Chapter Text
The bathroom walls were white and plain. Nothing exciting. It was a business building after all.
Namjoon was on the floor of a large locked stall breathing in and out. All of a sudden his eyes that were glazed over began to let tears spill out.
He had told the unknown Taehyung if he could give him 5 minutes to use the restroom.
He was pretty sure his sobs could be heard outside. Namjoon’s head was pounding and his entire body ached. He was hearing things to cope. What happened to using music as coping methods?
The sobs racked and shook him; he couldn’t even see the white walls of the restroom anymore. Everything was a big blob of nothingness.
Namjoon’s breaths began to get shorter and shorter and he couldn’t breathe . His hands were shaking and-
The bathroom door opened and a light voice echoed along with Namjoon’s short breaths.
“Where are you?”
Although his voice was far away, Namjoon knew it was Jimin.
He tried saying I’m here in the big stall, but the only thing that came out was a garbled noise. He reached to unlock the stall and it swung open.
Jimin ran inside the small space and hugged Namjoon tightly.
“Hey Joon-ah, you’re okay. I’m here. Do you want to count and breathe with me?” Jimin started running his fingers through Namjoon’s hair.
Namjoon tried moving his head but it didn’t feel like it was moving. It felt like his head was made of rocks; everything was so heavy.
He still couldn’t see but he could feel Jimin around him.
“Okay, let’s count baby, try to repeat after me if you can.”
Jimin began counting from one and let out a deep breath after the number. Namjoon still could not breathe.
He didn’t know how to breathe, but he would try.
After number six, he finally said something similar to the number and let out a deep breath synced with Jimin.
“There you go, that’s it. You’re doing so well, I’m so proud of you baby.”
They counted all the way to twenty until Namjoon was no longer crying but letting out heavy breaths.
“You want me to take you home?” Jimin pressed a kiss to Namjoon’s head.
“N-not yet. ‘M gonna, no I need to do something in my studio first. I’ll text you okay,” he let out in a soft whisper that only Jimin could hear.
“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you, just let me know baby,” Jimin grabbed Namjoon’s hand and helped him get up.
He wiped Namjoon’s eyes with a tissue and followed him all the way to the studio.
“I’m just a text away Joonie,” he squeezed Namjoon’s hand and walked away.
Namjoon needed to know if he was real. He turned his studio’s handle.
-
Once again, he picked up the headphones and let out a breath.
“I’m back, are you still here Taehyung?” It hurt to say out loud.
There was no sound coming from his headphones, not even static. His mind had played a sick joke on him.
One beat of silence. Two beats of silence. Three beats of silence and then-
“Wait, wait! I’m here, sorry, I went to the kitchen, but ‘m back now!”
They were real. He was real. This person who sounded exactly like him was real.
“How was your restroom trip? Everything go well?” Unknown Taehyung let out a giggle.
Namjoon cleared his throat, “Yeah, just took a little longer than expected...where are you from?”
“I know how that feels, but anyway, I’m from the moon.”
This caught Namjoon off guard. “The moon? There’s no life on the moon-”
“Not the Earth moon silly, there are tons of moons! I’m from Moon 1, or the one that rotates Mars.”
This wasn’t possible, NASA had never said anything about life on the moon, nonetheless any other planets…
“Let’s say you are from Moon 1, are you an alien? What do you look like?” Namjoon just wanted to know. He needed to know.
Unknown Taehyung let out a giggle. “No, I don’t think I’m an alien, and I’m pretty sure I look human. I have a mole on my nose, my hair’s curly, and oh! I have one double eyelid. I think that makes me pretty human, Mr. Namjoon…I think the real question here is whether you’re an alien?”
Unknown Taehyung had just described his Taehyung’s appearance.
This wasn’t possible.
This wasn’t possible.
Was it?
“Namjoon? Did our connection drop or someth-”
“I’m not an alien.”
“Oh, you’re back, yay! Please elaborate.”
