Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“He’s the only one who can fix this. Our son is the pillar of the Tsugikuni family. He’s gifted! He obeys us! If we can’t make things right, maybe he can.” The father said one day when they thought their firstborn was asleep deep into the night.

Yoriichi is only four years old, but he could recognize his father’s tone as something of desperation. Though he doesn’t know why… it was a tone he barely heard from his lively and supportive parents.

“You’re right but gifted as he is, there is something bound to happen even if we take control of his life. He may be an obedient child, but he’s smart! I know he’s willing to take on any challenge we give to him, but wouldn’t that only pressure him to do something else?”

“What ‘something’? He wouldn’t rebel if we raise him. We have to make sure that he’ll listen to every word we say, that’s all. Besides, even if he fails, Michikatsu is here.”

“Don’t think of our children as tools!”

“Ha! You’re one to talk. Out of the two of us, you’re the one using them as a path to success! We lost a lot of money, and you’re desperate enough to use Yoriichi to get things your way.”

“And what is wrong with being desperate, hm!? You’re the man of the house, and you’re supposed to provide for your family. But you ended up losing your damn job!”

“At least I’m not the useless one in here!”

Yoriichi didn’t like the way his parents are yelling at each other. Sometimes, he’d hear them arguing in the middle of the night until one of them ended up slamming the front door to end the fight. What’s more confusing is the fact that his parents would suddenly become happy, lively, sweet, and caring during the day as if they haven’t been quarreling at all every night.

Yoriichi is confused, but if this pretense can last their relationship as a family, then it must continue. However, as time goes on, it was there he became aware of the pressure suddenly being placed upon his shoulders.

“Yoriichi, learn to play this violin, alright? Mommy bought it for you with the little money she has, so you have to master it to make her happy.”

“Yoriichi, watch this tutorial. I heard it is good for people with an artistic mind. I’m very proud of your drawing, you know. So you should keep this up!”

“Yoriichi, come help me cook dinner. You need to learn this if you decided to be a chef in the future.”

“Yoriichi, do you want to learn more about statistics? It’s a bit complicated, but we can watch some tutorials to help you in your high school.”

“Yoriichi, you need to play outside more and get some sunlight. Maybe if you grow tall enough, people might notice your looks as you get older. I’d love to see my child become a model!”

“Yoriichi, you need to get high grades as you can. Be the number one always no matter how difficult the subject, alright? It would make me so happy!”

“Yoriichi, for the sake of our family…”

“For the sake of us, your parents…”

“You’re our only hope. You’re our son.”

“Please… Please… Please!”

“You can handle it all. You can. You will. And you’ll always prevail.”

The pressure he had to bear and the challenges he has to face grew until it reaches high as a mountain. More demands. More pleas. And more stress he had come to feel even at such a young age as he agreed to more and more…

Of course, Yoriichi managed, but something was nagging at the back of his head that it was all… unfair. He was but a child when every duty he was supposed to be handling are suddenly thrust into him. Because, according to his parents, he is a prodigy. He is special. He isn’t human for juggling so many things at once. But indeed, he wouldn’t be! His parents turned him into a monster, after all. It was their fault for raising such a dutiful child with a mind that can think of things out of his age. He can’t control it anymore.

However, as Yoriichi got older, he accepted it. He accepted the environment he grew up in. He accepted his behavior. He accepted his mind… Until he can no longer see that his actions can be wrong, too. Because that's how society always sees him. A boy who makes the right decisions.

“Hey, Tsugikuni!” A sixth-grader approached Yoriichi, followed by a group of friends until they all flanked him so that he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

Though Yoriichi may only be in the fourth grade, a lot of teachers have been considering for him to move two levels up. He’s a smart boy, they said, and his brain is on par with the brightest children coming from sixth grade. A fourth-grader like him exceeds the minds of fifth-grade students, which is why the faculty of the school are planning for him to skip a level to become a sixth-grade student.

He guessed correctly this is what it is all about. Why he is surrounded by a group of jealous kids.

“So you’re the kid who everyone bows to?” The boy asked, chin held high and hands hidden in his pockets. The other boys that surrounded him were big as well. If Yoriichi’s any other kid, he would’ve trembled in fear. “I wonder what’s so special about you? Even the teachers give you special treatment. What did you even do?” The bigger boy was eyeing him up and down in distaste.

When Yoriichi did not respond, it suddenly irked the boy staring at those calm eyes. To the sixth-grader, it was like telling him he isn’t a threat even if he and his friends, with their taller frames, surrounded the smaller boy.

“Hey, speak up!” One of the kids shouted. “You’re not a damn mute, are you!?”

Yoriichi doesn’t want to. Unlike this older boy, he has a lot of things to do at a time like this. “Please, excuse me,” Yoriichi said, standing there in patience for them to move away. But as expected, the older boys did not like the way they were being ignored. Brushing them away like that? Now that’s a first.

“I ask you a question!”

They sure are persistent. “And I intend to ignore it, now move.”

The boy gritted his teeth in anger. Hearing such a calm tone that matches that expressionless face is disturbing. “So this is the ‘special’ boy they’re all talking about? I did not expect him to be quite rude, eh?”

Yoriichi sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. “I am sure you can tell in one glance if a person is in a hurry. Isn’t it quite rude to interrupt a busy person? So, please move.”

The boy scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Hurry? You’re in grade four, aren’t you? What in the world are you so busy for?”

You have no idea… Yoriichi mused, still deciding not to answer him, and instead said. “I need to go now, excuse me please.”

This only caused to infuriate the boy, releasing the anger he held back a moment ago as he stepped closer to the younger one. “Are you deaf? I want to talk to you, deaf brat! Don’t ignore me, you stupid–” The bigger boy closed the distance between them right away, placing his rough and dirty hand on Yoriichi’s shoulder, a sign that he’d push the younger boy to get his attention.

And sure enough… it did. But not the way the older boy was expecting.

