“Oh my God. Thank you.” Max sighed contentedly, looking up at the ceiling. A small smile crossed his face. It was as if the world's weight was lifted off his shoulders. Then he turned to Floyd and Lyn. “Thank you both so much.”
“Don’t mention it.” Floyd smiled. “You can go see her if you want. She’s in recovery now.”
Immediately, Max made his way to Helen’s room. She was sleeping peacefully. The ventilator was replaced with a nasal cannula, helping her breathe. That was a good sign, he told himself. Max took a seat next to Helen’s bedside, clasped his hands together, and bowed his head again. “Thank you, God, for not taking her away. I owe all I have to you.”
“Max?” Helen said horsley.
“Hey, I’m here.” Max smiled tearfully. “You’re okay.”
“What’s going on?” Helen asked weakly.
“You had a pulmonary embolism. Reynolds and Lyn said that you are going to be fine. But Helen, there’s something I need to tell you.” Max begins, slowly trying to find the right words. “Your surgery was a success, but they’re worried about the baby.”
“What?” Helen asked breathlessly at the realization of what Max was telling her. “A baby?”
“You’re pregnant Helen.” Max confirmed.
“Oh my God.” Helen said through unshed tears. She had been longing to hear those words for such a long time. However, it was then guilt and fear washed over her.
Helen had been feeling off for the past week but chalked it up to her long hours at the NHS London clinic. She should have listened to what her body was telling her, but she didn’t even think she could get pregnant…not to mention naturally. She’d done multiple rounds of IVF with no results, and now she was afraid to lose the baby she didn’t even know existed. This is why Helen began sobbing uncontrollably, she had ignored all of her symptoms, and because of it, her baby was in danger.
“What’s wrong?” Max asked. It was kind of a dumb question. So he just followed it with a simple: “Burden me.”
“If something happens to the baby…” Helen cried. “It's all my fault. I drank so much last night. Max, I didn’t know. I should have known…”
“Hey, none of this is your fault.” Max said, running his hand through her hair. “You didn’t know. The baby is a fighter, like you. It’s going to be okay.”
“How?” Helen asks. “How do you know?”
“I don’t.” Max tells her. “But I have hope.”
Max knew how much Helen longed to be a mother. She loved Luna and was proud to be the little girl’s Mum, but Max was fully aware that Helen still wanted a child of her own if she could. It was something he’d understood from the beginning.
“I want to have a baby.”
“Okay.”
“But I’m on the wrong side of 35. I have to do injections and deal with epic mood swings if I even want to give myself a chance. I don't know why I would want to bring a child-- a brown child, into this world. There are a thousand reasons not to, but the only way to beat death is life.”
“There's a word for it.”
“Surrogacy?”
“Hope.”
“How can you have hope at a time like this?” Helen asked him genuinely.
“Where there’s life, there’s hope.” Max starts tearfully. “Regardless of what bad happened in the past.”
It was only now Max was beginning to realize this. He wasn’t cursed, sure what happened in the past was tragic but now he had Helen.
“You taught me that life is only way to beat death. So, no matter what happens, I’ll be okay because I have you. Because you matter more than anything.” Max continues. “It’s always been you.”
“What are you saying?”
“There’s nobody else for me. I love you, Helen, and I can’t imagine a future without you.” Max tells her, revealing the tiny black suede box he had been holding on to. “This isn’t how I planned on asking you to marry me, but I don’t want to waste another minute.”
“Max…” Helen says shakily.
“Helen Sharpe, you are my home. You’re the person I want to return to at the end of the day. You’re my shelter from the rain. I know I’ll be okay somehow as long as I'm with you. Will you marry me?” Max asks confidently, opening the case to unveil a diamond ring.
“Yes. Of course, I’ll marry you.” Helen smiles tearfully as Max takes Helen’s left hand and slips the ring onto her finger. The storm outside clears up as the couple kiss and sunlight peers through the glass window.
“I was scared of losing you.” Max admits.
“Losing me is impossible, remember?” Helen tells him.
They say where there is hope, there is faith, and where there is faith, miracles happen. You just have to believe in them.