Namjoon didn’t want to cry anymore, but it felt like he was talking to him again, and he couldn’t let this chance go. So he went with-
“I’m tall, I have dimples, my boyf-,” Was he still his boyfriend? ”My old friend used to tell me my eyes reminded him of dragon’s, and I have a mullet situation going on right now.”
“A mullet? Oh that’s sick! I had one a few years back, I really liked it, maybe I should grow mine out again...you seem like a very gorgeous man Namjoon.”
“I don’t think I am, but you definitely have to be the prettiest person in the entire universe,” Namjoon’s words trailed off toward the end of his sentence.
“The entire universe? That’s a stretch Namjoon! I’ll humbly take the second prettiest person in the entire universe,” unknown Taehyung clicked his tongue.
“So then who takes first?” Namjoon looked down at his floor stained with coffee.
“You do,” he whispered, clear as day in Namjoon’s ears.
“You don’t even know what I look like Taehyung. I could be the ugliest person in the universe and you-”
“None of that! I can tell. There’s,” a pause, “something about you Namjoon. Just trust me.”
“And if I don’t? That is trust you?”
“Then I’ll have to earn it until you believe it.”
Unknown Taehyung sounded serious, Namjoon could tell by the tone of his voice dropping down to a lower octave. After all, he knew his Taehyung inside and out.
“I’ll take your word for it. So, supposedly, you’re from this Moon 1… can you travel?”
Unknown Taehyung released a short breath mixed with a snort that meant he was going to say something cocky; Namjoon was 100% sure.
“Of course we can! Wow, the people of Earth are so behind! I’ve been to a lot of places like Venus and Jupiter and poor Pluto, who is a planet. Thank you very much.”
Namjoon knew it, he knew Taehyung, and apparently, this one too. He needed to ask a question that was itching at his throat, “Have you been to Earth?”
Taehyung made a tutting sound, “No. Earth is, in simple words, a tricky flight. Lots of documents to sign, lots of assurance. You have to be willing to go there because of the doppelganger situation, amongst other hmmm consequences.”
Doppelganger?
“When you say doppelganger, you mean someone who looks like you?”
“Yep! For example, someone on Earth could look exactly like me, maybe have the same name, maybe have my style. You’ll understand it more someday, I don’t want to spoil anything for you.”
Exactly like ‘me’. Same name.
Taehyung?
“W-would you ever come to Earth?” Namjoon’s knuckles turned white because of the pressure he was subjecting them to by squeezing the edge of his desk.
“That’s a tough question,” Unknown Taehyung let out a forced laugh, “Maybe if I had a good reason to go, I would...What about you? If you, very slow humans, could fly to different moons and realize that you aren’t the only ones out there, would you?”
“I would cross the universe and all the galaxies inside of it if I could.” Namjoon wished he could.
“Why? There’s consequences to every action.”
“I want to see if I can find someone who I lost. Just want to see them one more time.”
“Excuse my curiosity… you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but..who did you lose?” There was no harshness to Unknown Taehyung's voice, just sincerity.
Namjoon venting to a stranger? Was he really a stranger? He had nothing left to lose.
“This might be a little weird, but you remind me of him... you- you’re really similar.”
Breathe in, breathe out.
“How so?”
Namjoon could hear unknown Taehyung’s calming breaths ringing in his ears, “Your mannerisms. The way you speak, the way you laugh. Your kindness and genuinity. All of you really. I think he was the prettiest person in the universe. Not me…”
“Well, if he’s like me, he must have been a great person, what was his name?”
Namjoon couldn’t just say, what a funny coincidence, you have the same name, and face, and everything, it would be weird.
“He was a singer, and he really liked his stage name, V. I’ll call him that from now on.”
Taehyung’s breath hitched. “V. Short, straight to the point, perfect! I love singers, what type of music did he do?”
“We did a little bit of everything, but he really liked classic music. Oldies on Earth, soft music. He was classic, I wish I could have had the time to watch our music become classic,” Namjoon let out a scoff, “but it is what it is.”