When Yoriichi felt a hand brushing on his shoulder, he felt a moment of complete control over his body, like a sixth sense he didn’t know he had. Yoriichi grasped the hand tightly, at a speed of light, and twisted it, pulling it down till it reaches his hip. Yoriichi couldn't help but follow up with something worse; pulling a finger and twisting it more.

The boy yelped in pain. The other boys scrambled back at the sight before them. It happened too fast. The helpless boy whimpered and tried to pull back, but unexpectedly, the strength of the younger one is undeniable. It only got the bigger boy pulled closer when he kept tugging himself off. The grip became painful.

Yoriichi leaned in, whispering to the boy’s ear. “You have mistaken yourself. I am not deaf. You are.” Then he released the painful grip, making the boy stumble backward and fall. The boy held his other hand, soothing the pain, while big fat tears made their way down his cheeks.

“A-Are you okay?” His friend asked, but his fear-filled eyes did not even glance down at the fallen boy, rather, he maintained eye contact with the child who was much younger than them all. It’s a similar feeling when staring down a monstrous creature to ensure it didn’t do anything. Because if you look away, it would pounce.

Then, Yoriichi brushed off an area on his shoulder, recalling how dirty the boy’s hand look. “If you like, I can repeat myself.” Then he eyed them all, expressionless yet calm. It’s eerie. It’s terrifying. It’s a small boy who completely overpowered a bigger foe. “I am busy, so please excuse me.” With that, he gave them all a look that had them flinching, and walked away.

To Yoriichi, he did something right. He defended himself from the bullies. It wasn’t him who took the initiative to start a fight. It was them. If he chose to ignore the action his bully was about to take, pushing him down to the ground, and ended up having scraped palms and wounded elbows, then he’d be the one who’d suffer in pain and hurt. So, he’s the good guy, right? Even if that means breaking a bone of the bad guy as a result… he’s only defending himself. He’s good!

With that, Yoriichi heads home. Not minding one bit of a wailing child running away, telling his parents who’re now calling the hospital, with school staff hurrying along to help the child with such injury that is sure would never heal normally.

~

Even at his own home, Yoriichi can’t find a break from the duties he was told required at most attention. But at least this is a place where he gets to bask in his little brother’s presence. Michikatsu Tsugikuni… the only one who never seemed to give him all sorts of trouble. And the only person whom he can’t control.

For some reason, his little brother was the first and only person who’d rather stay away from him.

Even their parents would swarm to the oldest as if they were little moths buzzing along to a bright beacon of light. However, Michikatsu preferred to keep his distance, simmering in boiling anger if dared to be pulled into a hug. Regardless, Yoriichi loves him dearly despite the way Michikatsu would avoid him from time to time.

Jealousy was a contributing factor to the reason why the youngest would stay far away from the oldest sibling. Yoriichi isn’t blind. He does not pretend to be oblivious that Michikatsu would look at him with a gaze of jealousy or awe. And he concluded it must be the reason why he couldn’t control Michikatsu completely unlike the others. Although he did manage to deceive his younger brother a lot of times, however, Michikatsu’s determination to see the bad in him is what kept their relationship as brothers complicated.

If only Yoriichi could tell why he’s like this… But if he does tell the reason, then everything would be for naught.

He entered the house, fully expecting his parents to come out and greet him. His mother was the first to see him, and her glum eyes brightened instantly the moment they landed on him. “Yoriichi!”

She rushed to him, and the oldest son hugged her. “I’m home.”

She returned the hug, and a smile crept on her face. “So? How’s the exam? Did you pass it?” Yoriichi was about to respond, but his mother interrupted him as she pulled away. “Oh, I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sure you perfected it.”

She is right. He smiled at her and rummaged around his bag, taking the paper out and revealing his test score. “I know you would, Yoriichi dear. That’s my boy.” His mother pulled him in another hug. “We knew this was coming. That’s why we have a feast waiting for you in the kitchen!” His mother is always an excited person. So he already expected this as well. “Come now.”

Yoriichi headed towards his room first to wear something casual for the night, all the while, staring at the other door of the hallway just beside his own, a room occupied by his younger brother. After he goes inside and changed, he walked silently out of his room. Instead of heading to the kitchen first, he stalked with complete silence to Michikatsu’s door and leaned in… As always, it is quiet. Like Michikatsu knew Yoriichi would be listening first before knocking. A small smile appeared on his face as he knocks on the door, “Michikatsu…”

Yoriichi waits.

The door opened slowly, and standing there is his little brother, looking at him with confusion. “It’s time to eat? But it’s so early.”

Yoriichi simply shrugged. “Mother said there’s a feast.”

The youngest blinked multiple times, not a look of surprise on his face. “You passed?” The oldest simply nodded as a response. “Oh, congrats.”

“Thank you, Michikatsu.”

The youngest boy glanced around, mouth opened slightly, yet looked quite reluctant to speak up. After a moment, Michikatsu released a breath, combing his messy hair. “So, you’re going to be grade six next year?”

“No.”

At that, Michikatsu’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“I plan to tell the principal that I’d move up accordingly. I want to enter the fifth grade.”

The youngest sibling blinked rapidly as if he wasn’t able to comprehend every word that was said. He shook his head in disappointment. “No, big brother. Don’t you realize that you can graduate faster?”

“Yes, I know that. But I don’t think mother and father are ready yet.”

This had Michikatsu appear confused. “What do you mean?”

“The tuition fee will be expensive once we go to high school. Mother and father have yet to find a job properly, so I think if I give them a year, they’d be more prepared with that given time.”

“But going to fifth grade means another year to pay the tuition fee, right? Mother and father would waste their money again for you.”

Yoriichi’s heart melted at his brother’s consideration when it comes to money. They both know they’re poor, but what kept them at success was because Yoriichi had done a lot of things using his skills and many talents to provide for them all as well.

“You’re very kind, Michikatsu. But don’t worry, everything will be taken care of.”

