Chapter Text
The drive to the IMF headquarters was quiet. All his adrenaline had worn off, sleep almost taking him as months worth of coping finally hit him. He fought it. Tried to pick out sounds as they sped through the Washington streets and stopped outside the headquarters.
There hadn't been many people in. Brandt greeted them, made some comment about how they looked like shit and took them to an empty meeting to recover.
Ethan sagged in his chair, took off his shoe and placed his bleeding ankle on the stainless glass table.
"How did you manage to get shot again?" Benji exclaimed, although half hearted from growing fatigue.
"I don't know whether you noticed but there were a lot of guards with guns,"
Benji rolled his eyes and smiled, "Yeah, but they somehow managed not to hit me."
Ethan shook his head. Brandt slid a first aid kit over to him.
"Right, we've got all the girls out." Brandt said and gestured to the half asleep girl sitting next to Benji. "What information did you get?"
Benji cleared his throat and spread out the thick files he'd found. "I managed to get some of the head honchos, and the people at the auction. It's all paper, can't trace it, can't hack it, I doubt I got everything, though, this group have been around long enough to know not to hold vital information just anywhere."
"Well, you got something," Ethan said.
He'd cleaned the wound, no bullet fragments, and was wrapping a bandage around his ankle.
"Well, you guys can take a week off, we've got to look at everything now we have all the information and we've got to put a team together to get the main guys. And considering your condition-" he gestured to Ethan struggling with his bandage. "You could use the time off."
"But-"
"No buts." Brandt said.
Luther stopped Ethan before he could start again, "I know you don't like not working, and you've taken more time off in the past few weeks than you ever have in your career, but maybe you should just take the time." He looked at Benji across the table. "Both of you should."
Ethan met eyes with Benji, realising that Luther would've definitely seen them falling asleep on each other in the back of the van.
Benji's face went red and flushed. He averted his eyes and looked at his hands but he noticed as he did there was a small smile on his face.
He spoke first, still not looking at anyone, "Alright, I could do with a few days straight of just sleep, can't say anything about Ethan but I'll keep an eye on him."
He met his eyes. They sparkled and it was Ethan's turn to blush.
"Right, we'll sort things out from here," Brandt said.
He stared at them for a moment, that look that he tried to make cold but never fully could. They got the idea.
Ethan took a deep breath and pushed himself onto his feet. The pain threaded through him, laced up his leg.
Despite now being off for a week, he still had the urge to carry on. Carry on through the pain because it'll be worth it. The mission would be over soon, even though the mission had ended. It was a habit he'd tried to stop in the early days, but after years of going without stopping, he'd let it slip through the cracks, so now he was forced to take time off, he felt hardwired and buzzing.
Benji moved to his side and hooked his arms around his waist. He did it without question. Just walked over and supported him.
"Come on, Ethan, there's a bed at home with my name on it," he said with a laugh.
Home. Not his home, not the apartment, just home. The buzzing feeling subsided, slightly. Benji's apartment was home, he'd spent more time there in the past few weeks than he had in his for the past year. It had people, well one. It was loved in and warm, had the clutter of a life without being claustrophobic and was so Benji.
He'd miss it once this whole ordeal was over.
Getting back to the apartment had been easier than expected. Ethan was used to gritting his teeth. He was sure his bones were messed up from the amount he walked on them while broken. They'd ordered pizza, after getting in a taxi and getting out of the tuxes that, although they looked amazing in them, were getting uncomfortable.
Ethan got into something of Benji's. It didn't just smell like him anymore, couldn't do after three weeks of sleeping in it. Benji's smell was still there, home cooked food and floral hand soap, but Ethan's musk had blended in and made him blush if he thought too much about it.
They were sat on the sofa, both buzzing despite the party being hours ago. He couldn't quite place it. It didn't feel wrong, tense or uncomfortable. It was anticipation. Running through him. What for though, he was still figuring out.
He looked over to Benji, he had his eyes closed, feigning sleep but Ethan knew him better, had seen him sleep enough times to know he wasn't. His brow was furrowed. Thinking.
"What are you thinking?" Ethan broke the silence, his voice a whisper.
Benji hummed, disoriented from his half-slumber, "Oh, nothing."
"Benji."
"Oh alright," he said and shuffled up the chair. "I'm just thinking that I'm grateful for you."
His face was turning a soft shade of red.
"Grateful for me? I didn't do anything, I should be the one saying thank you!"
Benji laughed, the blush still high on his cheeks, "Didn't do anything, you just took down the biggest sex trafficking ring in the world, that's something, what have I done that's worth thanking?"
"How about saving my life."
They stopped laughing. It wasn't tense but Ethan became suddenly aware how vibrant Benji's eyes were in the darkness.
"I wouldn't be here if you didn't patch me up all those weeks ago, I'd be dead somewhere after bleeding out alone in the city,"
"Ethan, no-"
He shuffled forward. The words were spilling out of him like water. He didn't know where they were coming from. He didn't even notice that the gooey feeling in his chest was the same one he felt after he first kissed Julia.
"Let me finish, you saved me then, helped me get back on my feet, cheered me up, helped me tear down that organisation." He looked from his eyes to his nose, then his lips. "I'm grateful you're in my life."
"Me too."
They were whispering now. So close he could feel Benji's breath in his face. His body was electric as it moved of its own accord.
He lent forward. Benji did too. He didn't question it, tried not to think as his eyes closed and their lips touched and everything felt like magic. Like the last few weeks but blown out of proportion. The slow burn in his chest exploded into a spark, bright and warm and glowing.
They pulled apart. Benji didn’t say anything. His eyes were wide and sparkling, not looking at anything in particular but had a mystified sheen to them.
Ethan smiled and raised a hand to stroke Benji's beard. It brought him back, his eyes moving to Ethan's.
"You got me through," he said.
Benji gulped, "Through what?"
"That mission, all those nights after witnessing all those horrible things, no contact with anyone I knew, it was hard. But thinking of you got me through it all." He said, then added. "You've always got me through"
"In the Russian Prison, after we first met Lane and I had to go rogue." He watched Benji smile and look away. "There's a reason I called you in Vienna, why I want to keep you safe."
He didn't say the L Word. Not yet. He knew he did love Benji, it was deep in his heart, as old as a river. But every time he said that something changed, people got hurt and he didn’t want Benji to get hurt anymore than he already had because of him.
"I really care about you, Benji,"
Benji lent on his hand, closed his eyes and laid a hand on it, "I care about you too."
They sat for a moment, neither speaking, just enjoying each other's company. Sirens signalled outside, busy with their own lives.
But Ethan was happy here. For the first time in years, he felt at home.