“I think somewhere out there, wherever he is, he knows. I think he’ll be waiting for you, and one day when your music is classic, he’ll dance with you to it. That’s kind of something we hold onto up here.”
Namjoon sniffled, “I didn’t think of it that way, thank you Taehyung.”
“No problem Namjoon, really, if you ever need anything you know where to reach me. Or listen. Same thing,” a quick low giggle. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did he pass?”
Namjoon’s therapist said that talking about it would help. Who better to talk with than Taehyung?
One breath. Two breaths.
Namjoon hoped his voice wouldn’t crack.
“V was, uhm, he was, hold on, I just need to breathe, I’m sorry.” One breath. Two breaths. “Okay, he was, he was coming back from practice-”
-
-
September 9, 2017
Taehyung had just finished practice at the studio and his muscles burned. Namjoon and Jeongguk had left before him to have food ready at the dorm. There wasn’t any special occasion, but they were going to embark on their world tour soon, so they were excited.
Jimin and the others were still practicing when he left, but he knew, would eventually leave when they sent pictures of the food at the dorm. Those animals.
Taehyung wasn’t sure he could handle sitting in the car for 10 minutes to get home, or else his muscles would cramp and that wouldn’t be fun. He decided to walk instead, it would take him 30 minutes at the most, he just needed his muscles to move .
The sun had set long ago, and the streets of Seoul were dark even with the illumination of the lamp posts at each corner, along with the cars driving by and bright buildings.
He grabbed a mask and cap from the break room, and made his way towards the dorm.
This would allow for his members to get there at roughly the same time. Namjoon and Jeongguk were probably already serving themselves plates, but it was okay, they did buy the food with their own money.
After walking for 20 minutes, his legs began to cramp up again, so he decided to take a rest outside of a darkly lit building. It looked like a parking garage.
He couldn’t get up. Taehyung tried shaking his legs and curling his toes to regain feeling, he had really done it this time.
He would need to see a specialist soon or a masseuse because this was too much. Maybe he did pull his hamstring, Namjoon was right.
Taehyung pulled out his phone, sitting on the edge of the curb of the garage and dialed his last call.
“ Hello, are you on your way ?”
“Hi Joonie! Guess who can’t get up off the floor because their legs are dead? Yup, you got it! Me.”
“Again? Tae, I told you to go see a specialist, you probably pulled your ha-”
“Hamstring. Yep, I know, I’ll go tomorrow, that way I’m all good for the tour and your birthday! Which is in like, 3 days.”
“How do you manage to turn a conversation about hamstrings to birthday sex? Kim Taehyung, you’ll be the death of me!”
“Yeah, I might, but you love it. My legs are tingling, oh, that means it's time to get up, save me the good stuff before those beasts get it! Be there in 10!”
Taehyung hung up before Namjoon could say anything.
He stood up on wobbly legs and put his phone into his pocket. 10 more minutes and he would finally arrive at the dorm.
The time read 11:20 pm .
He began to cross the lengthy distance of the sidewalk in front of the parking garage when he heard a loud car revving.
Some kid making donuts in real life, who knew they were actually that annoying ?
He was halfway through the sidewalk when the loud revving of the car sounded too close.
Were there two cars? Were they really racing in a parking garage? How irresponsible-
The cars were too close. Too close for comfort. Taehyung only saw bright lights coming towards him and instantly was blinded by them.
He tried to run but his legs were still weak. His muscles strained and everything was so loud and everything hurt.
Everything hurt .
Taehyung was on the floor, but the ground didn’t feel the same. It was gravelly, and rough, and-
And.
He couldn’t feel it anymore.
What did the ground feel like?
Everything was stinging. His arms burned. His knees burned. His entire body felt like it was on fire.
Was he yelling?
He couldn’t hear anything.
It felt like he was yelling.
He still couldn’t hear anything.
White noise surrounded him and it felt like there was something on top of him.
Was he breathing? His heart wasn’t pumping.