Their parents would make Yoriichi join competitions in any sport that involved money. Not only sports but something that includes his capabilities, such as chess competitions, maths challenges held by the school, journal writing for children, and even puzzles or Rubik's cube competitions. Even though it is good for children to expose to many of these activities, it’s quite… a burden when the only purpose he’s joining these events in the first place is because his parents are after money.

“You should head to the kitchen and help mother.”

“You’re not going first?” Michikatsu straightened his shirt, eyeing him now with wariness.

Yoriichi shook his head. “I need to find something. I also have to take out my assignments first. I’ll be with you.” He nodded at Michikatsu and then went back to his room, ignoring the stare drilling on the back of his head.

After he shut the door of his room, Yoriichi lowered himself and knelt, waiting… He counted for three minutes until he could no longer hear the footsteps of his little brother outside. He is sure Michikatsu already left the hallway, probably heading towards the dining area. Once the time is up, Yoriichi stood up and opened the door discreetly. No sign of his brother in the hallway whatsoever.

Yoriichi proceeds to walk towards Michikatsu’s room, opening and closing the door silently as well. Once inside, he glanced around Michikatsu's room, searching for the one he was looking for.

He didn’t lie to his little brother. He does need to find something but didn’t specify where. It would only increase the suspiciousness or that wary attitude of his little brother if he finds out that Yoriichi's been looking for a particular object that contains private messages.

That’s right, Yoriichi’s looking for Michikatsu’s diary.

It must be hidden underneath his bed– ah, there it is…

His younger brother may pretend to act mature or old enough despite his age, but he is still a child and owned possessions that are normal for a kid. A diary, for example, is normal for everyone, especially for a kid like him whose thoughts are endless. Michikatsu would never tell his older brother that he owned a diary. And to Yoriichi, it’s upsetting. So, he couldn’t help it… invading privacy.

He desires to be closer to his little brother. To share a strong bond between brothers. Ever since their parents entrusted Yoriichi a share of their struggle, so little time had been shared between the two brothers. Especially when Michikatsu is determined to ignore him every single moment. And since Yoriichi isn’t always here with Michikatsu, he does not know the daily situation his sweet and innocent little brother faces.

Every time Yoriichi reads the diary, various questions appeared in his mind. Making him even more curious about the life his little brother had without him being there to see it. Not only that, but he wonders as well what other things Michikatsu experienced without it being recorded in his diary.

Did Michikatsu get bullied at school? Has he eaten well today? Did he pay attention to classes? Are his friends kind? Did he disobey the rules again? Has he been consistent with his studies? Did he land himself in danger? Did he get a wound somewhere?

Did mom and dad use him as they did to me behind my back? Yoriichi thought.

He has to know. He has to know everything about Michikatsu. The love he had for him is immeasurable, and as the oldest, he needs to do everything he can to protect the youngest. Being called the perfect son is nothing if he isn’t the perfect brother. Throw every duty, every sport, every skill and talent he has to have… throw it all at him.

Not for the sake of satisfying his parents… but for the sake of protecting Michikatsu from this cruel world, then he can do it all and demonstrate it.

Yoriichi stood beside his brother’s bed, reading the diary for the day. He also read last night’s notes Michikatsu would add before he goes to bed. He skims through his brother’s activities last night as well as his expectation for the next day, all written slowly and calmly judging by the neat handwriting and the doodles beside the texts. He then reads the morning message his kid brother made earlier, how he is ready for school, seeing his friends, playing outdoor games… But the most interesting message Yoriichi reads and is quite looking forward to reading was the thoughts for the day, usually written at the end.

Sometimes, Michikatsu wouldn’t write his thoughts. But Yoriichi observed that Michikatsu  would if he had the time to write or wasn’t sleepy enough yet. However, it’s those things Yoriichi is expectantly wanting to read since it was the thoughts of his younger brother. Something Yoriichi can’t see himself since it is on the reserved deep parts of Michikatsu’s mind poured out on this little notebook.

Some thoughts are interesting like what Michikatsu has been daydreaming about. What he wanted to be in the future. What kind of toy he wants to get. Yet some thoughts are about… him– About Yoriichi himself. Although, Yoriichi didn’t mind reading some hateful words about him. In his opinion, it was a feeling his little brother had yet to recognize or understand. Michikatsu has yet to know the difference between hate and appreciativeness. Yoriichi may still be a child as well, but he understands the definition between the two and has decided that his little brother has to learn shortly that all Yoriichi has done is for the sake of keeping this relationship as it is.

Indeed, it was in this diary he found out about Michikatsu’s jealousy of him. But he doesn’t care. Yoriichi also doesn’t care if he had invaded his little brother’s privacy. After all, as the eldest, he must know everything about his brother to ensure safety. Michikatsu did not recognize that feeling yet. Soon, maybe he’d come to appreciate his older brother’s work done only for him.

Yoriichi loves him dearly after all.

Not only that but Yoriichi could gain knowledge of his parents’ motives here. What would happen if their parents had done the same thing to Michikatsu? It would be a nightmare, that’s for sure. The distance of skill between the two siblings is too far. The youngest isn’t as talented in life compared to the eldest. That’s why at most times, the youngest would be mistreated.

There was just something about Michikatsu that Yoriichi vowed to protect. Michikatsu is his little brother. He is family. He is uncontrollable. And he… is innocent. Yoriichi wanted to protect him at all costs from the negative words the people sprouted directly at him. Michikatsu did not do anything but live…

The number of negative things Yoriichi had seen outside as he was exposed to many activities from time to time again had made him fear for Michikatsu’s innocent life. He is afraid that Michikatsu would be tainted by the cruelty of the world. He is afraid that their parents would force their youngest son to do the same thing as he did; carrying the pressure and responsibility at such a young age to the point it is deemed unfair. He is afraid that Michikatsu would be exposed to the dangers of the world, unbeknownst to the fact that his life can be stolen away from him in an instant, especially since he isn’t gifted like him. And he is afraid that his little brother would be impacted heavily by the words that brought evil.

Yoriichi may be the perfect boy to ever live, but he is the boy who fears the most.

Protect Michikatsu.

Don’t let mother and father glance his way. Or else they’d use him, too.

Protect Michikatsu.

Don’t let the world taint his childhood with blood.

Protect Michikatsu.

Even if it means isolating him.

Protect Michikatsu.

As I have seen what suffering can do to a person, therefore, he shall not experience it, too.

Protect him at all costs. He is my little brother.

To say that all eldest brothers in the world are protective of their youngest is understandable. Since they’re the oldest and have experienced more things than them, they indeed must guide the young and help them when needed.

But this… This exceeds such a thing. The love Yoriichi had for Michikatsu is too much. The desire to know everything about his little brother to make him happy, satisfied, and to never think of the outside world again except Yoriichi alone had flourished to the point of obsession.

And yet.

Yoriichi never thought of it as toxic love.

And as years go by, Yoriichi is resolved to do something more. Seeds of new experience had implanted in his mind, seeing more and more dangers of the world. And as he experiences more, his capabilities extended until he truly became the true definition of perfection.

It’s all for his little brother. Whom he cannot control. Whom he cannot convince so easily. And whom he treasured the most out of everyone in the world… And unexpectedly, the only person who sees this side of him.

~~~

Families circled each other at the principal office. The Tsugikuni family sat on one side, and the other family on the other. Witnesses only stood beside them. The tense atmosphere kept increasing as the silence goes on. But the anxiousness beats them all, as the principal glanced around a child’s broken pinky finger.

“How am I to believe that Yoriichi Tsugikuni did this?” The principal had his fingers linked together, elbows propped on the table, as he eyed the bandaged hand of the student. “I know Yoriichi myself fairly well. He is a good kid with a beautiful heart. His talent and skills are recognized by many. So to declare that he did this…” The man trailed off.

The mother of the injured child screeched in anger. “Is my son’s broken finger not a piece of evidence to you? That boy–” she pointed at Yoriichi, “is a monster! My son told me that he was only approaching him, and what happened next? Oh! His finger suddenly snap like a twig by that child!”

Now, it was Yoriichi’s father to speak up. His voice is calm but expresses concern. “My boy, Yoriichi, is a sweet child. He is always aware that putting harm to others is not the answer, and he always hated the thought of hurting others. My boy would never do that.”

“Then what is this, Mr. Tsugikuni?” The woman pointed once again at the bandaged hand of her son. Her face straining from anger, and her eyes are wild. “Children may be innocent, but they’re little devils oftentimes, and your son is no exception! No cameras are recording the situation back then to prove it, but we know it is him who did it! My son’s friends were there to witness it, isn’t that right?”

All heads turn to a group of children huddled in the corner, with their parents beside them looking at them as well for confirmation. But the children, the same group of kids who surrounded Yoriichi along with that boy, had their lips pressed tight firmly. Not speaking even one bit, with their eyes downcast.

The principal noticed their shivering figures, but he assumed it was out of fear of being called out. “Children, please answer honestly. Don’t worry, there will be no consequences for all of you. Just tell me what you have witnessed at that time, and I expect honesty, alright?”

But the children refused to look up, even their parents nudged and whispered them to be brave and speak up. After a moment of silence, only one dared to…

“Sir, we um–” The boy’s voice cracked.

The principal’s brows rose, waiting patiently. The mother of the injured child had her foot drumming on the ground, also waiting for the answer to prove that she was right all along. The injured boy looked at his friends with hope and desperation. Everyone had their eyes trained on the fumbling boys, the looks they all had are expectant.

However, only one person in the room looked at the other boys with a warning.

When the brave boy made the mistake of glancing up until he locked eyes with Yoriichi, he swears he saw a demon in that stoic face. The boy gulped a thick lump in his throat, avoiding those maroon eyes that seems to say, ‘I’m here. Remember what we talked about.’

“Y-Yoriichi is… He is innocent, s-sir.”

The injured boy gasped, a look of betrayal flashed in his eyes. “Liar! That’s not true!”

The stuttering boy continued, his hands that are curled into a tight ball were shaking visibly as he eyed the principal with determination and fear despite the fact he was tearing up. “Yoriichi was just… He was just passing by, a-and he was getting bullied b-by him. And I and m-my friends were there to, um, watch and try to h-help. But he,” the kid looked at his injured friend pitifully, “w-when he was about to push Yoriichi, he missteps and f-fell hard. That’s why h-he got a broken bone, sir.”

And with that, his other friends nodded in agreement, looking quite desperate.

“What? Is that true, son!?” The mother of the injured son looked down with her arms crossed, showing disappointment towards her son.

“No! Mom, I swear! I-I… I just–” Then the poor boy turned around to look at his so-called ‘friends’. “Why did you lie!? It didn’t happen. You were all there!” But his friends looked down, appearing guilty. “Guys? Come on, say something! It was Yoriichi! It was Yoriichi who broke my finger–”

“Child, lower your voice please.” The principal ordered softly.

“S-Sir, no, that is not what happened–” The child looked around helplessly and hopelessly. His heart broken from betrayal and disbelief. “L-Listen to me… That’s not what happened. A fall wouldn’t easily break a finger! Honest!”

“And a fourth-grader wouldn’t break a bone easily as well. Your friends answered quite bravely and honestly in my opinion,” the principal commented, “I don’t think they have a reason to lie in a situation like this. But…” He turned his head on the other child, “Yoriichi? Can you confirm?”

The room is filled with a moment of silence until the injured child broke down crying, wailing the words, ‘it’s not true, it’s not true,’ repeatedly. His mother scolded him for telling a lie silently, seething in anger.

Then, Yoriichi responded. “Yes sir, all that they said is true.” As he said that, he turned his head painfully slow, and eyed the brave boy standing on the corner who spoke up… And smiled.

The lying boy shivered in fear at the sight of that small smile for him, breaking eye contact once more and looking down, staring at his feet. He released a breath and shut his eyes firmly, recalling the short but terrifying conversation he had alone with Yoriichi that took place a few hours ago before this meeting started.

When the principal called their parents as they wait inside the principal’s office, it was there when Yoriichi decided to say something. At that time, the principal planned to have ‘a little talk’ with each child involved, by going outside the office and answering some personal questions the principal asked.

At that moment, when the injured child was the first one to talk with the principal, leaving Yoriichi and the other boys alone inside the office, that is where he struck.

“If you tell what happened back then… I’ll ruin you all.”

It sounds like a joke back then. A fourth-grader? Telling a threat to the sixth graders? Ha! It’s laughable. But as the boys snickered at the threat and were about to fire their own as well, their breaths were stolen at one look at that… that face.

Dread filled them in an instant. Their sweat felt cold. All of their hearts thundered in fear. And their eyes widened in horror as they all look at the child before them. The presence Yoriichi omitted was different. No longer did they see a child, but a demon. A demon child, that’s what he is.

“Do you understand?”

They can’t speak. Even their throat betrayed them, unable to function, so they nodded, not looking away from the demon as if it was going to pounce at any moment. From then on, they were reminded once again how this boy is capable of breaking their bones as well.

Then, Yoriichi smiled. “Good.”

It led them to this situation. It led them to lie. They can’t help it. That smile brought him back to reality. Just how terrifying a nice person can be.

‘I’m so sorry, my friend. But I don’t want to die.’ The boy mused as a tear dropped from his eyes as he watched his wailing friend currently being scolded once again by his mother.