Why wasn’t his heart pumping?
He felt something wet fall onto his face.
Was it raining?
When it rains, it pours.
There was wetness everywhere.
Was he crying?
No, it was raining.
When it rains, it pours.
Blobs of white stood on top of him, making a sharp contrast with the black he had been looking at.
Seoul’s night sky had never been black for as long as he had known it.
Was someone talking to him?
‘Can you hear me? Oh my god, I didn’t think anyone would be here right now, I was just having fun. I’m gonna call the ambulance, you need to wake up-’
Wake up?
It was nighttime. It was dark , he had somewhere to be. He needed to go eat with Namjoon and the boys. They needed to get ready for their tour. He needed to finish planning Namjoon’s birthday.
Taehyung tried getting up.
Nothing happened.
Seoul’s night sky turned black again. His ears were ringing. He could hear something closer to him than before, but he still didn’t understand what they were saying.
‘Please get up, oh my god, I’m so sorry, ple-’
Was he being touched?
He couldn’t feel anything.
Well.
He could feel one thing.
The wetness.
When it rains, it pours.
It was everywhere and it hurt so bad.
There, in Seoul’s night sky that had never been black, was one bright light in the form of a circle.
The moon?
Taehyung loved the moon. It reminded him of Namjoon. So pretty.
Pretty.
The water kept rushing out of him.
When it rains, it pours.
His face was full of water.
The rain must have been heavy tonight.
People mind their business when it rains.
He wishes he had an umbrella. The rain kept falling near his eyes.
Taehyung thinks it's the rain's fault that he can see Seoul’s black sky.
The night had been gloomy before the rain began to fall.
The moon began to shrink within the black.
No, come back, I want to show Joonie, don’t leave yet, Joonie loves you-
Joonie loves you.
Joonie.
The moon in the pitch blackness became a speck of light in Taehyung’s vision.
Joon would like to see this. I’ll close my eyes to remember it, so I can tell him all about it.
The wetness was all consuming.
Taehyung closed his eyes, and could still see the moon in the even darker black.
He needed to catch it for Namjoon.
So pretty.
‘No, no, don’t close your eyes please, help is almost here, please stop crying, can you hear me? Don’t leave yet, wait a little longer please-’
Namjoon was prettier than the moon.
When it rains, it pours.
One more tear drop fell from Taehyung’s closed eyelids, and the wetness took him in.
He sank and sank and sank in what seemed like eternal rain water.
Forever rain.
The rain made him feel less lonely.
Please stay by my side, rain.
Surely the rain would tell Namjoon how pretty the moon looked?
When it rains, it pours.
Taehyung reached out for the moon. He extended his hand to touch it. He had never seen it shine so bright.
This was what Namjoon looked like. He would show Namjoon this moon.
Are you doing well? The rain that lasted forever asked him.
Yes, I’m okay… Will the rain ever end?
The moon looked at Taehyung and answered him instead, “It ends when you want it to end. A wise friend once told me, ‘I don’t live because I can’t die, but I’m chained to something.’ Are you still chained Taehyung?”
No, he wasn’t chained.
“ No, but please tell Joonie that I met and caught the moon today. She was as bright as he said she was.”
“You can tell him yourself Taehyung.”
The rain stopped pouring.
The moon disappeared.
He wasn’t chained.
When it rains, it pours.
-
-
Namjoon had finished setting up the food on the table when Jimin, Yoongi, Seokjin, Hoseok filed in through the door.
Jeongguk was on the couch chewing on a piece of tteokbokki.
He looked at the clock that read 11:40 pm.
Taehyung should have been here by now.
He had said ten minutes at 11:20. He was ten minutes late now.
Namjoon grabbed his phone and dialed his number.
It went straight to voicemail.
He dialed it again.
Voicemail.
He opened up his messages and went to the current location of his phone. He was in the same place he was 20 minutes ago.
Maybe he dropped his phone in the sewer. It had happened once already.
But that didn’t explain why he was ten minutes late.