~~~

Michikatsu tried everything. He tried to break the windows, and tried to sneak out during midnight and during the early hours of the morning. He tried to sneak into his older brother’s room to find the key out of the house. And tried to use a hairpin to unlock a lock.

Nothing.

He can’t do anything. Even if he did succeed, it will be all too late.

Every escape route is perfectly blocked. He can’t go out. As expected from the mind of a perfect brother– no, a perfect mastermind. It was too planned. Michikatsu wondered if his brother took the whole week, a week of class suspension, planning this out without his knowledge. But it should’ve been obvious since during the week, he notices his older brother leaving too many times, returning with supplies that he initially thought were for his work.

He should’ve known! All the signs were there all along. That one moment where his brother started to act like a damn parent. When restrictions were implemented as he was told he cannot go outside, let alone hang out with his friends. So many signs, yet he remained blind– no, he preferred to never see it in the first place.

It was his fault for not seeing it at all.

What is this all for? Why does Yoriichi do this? Why is big brother so afraid? Why? Why? Why!?

Michikatsu had already shed his tears. He can’t handle more now. It’s enough. All he needs to do is to keep trying no matter how futile it is. Even if he ended up injured… even if he ended up being locked in his room again. He’ll keep trying.

This love his older brother had for him is too much. The fact that Yoriichi can’t handle him being hurt is so absurd because everyone gets hurt every time! That is inevitable for everyone. So, why can’t Yoriichi understand that? Why does he prioritize Michikatsu's safety and wellbeing so much?

It’s confusing. It’s so hard to understand. But whatever it is, Michikatsu had to try learning about Yoriichi as much as he can while he is locked here so that he could think of the best counter.

Michikatsu released a breath, holding a small hairpin his big brother had forgotten to take from him in his palms and looked around the hallway to see if Yoriichi's nearby. No sign of him. So, Michikatsu took this opportunity to open the door of his older brother’s room and went in. He only has a few minutes to ensure he’s alone. He needs to be fast, or else he’d be spotted right away due to suspiciousness.

It’s been a week and a half since his imprisonment. His older brother had forbidden him to go outside, claiming that it was too dangerous. A week and a half of trying to escape. And a week and a half of failure.

He truly can’t escape from a perfect brother. Don’t give up now, you fool!

Michikatsu instantly walked to a locked drawer, having shut the door silently behind him. There is a bit of difficulty opening the lock since the pin was small and easy to bend. But it seems luck is on his side today as he heard a satisfying click from the lock, a sign that it’s open. Michikatsu smiled in delight.

As he pulled it opened, his eyes quickly skimmed through the piles of junk, searching for his phone.

He opened small boxes, flipped through notebooks, and dug deeper to find the hidden spot his phone might be at. He made sure he had done so carefully so that it wouldn’t be a suspicious mess if his brother opened this drawer. At last, he found it. A small metal cookie box, old but carefully preserved quite well, revealed itself underneath the junk. He opened the case and snatched his phone, then immediately return the things to their rightful position.

Michikatsu stood up straight, only turning to watch the closed door behind him. Then, he walked next to a bookshelf so that if his brother came in, the lie he came up with would appear like the truth.

As he turned his phone on, glad that it was only fifty-one percent battery, he immediately scrolled through the contacts with shaking fingers. His eyes alternatingly glanced up to the door and down to his phone. He’s just so nervous!

He clicked at the name he’s been wanting to call on. Hakuji.

Michikatsu pressed the phone tight to his ear, praying and hoping and wishing to every God that exists. “Please, please, pick up.” His prayers were heard.

“Michikatsu?”

Fuck, I want to cry. And indeed, he teared up. “Hakuji!” Another voice. Another person to talk with. He grew tired just hearing his brother’s voice nowadays since he had no one else to interact with.

“Michikatsu? You didn’t tell me that you plan to leave school in the middle of our third quarter.” Hakuji sounded quite sad about the sudden news. “And you haven’t contacted me in such a long time either. What happened, dude?”

“I– Listen, Hakuji. I–”

“Michikatsu?” A different voice echoed, but this time, it didn't sound like it came from the phone. The voice is from the outside of the room, somewhere within the hallway. Dread filled him in an instant, like all the blood drained from his body. Fuck, it’s him. He’s nearby, too!

“What’s wrong, Michikatsu? Care to tell me why the hell did you abandon your friend–”

He interrupted his friend by whispering loudly. “Hakuji, come to my house. Please. Now!” Then Michikatsu ended the call, swerving around so that his back is on the door and face hidden from view, as the door opened just in time.

The slight creak of the door sounded. “Michikatsu, what are you doing in my room?” The serenity of his brother’s voice puts him on edge.

The lie. “I was just looking through your books from your last year of senior high. You did say I’m prepared to go over through them, right?”

It was silent for a while, and Michikatsu thought he was caught as he began to tense up until his older brother said. “You’re very smart, brother. I’m happy to know you’re always so eager to learn.”

Michikatsu could only hum in response. Since his back is on the door, he can’t tell what kind of expression Yoriichi’s wearing. These days, Michikatsu got a little better at reading the expression on his brother’s face, especially during the moments when he was homeschooled. However, he couldn’t read tones. It’s always the same; void and calm.

“But it’s time for lunch now, so come on.”

Crap, I haven’t hidden the phone well right now. It’s on his palms that are pressed tightly on his chest. “Yeah, I’ll be with you in a moment.” Michikatsu pretended to go over the books, searching and looking.

Another moment of silence filled the room. And then, “Alright.” With that, the door closed with a click. His older brother’s light footsteps pattered away.

Michikatsu took many minutes to compose himself. The tears fell out of happiness since he got to hear someone else’s voice again. He wiped them away immediately. Even though this is not the room he wanted to be in, at least it was worth it. Once Hakuji gets here, maybe he can go outside!

He held on to that hope. He held on to luck that had helped him today. Everything will be alright. All he needs to do is wait.

So, Michikatsu palmed his face once again and sighed, trying to rub away the tears. Fixing the phone properly that is now hidden inside his shirt, Michikatsu breathed in and out. He planned to go inside his room and hide his phone somewhere, then eat lunch with Yoriichi as he wait for Hakuji to come and rescue him. So, that’s what he is about to do as he marches towards the door and––

What the?

He twisted the doorknob and pulled, but was unable to open it. “Big brother?” He turned and twist the doorknob repeatedly. Left, right. Push, and pull. It can’t be opened.

Panic filled him.

“B-Big brother… I think your door is broken!” Michikatsu tried again but to no avail. Not now. Now now!

All the hairs on his skin stood up as he listened to the muffled voice of a person behind the door. “I’m sorry, Michikatsu.”

What?

Fear and panic took hold of him. His eyes widened in disbelief. Now his palms began to sweat. “Open the door. Now!” He kicked the door in blind fury. “I said open the door!” The lock of this door is unlocked inside. There must be something outside, blocking, behind this door.

“Until your friend leaves, I will…”

Michikatsu froze. How did he know? How did he know!?

He voiced it out. “H-How…?”

Yoriichi was kind enough to answer. “The lock on my drawer…”

Fuck!

Michikatsu turned around to see a wide-open drawer with a hairpin sticking out on the lock. It was at that moment he felt his face turn pale, completely draining blood off of his face. Instead of shame, it was hopelessness. It must be the excitement and the adrenaline of talking with Hakuji again that he forgot to close it shut. He was relishing the moment too much that he completely and idiotically forgot to close it and hide––

Tears once again fell from his eyes. “Big brother, please…”

“Stay put, Michikatsu.” Then he felt his brother walk away, probably going to the front door.

This time, he didn’t care how desperate he sounded. Michikatsu didn’t care how pathetic he have became. All he wanted was freedom. “Brother, please! Please, please, please! Let me out. I want to go outside. Please! No, don’t do this to me!”

He lost.

“No! Hakuji, help! Please! Don’t do this to me, brother! Hakuji! Hakuji!”