Something felt wrong.
“Hey Joon, what’s wrong? You’re fidgeting with your fingers again,” Jimin looked at him suspiciously.
“Taehyungie’s not here yet, and he’s not picking up his phone and he hasn’t moved spots in 20 minutes Min, something’s wrong .”
Namjoon grabbed a coat, “I’m gonna go find him.”
“We’ll come with you, or else we’ll eat all the food.”
The six all got into Yoongi’s car, and Namjoon sent him Taehyung’s last known location.
By car, it was less than five minutes away.
When they were about to turn the corner, they could hear the blasting sirens of an ambulance rush by, followed by police cars.
It made Namjoon feel sick.
When they finished passing by, Yoongi kept driving and it turned out he was following one of the police cars.
When the automated voice said ‘arrived’, the entire car went silent.
The EMT’s were picking up a body and placing it onto a gurney.
There was a man standing crying and talking to a police officer.
Where was Taehyung?
Namjoon busted the car door open, and ran down to where the police were putting caution tape.
In the center of the square perimeter they were making, lay Taehyung’s phone, screen black and cracked.
Namjoon looked at the gurney again. It looked like Taehyung. His arms fell off to the side and dangled loosely. The EMTs continued compressions but there was no response.
He couldn’t hear the sirens anymore. He walked towards the gurney and looked down.
Taehyung was so pretty, it was unfair.
Namjoon grabbed his hand and clutched it tightly.
It was cold .
He looked up at the EMT who gave him an empty eyed shake of his head.
Namjoon felt everything spin. He fell to his knees with Taehyung’s hand grasped tightly and began sobbing louder than he ever had before.
He couldn’t breathe.
Someone let out a guttural heave. It sounded like his voice.
Someone was screaming. It sounded like his voice.
Pairs of arms grabbed him and set him onto a gurney.
He looked over and saw his lover with his eyes closed, eyelashes fanned out, in a serene state.
Taehyung looked so beautiful although his face was stained with trails of tears and scratches and scuffs of pavement.
Namjoon felt someone hold his arm.
But he couldn't really feel anything. Someone was still screaming.
He looked over at his five other friends, who were all in the same state.
Hoseok was on his knees heaving and Seokjin was sobbing with a far away look in his eye. Yoongi was being held up by Jeongguk who looked like he could barely stand himself. And on the floor, was another person who was screaming. This scream was different.
It didn’t sound like the one that resounded in his ears. This one was high pitched.
Jimin was pulling at his hair while rolling around on the floor.
‘GOD, HELP! PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP, OH MY GOD-’
The EMTs rushed over to Jimin and tried calming him down. They picked him up and placed him next to Namjoon.
All the screaming stopped. He forgot how to breathe.
How was Namjoon supposed to breathe? Was his heart beating?
There was nothing pounding in his chest.
He reached over to Taehyung’s chest. The EMT gave him a sad look instead of pushing him away.
There was no pounding.
No bump.
The cardiovascular system had a circuit.
Breathe in, air goes into your right atrium. Travels to your right ventricle. Goes to your lungs. Comes back into your heart. Goes into your left atrium. Travels to your left ventricle. Goes out into your body. Repeat. Bump.
He stood up and put his hand on Taehyung’s heart. There was no bump.
Namjoon put his hand over his own. There was a bump.
Where was Taehyung’s ‘bump’?
Namjoon felt his wrist for a bump. Nothing.
He touched under his jaw. Nothing.
He tried behind his knee. Nothing .
Where was his?
Namjoon kept trying to find his bump.
He never found one.
-
-
Namjoon’s breathing was irregular.
He hadn’t told anyone about that event in months.
Someone was crying into his ears. Moon Taehyung.
“I’m so sorry Namjoon, I’m always here if you want to talk about V, I promise my ears will always be open and my heart will be ready for you.”
Namjoon felt water pour down his face for who knows what time that day. “Thank you, Taehyung. That really means a lot coming from you.”