What can he do against such a perfect brother?

~~~

Hakuji knocked on the door, twice. He ran here without hesitation when he heard Michikatsu’s frantic. At first, he thought he couldn’t leave school. But since it was lunchtime, they were allowed to leave only to eat and not do something else. And not do something else, he did. A basketball was placed comfortably underneath his armpit as he waited for the door to open, and it wasn’t long for the owner of the house to come out.

“Good afternoon, um…” Hakuji trailed off, raking his eyes at the man whose appearance is so similar to his friend, Michikatsu. It’s somewhat of a surprise just looking at this guy. If Michikatsu stands there at the same height, they’d look more like twins. “You’re Yoriichi, right?”

“Good afternoon. Yes, I am.”

Hakuji cleared his throat. “So, I was wondering… Where is Michikatsu?”

“I’m afraid he isn’t here at the moment.” The man answered, earning a look of surprise from the teen.

“What do you mean?”

“Ah, he hasn’t told you?”

Of course, he wouldn’t. We had barely seen each other for almost three weeks! But Hakuji only shakes his head in response, shifting the basketball to his hands.

“He’s currently staying at our uncle’s home and has decided to live there for the time being.”

The teen blinked. “And why is that?”

Yoriichi paused for a while, then tilted his head and reveal a smile quite softly. “Personal reasons…”

Personal. He said personal. This means I shouldn’t pry, right? But…

Hakuji recalled the phone call. He could hear the desperate tone of Michikatsu’s voice. It was in the middle of lunchtime, and he received the call while he was practicing his moves with his girlfriend watching him. At that moment he was so happy to hear from Michikatsu again, only to learn that something was quite… wrong.

“Um, well you see… Michikatsu called me a few minutes ago, and he sounded so… nervous? Or maybe afraid for some reason? So, I just had to come and see if he’s doing well.” It’s the reason why he brought a ball. If Michikatsu is in danger right now, Hakuji would throw this ball at the person in the face who is hurting his friend as a distraction. Then proceed to punch the heck out of em’.

Yoriichi let out a small chuckle. “Ah, it must be our uncle. That old man can get a bit extreme when it comes to traditions. Especially when Michikatsu will turn eighteen soon. I’m sure you could understand old people and their ways.”

So, everything is fine?

Indeed, he does understand. Hakuji’s father would often make him sit with him every Saturday and drink tea. It’s their tradition and he is expected to follow it. Although he does find it a bit annoying because he has Saturday practice, especially when learning the Soryu Style specifically taught to him by Koyuki’s father, it is still a wonderful tradition he has no complaints about following since those are some few moments he spends a lot with his father.

If he skipped it, his father would be so upset and would turn out to be quite strict… which is something he does not want to experience again. A strict father is a terrifying father. So, in a way, Hakuji could understand what Michikatsu is feeling. He felt bad for leaving him alone under such a strict uncle though.

However, something about this still felt wrong. But Hakuji doesn’t know what! Looking at Yoriichi’s face, all he could find is genuine honesty. I mean… why would Michikatsu’s brother lie to him? It’s his brother. A good person just by looking at that man. Hakuji mused as a small smile appeared on his face. Even though Michikatsu never told me about his uncle… Well, it’s not like he shares family stuff with me. He barely talks about his family.

In the deepest depths of his mind, a nagging voice whispered to him… Remember the conversation! A perfect brother that is Yoriichi Tsugikuni. And a certain memory popped out of nowhere; a flashback of that one particular conversation he had with Michikatsu weeks ago.

“So you’re saying that you felt like suffocating from your brother’s overbearing protectiveness? How worse?”

“Worse than a strict parent, I think.”

“But does it sends you red alarms to your brain?”

 “I… guess?

“But you said that he isn’t allowing you to leave the school alone anymore. And by the sound of it, I think he isn’t allowing you to leave, especially when he isn’t near you.”

“Yeah, just like moms who don’t allow their kids to play outside without them.”

“It’s not normal. He is your brother. Not your mom. And I think brothers don’t just steal their rights towards their siblings in doing whatever they want.”

Hakuji shook that memory away internally. I’m just being paranoid. Even Michikatsu confirmed to me that this man is just an overprotective brother. “Well, nice to meet you!”

Yoriichi nodded. “Nice to meet you, too.”

The teen took a step back in reluctance. “Well, um, do you know when Michikatsu will return?”

The man shrugged. “I also don’t know in all honesty. It depends on what kind of lessons our uncle would like to tell him as preparation for adulthood. Plus, Michikatsu won’t go to your school anymore because of… reasons.”

That sucks.

Hakuji deflated, the thought of not seeing his friend again and every day puts him in a sour mood. “Oh, okay. O-One more question though, well, a favor.” He cleared his throat. “Can you tell him to call me? I left my phone back at school, but I just want to know if he’s doing alright. I still want to be friends with him.”

With that, Yoriichi smiled with gratefulness. “Alright, but I can’t guarantee you that he’d call from now on. If uncle finds out, he’d be sure to confiscate Michikatsu's phone right away since it’s strictly prohibited inside the house.” Then Yoriichi's eyes flashed and Hakuji couldn’t point out what kind of emotion it is. “And also, don’t try to call back. Just don’t. I don’t think uncle would… appreciate it.”

Hakuji's heart went heavy in sadness. “But how do I contact him then? When will I see him again?” Michikatsu… Why didn’t you tell me?

“Don’t worry. I’m here to let you know.”

When Hakuji left the residence as well as the neighborhood, it was then he realized that Yoriichi did not answer the questions all too properly. And as Hakuji returned to school, with his girlfriend telling him that his phone kept ringing along with an excuse that she couldn’t answer it because a teacher is nearby, he was reminded of the look on Yoriichi’s eyes when he was told not to call back…

~~~

His luck had been wasted. Michikatsu could only call Hakuji’s phone four times until he ran out of load. He tried shouting at the top of his lungs, knowing that it was futile since Yoriichi had changed his walls into soundproof. Even so, he screamed and screamed, stealing all his breath away until he lay there on the floor with tears drying on his face.

Michikatsu can’t hear them. He doesn’t know what’s going on. His phone is useless now. It was all too… planned.

Whatever lies his brother is sprouting from his lips, passing on the message to Hakuji, he still prays that Hakuji would not believe in them. But he already knows that his older brother is also good at telling lies and being innocent about it, and it had him give up all hope.

It’s useless… I’m stuck in here forever.

The door opened. Michikatsu fumbled around, muscles tensing when he is now in the presence of his brother. The man stood there without a care of the situation.

“Michikatsu, come.”

What? Did Hakuji find out? Did his friend do something to get him outside?

All hope is crushed at the next following words. “It’s time to eat. I think the food is cold now though.” Michikatsu sat there with empty eyes, but Yoriichi did not mind it. “I’ll heat it again, while you can go ahead and watch some television. I’ll allow it this time.”

He felt his heart crushed like it was stepped on many times.

Yoriichi was about to leave but then halted. “Oh, by the way. Your phone.”

“What?” Michikatsu's voice croaked, tired and broken.

“Hand it over,” then Yoriichi raised his palm, patiently waiting for the phone to be placed in his hand.

With utter defeat, Michikatsu stood up and handed the phone over. Silent and out of the world.

“Thank you,” Yoriichi dared to say.

But it was at that exact moment that Michikatsu's anger flared, beginning to ask questions just as Yoriichi was about to leave. Dead as he is inside, he wanted more answers. More reason why he is locked up here. Why Yoriichi can’t be a normal brother, why he can’t be a good person just this once, why he is implementing such rules to the point of control…

Just why, why, why, why–

“Why, brother.”

Yoriichi halted his movements once again. “Pardon?”

“Why are you doing this?”

When the eldest noticed the change of mood and the defeated expression on his little brother’s face, he decided to answer them earnestly.

“To keep you safe.”

“Bullshit!”

“Language, Michikatsu.” Yoriichi frowned, seeing the way his little brother clenched his fist tight. He also noticed the fact that Michikatsu's face were red from crying and from rage. With his teeth gritting and his brows furrowed deep, it’s a sign that he’d blow up. 

“Tell me more. Not that kind of shit I don’t want to hear. Tell me!”

Silence rang the house when Michikatsu snapped. He fumed in anger, more tears dropped endlessly out of frustration. His lower lip turned red due to biting it out of nervousness from a moment ago. His voice is hoarse and exhausted. But his body gesture screamed fight, fight, fight!

“How did you turn into like this? A crazy man, locking up their sibling inside the house, just because he’s afraid that the sibling would get hurt. What is up with your brain, Yoriichi? You may be smart, but you’re so idiotic right now. Everyone gets hurt. Everyone! We bleed, and that’s normal! People die, and that’s just how it is! Why can’t you fucking see that? Why can’t you understand that locking me up here is so damn pointless!?”

Michikatsu proceeds to clutch his shirt, crumpling it tight because he just wants to hold and tear something while he is yelling at his brother, who is still looking at him with those damn expressionless face.

“You know what? I hate you. I hate you ever since you entered my life. I’m not going to hide the fact that I’ve been jealous of you and your damn gifts, and the fact you were born a fucking prodigy, while I’m not, puts me at the height of my displeasure. I hate every damn thing you do including the moments you protected me.”

More tears fall to the ground.

“Your attitude right now is killing me, Yoriichi. Your personality is shit, and I hate being around that kind of person! You and I may have shared the same blood and the same appearance, but we are so fucking different that we are better separated than together right now–”

“Michikatsu.”

The youngest froze. His skin tingled in fear once more as his blood ran cold. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate that I get intimidated because of him. It’s always him.

“Take that back.”

Michikatsu didn’t understand, preferring to stay quiet now that his older brother had unleashed his inner demon.

“Take that back, Michikatsu.”

With not much light surrounding the area and within the room, the only bright place was the hallway where his brother is standing right now. It’s like seeing a dark silhouette with eyes that glowed white, imposing an ominous figure and an aura that screamed danger. One moment Yoriichi was nothing… and then he became this.

“I don’t like the word separated, Michikatsu. To hear such a thing from you breaks my heart.”

Michikatsu couldn’t move a muscle.

“I will do anything for us to be together always. As your older brother, I must do so. To keep you safe. Away from danger and the cruelty the world gives us.”

But why, brother, why?

“You have not understood yet what the world can do to us, brother mine. Even though you have experienced it from time to time, you still haven’t realized how painful it is… how it ruins ourselves.”

Michikatsu took a step back.

“Don’t you see, Michikatsu? The people shunned you away when they realize you aren’t as gifted and capable. Your innocence kept being trampled when I’m not with you, giving you this rebellious phase you still have.”

But it’s because you’re the reason why they shunned me away. You were the first to be born and the first to show everyone how good you are! Because you’re born perfect, and I’m not! And it’s part of growing up as a teenager, that’s why I’m like this, you idiot. You can’t control my life, you can’t decide whether my innocence can be trampled!

However, Michikatsu couldn’t voice that. He can’t… Not when his brother is terrifying to talk against right now.

“Isn’t the world unfair? You know it’s always been unfair. Even to me, I know it’s unfair when our mother and father used me as their tool of success. You experienced the unfairness of the world when they kept comparing you and me… So isn’t it better to stay here and never experience them again? Those looks they give you, those whispers they uttered, and those pointing fingers whenever they talk about the Tsugikuni siblings. All you need to do is to let me handle it all. Out of the two of us, I’m the only one capable enough to handle pressure. So, just stay here.”

“B-But it’s unfair here, too! We can’t avoid living unfairly…” Michikatsu dared to speak. “It’s unfair to keep me locked in here. It’s unfair how you treated me right now! I-I’m old enough to defend myself, and I know how to take care of myself either!”

Then, Yoriichi’s eyes became dim. “Ah, I see how it is.” Yoriichi found Michikatsu's words disappointing to listen.

The oldest walked closer into the room. But Michikatsu kept his position, still unable to move, having frozen from apprehension. Then Yoriichi walked past him, surprising the youngest in the process. He watched as his oldest brother goes nearer to the drawer, the phone in his palm. Then Yoriichi proceed to open the drawer, took the hairpin still sticking on the lock, and placed the two items inside. Michikatsu couldn’t do anything but watch.

“You know I love you, Michikatsu.” Yoriichi shut the drawer close, then turned around to look his little brother in the eye. “So, I’m going to do whatever it takes for us to be together always. Every obstacle that blocks in my way, I have already removed it before. And I’m going to do it again whatever it is that prevents us being together.”

Remove… it? Before!?

No, wait a minute. “W-What do you mean you already removed it before?”

They were separated before. During those years away from each other because of the divorce of their parents. Mother had Yoriichi while father had Michikatsu. Back then Michikatsu thought he was free. But––

“Mother and father were obstacles,” Yoriichi said nonchalantly.

Michikatsu felt his heart skip a beat. Sweat started dripping down from his back at the realization. His hands are shaking, not even hiding them. And all too suddenly… he can’t breathe.

“Y-Y-You… You killed––”

“It was an accident.”

Michikatsu stumbled backward, almost unable to control the urge to vomit. There’s a throb in his forehead, and he placed his hand on his head as if he could balance himself. “No,” his voice broke. “No, you killed them.”

“Well, I did get myself involved. But it was them who initiated their deaths. I was only… there.”

Michikatsu could vision it. He could see their deaths flashing within his mind, including the cause of their deaths. Yoriichi sneaked himself inside the bar while mother was drunk, then drugged her drink, knowing that she’d drink endlessly towards her death anyway. Yoriichi had located where Michikatsu and their father had lived a long time ago, and broke parts of the car with the knowledge that their father preferred to drive fast.

The teen fell to the floor harshly.

“They were obstacles I need to get rid of, Michikatsu. They can’t separate us. We’re brothers!”

Those nonsense reasons kept sprouting from Yoriichi’s mouth. But Michikatsu couldn’t understand them anymore. Before he lost his consciousness, the same words, that created fear and long nightmares, were repeated once again. The same words Michikatsu is tired of hearing.

"Not even the world can separate you and me apart."